79contradictions

(Issue 75) "Turn Back Time". LOL,just live on.

2008-02-16T17:58:00.002+08:00

Recently many major events and situations happen around me, my closest kins and friends (people I care and love a lot), I couldn't help but to wonder - How do you define or determine every major action or move you made in your life is right or wrong? To me, I believe that everything has its pros and cons, its is just the difference in percentage.

Every changes would led to a butterfly effect, regardless how it is done or handled in a different way or the same actions done at a different timing, it will create a whole new story, a entire different situation and a different knowledge and lesson to be learned. I truly believe that as long as I am satisfied and glad with the route I had walked and route ahead that is presented to me, I have no regrets with all my rights and wrongdoings.

No one can guarantee you your future path,if the situation was handle "their way" by handling the situation differently. Positively looking, if not for my wrongdoings, I might not have learned my lessons better or achieve my almost perfect life now. Then again What is perfect? Is it having everything you want in life monetary or emotional wise? It sounds BULLSHIT to me as the limit to perfection is always unreachable. Mine perfection is something I could live without worries and guilt when I go to sleep every night. I don't deny there were sleepless nights and guilts, but at the same time I might not be here writing without them happening.

Obviously there are also things I strongly believe that should never be done, things that betrayed your believes, dishonesty that you have to live with for life and betrayal to people who trust you most. No one is a 100% but never "discount" yourself with your mis-actions and empty promises. Explanations and Promises are pointless and worthless, even to people who trust you most, let your actions speak for your way of life and principles.

What is done can never be erased or undone, but I believe the importance is to acknowledge and engrave the mistake deep in your heart and take it seriously. Constantly remind yourself that you will not step back into the same path and ask for forgiveness again. Friends, Kins and God can forgive you once but a repeat would show clearly your "sincereness" for forgiveness. Sorry is the hardest word to say, only because you have to follow up with your actions and promises.

Just follow your heart and live your way of life, the way you would regret and ask for an impossible chance of "Turn Back Time".

Coming into terms with (happy with my choice of life) Me, (understanding and learning my wrongdoings) Myself and (Baby) I (love the way you love me. Loving you always too).

Singing to the tune to: Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay

I don't know why I did the things I did I don't know why I said the things I said
Love's like a knife it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons they wound sometimes.

I didn't really mean to heart you I didn't wanna see you go I know I made you cry, but baby

If I could turn back time If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay
If I could reach the stars I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me like you used to do

If I could turn back time

My world was shattered I was torn apart
Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart
You walked out that door I swore that I didn't care
But I lost everything darling then and there

Too strong to tell you I was sorry
Too proud to tell you I was wrong I know that I was blind, and ooh...

(Issue 74) Changes

2007-09-18T01:18:00.000+08:00

I love reading books and articles on body lauguage, mainly because I believe that you can analyse a person more accurately through his subconcious actions. Despite my knowleadge, I had been constantly repremended for having poor Body Lauguage myself.

Now that I am aware, I am determine to change them. I told everyone to remind me whenever they notice, because it has already been a habit and it is hard to kick within days, weeks or maybe even a month.

The most obvious is my standing posture. I hunchback. This posture display a person's lack of confidence and low self-esteem, and when we look at a health point of view, I may have to grow old with a fixed and unsightly posture I would greatly regret.

Then it is my seating posture, when I get too comfortable, I tend to get too laidback, almost to a lying down posture. No wonder, I do have quite a lower back ache problem. I can feel it coming. The worst thing is being lactose detorlerant, I can't get calcium directly from milk.

Third, which is very bad, is that I can't give full attention to the speaker. I have a habit to wonder around and notice the things happening around me. Surrounding actions grap my attention easily. And at the age of 28, I couldn't believe the comments that were/are directing at me. The most recent comment was,"You are more "aunty" then my mother".

To the speaker, I am dis-interested. To me, I am multi-tasking & curious (lame excuse?) I always tell them that I use my ears to listen and my eyes to see. Presently, I have taken this into serious thoughts, and agree that my actions are a disrespect to the speaker, and maybe to Calen, I am cruising at other guys.

Today, I shall admit, I am cruising, but that beautiful bags, accessories, hairstyles, clothes and etc, because of my passion/love/desire to be a designer, and my eye for luxury/charming items. It's not the guys, and if you notice, mine attention is more attracted/disractted by girls dresses and portrait herself.

These three are the main three habits, I am more determine to change/kickoff and I am aware of the instant need to. So friends out there, remind me please. Or better still if you have good ideas on how I can work on it, drop me a comment or two.

Coming into terms with (ugly posture) Me, (learning to take better care of) Myself and (for Calen and) I.

Couldn't find a matching song, haa therefore have to change one sentence of the lyrics... 王力宏 - 改变自己

今早起床了, 看镜子里的我
忽然发现我发型睡得有点KUSO
(忽然发现我的身体語言真的很差)
一点点改变, 有很大的差别

Woke up in the morning, and in the reflection of the mirror,
I suddenly realise that my out of the bed hair looks KUSO
(I suddenly realise that my body language is terrible)
A little change can do alot of difference.

(Issue 73) Being Romantic

2007-09-17T17:54:00.000+08:00

This is an analysis of my character - "You're a bit of a romantic and like to get back to basics." and I think that it is dangerously true. Is it important to be romantic to constantly add sparks in your relationship? If it is true, I am actually standing at the edge of the building, because I realise that I am quite a "moment killer". I am not sure how Calen really feel after having anticipating for nothing.

Recently when someone ask what is the most romantic thing someone had done for you or vise-verse, I couldn't think of anything. There is no instant answer at my fingertips. For me I prefer to get back to the basics. Inside me, it is more practical to do show your love, care and concern daily with simple yet thoughtful actions. This is what Calen had constantly been offering me. I used to show my appreciation with "Thank You", however slowly I learn that the appreciation can be better express with a kiss or a hug. And can you guess what is even better? Mirroring of actions.

Dear, I am aware that I miss alot of important moments, and therefore gives you lots of opportunity to bring it up once in a while. Hee, I do deserve that. No matter how much I wish to turn back time and do things right, it is impossible. All I can do now is to pay more attention to special occasions and add a little spark.

Coming into terms with (less romantic) Me, (working within) Myself and (gracefully accepting my mistakes/mishaps, haa) I.

Singing to the tune to: Shayne Ward - If That's Is OK With You

If That's OK With You
I love the way that you look without your make up
I had a girl before we met but we broke up
Theres something 'bout you that makes me want to step up
step up and be with you
If That's Ok With You

We'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
cos imma make you feel so good thats how i see it happening
yeah we'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
cos baby i wanna step up and be with you
if thats ok with you

im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth
I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth
im gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry
if thats ok with you
if thats ok with you

I wanna keep your toothbrush at my appartment
Make a second set of keys and ask you to move in
I'm not crazy
I know what im getting myself in
I wanna live with you
If thats ok with you

(Issue 72) Insomnia

2007-09-16T10:00:00.000+08:00

Insomnia. There are several reasons to this cause; work stress, financial stress, peer pressure or ,like several others mine is due to, missing someone badly. But mine has a strong mixture of sweetness in it.

Today is only our second night apart, and this isn't our first time being apart from each other, however the days and nights are slightly different from the other time. It's my turn to sleep alone in that huge bed and the room seems to be colder than usual. Deep inside me was mixed feelings. I feel lonely but sweet at the same time because I know he loves and misses me as much.

We know that we have each other in our hearts, strong and burning bright. But it is the need to feel his touch that refrain me from having a good night sleep. Nothing beats the warmth he provide.

I still remember the first time when we were apart. I have to attend my work duty in China for two weeks. During that period, we communicate thru MSN Video Calls and Overseas Calls. I try to complete my job ASAP so that I can cut short the trip, and I gladly managed to. Work schedule was packed and tiring but definitely sweet, as I know my ultimate goal is to surprise him, by returning to Singapore the night before his KL trip. It was the goal that makes me feel his strong presence beside me all the time, and I tried make him feel the same with surprise MMS pictures and videos (I hope it did).

The second time we were apart was when I had to fulfil my NS Reservice duty. It's the pictures in my phone and the nightly phone calls that put the smile on my face. But nothing beats his sudden surprise for me on my Night's Off.

Calen, I love you deep from my heart. You never never fail to put a smile on my plain looking face and keep my imperfect soul warm.

Coming into terms with Me (missing you so much), (being able to relate) Myself (to the lyrics of the Micheal Bolton song) and I (can't wait for him to return,hee)

Singing to my latest lullaby: Michael Bolton - Missing You Now

I talk to you but it’s not the same as touchin’ you
And every time you whisper my name, I wanna run to you
We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long
But it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong

Baby ’cause I’m missing you now
And it’s drivin’ me crazy
How I’m needin’ you baby
I’m missing you now
Can’t wait till I’m alone with you
To show you how I’m missing you now

Wishin’ you were here by my side is all that I can do
Got my arms around my pillow at night, they should be
Holdin’ you
Thought I was stronger, how could I know, how could
I know
I can’t take this much longer, it’s so hard on my soul

Baby I just can’t wait, till I see your face
Chase away this loneliness inside
When you’re close to my heart, right here in my arms
Then and only then, will I be satisfied
I’m missing you now
We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long
But it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong

(Issue 71) Future Bf/Husband Wish List

2007-09-15T20:43:00.000+08:00

When you are single, do you have a list of criteria for your next boyfriend? And during this period of time, you start rejecting groups and groups of guys that walk pass you, thinking that you shouldn't settle for less to achieve happiness. But a sudden unexpected attraction changes your routine of men rejection.

You couldn't help to wonder what is it in him that attracts you, especially when he possess some of No-No's in your next-boyfriend-to-be list. For my case, he is a friend of my closest friends, other than that he was perfect, and still is. But for him, and almost 50% of the AJs in Singapore, I guess I am not one the top choices of best candidate for future husband-to-be.

This made me wonder how lucky can one person be. Could it be fate that he choose to try things out with me? We had actually come across each other life so many times and I am glad we had come one full circle to be together, rather than never together. We were from the same school, went on a group holiday together in Bangkok (around two to three years ago) and coincident enough we were both in HK weeks before we were dating.

Whether it is luck, fate or hard work, I will treasure him more than anything else and I hope slowly I achieve more and more ticks on his "Wish List"/Criteria List, but at the same time still being who I really am, only because I know for sure a person can't act who he is not for his entire life and be happy at the same time.

Oh yah, I remember a quote mentioned by Morgan Freeman who acted as 'God' in 'Evan Almighty'; "When people pray for patience? Does God give them patience? No, He gives them the opportunity to be patient."

I am glad that I took the opportunity to love when I asked for it. Coming into terms with (Thankfully) Me, (glad for) Myself and I (wish he feel the same too).

Dancing to the song from: Shayne Ward - That's My Goal

You know where I come from. You know my story
You know why I'm standing here. Tonight
Please don't go. Don't be in a hurry
I'm here to make it clear. Make it right
Well I know I've acted foolish. But I promise you no more
I've finally found that something. Worth reaching for

I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal
Please don't go

You know that I need you. I can't breathe without you
Live without you. Be without you
Well I know I've acted foolish. But I promise you no more. No more

Well I won't stop believing. That we will be leaving together
So when I say I love you. I'll mean it forever and ever. Ever and ever

(Issue 70) My Human Umbrella

2007-09-10T08:04:00.000+08:00

In this modern city, everyone should had experienced office polities, book-lickers, back-stabbers, apple-polisher etc etc. Therefore hasn't it become vital for everyone to be fully armored to survive in this harsh world as everyone is working forward to their own best interest? Slowly this had become our way of life, however how long could we put on this strong front and be ourselves? Is the 14 off days a year enough?

I am glad that I had found a place where I could run to and feel safe everyday. Deep in the arms or Calen, I could strip myself "naked" (from the amour) and be vulnerable; breathe without worrying about any hidden agenda from anyone. His arms is stronger than any armour and the warmth he provides block me from any strong and unpredictable cold wind. It has become a place I could build/charge myself up again and face the world with a brave and strong front.

I gotta say that with him around, it doesn't matter how tired work can be, as the thought of being able to see him after work relives the stress and recharges my mind and soul.

It is also that sudden message I received in the middle of the hectic work day that boast me up and make all my worries disappear. No matter how corny the message could be to others, it is simply sweet and charming.

I can't say enough thank you, hence I wouldn't also take things for granted. I promise to do the same for you. Dear, I will let my actions show my love for you like you did for me and I hope I doing it well. Smiles.

Coming to terms with (Having an umbrella over)Me, (able to relax) Myself (everyday) and I (love you Calen).

Dancing to the Happy tune of: Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
"I could feel it from the start,
Couldn't stand to be apart.
Something about you caught my eye,
Something moved me deep inside!
Don't know what you did boy but
You had it and I've been hooked ever since."

(Issue 69) Giving

2007-08-19T13:38:00.000+08:00

"Giving"; actions to show your affections of love to another, I am not referring to the physical objects that can be brought with money. When we are in love, we show extra care to our lovers when they are sick or tired, we drop an SMS to our lovers whenever we miss them when they are not around, we defend our lover when someone else wronged him, etc, etc. Everyone has their own set of actions they will do to show their affections to their love ones, but however how many are there were able to 'give' and not ask for any return or an acknowledgement? What happens when one party 'give' more than the other?

Many of times we do little actions to show our affections of love without condition in a relationship and not ask for anything in return, but subconsciously, as time goes, most would begin to wonder if the receiver had began to take things for granted. And the worst that could happen in such cases, is when they start to compare who loves the other party more. There is no scale in life that measures love and therefore shouldn't be compared. Secondly, everyone grade every actions differently in life.

I had learn that "Giving" is a great present by itself, as the action of 'giving' alone provides you a great sense of fulfilment. If you see the picture another way round, "If having someone to love you is the best gift in life, isn't your actions of giving now being reverse to returning the gift?" [I do not know how to put it right in a sentence]

No matter what, we should never compare who gives more in a relationship or why doesn't he do the same in return, because all actions should come from the heart. BUT, contradicting again, you should make known to your lover what you like to see from him and what you think is healthly in a relationship, because everyone is brought up differently and therefore think differently. Sometimes the most obvious thing/actions to you could be the least obvious to him. Remember, communication is the key to a relation. Someone once told me, "Why is it so that a voice-impaired can speaks up for himself, communicates with others and sometimes takes the extra effort put his message thru to the common people like us, but a normal person like us dislike to communicate?".

Calen, I love you from the bottom of my heart and I can also feel your love to me. I couldn't say enough thank you for the things you had done and I have learn that many times all we ask from one other is a hug or a kiss, sometimes even the look in the eyes that expresses it all.

Coming to terms with (life is a continous learning process) Me, (and therefore still learning how to 'upgrade' and express) Myself and (thankfully for having Calen in my life) I.

Singing to the tunes of: Sonny & Cher - It's The Little Things

You're not the kind of guy
That make the girls all sigh
And they never turn their heads
And look when you walk by

But baby that's okay I love you anyway
And I never change or rearrange you
So stay that way

Cause it's the little things that mean a lot
It's what you are not what you got
Call my name and I'll come running
Look at me and the clouds start sunning
Hold my hand and you got me going
Kiss my lips and my mind starts going
We got a thing that won't stop cooking
You turn me on just by looking
You can make me strong just by sighing
You can break my heart just by crying

You're not the smartest man that I ever met
And every word you ever said I won't forget
And so I guess that's why until the day I die
When you're bad and make me sad
You're still my guy

(Issue 68) A Different Angle to the Action: Compromise

2007-08-19T10:42:00.000+08:00

Compromising... many times a couple is unaware of their minor actions of compromising when they are in love. This is the reason why everyone changes when they are in love, some changes their lifestyles, while others changes their behaviour and attitudes to certain "disapproving" actions (i.e. they react differently when the same actions came out from their friends, acquaintances and lover).

It was brought to my close attention that I tend to use the word "Anything" in my conversation too much. Positively, this could be a compromise which allows to receiver to act upon his own preference, but on the other hand, it could also mean that the sender couldn't be bother about the decision. What-so-ever, it doesn't matter, as 'Annything' is equivalent to not having the question answered at all. As both of caese the receiver is not given an option, unlike "Yes/No/But". And if the sender doesn't require an opinion, he could have acted base on his own decision without asking. Presently, thanks to creativity, the only time when "Anything" means sometime is when you order your choice of drink in a kopitiam.

Calen, I promise to reduce the use of "Anything" in our conversation, after knowing that it is a bad kind of compromise.

Another type of compromising is to "Compromise and Assume". Compromising is part and parcel of a relation but not to "Compromise and 'Make a [ASS] out of [U] and [ME]'". Many times either party of a couple would "forgive" a certain action that he is total un-agreeable on and wishes that the other party will notice the mistake himself. I personally, is against such compromise; firstly the latter most probably is unaware of his actions being a 'mistake', because it wasn't mentioned by the receiver that he couldn't accept it. Secondly, there would be a certain point of time the receiver couldn't take it anymore and decide to blow up. My guess is the other party would feel weird and strange that how come the receiver didn't sound off this dislike after so many occurrence but only today? Have he been compromising all along? Is it his fault for not noticing? Sadly this is how most quarrels starts.

I do hope that this doesn't happen to me, as I had seen far too many of these situations happening to people around me and they end up unpleasant. Thank god for giving me a Mature Calen, who has the same frequency as me.

Coming to terms with (realising that compromise is alright if it is made known to the other party) Me, (however isn't 'giving' suppose to be not expecting a return) Myself and (therefore again contradicting) I.

Listening to the tunes of: Mariah Carey - My All
I am thinking of you, In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you, Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you, And I won't pull through, Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have, Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel, Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on, Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me, Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly, Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far, Like a distant star, I'm wishing on tonight

Give my all for your love, Tonight

(Issue 67) Satisfaction

2007-06-20T00:48:00.000+08:00

I believe that there is always going to be somebody better looking than the person you end up with. Someone funnier, smarter, richer. But if you are lucky enough to meet someone with whom you are compatible, you have to close certain doors.

We have to recognise that, yes, you may indeed meet other people you could fall in love with. But by sticking to the person you chose, you gain a level of intimacy that is not possible by hopping from one person to the next every couple of years.

We should be always be content with what we were given, and I do believe that everything does comes back to form a circle because God is always fair. Let's say you gave up someone to be with someone else better and keep doing that soon you will end up with wanting back the person you were with because the person you ran away with may lack qualities of what the first victim has.

Greed is one of the seven deadly sins we should learn to avoid especially in this circle. If you choose to keep changing, you made a infamous reputation for yourself and soon you might end up with nothing. Why not make the best of what you have after all there is also someone who is much better than yourself too.

Satisfaction comes from within. Always remember what attracts you to the person you are with now, and also remember the "Goods" about him and compromise with his flaws. Some may think that as years gone by sparks no longer exist, however sparks can be recreated by yourself. There are 1001 things you can do together and enjoy the moment, it could be the simplest thing you do that start the sparks. Even when you guys had done absolutely everything in the world, look back and "re-do" things you did before because not only it would be a new experience, it will also bring back lovely memories and remind you guys of the lovely moments you guys had.

Coming to terms with (Grateful)Me, (Calen and)Myself and I(no longer want to enjoy happy moments alone).

Listening to the Music of : Faith Hill - This Kiss

I don’t want another heartbreak
I don’t need another turn to cry
I don’t want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh, no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky

It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss

It’s that pivotal moment
It’s impossible
This kiss, this kiss (Unstoppable)
This kiss, this kiss

Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse

Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours

You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky
You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let’s let every thing slide
You got me floating, you got me flying

(Love Tales 6) Dear Diary

2007-06-19T07:43:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

Part 2 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:41 AM

1:00 p.m.

Some things are best hidden in the heart ; like my fondness for Jason. I kept pushing him to girls because one day I fear I couldn't control the impulse to declare my love for him. By then, our friendship will turn awkward both for him and myself, and I do not wish to have this kind of ending. I smiled, embittered at the thought that there can be no resolution or acceptance from Jason. It was painful but this sacrifice would be worth it. I finished my diary entry for the last day of the year and sighed with an emptiness that lingered in my heart.

"Hello, Melanie. You must come for the party today. I've got a great guy to introduce to you." The lilting tone of mine was a complete contrast to the scathing hurt burning in my heart. I locked my diary and stashed it away as I carried on with the conversation and with my lonely existence.

11:00 p.m.

"Can you please be more proactive?" I rolled my eyes as I whispered to Jason who was sitting next to me. Jason looked dashing, decked out in formal wear with his stylish hairdo but his smile now seemed plastered and uneasy. ?Thank God they have moved on to the next table in search of greener pastures. Gerald, that Melanie is a quack. You?ve got to be kidding if you think she matches me?? I couldn?t think of any rejoinder. Melanie has got to be the worst girl I have ever recommended ; I couldn?t concentrate on the casual conversation with the intermittent loud slurps of her soup. "Look, can we get out of here? I have absolutely no appetite. My whole New Year mood is ruined. All thanks to you." Jason looked at me and practically dragged me out of the function room while I messaged Melanie that Jason suddenly had some gastric pain that he needed medical attention badly. Jason needed solitude away from the crowd and I suggested that we do our private countdown by the Singapore River with a few cans of beer.

11:50 p.m.
Jason picked up his can of Tiger Beer and sipped, looking exceptionally moody. I knew things were not looking great especially in his love path. My heart felt twinges of pain for him but I quickly brushed off them, feigning nonchalance. "Gerald, you know you've been a great friend to me and you were always there when I needed you." I shook my head, saying firmly, "Incorrect. It should be 'are'. Jason, I let you know all my little secrets, so please don't say you are going to ditch me." Jason's cheeks were ruddy and heated as he said, "Gerald, shall I let you in on my secret?"

I smiled and nodded. "Sure, why not when I have confided in you a thousand and one secrets?" Jason lowered his head and said softly, "When I close my eyes, all my thoughts are of you." My heartbeat quickened at his admission and I wasn't sure I was hearing the correct things. "Well, I am honored. Never knew you thought of me so often." Jason scratched his head and shook it furiously, "No, that was not what I meant. I mean; I like you."

"You are drunk. You must be?" I rationalized, refusing to accept his words. Tears blurred my eyes when I practically plied the words out of my burning throat, "Jason, please don't humor me. I cannot take this anymore." Jason slapped his face and smothered it with both his hands, and mumbled miserably, "It was a mistake. Can you take it you've never heard me blurt out the words?"

"No."

"Are we still friends?"

"No."

"That's it then. I've ended our friendship on New Year's Day." Jason was clearly agonized with a disappointed look that pierced my core. My tears of mirth kept streaming down as I blurted out raggedly, "You'd better keep good on your admission that you like me so I can stop recommending to you all those wretched girls."

Jason's hands clasped with mine as he said, "We will just have to take it one step at a time then because I am practically clueless at this." My emotions were churning beneath my cool fa硤e as I replied, "Okay. Are you sure about this?"

Jason looked at me seriously and admitted, "My heart tells me 'Yes' but my brain frankly disagreed." I quickly interjected, "You should listen to your heart." He smiled and looked at me, smearing the tears that escaped my eyes. "I've known all along that you've liked me. Gerald Wong, I can see ; I have eyes. I have seen the things you've done for me that no other person in the world will."

"And to think, you kept me in suspense until now. How's that for a payment." I almost wanted to burst out crying at his simple words of gratitude. The tenderness rocked me to the core as he continued, "I needed time to think about this."

"Oh. You've just made my day. No, my year."

Jason dropped a peck on my cheeks and whispered, "Happy New Year, Gerald. I am shaking on the inside beneath all the calmness written on my face." I punched him in the chest and spat, "You hid it real well, didn't you?" He laughed and eased the tension with a quick diversion of the subject, "Well, can we exchange our presents now?"

I cried out in delight when I unwrapped his present for me.

The clock chimed twelve. I couldn't believe it;it was a new pair of sandals.

It was the best New Year present I have ever received and I thought silently that maybe fairy tales do exist after all. Jason looked and chuckled with his eyes sparkling in mischief, "Expecting something expensive?"

I shook my head and I held his hand tighter. "You've no idea how priceless your gift is. Happy New Year, Jason." Suddenly the world looked a bit brighter with the constellation of stars in twinkling glory, inspiring a romantic atmosphere that reminded me of fairy tales. Jason asked me to try on the sandals and they fit to a tee.

He definitely knew my size.

1:00 a.m.
I smiled and opened my diary and began to write. "Dear Diary, something wonderful happened today."

END

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

(Issue 66) Blush

2007-06-18T14:35:00.000+08:00

Have you ever did something and wish the entire world would forget? And have you wondered why others are not be embarrassed over the things they had done? I guess it is a habit thing people do sub-consciously and not notice. I did notice many guys obscenely adjust their privates in public and there are still many who picks their nose while talking to you.

Anyway yesterday, I was chatting with Calen and he suddenly blush for something he did years ago, I guess was embarrassed over something I thought was common. I was enjoying the sweet and lovely moment, because I get to see another side of him looking innocent, shy and bashful. Calen, no worries, I believe that I had done more embarrassing things than you do.

Someone had send me a list in friendster and I decided to change some of them to embarrassing moments of my own. Calen, guess my score.

Caused by Alcohol
[ ] kissed someone who never would when you are sober
[ ] waking up not remembering who is beside you
[ ] trashed out in a gathering party (friends drew on you/stripped you and took photos)
[ ] kiss the wrong person when especially when your partner is around
[ ] done a striptease
[ ] vomited/thrown up in the club or street
[ ] slept on the roadside
[ ] create a (fight/quarrel) scene with a small issue
[ ] confess something to someone you should never have
[ ] make out with a stranger and regret the next day
[ ] make out with colleagues or friends
[ ] you/friend threw up in someone else vehicle

During Sex
[ ] caught having oral sex/sex in public
[ ] farted in front of your lover in bed
[ ] had your lover fall asleep half way while you were having foreplay/sex
[ ] caught having sex by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught masturbating by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught wearing the ugliest or dirtiest underwear during sex
[ ] caught wearing un-matching under garments (female only)
[ ] caught having un-matching tan
[ ] caught having porn collections/vibrator
[ ] wore the same clothes to work the next day
[ ] forgot to remove nipple stickers during sex (female only)
[ ] shout out the wrong name during sex
[ ] your partner told you that the orgasms are all fake (male only)
[ ] Premature Ejaculation/"die off" before sex (both parties)
[ ] have room service walked into the room while both of you were still naked

Apparel Disasters
[ ] wore two different colors socks
[ ] had to borrow tampons (female only)
[ ] stain clothes with unprepared "period" (female only)
[ ] told having a hard on at a sleep over with a group of friends (male only)
[ ] having a hard on in public and couldn't disguise it (male only)
[ ] forgot to zip up
[ ] wore your clothes inside out
[ ] having someone tell your nostril hair sticking out of the nose
[ ] unintentional exposure of privates
[ ] having your pants caught up by the socks or having your dress caught up by your under-garment
[ ] white socks with black shoes
[ ] caught playing dressed up
[ ] having toilet paper/rubbish sticking onto your shoes without realising
[ ] wore socks with holes to a friend's place or while trying out new shoes
[ ] had strong discomfort smell of smelly feet or body Oder when you are among a group of friends
[ ] under pit sweat stain/dandruff shown clearly
[ ] someone sees dirty stains on your underwear
[ ] pee/pass motion with clothes still on
[ ] having something stuck on you without noticing (price tag/food)
[ ] clash into someone wearing the same clothes as you
[ ] having food stuck in between your teeth
[ ] arrive drench or wet in white/light colored clothes for work/date
[ ] having a ugly snapshot of you in magazine/newspaper/TV etc
[ ] having a bad hair day
[ ] mistake a customer for a staff
[ ] caught using imitation
[ ] dress in theme, for a non theme party
[ ] overgrown hair coming out from your swimming attire
[ ] had your pants pulled down in public before

Restrooms
[ ] caught up in a situation where you have nothing to clean your butt after bowel discharge
[ ] someone from the urinal beside you keeping looking at your privates (male only)
[ ] walk into a cubicle with someone in it
[ ] caught not washing hands after toilet usage by friends
[ ] forgot to flush/couldn't flush the bowl at friends' place
[ ] went into the toilet for the other sex

In Public
[ ] snore in public transport
[ ] drool in public transport
[ ] slept on a stranger's shoulder
[ ] mumbling alone in public
[ ] screamed or shouted in public because you thought you saw something that frighten you.
[ ] scream and shout when surprised when bumping onto long lost friends (screamer/receiver)
[ ] unintentional molested someone with your swing arms
[ ] recognise the wrong person and even talked to him for a moment
[ ] pressed on the wrong door bell when visiting a friend
[ ] everyone seems to be staring at you in public transport and you don't why
[ ] the only one with the back facing the lift door in a crowded lift.
[ ] farted in a lift and someone notice it was you
[ ] bumped onto a wall/lamppost/etc while walking on the street
[ ] ran/walk straight into a glass door or wall
[ ] tripped and fell down in front of the public

While trying to Impress
[ ] used vulgarity in front of people you want to impress
[ ] expressed a one sided love
[ ] caught having a blind date
[ ] someone showed photos of you which you longed to have them dispose
[ ] have your parents tell everyone about your embarrass childhood moments
[ ] pat a stranger's back and thought that he/she is your friend
[ ] having a conversation with someone, but instead he was having a phone conversation with another person
[ ] speaking behind someone back, when he/she is actually behind you
[ ] choked and throw up at some one's face (victim/culprit)
[ ] have your food fly across the table
[ ] paid for a meal with only coins
[ ] didn't bring enough to pay at the cashier
[ ] invalid/max out your credit card

Others
[ ] returned a used product/product you had damaged yourself
[ ] unintentional return or caught exchanging a gift someone gave you.
[ ] caught cheating
[ ] caught for a crime
[ ] being fired
[ ] fall asleep at school/work
[ ] public caning or detention
[ ] blush redder than a lobster
[ ] sang out of tune/pitch in public
[ ] ever danced like a chicken/fool in public
[ ] flag the wrong bus
[ ] fall in a bowling alley
[ ] express a wrong foreign word overseas, which carries another meaning
[ ] laughed and snored
[ ] squeeze something usual out from nose
[ ] fall backwards while rocking your chair

Scored: 54 out of 101. Not so bad, I thought I would score at least an 'A' (75%) but instead I got a 'C6' "academically". Well, at least I will not be criticised for scoring badly for sure a test.

Coming to terms with (this song reminds)Me(of Cafe de Mar), (and finally having you, all to)Myself and I(in return will give you my all, Calen).

Listening to the music of: Plumb - Blush (Only You)

When you look at me I start to blush
and all that I can say is you and us
oh baby I'm so afraid to be in love
with you, with you...

I wanna be in love with only you
I wanna watch the sky turn grey then blue
I wanna know the kiss thats always new
I wanna be in love with only you
just you

When stars are falling dark
will light the way
will hit the ground and fall
into the shade
ill light the night with fire
and run away

(Love Tales 6) Dear Diary

2007-06-17T18:38:00.000+08:00

(Issue 65) Fag Hags

2007-06-16T18:22:00.000+08:00

They say that every gay man has a FagHag that LOVES him, but lucky for me, I and my FEMMe, Huent, are the best of friends. We are friends that came a long way with several ups and downs, therefore we cared a lot for each other and are open to each other. She, unlike FagHags, only flirts with straight guys and enjoys straight clubs more than anywhere else. And because of her Straight-up Attitude and Behavior in Clubs, Huent was never be address as a FagHag in her life.

Recently, a girl told me that she had "broken up" her gay friend because he is attached, I was shock and astonish. Shouldn't she be happy for him? She told him that if he has to be in a relation, he have to choose to give her up, even as a friend. Could it be possessive? I wasn't sure, but was glad that I was not put in this situation.

What would I have done if I was in this situation? I will still choose to Love my bf, but I will not give up the friendship, especially when she is a worthy friend. I would convince her that no matter what I will still have time for her when she needs my support and she in fact has another friend to do the same, which would be my BF.

She acknowledge that she knows he would never love her, but she doesn't like to have lesser time with him. However, I do believe that even if he is not attached, he would also meet new friends and therefore instead of meeting her 7 days a week, he might meet her for 6.5 days a week. I wondered is this acceptable to her. I didn't dare to mention or ask.

COuld she be a FagHag? What actually defines a FagHag? I started to browse the net and had come across a number of interesting findings.

"You Are A True Fag Hag If...
-You are a straight girl and you spend more that 3/4 of your free time with your best friend who is gay.
-You would rather go to a gay club than a straight club
-Your fag gave you your own drag name
-You know all the gay guys at the local gay bar
-You been to and are well-known in all the gay bars
-You fag takes you shopping for mac makeup and then puts it on you
-Your dress, hair and makeup are always flawless
-You dress up in his drag gear on Saturday night or dress in drag together
-You dance with all the fags on stage when the DIVA's starts to sing
-YOu dance as if you are having sex with your fag
-You learned to Vogue from watching your fag
-You fall in love with your fag (which is a bad thing)
-You try to convert your fag (this will only ruin your relationship with him)
And lastly... you find your self not being able to live without him because you have so much fun with him."

"This type of woman is generally spoiled by the general delightfulness of gay men, therefore she may scorn straight men for their lack of personality and overall dullness."

"(n.) One who follows a homosexual guy for lack of own social life or out of extreme love. A hag is an exclusively heterosexual woman, often a young teenage girl, who is attached to her "fag" to the point of making frequent phone calls, excessive texting, nights out in gay bars, clubbing, shopping trips, spa trips, trips abroad, and sometimes even getting a joint mortgage. The hag has the ultimate power to veto dates, grade outfits, disillusion insecurities of her "fag". The relationship between a hag and her "fag" is sacred, characterised by extraordinary protectiveness."

"an overweight (fat) girl who spends most of her days with gay boys because straight boys aren't attracted to her. She has a lot of confidence and high self-esteem because her fags always compliment her and say that she's pretty (even thou through other peoples eyes, she's really not attractive). She's the center of attention at clubs and parties and all the fags want to dance with her and get her drunk. Sometimes (most of the time) the fag hag falls in love with her fag because he knows her in and out and understands her the most. Also when she's intoxicated she has a habit of making out with gay boys and at times hookin up with them (getting fingered, wackin off the fag, and rarely sex but it happens) then in some rare cases a fag hag gets pregnant by a fag and says its from a straight boy cause they dont wanna look stupid. Also a fag hag gets jealous when her fag hangs out with other gurls without her, or those that she doesn't know. A fag hags life is complicated because she can't fit in with the straight crowd and only feels comfortable with the fags, but unfortunately the gay world is not stable so she tries her best to stay in the loop of things so that she doesnt get replaced by a newer, younger, prettier, or somewat skinnier fag hag."

I didn't put this up to upset anyone as they are not my definitions but I find them funny and cute to read. But I think that regardless whether she is a FagHag or not, she should never interfere in her Fag's relationship, because afterall she is just a friend and not his Girl-Friend. Luckily Huent, knows which lines not to cross more than anyone (straight, gay/faghag, siblings or friends). Thanks Huent.

Coming to terms with (Lucky)Me, (to have a great 'Femme' that understand me better than)Myself and (no FAG HAG please)I.

Listening to the ultimate GAY music: Geri Halliwell-It's Raining Men
(*note: adult content in video. Calen please don't be angry, it's for the pleasure of readers, especially the lonely and maybe highly charged and driven Cricà, LOL.*)

Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you - You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely girls
and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -

Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, the street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men.

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean

God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!

(Love Tales 5) Part Four- A Conclusion

2007-06-15T07:54:00.000+08:00

(Issue 64) Results Slips

2007-06-14T20:03:00.000+08:00

Recently, closest friends had been rejected job offers due to poor Academic Results that was at least 3 years ago, and these start to make me think. Should our entire life be based on the results we achieve during our adolescence years when we were playful and unaware of the importance to achieve good results? Does it also mean that your academic standard had not and will not improve since your last exams? Should we take these exams every 5 years to prove our improvement? And how fair are the test yearly, are they of the same standard every year?

Does this apply to our everyday life too? Can your Street Smartness be test and recorded on Academic Slips? Are testimonials from your Exs' equivalent to your grading in whether you are a Good Lover? I truly doubt the latter question, as everyone has their side of the story to tell.

If you think that the above is unfair, have you ever question yourself falling into their category and ever misjudge someone. There is no perfect solution, *wink* because nothing can be perfect.

Coming to terms with (felt misjudged)Me, (contradicting)Myself and (misjudging others)I.

This reminded me of a classic movie (Dangerous Minds) and its theme song: Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise

"Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me?"

"They say I gotta learn
But nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it , how can they reach me?
I guess they can't
I guess they won't, I guess they front
That's why I know my life is out of luck, fool! "

(Love Tales 5) Part Three- Obsession

2007-06-13T09:54:00.000+08:00

(Issue 63) Sweet Talker

2007-06-12T18:02:00.000+08:00

How true can words be for it not to come out as Sweet Talk? I guess the only way is for your actions to tell. I had been known to be a Sweet Talker and a Charmer, which is not a good thing, because to me, these are people who uses words to get into someone's else pants.

Then again how do one avoid to be named after them? Like my previous posts, words are getting cheap in this circle but we should not run away from love or never to trust love again because of them. Because one fine day you will find that special someone who will love you whole-heartedly. We need to give love a chance and also people who used to be players and sweet talkers a chance, because I believe that one day, they will grow and learn the true meaning of Love.

They could be what they are because of their past and they will be who they be in the future because of their present. Although we might not turn out to be the one who stay with them forever, but we could be the one who changed them and made them grow.

I guess I say this because the people around me had help me grow and mature (thank you everyone and sorry to those I hurt before) but if not for them and Calen, I guess my life would be different. Sometimes it is not that we are bad, but because we were unaware how hurtful our actions are.

I can only say, "Calen, time would prove with my actions to show. My vows to you are things I promise and like I say I wouldn't promise things that are impossible (i.e. no quarrels and disagreements), for they are part and parcels of a relation. But I promise that I'll hold on to you tighter everytime we have to go through an obstacle, as doing it together would make us understand each other better and bind us tighter. I can't read minds and therefore problems and disagreements must be surface so that I can know you better and avoid doing it to you again. For you I will go that extra mile, because I know you would do the same for me and also with you around I have someone to lean on when I need you the most. Please do not lose trust, confidence and faith in me. What's important is not what others think but how you feel when you are with me. I Love You from deep inside".

Coming to terms with (having you beside)Me, (knowing you and) Myself (better), and (still learning) I.

Listen closely to the Lyrics: Monica - Angel of Mine

When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of mine

I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
I'm gonna love you boy you are so fine
Angel of Mine

How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow
You came into my life sent from above
When I lost all hope you showed me love
I'm checkin' for ya boy you're right on time
Angel of Mine

Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world can ever compare
Last night the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine

What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life sent from above (Sent from above)
When I lost all hope, you showed me love (Boy you showed me love)
I'm checkin' for ya, boy you're right on time (Right on Time)
Angel of Mine (Angel of mine)

I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were new,
Every breath that I take, the love that we make
I only share it with you (you, you, you,you)
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine

(Love Tales 5) Part Two- Despair

2007-06-11T09:53:00.000+08:00

(Issue 62) Love, Like & Adore + Pet Names

2007-06-10T16:07:00.000+08:00

What is the difference between Love, Like and Adore? And which is the most appropriate word to use at the different stages of the relationship?

I remember Père told me once not to use the word "love" if you don't mean it. He realized that many people do not start with "like" and "adore", especially when the feeling for one another was pure admiration and infatuation. They used the word "Love" to someone they barely know but desire.

Like: to regard with favor; have a kindly or friendly feeling for (a person, group, etc.); find attractive
Adore: to like or admire very much
Love: A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. An intense emotional attachment.

Next on the list that are normally taken lightly, especially in this circle among common friends, are Pet Names. Again it was both Père and Cricà who warned me about the misused of Pet Names in this circle, especially in Clubs. Many of times they use them on close friends or as a common flirt. Always take note that, if you are not sure ask, because having a Pet Name (i.e. Dear, Wife, Baby, etc) doesn't meant that he has taken you as his partner or lover.

The above are situations that had happen to some friends of mine, when in most cases they are the victim rather than the 'player'. So many times victims thought they were being loved, especially with the things people said and promise, but just to be hurt by the other most hurtful sentence, "they thought you understood that it is just a mutual flirt". Words are getting cheap, and without saying or recognizing that he is ready to commit in a relationship, don't put too much hopes in it.

Lucky for me, I am now happily attached to someone who knows how to express himself well and always ask to confirm. Calen, my feelings for you are also true and deep from my heart.

Coming to terms with (Happy) Me, (feel excite for) Myself and (glad)I.

Dedicated to friends who are hurt by promises: P Diddy ft Brandy - Thought You Said

"Guess your words dont mean nothing to me
Thought you said thought you said that you loved me
Thought you said thought you said that you need me
Thought you said thought you said you complete me
Thought you said you were never gonna let it go
Thought you said thought you said when you held me
Thought you said thought you said when'd you tell me
Thought you said no one else could replace me
Thought you said that your never gonna let it go"

(Love Tales 5) Part One- Reunited

2007-06-09T08:57:00.000+08:00

(Issue 61) Show Hand

2007-06-08T15:16:00.000+08:00

I can't say I am perfect but I can say that I love with all my heart. I truly believe that as time goes by, my feelings will touch the person, but if it didn't, then it could only mean that we are not meant for one another after all.

I was disappointed when Calen told me (quite sometime back) that he doesn't believe in everlasting love. I could understand why one would feel this way in our circle, so I kept quiet. Does this means that he is prepared to give up on his relationship anytime? I understand that both of us are able to let go and move on fast, is it good or healthy for both of us?

I decided to bet my everything, because I know that even if this relationship doesn't last, I will not regret any of my actions, as to love someone is far much more better than to be loved. I am glad to have learn how to love like a parent to the child, always giving and hardly ask for returns. I am also glad that I have no one else to answer to but myself when a relationship fails," Did I give my all? Or was I lying my way through?".

No one gives a better answer other than TIME and your ACTIONS. People can choose to misunderstand you, love you or hate you, but the most important thing is that you work and live according to your heart, because the only person that is going to accompany you for your entire life is you, yourself and your actions. Learn to Love yourself and you will learn to be more positive and appreciative of whatever comes to you regardless of whether it is good or bad.

Coming to terms with (Having Someone Loving)Me, (thanks to you and)Myself (that we are together now) and (Blessed)I.

If you remember, we sang this song together before: Karen 莫文蔚 - Close to You

Why do birds suddenly appear, Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.

Why do stars fall down from the sky, Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.

On the day that you were born, The angels got together, And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold, And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town, Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.

(Love Tales 4) Part Four- Noel

2007-06-07T07:36:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

Part 1 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:19 PM

I heaved a gusty sigh before I took the lift up to Nick's apartment. I figured that I couldn't slot my card in his letterbox because of the musical box, so I had to deliver it by hand. I did not think Nick will want to see me after all the embarrassment I have caused him. I will just press the doorbell and leave the present and card at his doorstep. I just wanted to stay a while and sneak a peek at him and make sure he's alright; that's all. It took me fifteen minutes to find the courage to press the buzz. I scooted off and hid myself behind the wall. The door parted slightly and opened. The thread of longing in my heart stretched taut as I saw Nick opening the grilled gates. He was dressed normally in a worn-out shirt and shorts. It felt like nothing has changed since the last time I met him. He still had that rugged lanky form but his hair was cut shorter and his cheekbones were more defined. When he picked up the card and present, I couldn't control the tears trickling down my cheeks. I missed him so much that I wanted to run over to him and tell him that I still love him after all these years. It was not a sleazy teenage crush that faded with time. In fact, my feelings for Nick had grown stronger. After so many meaningless sexual encounters with men, I still thought about how my heartbeats will accelerate at the sight of Nick. I still remembered the brief reckless kiss we shared. I never regretted my confession of love to him.

Nick sat down on his doorstep and adjusted his gold-rimmed spectacles as he read the card. Tears gathered in his eyes as he took out the musical box with caution. He covered his face with one palm and cried my name. I pressed my mouth to choke back my wrecked sobs. It felt really agonizing to see someone whom you love in pain. I hated the ironic feeling of being so physically close to Nick yet I can't touch him. I had tried letting go but I completely failed. Nick wiped his tears away, stood up with the card and present and started to close the door. I didn't know what made me burst out and shout his name. The thought of spending another Christmas without him chilled my heart.

When Nick saw me standing just a few meters from his door, he was momentarily stunned. He put down the present and card and gravitated cautiously out of his door, saying, "Gabriel, is that you?" He couldn't believe his eyes. My lips were trembling as I uttered a delicate "Yes". I never dreamt that I would be able to see Nick again. Tears kept trickling out of my eyes involuntarily. My feet gathered pace towards him as I burst into a ragged cry.

Nick grabbed me tightly into an embrace that made me forgot about the tears, longing and the abuses I have suffered for these 5 years. Nick molded his palms flat across my cheeks, refusing to believe that it was me standing right in front of him. He lashed out emotionally, "Where have you been all these years? I tried to look for you but only to find out that you have sold your house and moved out. Why didn't you come and look for me?"

I couldn't answer. The joy at seeing Nick again chased any logic from my head.

He caressed my hair and noted, "You have grown up."

I nodded and said truthfully, "But in my heart, nothing has changed all these while."

Nick looked at me and rationalized, "You are such a fool. I am too old for you now." I shook my head and maintained, "It was never just a crush. I knew whom I loved back then. I knew who cared for me and I knew you loved me all this while. I saw how you cried when you read the card."

Nick laughed bitterly, "Yes, I have always been a confused fool. It would be selfish of me to take advantage of your youth. I had to leave and do the right thing. I was so damn scared at what I was feeling. Just imagine how big a scandal it would cause if we were to be seen together."

I nodded and said resolutely, "I knew; and so I waited. And I will continue to wait for you for as long as it takes."

When Nick hugged me with a chuckle, I never felt such overwhelming joy before in my past 23 years. I felt as if I have returned home after being away for a long, long time. To me, age was just a state of mind. I just wanted someone to love me with his heart.

Nick broke the reunion with a sudden question and pointed to my bruises on my forearm. "What happened to you?"

I told him frankly what had happened. There was a mix of disbelief and shock in his eyes.

"How long have you been doing this?" Nick asked worriedly.

"For three years. On and off. Mom needed the money to pay her bills and Max needed the money to study. I can't rely on Auntie's help every time."

Nick led me inside his house and quickly fetched the First Aids box from his kitchen cabinet. He took some cotton wool and applied some ointment to my bruises with gentle care.

I hung my head in shame as tears ran down languidly. "Will you despise me?"

Nick just took my hands and brushed the fallen locks of my hair. "No, but promise me that you will never do this again." I smiled with gratitude and buried my face in his chest. "Thank you. You don't know what this means to me."

For a long time, Nick and I just laid there quietly. I was so tired that I couldn't think anymore. Nick breathed in deeply and kissed me softly on my forehead, "Merry Christmas, Gabriel." I shut my eyes and tried to etch this beautiful moment in my memory. Nick's eyes were smiling and I couldn?t resist planting a soft kiss on his lips. I could feel the surge of unspoken love that flowed between us. My eyes squeezed tightly as I cherished the tenderness that coursed through us.

There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts, but this Christmas is the best that I have had in years. This was all because of Nick and the love in my heart. I saw the crystal musical box with the angel sparkling in the dark beauty of the night and smiled wistfully. Its beauty was fleeting and transient; if one hesitated for a moment, he or she will lose the chance of ever capturing that again. I knew there will be more disappointments and scars to come, but with these beautiful moments of love embedded in my memories, I didn't think there was anything more for me to regret.

I traced Nick's jaws gently and whispered with blossoming joy, "I love you, Nick. Merry Christmas." The angel suddenly pirouetted with the enchanting tune of "Holy Night". Nick and I stared at each other blankly for a moment and burst out laughing until tears came out. Miracles did happen once in a while.

-THE END-

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

(Issue 60) Moulding your Own Future

2007-06-06T18:13:00.000+08:00

I received a message from Calen on the 2nd and it briefly mention that he liked me but thinks that we should meet lesser. It was then I understand the true meaning of mixed feelings.

I was feeling happy and excited to know that he has the same feelings as I does for him, yet puzzled and confused whether I do I really liked him or take him as a rebound or could it be just an infatuation? At the same time, I was also angry and disappointed. Why would he want us not to meet anymore/lesser? What is holding him back? What have I done wrong for him to shoo me off?

I had always found Calen pleasant to be around with, however I held back my feelings because he is a brother to Cricà and I didn't want to create any awkward situation. This message bothered me for the entire day and I decide to make my own move and let fate decide, and luckily I did.

*Calen likes to keep things in private, so I'm not telling the story*

I guess my early mentions of the future is in our own hands is proven in this situation. Every actions and every word might determine what will be install next for you. What if I didn't make the move, I guess it would be another "Woulda, Shoulda & Coulda".

Calen, I assure you that I am not taking you as a rebound. You have to trust me and take my word, for everything I say is true and deep from my heart.

Its from your favorite singer and the title matches our theme : 鄭秀文 - 如果我們不再見.
如何能　和你就此不相见？有时　还会恨
How is it possible for us not to ever meet again? Sometimes I will still hate.

(Love Tales 4) Part Three- Noel

2007-06-05T07:34:00.000+08:00

(Issue 59) Greatest Treasure

2007-06-04T17:00:00.000+08:00

Someone told me "It is not what insides u, define u. It is what u do", and I follow-up in my heart, "it is only because definitions comes from others". I come to realize that I had never fail to give everyone I met a poor first impression, but I am glad to have friends who had be willing to stay on to find out what I truly am.

Sometimes we must also learn to take stock of what we had experience and yet to experience in our life, because we are who we are today for what we had read, people we had met, environment we chose to live in and everything else in life. Are we what we had been aiming for? Are we improving upwards or sliding downwards?

After all, its our life. So start to decide what you want, know what you want, standby what you want, and do it as long as it does not hurt the lives of others. However, you also need to be aware that life is serious and respect your own life. I feel that many people out there thinks that they are having the time of their life and life couldn't get to another level of high. But in actual fact they are abusing themselves with drugs and self-inflated torture/injuries. I agree in playing hard but standby to being responsible not only to others, but yourself too.

I start to learn to look forward to a unknown tomorrow no matter how gloomy it maybe today, because I am the only one who can mold each day into what I want it to be, Happy or Sad, Worthy or Unworthy.

Coming to terms with (try to avoid playing with fire) Me, (love) Myself and (understanding that) I (own the greatest treasure in the world, which is my own life).

Singing to the tunes of: Incubus - Drive

"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there."

(Love Tales 4) Part Two- Noel

2007-06-03T07:30:00.000+08:00

(Issue 58) Loving Myself ; Appreciating Life

2007-06-02T15:58:00.000+08:00

Many called me Heartless while others take me as a Player, I can't deny that these names doesn't affect me, but my conscious remain clear. I had tried to explain, but simply asked myself why bother after all, if the person has biased against you, all your explanations are simply excuses.

If names is a price I will have to pay for being able to Love Myself, then it is simply a small price to pay. I have recently heard stories and have my closest "friend" tell me that she would want to leave the world for the unworthy love she is getting. If it is so unworthy, why would you want to exchange your live for it? Would he appreciate and love you more after you are gone? What about the people around you who had truly loved you for who you are all these years regardless of what you do?

I believe that one can only truly love another only after he is able to love himself. Some give their everything to their lover including themselves and dignity, in the end they realise that it has never been true love, because for love to last, both parties should be happy. A one-sided love will present its problems as time comes.

It is also when you know how to love yourself, you will be able to let go of the things you once loved without regrets, sometimes separation makes the other person happier and sometimes it is about the moments you have together and not how long it must last, especially when one have to suffer.

I came across this story:
When you are feeling hurt, pick up a pick of stone and hold it in your hand. Squeeze it tightly and ask yourself, "Does it hurt?". Nothing and no-one can hurt you more than yourself. You own your own life and therefore control it, no-one can control your life because every actions and decision is finally made on your own. Nothing can hurt you if you don't put it on your shoulder , the ghost from the past haunts you because you carry him around in your heart. Now you can choose to throw the stone, someone passes on to you, out of sight or hold it tight and hurt yourself?

It is a different story from my dad's but I think both have its purpose and meaning. Every time you fall, grasp something from the ground (regardless it is sand, soil or dirt) keep it in your pocket to remind yourself what makes you fall.

Coming to terms with (appreciating)Me, (knowing the importance to Love)Myself and I(run my own life).

Dancing to the tunes of: Boy George - Live My Life
"I tell you baby, this is no way to live
Make sacrifies, 'til there's nothing to give
Everyone says there's rules to obey
I can't follow when things never change"

"Who can say what tomorrow will bring
You give nothing, expecting everything
Ain't nobody's business
How I live my life
I learnt my lesson
Whether it's wrong or right
Ain't nobody baby
Gonna tell me how
I should live my life
Do live my way now
Satisfaction can be hard to find
I go crazy keeping it all inside"

(Love Tales 4) Part One- Noel

2007-06-01T07:25:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

Part 5 of 5Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:05 PM

My eyelids fluttered open to receive the first rays of the Christmas morning. There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts. Instead, all I could see was the light drizzle caressing the hectic streets of Orchard Road. The skies were grey and ominous; somewhat mirroring the deadening isolation in my heart. I drew the curtains and walked over to the bed to pick up my trousers and shirt. I glanced at the sleeping guy and tried to remember the name of the guy whom I had sex with but my memory was too fragmented. All I could remember was going inside the bar to pick up my potential customer. We chatted for a while, struck a price before we left the noisy gay bar for the hotel. I didn't enjoy the rough sex at all. I rubbed gently the purplish bruises on my arms, rinsed my mouth of his pungent cigarette smell and took the stack of generous cash he left on the dressing table.

The burst of open air felt like a cold stab. The crowd was thickening in front of Heerens where Christmas jingles were playing out loud and Citibank promoters were busy giving out pamphlets, spreading the cheers while hoping to bring in business. I passed by California Fitness gym and was surprised at the number of people doing their workout on Christmas morning. Life still went on in its usual static routine regardless of the Christmas occasion. I thought to myself wryly; I was not spared from working on Christmas Eve either. I needed the extra cash to buy my textbooks for the coming semester in university and get a small token for Nick.

Every Christmas, I will make sure I will get a card for my junior college teacher to thank him for everything he has done for me. If not for his kindness and his dedication, I will never have made it past my college education. Dad passed away that year and it left Mom to support the family and my younger brother's education. The financial aid from the government could not cover my textbooks, school uniforms and additional expenses, so I had to take up part-time jobs. I always had trouble catching up with schoolwork. By the time I finished my evening shifts at 7-Eleven, I was already so drained that I can hardly stay awake during the lessons. When Nick knew about my situation, he gave me additional coaching in Mathematics at his house and even offered to give me a sum of money to tide me over. Even though he was just transferred to the college, he took time to know every member of the class. He was the only teacher who took effort to find out why I was always so sleepy in class, instead of just attributing it to sheer laziness. In return for his kindness, I promised him to work my hardest and make sure that I finish my university studies. I still hold on to that promise to Nick.

It has been five years since I saw Nick. I fought back the clawing guilt when I recalled my secret infatuation for Nick. It wasn't something that was borne out of gratitude. The feeling for him was so intense that I just couldn't control my feelings that night and I spilled it out in a moment of impetuousness. It was my recklessness that had compelled him to tender his resignation and leave the school. That was my wretched way of repaying his kindness. How he must have hated me ever since.

I don't think I will forgive myself as long as I live.

I brushed back my hot tears that was streaming down my cheeks. A wretched creature like me doesn't deserve any forgiveness. I have destroyed the only person who had shown me true kindness. I wondered what Nick would have thought of me if he ever found out I moonlight as a rent-boy. I am truly incorrigible beyond words.

I started becoming a rent-boy when I was at the army. After I graduated from junior college, my kind aunt offered her place to us. We moved into her house and sold the apartment to get some spare cash. The money allowed my brother and me to continue our education. I saved most of my army salary. It was through my army buddy that I got into the sex trade. I was amazed at how he could afford designer fashion wear and he told me they were 'sponsored' by a rich man. I was initially apprehensive but when my mom got ill, I don't think I can take my aunt's charity any longer. I started to follow my buddy and learn the tricks of the trade. It offered easy money but we always had to protect ourselves and keep ourselves 'marketable' through regular exercise at the gym and dieting.

There was a flutter of happiness and hope as the next semester would be my final semester in the university. I will soon be able to get my degree and start working as an accountant. Mom's illness was getting better and soon, my younger brother will have a steady income when he goes to the Army. I promised myself that last night will mark the end of my rent-boy stint. I may not be able to face Nick again but I wanted badly to look at myself in the mirror and recover my shredded dignity.

The drizzle started to dissipate as the sun's rays poured over the thick clouds. I smiled and noted that this year's Christmas seemed to look a little brighter. I hummed the melodic tune of "Have yourself a merry little Christmas" and left my makeshift seat outside California Fitness gym to embrace the warm sunlight once more. A trio of muscled gym-goers was just leaving the gym and I noted the signal of interest in their eyes. I pursed my lips and looked away, wondering what gift I should get for Nick this year. My heart twisted painfully as I knew silently that lust will mark the rest of my life but a true love will always be beyond my grasp.

This was because I have lost my heart to Nick. It will never find its way back again.

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

(Issue 57) Perfection

2007-05-31T10:09:00.000+08:00

Why does it takes me 27 years to realise that I am no angel and there is no limit to perfection? Why seek perfection when you are not and what is the benchmark for perfect?

Unlike Mathematics test, you can achieve a perfect score but only because there is a define solution and answer to each problem, but could this be applied to our everyday life? Everyone has a different definition of "a Perfect Life", because we were each brought up in different environments, we meet different types/characters of people and have different likes and dislikes. How many of them are then satisfied with their "Perfect Life" after achieving them? There is no limits in life.

Someone once mentioned, "Every imperfect person are perfect in the eyes of people who loves them, as flaws can be compromise and also because love is blind". Funny but true, but as time passes in a relation, we started to see flaws, flaws that are present and obvious before we knew them or during the honeymoon stage, but we used to choice to foresee. Does this mean that we forgot to compromise or we chose not to close one eye for the "mistakes" he made?

But then again, in every actions that we do, there is a right and wrong, and the only difference is the percentage of rightness in each action. And for every action, there will be a reaction. If you could look another way, his actions could be a reaction of your actions, because we should never forget it takes two hands to clap and two to tango.

Coming to terms with (imperfect)Me, (no longer trying to outdo)Myself and (choose to be loved for what)I (am worth).

Singing Happily to the tunes of: Martin Nievera - Love me for what I am (Original Singer would be the Carpenters)

If what you want, Isn't natural for me
I won't pretend to keep you, What I am I have to be
The picture of perfection, Is only in your mind
For all your expectations, Love can never be designed
We either take each other, For ev'rything we are
Or leave the life, We've made behind, And make another start

You've got to love me, For what I am
For simply being me, Don't love me
For what you intend, Or hope that I will be
And if you're only using me, To feed your fantasy
You're really not in love, So let me go, I must be free

(Issue 56) To Nete, I never meant to Hurt

2007-05-30T10:00:00.000+08:00

I am aware of my unfair actions to push you to the limits, and have a ridiculous thought that you would still be all for me after pushing you off the cliff. I hope you don't see it as if I push you off the cliff but instead I prevented you from falling into my bottomless pit. I did not want to start a relationship without confidence it would turn fruitful. I did not want you to suffer another lost so quickly after you put your heart into it. Sorry, I may sound fake and pretentious, I just care too much to hurt you.

Nete, I might be returning to Singapore for good, and I thought "Why not give this relationship another chance". However, I know that this chance is no longer up to me to decide. Therefore, I messaged you for a possible chance to meet, but was rejected due to another high possibility to feel hurt again by me, you 'postpone' it to an infinite date. I then told the last chance by telling you I have something important to tell you, and you laughed in your response. From this laughter, I could see that you are covering for the hurt I gave or you want to avoid talking.

Nete, I have learned that you closed your doors and it is also time for me to close mine. Although we never end up as a couple, I shall say that you had and always been good to me, regardless of the countless unpleasant experience I throw to you. Thank you and I am forever sorry. I hope that you would find someone more worth falling in love than me. Hopefully one day when we meet again, we can be friends lending support to one another and not acquaintance.

Coming to terms with (deep from my heart, I hope you could understand my actions and forgive)Me, (couldn't even make peace with)Myself and (will learn to closed this door and move on)I.

Singing out loud to: Christina Aguilera - Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

(Issue 55) First Impression

2007-05-29T13:19:00.000+08:00

First impression. Is it that important and lasting? I guess it is not if the person doesn't hate you and continue to be friends of yours and try to know you better. However it is also the first impression that determines whether he wants to continue to be friends with you or not.

Lately, I found out that I have two types of first impressions and neither of them are good. When I am not drunk or not clubbing, I am always known as the "ATAS" (not upscale, but the arrogant proud arse), and when I am high in clubs or when I feel the the barrier has been broken, I become the "Club Slut". However haven't they thought that I am a slow ice-breaker and therefore choose to talk to people I am comfortable with. And as for "Club Slut", I guess I am someone who bitches and an open book in terms of my desires, but many doesn't know that I am a talker with not much actions.

I came across this article when I was browsing around and I do find it quite true:

1. Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weaklings and most susceptible?
2. Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?
3. Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are : I love you,Sorry and help me. The people who say these are those that actually need them or really feel them, and they are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.
4. Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?
5. Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
6. Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it in the face?
7. Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?

I just feel that many of times I portrait to be strong, confident and open guy, but deep down inside I was hiding something. I realise that only my closest friend knows that I am looking for a stable and long term relation, but everyone else sees me as a heart-breaker from my first impression.

Should I change or should I continue to be myself? Am I letting chances slide by because of my "unhealthy" first impressions? I guess I would continue to be myself and if I grow old and single, at least I have true friends who understands me and I had been living my own life instead of painting a illusion of a perfect guy.

Coming into terms with (hope to be able to exchange love with that special someone out there soon) Me, (enjoys being) Myself and (hates but had accepted the fact that I would be greatly mistaken for the real me) I.

Listening to my dedication to Nete (I hope u don't stand me up anymore): 萧亚轩 - 不远

突然那几秒, 好像天使飞过, 看著你微笑, 那段时间都禁止
远远的注视, 仿佛爱情就该如此, 为所爱的人, 在我心里留一个位置

虽然那前方模糊, 可是想法清清楚楚, 比所有人都渴望你能幸福
我站在你不远处, 默默地为你祝福
把对你的爱藏起来, 放你去寻找追逐
我站在爱的不远处, 不在乎守候多辛苦
当你孤单时想起我, 那是我最大的幸福

对你的期待, 每段都有记载, 每一个眼神, 我都想要收藏起来
不害怕寂寞, 不止一样没人明白, 已经快忘了, 当初迁就在这里等待

虽然那前方模糊, 可是想法清清楚楚, 比所有人都渴望你能幸福
我站在你不远处, 默默地为你祝福,
把对你的爱藏起来, 放你去寻找追逐
我站在爱的不远处, 不在乎守候多辛苦
当你孤单时想起我, 那是我最大的幸福

Translation: At a Near Distant
Looking at your smile, seconds frozed as if there was an appearance of an angel.
At a distant gaze, it is, as if love should be this so, where I reserve a place in my heart for the person I love.

Althought the future is blur, but I am certain of what I want, more than any one else I wish for you to be happy.
Standing near you at a distant place, silently prays blessing for you
(I) lay aside your love, and lets you pursue (your desire)
Standing beside my love (for you), it doesn't matter how tough the wait would be
My greatest blessing is if you think of me when you are alone.

I have recorded my every anticipation for you, and I longed to keep every look from your eyes.
Not afraid of lonieness, it doesn't matter if no one understands why, it is soon forgotten what initially gave in (for me to) wait here for.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 24) - Conclusion

2007-05-28T08:21:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 13 2005, 11:58 PM

Zee opens his heavy eyes slowly, he feels someone is holding his hand and resting beside him. He tosses to the side weakly and sees Issac sleeping soundly beside him. He feels a sense of belonging seeing Issac with him, he reaches out to caress Issac soft hair slowly.

Issac stirs a little but continues to sleep, Zee doesn't want to wake him up. He just lies there, trying to recall what had happened. Zee could only remembered seeing a strong beam of lights and nothing else. His head starts to hurt a little and he groans in pain.

Issac wakes up with a scare and realizes that Zee has woken up, he squeals in delight but when he notices that Zee is in pain, he panics and shouts for the nursing staffs.

After examining Zee, the doctor prescribed some painkillers for him and left, leaving Issac alone with Zee. Zee asks weakly, "Why are you here? When did you fly over?"

Issac replies with tears in his eyes, "You really scared me, Zee! When I couldn't get you on the phone after your sms. I bought a ticket and flew over. The first thing I heard when I touched down was you met with an accident and hospitalized."

Zee wipes away the tears on Issac?s face weakly, "I am sorry to have caused you to worry. I must have hurt you so much. I am so sorry. I didn't realized how important you are to me till now. I am sorry!"

He continues, "I have been a selfish brat and totally disregard your existence. I thought everyone owes me and I hated Mach and KK, but all these while, I was the one creating trouble and havoc. I am so glad I am still alive."

Issac starts to sob loudly, "Don't say such things, Zee! I love you with no conditions. I don't care what you have done, I know I can't do without you, I was so worried I will lose you and not able to see you again! Please, Zee! Don't leave me!"

Zee reaches for Issac's hands, apologizing, "Don't cry, my baby. I was at fault, I shouldn't have done all those things and made use of you. I don't want to leave just yet. I want to be with you, enjoying your company, loving you."

Issac nods his head repeatedly and says in between sobs, "Yes! I want to be with you as well, Zee! I love you so much." Zee says, "Forgive me for what I have done to you, ok? Let's starts afresh and leave all the nightmares behind us."

Mach and KK open the door to the ward and see Issac and Zee holding hands and crying. Mach closes the door gently and quips, "Reunion? In the hospital? How corny can you guys get?"

Zee is surprised to see KK with Mach, and he notices that both of them are standing very close to each other, sending vibes as a couple. He asks, "What are the two of you doing here?"

Issac says happily, "They have gotten together now! After all these ordeals, they found true love in each other, drawing strength from each other!"

Zee asks with a puzzled look, "KK and Mach is a couple? What happened?" KK smiles, "Don't worry too much, just get well soon and we will fill you in the details when you recover."

"Yes, get well soon and let's put everything behind us and start afresh." agrees Mach. Zee nods and smiles, holding Issac's hands tightly.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 23)

2007-05-27T08:16:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 12 2005, 10:37 PM

Issac is puzzled with Zee's sms, he has thought it was over between Zee and him. Though he is still very much in love with Zee, he knows that Zee has probably never been serious about him so the sms sent by Zee asking for reconciliation really surprises Issac.

Issac is also worried about Zee, he tries calling Zee's mobile but Zee is not picking up. He tries Mach's mobile and it is unreachable as well. The more he thinks about it, the more worried he gets. In the end, he calls up a travel agent and book the earliest flight to Hong Kong.

Mach rests KK on his bed gently and hurries to the bathroom to take a towel and wet it. He starts to cleanse the wounds on KK's body, causing KK to moan in pain. Mach could feel as if he is the one with the injuries when he is cleansing KK.

He mumbles to KK, "I am so sorry to have caused this. All I want is to protect you! But I can?t, I am so useless! I dare not tell you I like you and I am hard on you because I want you to be the cream of the crop but I have hurt you and destroyed you!"

KK says weakly, "What did you just say? Did you say you like me? Why?" "Yes, I like you, KK! I liked you since the first day we met! Your appearance caused ripples in my otherwise calm exterior. I love you!" Mach declares.

"But I slept with Issac, weren't you hopping mad then? Why do you love me?" KK asks. "I knew it wasn't your fault, what I did to you was wrong and foolish, I shouldn't have let you go. I should have made you stay by my side and let me love you with all my heart." Mach says softly.

KK holds Mach's hands weakly, touched by Mach's declaration. "Ok, make sure you take good care of me from now on. Don't ditch me like what you did the last time." Mach looks at KK lovingly and says with teary eyes, "I swear I will love you with all my heart and soul. I will always be with you."

Zee wanders around the streets aimlessly, he couldn't understand why had Mach made him an idiot to wait in vain for Mica. He hates Mach for failing to acknowledge him, he has never been rejected and to be sidelined by Mach, Zee feels extremely hurt.

Zee crosses the road without looking at the traffic and suddenly a screech awakens Zee and the next thing he knows, he is hit by an oncoming vehicle and lost consciousness.

Mach is hugging the sound asleep KK when the phone rings, startling him. He picks it up, "Hello, is that Mr Mach?" Mach replies, "Yes, I am him. Who's that?" "I am calling from the hospital and we have a car accident patient by the name of Zee, are you his friend?"

"Yes, I am his colleague. Is he all right? Seriously injured? What happened?" Mach asks anxiously. "He is out of danger now but we need someone to come over to sign the documents for his admittance to the hospital." "Ok, I will be there in a short while." Mach says.

Issac switches on his mobile and tries calling Mach, Mach picks up, "Hello?" "Mach! I have been trying to contact you the whole day! Are you ok? Where is Zee? I am in Hong Kong now, where are you guys?"

"I am in the hospital now. Zee met with an accident yesterday and is still in a coma. KK is here as well." Mach says. Issac raises his voice, "What? Zee met with accident? Which hospital are you at?"

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Issue 54) I would be Happy

2007-05-26T08:55:00.000+08:00

I might be back for long or maybe not, depending on how fate decides to play with my career life. More importantly, I thought of coming back to have a conclusion towards my love decision. I decided not to hide my true feelings and to clear up the situation for the both of us.

It is no longer about me making all the decision to what I want but what he wants. I guess it would be easier to accept his decision, rather than to be unfair. No matter what, I will be waiting, even if he had been attached. However do not mistake that I am waiting for a unpleasant situation (I am more than happy that he found someone who loves him more than I do), instead I am waiting for my love to him slowly changes to care and concern for a friend, if he decided not to be together.

Am I being too negative? Is it because I had realise that given anyone, I would be dumped long ago?

Coming to terms with (him and) Me, (gotta be) Myself and (let him decide) I.

Listening to the tunes of: Kylie Minogue with Kermit the Frog - Especially for You
(original duet with Jason Donovan)

Especially for you, I wanna let you know what I was going through
All the time we were apart I thought of you
You were in my heart , My love never changed
I still feel the same.

Especially for you, I wanna tell you I was feeling that way too
And if dreams were wings, you know
I would have flown to you, To be where you are

No matter how far, And now that I'm next to you

No more dreaming about tomorrow
Forget the loneliness and the sorrow,

I've got to say

It's all because of you
And now we're back together, together
I wanna show you my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is Especially for you

Especially for you, I wanna tell you, you mean all the world to me
How I'm certain that our love was meant to be
You changed my life

You showed me the way
And now that I'm next to you

I've waited long enough to find you
I wanna put all the hurt behind you Oh,

And I wanna bring out all the love inside you, Oh
And now we're back together, together
I wanna show you my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is Especially for you

You were in my heart
My love never changed.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 22)

2007-05-25T08:12:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 11 2005, 10:21 PM

KK awakens a little after the tight slap, he tries to move but could not. He fails to see that he is being chained. His body feels weak and he doesn't have any strength to retaliate.

He slurs and pants, "Let me go. This is not what I planned. I feel horrible, set me free." Mica laughs, "You think I don't know what you have planned? I am not interested in the little show you have planned for me. I am a regular at this place, I can find out anything at my fingertips."

Mica forcefully pulls down KK's jeans, revealing a clean white pair of Calvin Klein brief. Mica spits on KK's crotch and growls, "Fucking bitch! You want to be clean? I will make sure you are covered with filth tonight!" Mica whips the leather belt onto KK's stomach and KK lets out a yelp.

Tears are flowing down KK's face uncontrollably, the pain is unbearable and KK feels the burning sensation on his taut stomach. He tries to talk and beg but no voice comes out from his mouth.

Mach throws some dollar bills to the driver when they reach dungeon, much to the driver's displeasure. The driver was cursing Mach when he gets off. Mach couldn't care less, he rushes into the main entrance and starts to shout for KK.

One of the staffs try to restrain Mach but is no match for the muscular Mach. Mach darts around the place to search for KK when he hears a familiar voice crying for help.

Mach follows the voice and makes his way to the underground dungeon, he is shocked to see what is in front of him. KK, who is handcuffed to the chains, is totally naked and Mica is whipping him mercilessly with a leather belt.

"Stop it! Let him go, Mica!" Mach orders. Mica looks at Mach and challenges, "You are here to see me perform? I didn't know you are in the scene as well. Where's your lover boy? Get him here and let's have some fun!"

"You sick bastard! Let KK goes! I mean it! Don't make me call the reporters here to do some coverage!" Mach threatens. Mica stares at Mach, "You don't dare to do that, don't forget I have not sign on the dotted line with you yet. You have everything to lose!"

"No! I have nothing to lose! Set KK free! I am willing to forego your business if you let him go otherwise I promise you I will call the reporters now!" Mica throws the belt towards Mach, who dodges from it, he walks towards Mach and hit Mach on his neck before walking away.

Mach, holding his sore neck, rushes over to release KK from the chains. His heart breaks looking at the injured KK. He whispers, "Hang in there. I am bringing you to the doctor now. Try to stay awake."

KK looks up at Mach and replies weakly, "No. I can't go to the doctor, I am drugged, and they will question me if we go to the doctor. Send me back to the hotel and apply some medication will do." Mach shakes his head and tears well up in his eyes.

Mach helps KK out of the cab when they reach Mach's hotel, KK's drunken state attracts some stares from the guests in the lobby but that does not concern Mach, all he wants to do is bring KK to safety.

Both of them fail to notice that Zee is standing at a corner, staring at them angrily. Zee clenches his fist and thinks, "You make me a fool, Mach! You were out happy with KK and made me wait in vain for Mica."

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 21)

2007-05-24T08:07:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 10 2005, 11:21 PM

Mach drops his phone, he is shocked to learn that KK is in Hong Kong as well and is targeting the same deal. He knows Mica's preferences from associates in the same industry, Mica is a well known SM pervert who is into torturing.

He has wanted to teach Zee a lesson by getting him to serve Mica so that Zee will know how tough it is to get a footing in this business but he never expects KK to get himself in deep trouble as well. Mach grabs his jacket and rushes out of his room.

Zee presses the door bell to Mica's room and waits anxiously, he could feel his heartbeat thumping so loud that it can be heard in the quiet corridor. After waiting for a minute, he presses the doorbell again. No one answers.

Mach waits impatiently at the taxi stand, no cabs are in sight. He dials the number of KK's mobile and it gets through. "Hello?" comes the reply. "KK! Where are you now? Don't go with Mica! You will not be able to get out of the trouble!" shouts Mach.

KK takes a deep breathe and says, "Mach, I am no longer your employee, I don't answer to you. I know Mica's preferences and I am confident of clinching the deal tonight. I will win you this time. In fact, Mica is picking me up now and we are going to the dungeon, which is his favourite. Bet you didn't know this."

Mach finally manages to flag down a cab and continues, "KK, I know Mica. He is a well known pervert in the SM circle, and he has no intention of just going for your plan. He is targeting you! Leave now before it is too late!"

KK snorts, "Is that the best excuse you can come up with, Mach? Why would you be concerned with my safety? You only think of yourself! You expect me to believe you? Damn you! I am going to beat you flat this time."

Before Mach can continue, KK has hung up the call. Mach directs the driver to head straight to the dungeon while KK gets on Mica's Porsche. Mica starts to touch KK once he gets in the car and KK fends off strategically, "No hurry, Mica! You will enjoy when we are at the dungeon later, I have planned a great show for you."

Mica thinks to himself, "Bitch! I am not interested in your show! All I want is to get you. You think you planned a show? I have made sure your show doesn't happen and I get my way later when we reach the dungeon. I will let your worst nightmare comes true and gives you what you begged for!"

When Mica pulls his Porsche up the parking lot, he leads the way to the dungeon, much to KK's surprise. KK has expected Mica to be more passive and secretive but Mica seems very much familiar with the surroundings.

Mica orders a drink for KK and forces him to gulp fully the contents, KK has wanted to resist but decided against it, thinking that the drink is no big deal. He thinks as long as he finishes the drink, he can get the show to start and it will divert Mica's attention.

After a few minutes, KK feels his head spinning and the same deja-vu feelings came back to him. He knows he has been drugged and Mica has stood up and grabbed him by the collar, "Bitch! You are going to get it from me!" growls Mica.

Mica tears KK's shirt and handcuffed him to the chains, he gives KK a tight slap on the face, reddening his face. "Slut! Try to seduce me?" Mica shouts.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 20)

2007-05-23T08:02:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 10 2005, 01:24 AM

Coming out of the bathroom naked, Mach looks at his muscular body in the mirror. He knows that his build and looks are rare to come by for a man in their forties. He has advances from males and females, especially in this business where he often gets offers to hop into bed with the rich and powerful.

Mach has resisted all these temptations and even offered to take care of Charlyn financially in order to cover the fact that he is gay. He feels that he needs to uphold the integrity of an elder sibling and refuses his peers or competitors to have the chance to attack his morality as a homosexual.

He refrains from having sex with males, indulging in the man-to-man sex occasionally when he is overseas. Though he isn't really turned on by caucasians, he normally pays for anonymous sex in Europe, knowing that he will not be spotted in that region.

Mach, caressing himself, sees flashes of KK in his head. He has fallen for KK since the day he walked in the office for interview with Issac and Zee. He is attracted to the manly silent character of KK and after getting him to work with him personally, he is even more infatuated with KK for his self-righteous and matured mentality.

He realizes he is having a raging hardon and he tries to shake off the images of KK, he picks up the phone and calls Zee, "Zee, you now have the chance to prove yourself. Dress up casually and head over to Mica's hotel later. I can see the lust in his eyes for you."

"What? You want me to offer my body to him to get the deal? Are you sure, Mach? You are not joking, right?" Zee asks. "No, I am not kidding. This is the business world and you have to do what you need to." Mach replies coldly.

Zee takes a cold shower after hanging up the phone, he is puzzled and angry with Mach. He couldn't understand why would Mach need to resort to such tactics to clinch the deal and he is angry at Mach for suggesting that he gives his body for client's pleasure.

Zee knows he is an attractive young man, his skin is supple and smooth, not a single blemish can be found on his face. He is always the outstanding one in school in terms of looks, he was even chosen to head a television commercial about career in army when he was serving his national duty.

Zee knows how to make use of his looks to work things to his favour and he is intent to impress Mach and clinch the deal so he is getting ready for Mica, cleaning and cleansing himself thoroughly, he sprays on his favourite Issey Miyake and put on an assemble of youthful but sexy wear.

Zee hops on a cab to go over to Mica's hotel, his heart is pumping hard. He has never done sex for favour before, at least not to a complete stranger. On his journey, he smses Issac and tells him that he was sorry for what he had done and wants to reconcile with Issac when he is back in Singapore.

Mach calls Mica on his mobile, "Mica, I am getting Zee over to invite you for a drink. You guys go and enjoy yourself, Zee is free tonight and will keep you company. Feel free to go with the flow."

Mica replies, "That's very nice of you, Mach! I am indeed impressed with Zee and would love to spend some quality time with him but alas, not tonight. I am meeting someone else and I am going to screw that bitch!"

Mach seems surprised and asks, "Who is the bitch? Zee is already on his way. Where are you heading?" "Picking KK up." comes Mica curt reply.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 19)

2007-05-22T07:56:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 8 2005, 12:11 AM

Both Mach and Zee boarded the flight, oblivious to the fact that KK is taking the same flight. KK catches a glimpse of the duo when he boards the plane and immediately dodges from their view.

Mach and Zee stay at the same hotel but different floor and Zee is taking offense that Mach doesn't respect him as his co-worker. He vows to impress the clients with his trip here and wants Mach to acknowledge his presence. He knows he wanted recognition from Mach badly.

On the other hand, KK has met up with the private investigator immediately after touching down. He looks pleased when he took over the files and think to himself, "I am going to show Mach and Zee what I am capable of. I am just as good, if not better, than both of them. I want them to admit defeat this round."

Mach and Zee are the first to meet up with Mica Scarlett, the Managing Director of the firm which is going to be listed in the Singapore Exchange. They got down to business immediately after saying hellos. Zee is a little overwhelmed by the whirlwind process.

Throughout the presentation, Zee is busy with the powerpoint slides and fails to notice the attention he is getting from Mica but Mach realizes the sexual tension from Mica and smiles, he tells himself, "This one is in the bag."

When they are done with the presentation, Mach says, "Mica, thank you so much for your time. Let's go for a drink later tonight. Just to chill, what say you?" Mica answers, "Call me later to confirm, I have to meet someone else soon."

KK makes his way to Mica's office an hour later and misses Mach and Zee. Armed with information he digs about Mica, KK feels confident and breezes through the presentation. Before he switches off his laptop, he casually asks, "I heard you are meeting other agencies as well, my guess Mach is here as well?"

Mica looks at KK interestingly and quips, "You sure do your homework about your competitors and yes, Mach just presented his proposal to me earlier and let's says I am impressed with both of you right now."

KK flashes his pearlies and inches closer to Mica, he whispers, "I have some interesting plans for you tonight and I know you will like it definitely. Shall I pick you up later?"

Mica looks at KK closely, admiring the manly features and he is indeed aroused. He smiles, "Mach is also asking me out tonight and I think he knows my interests just as well. So what makes you think your plan will catch my attention more?"

"You don't have to turn down Mach's invitation. You just merely stand him up later. If you don't like what I have planned for you later, you can always call up Mach and rearranged. He will be more than pleased to do that. You have nothing to lose." KK challenges.

"Yes, I have nothing to lose indeed. I might be only here in Hong Kong for less than a year but I am still a prominent figure in this business. I have to watch what I do to avoid unnecessary publicity. So what are you willing to wedge on to prove to me you are confident of your plan?" Mica asks with a smile.

"If you don't like what I have planned, I will work down the charges for my proposal to your comfort level, with no objections. So is that good enough?" KK smiles confidently.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 18)

2007-05-21T07:51:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 6 2005, 09:22 PM

Issac is packing his luggage when Mach walks into his room, "Are you done? Ready for the big challenge when we reach Hong Kong tomorrow? I will arrange for you to meet some of our clients there. It will be a great exposure for you."

Issac stops packing and asks, "Mach, you know KK and I were set up that night, right?" Mach sits on the edge of the bed and nods. Issac continues, "Then why do you still blame KK? He was a victim as well."

"You were the victim, Issac. You were betrayed by your own boyfriend! And you are concerned about how I handled KK?" Issac replies, "I understand why Zee did that, he just wanted more chances to work with you and go far in his career."

"But KK is innocent and he has been a great help to you, isn't he?" Issac continues. "Yes, he was a great help and a wonderful employee but I was so disgusted when I saw him making out with you!" Mach answers.

"Mach, you are perfectly fine with my relationship with Zee but you are so offended with KK. What's wrong?" Issac asks softly. Mach keeps quiet and gets up to leave when Issac says, "You like KK, don't you? It hurts you to see the man you like sleeping with your own brother, am I right?"

Mach doesn't answer Issac and walks out of his room. Issac just sits there, staring into space when the phone rings. "Hello? Issac?" queries the voice over the other side, its Zee's voice.

Issac sits up straight, heart thumping fast, Zee has not called him since that night and they have not been talking. Zee continues on the phone, "Why does Mach dislikes me so much? Are my working abilities that undesirable?"

Issac's heart sinks, he lets out a cold laugh and keeps quiet, allowing Zee to continue his grumbling. After a long while, Issac says, "Meet Mach at the airport tomorrow morning. Bring your passport and luggage along." and hangs up the phone.

The next morning, Mach wakes up and sees a note on his table, "I will meet you at the airport. Issac" Mach shakes his head and washes up, getting ready to leave for the airport.

When Mach reaches the airport, he couldn't find Issac and calls him on his cell phone, "I am not going with you, Mach. I have asked Zee to meet you at the airport and goes Hong Kong with you. Gives him a chance to prove himself, please Mach?"

Mach hangs up his phone angrily and sees Zee just in time, he walks over and tells Zee flatly, "You lucky bastard! Issac is willing to give up all these just for you. Don't you screw up, I tell you! Otherwise, be prepared to tender your resignation when you are back!"

Zee doesn't answer back, he thought to himself, "I will not allow that to happen. I will prove to you that my abilities are better than KK and Issac. I will ensure you eat the humble pie when we are back. I will close those deals and make sure you suck up to me in the future!"

At the other side of the entrance, KK checks in his luggage and reminds Chunni, "Remember what I told you. I want that private investigator to give me what I asked for when I touches down Hong Kong."

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 17)

2007-05-20T07:46:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 6 2005, 12:33 AM

KK looks at Chunni and realizes that he has never notices her attentively. She has always been the secretary who gets scolding and temperaments from Mach and knocks off work on the dot, suddenly now, she too schemes for exposure.

He nods his head and replies, "Chunni, I don't think it's ethical for us to do that. If you need someone, go to Zee, he will jump at the opportunity." Chunni replies, "Zee? He doesn't have the network and connection with the new clients you have, he is only servicing our existing clients which are so low profile."

"He is not my choice, KK, you don't have to reply me now. Think it over tonight. You will know what I mean in time to come about how your career will pan out here after falling out of Mach's favour. He is not a man to be trifled with, once you offended him, you are not going anywhere as long as you are under his jurisdiction."

Zee refuses to brief KK on his new role and that angers KK, he demands, "Zee, what has I done wrong to you? Why did you want to set me up last night?" Zee looks at him coldly and replies, "You have fallen from grace, KK. Don't talk to me as if you are the boss!"

KK feels his anger bottles up and continues, "How could you do this to your own friend? Even if you don't treat me as your friend, why are you doing the same thing to your boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend? You know Issac is my boyfriend, eh? Then why do you still leer after him? Is that what a friend should do? Don't come and show me what integrity is when you are leering after your friend's boyfriend. You just wanted to bed Issac badly and I merely materialized your dream, you should thank me instead!"

"How could you do that to your own boyfriend? You are such a bastard! I regret knowing you as a friend." KK says, holding his temper. "Don't bother! I never see you as a friend either. You have gotten what you hoped for so fuck off!" Zee ordered.

The rest of the day goes badly for KK, he is being tasked to do binding and photocopying of documents by Mach and Zee. He tries to talk to Issac but Issac refuses to talk to anyone and just keeps to himself.

Three days later, KK decides to take up Chunni's proposition and both tender their resignations together. Mach is extremely displeased and didn't bother to ask both of them to reconsider, he even shouted at them to get lost.

KK, not able to control his temper, shouts back, "Mach, mark my words. You will not see the end of me yet, I will show you what I am capable of. I will make sure you regret your decision!"

After coming out of Mach's office, KK walks over to Zee and says, "I will let you know no matter what underhand methods you used to get me out of here, will only spur me on to greater things. I will repay you what you had done to me."

KK starts to pack up his table and is about to leave when Issac walks over to him, "KK, I am sorry this has happened. If it is not because of me, you wouldn't have to leave."

KK shakes his head, "No, you do not need to apologize on Zee's behalf. Zee is not the kind of person you will be happy with. Listen to me, don't sink deeper into this relationship and hurt yourself. I treasure our friendship greatly so I don't want to see you get hurt. If you need a friend, I am always free."

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 16)

2007-05-19T07:40:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 4 2005, 04:36 PM

Mach reaches the office together with Issac the next morning and Issac still looks lethargic. On his way to his office, Mach calls out to Chunni to follow him in. Once out of the office, Chunni gets the three guys to see Mach in his office.

In front of Chunni, Mach lays out his new shuffling of duties, he says, "KK, hands over all your accounts to Issac with immediate effect, he will take over from you. Issac, you will pass those accounts under your care to KK and Zee will guide KK on the management of these accounts."

The new arrangement sends a jolt to all of them, including Chunni. Zee is shocked to learn that he is not the one replacing KK but Issac. He has hoped to be moving up the ranks after the scheme last night but it had not turned out the way he had hoped for.

KK, on the other hand, clenched his jaws and controlled his temper. He feels betrayed and maligned, he knows what had happened last night was a trap set by Zee but he doesn't want to create a scene in front of the unsuspicious Chunni.

Issac, who has been remaining quiet all these while, looks at Zee with a confused look. He is still thinking of last night, puzzled why Zee had wanted to do such a cruel thing to him. He could not fathom why Zee is willing to allow that to even happen.

When all four of them leave Mach's office, Zee storms off to the Gents, oblivious to the curious stare by Chunni. KK, still sore over the incident, looks at Issac apologetically and has wanted to walk over to him but Issac runs after Zee.

Issac follows Zee into the Gents and locked the door once inside, he questions, "Zee, why did you do that last night? What did you hope to achieve?" Zee looks at Issac coldly and replies, "Isn't it obvious? I needed an opportunity to destroy KK and I made use of it when the chance came last night."

"Destroy him? Why do you want to do that? Why make use of me too?" Issac raises his voice. Zee raises his, as well, "That bugger has everything going for him! His career is going places, he is building his network and here I am, only servicing existing clients who only complains!"

"I want to be out there on the level field, clinching deals and impress Mach, I want to move up the ranks and learn from Mach. But KK is getting all the attention and opportunities!" Zee continues in his angry voice.

"I want you to answer me honestly. Do you ever love me? Or do you sleep with me to get close to Mach? Do you feel regretful pushing me to another man just to achieve your aims?" Issac asks, teary-eyed.

"No, love is out of question for me. I am still so young, the world is such a huge place, I have not seen and played enough. I will not stop here for one single person. I don't love you, if you must know. But we had really enjoyable times in bed." Zee says coldly and leaves the Gents, leaving Issac weeping inside.

Chunni walks over to KK and asks softly, "I don't know what had happened but I know once you are out of Mach's favour, your career here is very much stalled. I have a proposition for you, keen to find out more?"

"Our competitor is offering me three fold increases in salary if I join them with one of our Associate Consultant and some contacts. I have you in mind, you want to consider? I have the contacts of our clients and we can snatch some of the existing clients over. Think it through and let me know tomorrow."

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 15)

2007-05-18T07:35:00.002+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 3 2005, 09:09 PM

Zee looks at Mach teary-eyed, he stammers, "I..I...They are upstairs?I don't know why they are doing this to me..I..They?" Mach gets annoyed with Zee's nonsensical mumbling. He grabs Zee's hands and goes upstairs to their apartment.

When Mach opens the door to the apartment and sees clothing scatter all around the flat, he is already fuming mad. He storms straight to Issac's bedroom and open the door without knocking.

Mach stands at the doorway, open-jawed. He could not believe the sight in front of him. KK and Issac are both naked and kissing passionately on the bed, oblivious to the commotion they had caused.

Mach shouts, "What the fuck are both of you doing? Get the fuck out of the bed, KK!" Both KK and Issac open their sleepy eyes at Mach and continue caressing each other in front of Mach.

Mach storms over to KK, yank him out of the bed and give him a punch on the face, bruising KK immediately. KK wakes up from the protruding punch and says in a quiver voice, "What's that for?"

"That's for you fucking my brother in front of me! You bastard." Mach screams. He continues, "I thought you are very upright and a man of principals? What are you doing on Issac's bed? You fucker!"

KK tries to steady himself and rubs his sleepy eyes, he could not recall what had happened and could not fathom what Mach had said but he jolts a little when he sees Issac lying on the bed naked, moaning and panting.

"What's going on?" KK asks and then realizes that he is naked as well. He tries to grab for the pair of undies nearby but could not steady himself and falls to the floor.

"What the fuck?! What are both of you on? You look as if you are on drugs! Are you doing drugs with Issac?" Mach demands. KK feels that his head is getting heavier and aches badly, he screams, "Mother fucker! Just shut the fuck up!"

Mach stands there, looking at KK furiously and shouts, "Get the fuck out of my house now! I don't want to see you here. You fucker! Get out!" KK is still searching for his clothes on all fours, his giddiness is causing him nauseous.

Mach couldn't stand the sight and orders Zee, "Zee, get this fucker out of my sight now! And you leave as well, I need to talk to Issac now." Zee, pretending that he is still in shock, quickly helps KK up and drags him out to the living room.

After helping the drugged KK to put on his clothing, Zee helps KK out of the apartment, but once downstairs, Zee releases his hold on KK and allows him to slip and fall hard onto the concrete floors.

"You made me do this, KK. I have always disliked you for being such a perfect heterosexual. You have everything going for you and I have nothing! I am just as good as you, why should I be the one always being sidelined?" Zee sneers.

Zee continues, "I thought you are such a saint, maintaining a neutral stance to both sexes, never did I expect that you carry a torch for Issac, that lovelorn kid who is in love with me! You fucking idiot! But this creates such a perfect foil for me."

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 14)

2007-05-18T07:35:00.001+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 3 2005, 01:05 AM

Zee waits till it is almost time to leave when he gets up and knocks on Mach's door. "Come in." comes the reply. Zee opens the door and walks in, closing the door behind him. Mach looks up and says, "What's the matter?"

Zee looks at Mach intently and replies, "Mach, I need to talk to you tonight. At home. I mean, at your home. Can I see you later at home?" Mach looks puzzled and asks, "Why at home? Can't you talk to me now?"

Zee shakes his head and says, "I don?t think it's good to say it here, it's kinda personal and I think it is better if we meet at home later." Mach looks at Zee for a second then says, "If it is about Issac, I don't restrict his freedom."

Zee shakes his head again and repeats, "I really need to talk to you tonight at home. I will be having dinner with Issac later and will head home after that. I will see you later, please?" Mach ponders for a while and nods.

Once Zee is out of Mach's office, he walks over to Issac and tells him, "Issac, a change of plan tonight. I m asking KK to join us for dinner and could you make dinner for the three of us?"

Issac asks, "Why the sudden change of plan? What is the occasion for making me cook dinner and to get KK along?" Zee smiles, "To announce our relationship to our best friend, silly! So you want to do the honour of cooking dinner or not? Or you want to me to cook, is it?"

After confirming with Issac, Zee hurries over to KK and invites him for dinner, "KK, join us for dinner later. Issac is making dinner for us." KK asks, "What is the occasion?" and Zee replies, "Don't ask. Just come with us."

The three of them are enjoying the spaghetti that Issac makes and joking with each other when Zee excuses himself and make his way into the kitchen. He brings out three champagne glasses and a bottle of red wine. He pours the red wine into the glasses and drops two tablets into two of the three glasses.

He brings out the three glasses and hands two of them with the tablets dissolved in it to Issac and KK. KK and Issac look at Zee and ask at the same time, "Red wine?" and KK continues, "You sure are generous tonight. So what's the occasion?"

Zee replies, "Let's just have a toast and go with the flow. Don't talk too much and just enjoy." Issac gives Zee a weird look but nonetheless finishes the wine, so does KK. Within a few minutes, both KK and Issac feel their heads spinning and weak.

Zee sits there, looking at both of them for a while and then stands up and help Issac, who is mumbling to himself, to the room. He undresses Issac and rests him on the bed then walks out to KK.

He looks at the giddy state of KK and says to him, "You bastard, you earn a bonus this time but I am making sure it is also game over for you." He helps KK up and starting to loosen his belt and trousers, much to KK's weak protests.

"What are you doing?" KK murmurs. Zee ignores him and brings him into the room, then undresses him totally and rests him beside Issac. The two naked men start to caress each other and are in their own world. Zee closes the door behind him and throws the clothes all over the living room.

When Mach drives his Mercedes SLK200 into the parking lot, he notices Zee sitting by the lift lobby, looking dejected. "What's wrong, Zee?" Mach asks.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 13)

2007-05-16T17:31:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Zee walks over to KK's table when KK leaves with Mach. Seeing both Issac and Chunni busy with their own work, Zee reaches for the drawer. He rampages through the drawer and finds a cdrom, he takes it and walks back to his desk.

He plays the cdrom on his laptop and realizes that the cdrom contains a video cast of the factory visit in China. He lets out a cold laugh, ejects the cdrom from his laptop and breaks it into half then throws into the waste bin.

Zee continues with his routine till it is time for lunch, he looks for Issac but couldn't find him so he walks over to Chunni. "Chunni, can you check for me the schedule for Mach this week?"

Chunni checks through Mach's diary and let Zee knows the schedule for Mach for the whole week and Zee notices that Mach has made a reservation at the Equinox for dinner the following night.

At that moment, Issac walks back in and smiles when he notices Zee, "Shall we go for lunch now?" Issac asks. Zee nods and thanks Chunni and leaves with Issac.

During lunch, Zee asks Issac out for clubbing later that night and not asks KK along. Issac agrees immediately and both of them proceed back to the office after lunch.

When they step in the office, they notice KK rampaging through his desk frantically and Issac asks concernedly, "KK, what are you looking for so anxiously?"

KK murmurs, "I think I lost an important cdrom, I remembered putting it in my drawer but I can't find it anywhere! Shit, I need that cdrom otherwise I can't give it to the vendors later."

Issac offers to help to look for the cdrom and rope in the help of Zee and Chunni, much to Zee's unwillingness. Zee doesn't really help anyway, he knows what happened to the cdrom and knows the possibility of finding that cdrom is naught.

They do not manage to find the cdrom after all that afternoon and KK got a huge dressing down from Mach for the first time. Zee is smirking to himself when KK was shouted at by Mach inside the room.

Issac rushes over to KK when he is out of the room, "Don't take it too hard, KK. That's my brother's temper. Is there any other options for us to get another copy of that cdrom?"

KK smiles weakly at Issac and replies, "I am fine. I deserved to be scolded for my carelessness. That was an important cdrom and if we can?t give it to the vendor later, it will hold up the production of the project. Luckily, Mach had duplicated a copy on his own."

When Zee overhears that, his smirk vanishes. He feels his anger cumulating inside his guts, he could not believe his ears and hates KK for being able to let off the hook so easily.

Looking at how fast KK picks himself up from the scolding by Mach, he suddenly recalls that KK is always happy in front of Issac. He looks at both of them from where he is, and notices how KK looks at Issac attentively.

Zee lets out a cold stare at KK and plots his next move.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 12)

2007-05-15T17:23:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Dec 1 2005, 12:42 AM

Issac wakes up early the following morning and starts to prepare breakfast for Zee, who is still sleeping in the bedroom. Issac smiles while applying the margarine on the toasted bread, circling the spread of margarine into a love shape.

After pouring the freshly squeezed orange juice into the cup, which bore the picture of himself and Zee, Issac walks into the room and wakes Zee. Zee sulks when Issac shakes him gently, whispering, "Lazy bones, time to get up. We are going to be late for work."

"hhmm...I still want to sleep some more. You were such a terror last night, I need to recuperate." Zee mumbles. Issac smiles and bends over to give Zee a kiss and continues, "You were the one who was the terror! You could not get enough the intimacy the whole night!"

Zee opens his dreamy eyes and sneers, "Oh yah? I was the terror? Well, let's see who terrorizes more!" With that, he pulls Issac to him and kisses him hard. "Eee...your mouth stinks!" Issac protests. "You provoked me first so you are going to get it! I am going to give you a good time." Zee says cheekily and starts to take off Issac's clothes.

Both Issac and Zee are late for work and when they reach the office, KK and Chunni are already busy typing furiously on their laptops. Before Issac could sit down, Chunni comes running over, "Issac, your brother wants you in his room now."

Issac looks at his watch and shows his tongue, walks sheepishly into Mach's office. "What the hell do you think you are doing? Coming to work at 10.30? You think you are the Director?" Mach questions once Issac is inside the room.

Issac apologizes and stands still; not daring to look at Mach. Mach let out a short breath and continues, "Forget it! Let me ask you. Are you serious about Zee? How long have both of you been together?"

Issac looks up with his mouth open, not sure how to react. "You think I don?t notice that? He has been staying at our place when I was in China, right?" "How do you know?" Issac asks with a puzzled look.

"I found a few pairs of briefs and clothes which do not belong to both of us inside the dryer and that mug you kept in the corner, you think I will miss that?" Mach asks, deadpan.

"We have only got together recently but I was in love with him since our school days. Mach, please don?t be angry with me. I really like him a lot! I promise I will keep our relationship hush hush in the company. Please!" Issac pleads.

"If both of you are really serious about each other, I have nothing to say. You are both adults and can decide on your own. Just don't get hurt. You are my only brother." Mach says with a look of concern, yet it looks like pain to Issac.

"KK, pack up now and follows me to meet Mr Rodensberg, he is leaving for Dubai tonight." Mach says without looking at KK. KK didn't acknowledge Mach either but starts to pack up nonetheless.

Zee looks at both of them from his desk, locking his gaze at KK with a fire in his eyes. He tells himself, "Why is it always KK and not me? What is so great about him? I am not going to let KK has all the limelight to himself!"

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 11)

2007-05-14T16:43:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 12:12 AM

Mach is going through the news on goggle when someone rests her smooth chin on his board shoulders. Charlyn, in her 20s, an astonishingly beautiful and fair skin lady with an oval shaped face, graces the walkway in Taiwan and HongKong as a catwalk model.

"You don't seem too engrossed even though you have been staring at the laptop screen for more than an hour." Charlyn whispers into Mach's ears. Mach turns and kisses Charlyn on her rosy cheek and replies, "You know me very well. Yes, I am not concentrating on the articles."

"Let me guess. Since you are not paying attention to the articles so it couldn't be work related. Then it has to be love related. Who are you thinking of?" Charlyn queries with a smile.

Mach stops looking at the laptop screen and looks at Charlyn intently, "Sorry Charl, I don't mean to be insensitive. Don't worry about me. I enjoy your company a lot."

"I am not offended or affected in anyway, Mach. I have been with you for 3 years now. You have treated me with utmost respect and much care. Though we have never been physical all these years, you still bought me this studio apartment as a gift. I just want to offer my listening ears to you." Charlyn says gently.

Mach holds Charlyn's hands and looks into her beautiful watery eyes, answers, "Yes, I know you have been my pillar of support all these times. I feel a sense of belonging and at ease when I am with you. You have been a great partner."

"So tell me then, is this person that you are thinking of now, a cute looking and attractive guy? Is he your dream man? How old is he? How do you get to know him?" Charlyn asks with a gentle voice.

Mach looks surprised, he has hid his emotions well and never reveal a tinge of interest to any male species yet the woman who has been with him for 3 years, can see through him as if he is a transparent glass.

He stammers, "How do you know? I mean, what makes you say so? I mean, what makes you think I am thinking of a man?" "I didn't say you are thinking of a man, I said a guy. But of course I know, you have never touched me all these times when we are together. I am only your trophy girlfriend whom you brought along to attend functions." Charlyn replies, still with that charming smile.

Charlyn continues, "I am not saying that my charms never fail to attract a heterosexual man but with the close proximity between us, it is hard not to be physically attracted since both of us are indeed charming and attractive!"

Charlyn laughs a little, rests her head on Mach's strong palm, "I knew more or less when you preferred to sleep in the living room rather than in the same bedroom as me since we lived together. You didn't even dare to look at me when I am in my lingerie. You always look away when I put on my undergarments in front of you."

Mach takes a deep breath and apologizes, "Charl, I am sorry. I didn't expect my actions to hurt you in any way. All I wants is a confidante by my side and you fulfill all that, even more if I would say."

Charlyn holds Mach's hands, "That's what I am supposed to do. I am your confidante, I know our relationship wouldn't last so let me share your thoughts while it last. I am here for you as long as you are comfortable."

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 10)

2007-05-13T16:34:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 27 2005, 03:19 PM

Mach and KK reach Singapore after two weeks in China. Ever since that day when KK confronted Mach, he had tried to minimize all unnecessary contacts and he is glad that they are finally backed in Singapore.

When they reach the office, Zee is out meeting a client and Issac is preparing for a press release to be released later in the day. When Issac sees KK, he squeals, "KK! You are back! My, do you know how much we miss you?"

KK smiles and is about to say something when Mach lashes out at Issac, "Behave yourself! We are in the office. Come into my office now!" Issac sticks out his tongue and follows Mach into the office meekly.

KK is arranging the files when Issac walks out of the office, red faced. KK asks, "What's wrong? He gave you a hard time?" "It's ok, I am used to his temper. My fault for behaving like a small kid earlier." Issac answers.

KK smiles warmly and continues, "Forget him. So you were telling me you have good news for me? What about?" Issac's face brightens up and he says merrily, "I am really happy these past weeks, I have finally see results after all these years of waiting!"

"So what is it about that makes you so happy?" queries KK. "I am finally with Zee now, I should say we are dating now!" smiles Issac. KK looks at Issac momentarily and not sure how to react, he feels weird but glad that Issac is happy.

"So are you free for dinner later? I will get Zee to join us." asks Issac and KK nods his head. The three of them enjoy their dinner thoroughly and proceed to have some drinks at a pub after that. When it is time to leave, Zee tells KK that he is sleeping over at Issac's place and KK will have to go back on his own.

When Issac and Zee reach their destination, Zee says to Issac, "Go take your bath first. I want to rest a while, having a bad headache." Issac looks worried and wants to feel Zee's forehead but Zee declines. He says, "Go take your shower, take your time, I will be fine, just need some rest."

Zee rests on the bed and Issac walks to the bathroom, after making sure that Issac locks his door, Zee sits up immediately and takes off all his clothings and wraps a small towel around his taut v-shaped waist and walks out to Mach's room.

Zee knocks on the door to Mach's room and waits. No response. He knocks again and there is still no answer. Zee lets out a sign and mumbles, "Fuck! Thought he is at home and I can get him. Damn! Wasted my efforts." He looks at his watch and quickly rushes back to Issac's room.

Zee manages to put back his clothes and plunges onto the bed and pretends to sleep when Issac comes out of the bathroom. Issac walks gently over to Zee and kisses his forehead and Zee opens his eyes and pulls Issac towards him.

Issac falls onto the bed and into Zee's embrace, Zee presses his lips onto the wet supple lips of Issac and starts french kissing him. Issac tries to wriggle free and asks, "I thought you were not feeling well? Why so energetic now?"

Zee says cheekily, "You smell so nice! Totally awaken my senses and libido. I want to have sex with you now and I mean it NOW!" Zee tears away Issac's towel and pull him towards him, locking lips again and touching him sensually.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 9)

2007-05-12T00:23:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 26 2005, 12:28 AM

KK can't be sure if he believes Mach but he figures that Mach don't have to cook up any excuse for himself. He asks wearily, "Why are you doing this then? Mach, you are the most respected person in this industry! You are a star and power player, why do you want to be a pimp for others?"

"You don't understand the business model, KK. Brains is never enough in this business, you have to know what tickles your clients and what pisses them off. You have to understand them on a personal level in order to clinch all these million dollar deals. These tactics of playing up to their preference dictates whether you are able to snatch the deals from your competitors." Mach says matter of factly.

KK shakes his head slowly and pleads, "Sorry Mach, I just can't reason with you. As my superior, I appreciate your honesty to me but on a personal level, I have to ask you to leave and give me some space." Mach nodded and left.

KK plunges onto the queen size bed, he is confused. He has looked up to Mach as his mentor and idol. He is in awe of the eloquence and quick thinking of Mach, he is extremely impressed with Mach?s coolness and stability during meetings with the most difficult clients and takes his hat off to Mach's ability to wrestle deals from competitors without badmouthing any one of them.

But now, all those times have proved to be nothing more than a fa硤e. He does not condone the kind of tactics that Mach use but he could not go against his superior, he feels lousy and badly needs to talk to someone to share his agony.

KK is standing by the window pane, looking out at the night traffic when his mobile rings, he takes a look at the number and realizes it is Issac. "Hello Issac!" KK greets. "Hi KK! Am I disturbing you?" Issac says cheerily at the other line.

"No, you are not disturbing me. I am just looking out at the night traffic here. What's up?" KK says. "I tried calling Mach but he is not picking up my calls. Is he with you now?" Issac queries. KK takes a deep breathe and says, "He was here earlier but left. I am not sure where he is now though."

"Oh! It's ok. I just want to chat with him, that's all. Eh, you ok? You sounds a little weird, you alright?" Issac asks worriedly. KK has always felt comfortable talking to Issac, to him, Issac is one of the very few honest and straightforward friends he have. He admires Issac for his self confidence and courage for never hiding his sexual orientation.

And to him, Issac is the only one that he can talk to in an intellect manner and not be offended. Issac also understands him well and always is the first one to notice his dull mood. He wants to tell Issac about what had happened but he could not bring himself to hurt Issac with the shock revelation he found out about Mach.

"Hm..nothing is wrong with me. Everything is ok. I am, well, I just miss home and you guys there." KK lies. "Hey, don't worry about us. We are getting on very fine here. I will tell you something when you are back. It's really happy news for me and I am sure you will be happy for me too!" Issac says happily.

"Yah? You sounds very happy and excited. I am sure it must be wonderful news. You can tell me over the phone, I can use some good news now." KK smiles, happy for Issac over his high spirits. "Nah, I will tell you when you are back. I am really happy! I want you to share my happiness with me." says Issac.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Issue 53) Unhappy

2007-05-11T10:47:00.000+08:00

I sat down in front of my computer and went into a dazed then a thought flashes by "Am I really busy or was I afraid to pick up the 'pen' to scramble my contradictions again? Or am I waiting for a reply from Nete, hoping that he would by any chance read my blog or ultimately could I be hiding away from the contradictions in this relation.

Although it seems logical not to start this long distance relation when both of us are not ready, but in this world what is logical and what is perfect solution? Everyone has a different perception of logical and to him, me giving it up this relation when I insist on loving him, seems illogical and my unwillingness to commit.

Explaining will always sounds like excuses, even to myself. I heard of my countless explanation of why I shouldn't start this relation but still unable to convince myself. Why is it so difficult when it seems to be the 'perfect' solution when there are so many loopholes.

Recently, I felt even more selfish. I realised that I had force the decision not to start without consulting him. And my actions are rather disappointing and hurtful, if I were to be in his shoes. Someone told me that the decision I made might be the most convenient answer for me, because I am the one leaving Singapore and him, and not the other way round.

I thought my actions would be appreciated for not wanting to hurt someone, but it backfired and now both of us are hurt and the situation became awkward. Wouldn't it be better if I allow nature to take it's own course?

Coming to terms with (Foolish) Me, (Blaming) Myself and (Could never be Happy) I.

Listening to: 梁静茹 - 对不起我爱你
你听一听我的心跳, 你看一看我睡的不好
喝水想着你, 搭车想着你, 合眼闭眼间出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情, 我等不到你的回应
不想难为你, 又不想放弃你
决定告诉你, 对不起对不起我爱你

Translation: I'm Sorry, I Love You - Listen to my heartbeat and notice that I can't sleep peacefully (without you).
Missing you when I drink water and when I take a bus ride. It is all your images before and after I closes my eyes.
I couldn't guess your expression, I couldn't wait for your reply.
I don't want to put you in a difficult situation, nor I want to let you go.
I decide to tell you, I'm Sorry, I Love You.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 8)

2007-05-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 24 2005, 09:26 PM

KK retreats to his room immediately, he was puzzled at what he saw. "The young boy could not have been older than 16 years old and what was he doing in Mach's room", he thought to himself. He is still holding to the extra keys to Mach's room which he got from the counter.

After heaving a long sign, KK gets up and decides to return the keys to the counter and when he opens his door, he saw Mach standing at the corridor, startling him. "Mach!" KK exclaimed. "I was told by the counter that you requested for an extra key to my room, why?" Mach asked.

"I...I... needs to take some document from you to finish my proposal and I called your room earlier and you weren't there so I thought of asking for the extra key to your room so that I can take it myself." KK stammers through the whole sentence.

"Did you go up my room then?" Mach queries. KK stands there, motionless, not knowing what to say. Mach steps closer to KK and says, "Let me in, we will talk inside." Once inside the room, Mach closes the door and asks, "Did you see anything, KK?" KK looks at the floor and not knowing what to say.

"Did you or did you not see something? Be honest!" Mach raises his voice a little. KK doesn't like the way that Mach is pressuring him and he looks at Mach and says forcefully, "Yes. I saw. How could you do something like this? For Christ sake! That boy doesn't even look he is older than 16 years old! How could you?!"

"What do you think I did, KK? You think I am a pedophile who prey on young boys?" Mach asks softly. KK counters, "I don't know what to think. I don't even want to think. I can't believe you are doing such things!"

Mach keeps quiet for a moment and finally says, "KK, you are still new to the business world, You don't know how treacherous these people can be and you have no idea how difficult it is to survive in this industry."

KK shakes his head and disagrees, "So you take out your frustrations on those young boys because you can't handle the stress? Those are young boys, mind you! You are destroying their futures, you know that? How would Issac feel if he finds out about this?"

Mach grabs hold of KK's strong shoulders and squeezes them hard, he says angrily, "Who do you think I am? I don't prey on young boys but I don't have a choice! Do you think it is easy clinching deals after deals and becoming one of the top PR directors in the industry simply because I have the business instincts?"

KK breaks out of Mach?s grab and argues, "Then tell me! Why is that young boy in your room? What is your explanation?" KK breathes hard and replies, "You saw the boy 5 minutes ago and I am here now, in your room. What can I do within 5 minutes?"

KK is stumped by Mach's revelations, he is right, it was only 5 minutes ago that he saw the boy entering Mach's room and now Mach is in his room. But he is still suspicious of Mach and Mach notices that.

"Ok, I did call for the boy's services but he is not for me. He is for our client, Mr Looi, he always wanted me to do this for him when I am in China. He can't do this himself as he is a prominent figure here. And that boy is 18 years old, he just looks young." Mach reveals.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

2007-05-09T07:38:00.000+08:00

There is hardly time for me to breathe, let alone write. I am going through another leap of my life right now, therefore I am too occupied to think about my pathetic love life and write about it. Once everything is settle down, I will pick up my computer and write again. As for now I will need lots of lucks and connections to put things through. Hee...Byes.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 7)

2007-05-09T00:11:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 24 2005, 12:32 AM

It was a draining meeting for both Mach and KK, they even took time out to tour the factory of the client. When they finally make their way back to the hotel, Mach says wearily, "I want to catch some winks first, if you are hungry, call for room service. Keeps all the receipts and claim them from the HR when we are back. You should try to take some rest too since we are meeting some business associates later tonight."

Mach takes off his clothings and leave them on the floor when he closes the door to his room. He goes into the toilet to pee and flushes when done, he turns around and look at the mirror, paying close attention to his fine wrinkles on his face.

"Damn! A few more wrinkles and my eye bags are droopier. Have to apply more face mask later tonight." Mach mumbles. He starts to get the bathtub ready and sits by the edge, the cold surface causes him to shiver and an instant erection. He touches himself slowly, enjoying the sensation and indulges in his own fantasy, talking to himself, "Mother fucker! My nuts are driving me crazy."

When Mach pulls out the plug stopper in the bathtub, he feels more relaxed after the soak and says to himself, "I need to score someone soon, masturbation is not for people my age." He dries himself and the phone to his room rings, he picks it up and answers. He heaves a sign of disappointment after hanging up the phone.

He dials the extension to KK's room and KK picks it up in an instant, "KK, Mach here. The meeting tonight is cancelled. I have other arrangements later and will not be in my room. You can have the night to yourself but get the proposal done by tomorrow morning."

KK stretches himself on the bed and looks at his watch, it's already 8pm. He is almost done with the proposal which is to be submitted tomorrow. His stomach starts to growl and he dials the number for room service. Enjoying his dinner while still typing on his laptop, he suddenly realizes that Mach holds on to a document that he needs.

He rolls over the bed and dials Mach's extension but to no avail. He gets up and put on a pair of boxers then a singlet and bermudas. He decides he will ask the counter staff to assist him to open Mach's room so that he can get the document.

He takes the lift to the lobby and walks to the receptionist counter, along the way, some guests in the hotel can't help but to steal glances at the well built manly hunk but KK is oblivious to all these attention. He never likes being in the centre of attention and gets really uneasy with the glances and stares from admirers so he has trained himself all these years to be indifferent to the admirations.

After getting the keys to Mach's room, he turns and manages to get a glimpse of Mach with another middle age man taking the lift. He doesn't have time to shout out to Mach and decides to take the next lift. When the door is about to close, a young lean fit boy rushes in, pressing the floor that Mach is at.

KK is thinking why would such a young boy be doing in a hotel when he chances upon the piece of paper that the young boy holds, it reads, "Mach, 18-54" KK wonders aloud, "Mach! 18-54? So familiar. Isn't that Mach's room?"

When the lift opens, KK purposely slows down and allows the boy to overtake him, he hides in a corner when the boy presses the bell on Mach's room. To KK's surprise, Mach opens the door and ushers the boy into his room.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 6)

2007-05-08T00:07:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 22 2005, 10:39 PM

When KK and Mach reach the hotel in Beijing, the bellhop brings them to the check in counter and after Mach verifies his particulars, he requests to put KK at a different storey from his. KK doesn't think much about it and thinks that Mach is putting up in a better suite than his.

While in the lift on their way up to their respective floors, Mach tells KK that they have only 30 minutes to freshen up and they have to leave for the client's office. KK gets off at his floor and follows the bellhop to his room.

After tipping the bellhop, KK closes the door behind him. He is tired, the long flight drains him and he doesn?t really enjoy the flight meals. KK is the youngest of 4 siblings in his family, all of them elder brothers. As such, he has learnt to be extremely independent and that manly charms he exudes also stem from the independent childhood days he lead.

Because of such a big family of predominantly males, KK inherits the traits of a straight male, which is he seldom talks about his problems to others. He learns from his father and siblings that a man has to solve his own problems and never asks for help from others. He admits he is chauvinistic but it also means that he is shy in front of the female species.

Though KK is well built and a fine specimen among the males, he has never been in a relationship before. He has never gone a date with another individual as he gets tongue tied in front of the ladies when alone. While his school mates and army mates make fun of his virginity, they could not understand why KK would have problems with females, especially ladies will flock to him and buy him drinks in the pubs.

Coming out of the bathroom, dripping wet and drying his hair with the towel, KK stops in front of the mirror in the room, he takes a look at his well defined pecs and chest, he flashes a grin and tries to make his protruding chest to jump by themselves.

He is enjoying this little play when the doorbell rings, KK quickly wraps the towel around his waist and answers the door. The towel loosens a little and reveals his buttcrack when he opens the door. "You are not ready yet? We have got to go soon." Mach fires once he sees KK, then his eyes inadvertently moves down to KK?s hairy navel, the towel reveals a fine trail of hair from his navel to his family jewels.

"Sorry Mach, I thought we still have some time so I soaked myself in the bathtub to relieve some tension. I will go get dressed now. You want to come in first?" KK replies and turns his back to get ready. Mach catches a glimpse of KK's buttcrack, noticing the obvious tannlines.

"We mustn't be late, especially when we have not clinched the deal yet. You must always remember this, KK! This industry is very cut throat and you have got to be always on your toes. Soaking in your bathtub can wait till when you are back tonight." Mach can't help but to reprimand.

"I am really sorry! I will be done in a minute!" KK replies and in front of Mach, he takes off the towel, hastily dries himself and pull a white CK briefs from his luggage and pull it up his waist, fitting him nicely. He puts on the same shirt and pants he wore on the flight as there isn?t time for him to do ironing.

All these while, Mach is sitting there, looking at KK getting dressed and ready. He looks at KK with approving looks when he is ready to go. "Smart! Very smart looking. Let's go." Mach says when KK finishes adjusting his tie.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 5)

2007-05-07T00:01:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 20 2005, 05:25 PM

Issac is sound asleep in Zee's arms when Zee hears the sound of the front door opens. He slowly releases Issac from his embrace and tip toes out of the room. He closes the door gently and turns around just in time to see Mach walks to the kitchen, bare bodied.

Zee has never see Mach body before but that glimpse tells Zee that Mach has a fantastic body and it is well hidden under the expensive executive wear that Mach always wear. He decides to say hi to Mach in the kitchen.

"Hi Mach!" Zee greets and admires the strong board shoulders and slim waist, a perfect v-shaped back of Mach. Mach turns around and almost chokes when he sees Zee standing there in his boxers.

"Oh, Zee. Hi, what are you doing here?" Mach asks. "I am bunking over here tonight and Issac is sleeping in the room, hope I am not intruding on you.? Zee says with a smile and absent mindedly caresses his well developed chest.

"Ok, both of you don't be late for work tomorrow. You know I am leaving for China tomorrow and KK is going with me so I need both of you to be in the office if any of our clients look for us and by the way, I need you to draft a press release for Danoy Ltd about their financial performance. Email to me when you are done." Mach says and walks pass Zee, brushing gently his hands when he does so.

"Good night then, Mach. Sweet dreams!" Zee smiles and when Mach turns around to nod, he notices Zee adjusting his crotch and gives him a quick wink. He doesn't say anything and goes into his room. Zee follows behind and return to Issac's room.

Issac turns around and looks at Zee with sleepy eyes, "Where did you go? What time is it?" "I went to the toilet, it's a quarter to 11." Zee says sweetly. Issac sits up sleepily and asks, "It's already 11? Gosh, we have not have dinner yet. Are you hungry? Let me cook you something to eat. You better stay in here, Mach might be back anytime."

"I am only hungry for you. Don't bother to cook, let's have another round of sex!" Zee says naughtily. Issac laughs, "My! You sure are horny today. You already came twice earlier! And my ass still hurts with your rough play." "That's because we have not been doing this for so long! I missed this fun so badly." Zee whispers into Issac's ears.

Zee turns over and wants to hug Issac when he realizes that he is not beside him. He rubs his eyes and stretches himself, gets out of the bed and makes his way to the kitchen. Issac is preparing breakfast and laying out the table when he sees Zee, open mouthed, "Why do you come out without wearing anything? Luckily my brother is already on his way to the airport. He will freak out if he sees you like that!"

Zee plunges onto the chair and drinks the freshly squeezed orange juice and says, "I know. I saw him last night and he wants us to be in the office on time." "What? You saw him last night? When was that? Did you wear anything then?" Issac asks anxiously.

"I was in my boxers and he was topless. I didn't know Mach works out and his body is really in tip top condition!" Zee says dreamily. Issac takes the glass of juice from Zee?s hands and says, "Zee, my brother is not gay. Don't try anything funny with him. He might flare up at you."

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 4)

2007-05-06T23:56:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 19 2005, 01:01 AM

Three months have passed. Issac, Zee and KK are officially now confirmed staffs and assumed the working titles of Associates. All three of them also have some business accounts on hand to service but only KK has evolved to becoming Mach's right hand man. He also gets to prospect and do presentations to clients, something that Zee looks forward to.

Issac has never been ambitious or aggressive but he is feeling dejected that Zee has been lunching with Chunni for the past 3 months without getting him to join them. He couldn't understand why Zee was so close to Chunni, he knows Zee is gay and they had a fling in the dormitory during their varsity days so he don't think that Zee could have taken a liking to Chunni.

Zee, on the other hand, knows perfectly well why he is being close to Chunni. He is finding out information about Mach from Chunni, every details from Mach's favourite food to peeves. He badly wants to work more closely with Mach and be acknowledged and take over KK's role as a trusted aide to Mach.

"Zee, I need you to take over this account from KK, as he will be traveling to China with me tomorrow." Mach said once he reached the office. Zee is about to say something when he sees Chunni throwing him glances not to say anything.

"Why did you signal to me not to say anything to Mach? Why is he always giving the best to KK? I am just as good if not better than KK!" Zee questioned Chunni once Mach gets inside the office.

"You should know better, Zee. You have been digging information from me about Mach and you have been trying to get his attention these 3 months using the information you got from me. Don't dig your own grave and question his decision. He don?t like it, if you want to overtake KK, you have to strategize." Chunni reasoned.

Zee takes a deep breathe and called Issac on his mobile, "Darling, you free tonight? Can I bunk over your place? I am feeling down." "What happens? Are you ok? I have just finished my meeting and is on my way back office. We will talk when I am back, ok" Issac asked worriedly.

When Issac reaches office, he walks immediately over to Zee and asks, "Are you ok? You sounded so down earlier. Is everything ok?" Zee whispers, "I feel very bad, I need some company tonight. Can you accompany me?" ?Sure, why don?t we go straight to my place after work and I will cook dinner for us" Issac replies.

When they reach Issac's place, Zee wants to take a bath and Issac gets him a towel and heads to the kitchen to start preparing the dinner. Issac is busy cleaning the vegetables that they bought at the supermarket earlier when Zee hugs him from behind suddenly, startling Issac who gives out a yelp.

Zee blows hot air at Issac's neck and then starts to nimble his ear lobes, sending chills down Issac's back. Issac?s breathing starts to get heavier and shorter and he speaks softly, "Zee, don't play. I can't take it." "Relax! I want to taste you before dinner. We have not been doing this for quite a while." Zee whispers.

Both of them start to kiss passionately and Zee starts to strip Issac and press him against the cabinet, the atmosphere between them getting hotter. They feel each other with hungry mouths and roving hands. They make out in the kitchen, leaving the basin tap running.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 3)

2007-05-05T23:49:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 17 2005, 12:24 AM

"I am Mach's secretary. I have been working with him for more than three years now." Chunni answered and startled the boys as she appears suddenly. Issac smiled and said, "Hi Chunni, thanks for helping us to settle down." Chunni smiled and said, "Don't mention. It's my job anyway. Mach had wanted me to get ready some files yesterday for you guys to go through today."

Chunni hands over the files to the boys and left. Zee rolled his eyes at Issac and blamed, "Why didn't you signal to me that she is behind me? Now she must think I am bitching behind her back! So tell me, what is she like? Do I need to watch my back from her?"

Issac smiled and said, "Why should you be concerned about her? She is just a secretary, my brother never thinks highly of her so you won't have to worry about her talking behind your back." Zee continues, "But she must know your bother's preferences very well, right? I mean she is after all his secretary."

Issac leaned closer to Zee and said, "Well, if you want to know my brother's preferences, then you should come to me, not her. I will be your key to success and you know you have to pay your dues."

Zee flirts with a wink and replies, "Well well, so you want me to hop onto bed with you and let you have a good time. Before that, tell me what are Mach's likes and dislikes. I will let you shiok shiok later." With that, both of them laughed so loudly that Chunni looks over from her desk.

Both of them chatted while going through the files and soon it is time for lunch. Mach and KK are still not back and Issac suggested that they go for lunch without KK. Zee pleads, "Buy me lunch, ok? I am just a poor boy. I will repay by giving you a top notch blowjob!" "Shut up! Just come along, I will buy you." smiles Issac.

When Issac and Zee come back from their lunch, they see KK typing on a laptop and Mach talking over the phone. They walk over to KK's desk and ask at the same time, "What are you doing? Taken your lunch yet?" "No, no time for that. Mach needs this by 2pm. I can't talk to you guys now." replies KK.

Zee can't help but to feel jealous towards KK. He resents that KK already is doing substantial work on his first day while he and Issac have been just going through files the whole morning. He feels lose out that only in the first day, KK has already impressed Mach. He feels that he has to buck up and not fall too far behind.

When KK is done with the proposal, Mach is about to leave the office as well. He takes a quick look at the proposal and said, "Well done! Come with me then, I will let you do the presentation later." KK swallowed his saliva and suddenly his stomach growls loudly.

"Oh! You have not taken your lunch yet! Damn, let's go grab a bite before the presentation. Don't bother to bring anything, my treat. Come, let's go!" Mach said. When Mach and KK leave the office, Zee mumbles, "I will not allow you to be in the limelight for too long!"

"What did you say? Sorry, I didn?t hear you properly." Issac asked when he thought Zee was talking to him. Zee clears his throat and says, "Seriously, Issac, I need to know what is Mach?s working style? How can I get his attention?"

"By dating me lor. He will freak out and remembers you!" Issac teased.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 2)

2007-05-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 15 2005, 12:29 AM

Zee, Issac and KK arranged to meet at the Raffles Place mrt station on the first day of their work. With the exception of Zee, both Issac and KK take the train in their office wear complete with ties. Zee chooses to take a cab down to the train station to meet them.

The young pretty receptionist greets the three hunks when she lets them into the office. She eyes them with a flirtatious look and brings them to the HR manager. After the three of them have their orientation with the HR manager, they are shown their seats and that?s when Mach storms in.

"Morning Mach, your new subordinates are here, do you want to?" the HR manager was cut off of her sentence when Mach raised his voice, "Don't disturb me, I don't have time! Damn it, where's Chunni? Don't tell me she is on medical leave again? That bitch!"

Zee looked at Issac with his big round eyes, astonished. He has thought Mach to be an immaculate gentleman with the perfect accent and mannerisms. And his first day of work, he witnessed the ugly side of Mach. Issac, on the other hand, is used to the temperamental side of his brother. He knows fully well that his brother is a great pretender, a wonderful fit in the deceitful and highly competitive public relations field with all the fake people.

The HR manager is obviously not happy with Mach's rudeness and walked off in a huff, leaving the three of them standing awkwardly there. Mach was rampaging through the huge stacks of files on his table when KK asked, "Why don't you tell us what file you are looking for and we will help you look for it?"

Mach looked at the boys for the first time and rests his gaze at KK and said, "What did you say? What makes you think I would ask for help?" Issac has wanted to say something when KK replies, "Well, judging from the way you are flipping through the files, I think it will be wise to recruit some help."

Mach nodded with a light smile and gets the boys to look for the file he needs. Zee manages to find the file among the pile on Chunni?s table and he passes the file with Mach, trying to get eye contact while doing so. Mach did look at Zee when he took the file from him, but only for a mere few seconds.

At that moment, Chunni appears outside Mach's office, looking worried. She tries to explain why she was late but could not even say a single word as Mach stops her, "Don't waste any more of my time, call Mr Lucceni now and tell him I am on my way." Mach turned to KK, and asked, "What's your name again?" "KK" comes the reply. "Ok, KK, follow me to this meeting. This will be your first assignment." Mach said on his way out of his office.

Zee and Issac looked at each other bewildered, especially Zee. He could feel his anger and jealousy rising, Issac notices Zee's unhappy look and was about to say something when Chunni breaks the silence, "I am so sorry for the commotion earlier, I was held up by the faulty train and had to make you guys saw such an unhappy episode. Let me bring you guys to your seats so that you can settle down."

Zee can't help but to complain to Issac once they are settled down, "Why did Mach get KK to go with him and not either one of us? Just simply because KK dared to offer him help?" "I am sure my brother has his reasons to get KK to go with him, as far as I know, he will usually bring Chunni to such meetings." Issac replied.

"And who's that Chunni anyway?" Zee asked unhappily.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Love Tales 3) Unconditional Love (Part 1)

2007-05-03T23:39:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Nov 13 2005, 01:05 AM

Zee walked out of the stylishly decorated office with his best buddies, Issac and KK. The three of them are fresh graduates from NUS and had just nabbed employments with the most well known investor relations and risk management public relations firm in town.

Issac, standing at a strapping height of 180cm, is lean and toned. He loves to swim and cycle and takes part in biathlon annually. Armed with a boyish look, tanned and smooth complexion, Issac is naturally smooth all over and is a proud and out homosexual. His equally attractive brother, Mach, is one of the directors of the public relations company and he is the one who offered the jobs to the three of them.

KK, manly mannerisms and looks matured for his age, is always the brainy and quick thinker of the trio. He is slightly shorter than Issac but has a more defined muscular built. He is a hardcore gymmer and though he is fair, his manly looks and silent strong behaviour always stood him out as an alpha male. His sexual orientation is always the discussion topic between Zee and Issac.

Zee, the most mischievous of the lot, is also the most attractive. Even taller than Issac, Zee has a well defined and delicate facial features and is frequently referred to being a Japanese or Korean. He is extremely confident of his looks and knows how to work his charms to his advantage. He is aware of Issac's liking with him but refused to acknowledge and at times, he is jealous of KK's manly charms even though the three of them had been buddies since their army days.

"Whoa! Thanks Issac, if it is not you, we would not have been able to join the firm and got such a comprehensive salary package." said KK. Zee, whose hands are slung over Issac's shoulders replied, "Well, of course he has to help us. His brother is a director in there! And we are his best buddies! Not forgetting that we also shared same undies before!"

Issac stole a quick look at Zee, admiring his good looks and strong palms resting on his shoulders, just smiled and said nothing. They have their late lunch at Burger King and looking at the burger and fries, Zee thought to himself, "I am going to be successful and lunch at fancy restaurants in the future. This is so not for me, I am going to fulfill my dreams at all cost."

Issac asked," Do you guys want to bunk over my place tonight? We can play cards and catch some dvds that my bro bought back from the states. We can have some Gordon bleu to celebrate our first jobs! I am sure my bro wouldn't mind."

"If I don't have to spend a single cent, I am fine with any suggestions!" laughed Zee. KK looked at Zee, shook his head slowly and said with a smile, "I don't think we should do that. Your brother is going to be our boss soon and it is better we thread carefully and not get into his bad books."

"You just think too much, KK! Why would us drinking and chilling at Issac's place get us into Mach's bad books? Of all things, it will be a good opportunity to know Mach on a personal basis and hopefully makes us working with him much easier in the future!" argued Zee.

Issac interrupted, "My bro will not be home tonight. He is spending the night at one of his girlfriends' place. So we will not be disturbed or judged." Zee moaned, "You mean Mach is not gay? He is so hot and muscular. Such a pity that he bends the conventional way." KK throws a disapproving look at Zee for his comments.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Screening 11) Bishonen :: 美少年之恋

2007-05-02T13:55:00.000+08:00

Actors: Stephen Fung Tak-Lun(Jet), Daniel Wu (Sam), Shu Qi.

Synopsis: Bishonen tells of a love tangle between two gigolos, a pop star and a young cop. This is a movie ultimately about how these beautiful young men deal with love and sexuality. In Jet’s case, it’s a matter of lust versus love. Self-confident and preening, Jet (a Male Hustler) only loses his power when he falls under Sam’s spell. On the other hand, Sam (a Young Cop) is constantly in control - or so it seems. Eventually he gives into emotion, too, and the results prove disastrous. Daniel Wu’s opaque performance is the center of the film, and it’s most effective considering much hinges on his next move.

An official selection to the 1998 Toronto Film Festival, this art-house film from celebrated photographer Yeung Fan is a gay love story of the most emotionally involved kind.

My Comments(5/5): The story is worth a 4 points but the additional one point is given to the beautiful actors in the show. From this story, we were hit by the reality whereby everyone knows everyone in the circle and love is a big force where you do anything and everything for your partner, whereas other would use their charms to use their lovers. There is also this sought for perfection to stand out and be desirable and to please everyone around him. There are always things that we did and regret, some would try to run while other would "punished" themselves, but many do not realized that facing the truth is actually not as hard as we thought. The show also presents the unthoughtful outcome for the people around us when we choose to run, hide or "punish" ourselves.

[Couldn't Find the Trailer] but same as Latter Days, you can
Watch Full Movie Online and YES it is FREE:
美少年之恋(Bishonen): Side A 美少年之恋(Bishonen): Side B

Song From the Movie: 李玟 - 答案

(Issue 52) It had never End... [Drei]

2007-05-01T16:58:00.001+08:00

continue...

Friday came, I extended my trip under the request of Cricà and Père. We headed down to PLAY and TABOO, I drunk to suppress all my mixed feelings that night. Orcièr offered to drive me back, I declined but she insisted. That night we were both messed-up, I was feeling even more depress as I was listening to 李聖傑-最近 [Sam Lee - Lately], almost crying to the lyrics. And just when I thought I could just sleep and forget everything, she drove the east-wards instead of west to my place. We quick changed our course of direction and of all the places, we went pass Nete's place. I couldn't resist but to message him what I really feel inside.

"Jus pass ur place. I miss u alot. I regret not hugging u tat night. Sorry but i do miss u." I didn't expect an immediate reply and I was a bit afraid to receive it, but luckily the reply was not as I expected. "Wru? Why pass my place? Me now in bombay. Bk tmr. U went clubbing?".

I followed this normal reply with another dramatic message,"Yes club. Then went wrong expressway.Sorry i know i am not right. But i cant control. I am very high now". Gladly he replied with another sensible message,"Take care of yrself k. U with Cricà rite? Go back take some tea and hv gd rest. Dun think so much." I replied "Orh".

I told Cricà, Orcièr and Huent the next day all my stupid messages I send during the past few days to Nete. I wasn't sure of what I want and how should he react? Why am I so confused? Should I had taken the extra step during my last visit instead of pushing him away? What am I afraid of and what is holding me back? What if I lose him forever?

I guess regardless or which step I make I am bound to face some positive and negative remarks and outcomes. I do not regard sending any of those messages because everything is true from my heart but it is just that I couldn't decide which step to take and how not to hurt either one of us.

Coming to terms with (coulda, shoulda, woulda or lucky)Me, (confusing) Myself and (wondering "What would someone else would do? Is there a perfect solution?")I.

Crying to the song: 孙燕姿 - 不能和你一起
结束还是原谅爱永远搁在远方. 眼神不会说话只有泪光, 你给过希望怎么能忘.

是你填满温暖让梦想有了翅膀, 教我如何控制风的方向, 让我每一天能飞到更远的地方.

不能和你一起拥有喜悦和悲伤, 不管走多远步伐都没有力量.
不能和你一起走往这世界幸福方向, 孤单的身旁少了坚强, 只有简单感伤

Translation: Can't be with you - Ended or Forgiven, Love had been left afar. (My) eyes couldn't express feelings as it has been filled with tears, who can ever forget the hopes that you gave me.

It's you who fill my dreams with care and gave it wings, you taught me how to control the direction of wind so that I can fly further each day.

Can't be with you to go through the ups and downs, it does matter how far I have been because I had lose strength to carry on walking.
Can't be with you to walk together towards a world of happiness, (My)loneliness is no longer accompanied with toughness, but with a simple kind of hurt.

(Booty Shaking 16) TomFord

2007-04-30T07:27:00.000+08:00

Famous for bring back Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent back into the fashion light, with fans from every walks of life and multiple fashion awards, took the risk to venture out from Women's Wear to his own line of Menswear. We could tell it has a high chance of success by the way he dressed, but high hopes were pinned.

'Tom Ford' at Madison Avenue menswear store, the first under his own name. Quoted, "the shop's appeal will rest on exceptional service and immaculate clothes. Nearly everything (from underwear to fragrances) can be custom-designed, and the staff includes 12 salespeople, two tailors, and four seamstresses (there is even an on-site atelier, which Ford dramatically revealed by pulling back a curtain in one of the dressing rooms)".

The store is intended to have a residential feel, with many elements (beaver-skin rugs, oversize lamps, the sly Lucio Fontana artwork) coming from Ford's own collections. The design is 1930s-inspired, with a wet bar and even butlers and maids who will fetch you lunch during your appointment.

What ever it may be, the most important thing would be the design of his latest creation ready available to be judged by the mass public in New York.

(Issue 51) It had never End... [Zwei]

2007-04-29T16:51:00.000+08:00

continue...

Wednesday finally came. I tried not to remember that he will be in ZOUK that night, so I had my entire day fully planned just to keep my mind off him. As the party time draws closer I couldn't resist but to drop by PLAY to have countless Martini with Père and Cricà. After my 3rd glass, Cricà told me to head down to ZOUK with him. A quick "No" was replied, followed by "Nete's there". Cricà,"He's not. He's on call tonight".

I took up his offer and went, I was surprised that Cricà walked in front and was on the phone and in less than a minute I saw Nete in front of me. I couldn't help but to think that Cricà planned it, I was pissed for a minute or two and told myself that what is done cannot be undone.

I went back to give Nete another hug and carried on the party with him and Cricà. Thereafter Nete's friend ask me along for Karaoke with them after the party. I hesitated, but I couldn't resist but to obliged after he made the second request.

Songs were played that clearly reminded us of the things we did together on the first three days of 2007, and when I looked into his eyes, as he sang them, my eyes watered and my heart melt, the defense was torn down immediately. I laid faced down on the sofa, hoping not to show any emotions, pretending to be asleep. The entire event end and we decided to leave the place. Everything seems to be an re-enactment, it was the same rainstorm we had when we parted. He invited me to his place, I reconfirmed before agreeing.

As we were waiting for his friend's car to arrive, we sat on the step and he laid his face on my lap. I could feel sadness, I told him to be strong and look at me, but he refused. I wanted to tell him that I still love him while looking straight in his eyes, but couldn't after he sang,"我以为我会报复但是我没有" over and over again. I was hurt yet touched.

He quickly jump into his bed when we reached, I covered him with his blanket, sat on the floor beside his bed and watched him sleep. I was happy, although it was cold but the look of his face kept me warmth. I could choose to leave but I didn't, I could choose to hug him but I didn't, all I could think of his to watch him sleep peacefully, and it is sufficient enough to make me happy.

As it was coming to be an hour towards noon, I woke him up for his appointment. I gentle planted a kiss on his forehead. Still sleepy, he replied that he want to snooze for another half hour. I told him that I need to leave for my appointment followed by a hug. This hug almost held me back as I thought of not letting go and accompanied him for that 30 minutes, but I didn't. I drag myself to leave his place.

Hours later, I send him a message.

"Its a great night. Thanks4inviting me over last night. It is great watching u sleep again.I want to let u know my feelings 4u had never change, but i choose a different path bcos of timing due to my work n more importantly, i dun 1 2c the person i love suffer-i couldn't fulfil ur need 2c ur lover everytime u come home.I also dun 1 2b selfish n hold u back,u'll meet sum1 soon. Trust me,ur feelings 4me will go off soon, plus it would be less hurtful now than if we really get together.I'm sorry 4everythin i did n hope u understand. U got gd friends so cherish them. I wanna meet u again 4 a proper dinner b4 i fly as friends,so no stress ok?Tell me when will u b free"

to be continued...

Coming to terms with (unsure of what I want) Me, (trying to control the situation) Myself and I (still harbor feelings for him).

Crying in the rain to: Sandy Lam - 領悟
我以为我会哭但是我没有
我只是怔怔望著你的脚步给你我最后的祝福
这何尝不是一种领悟让我把自己看清楚
虽然无爱的痛苦将日日夜夜在我灵魂最深处

我以为我会报复但是我没有
当我看到我深爱过的男人竟然像孩子一样无助
这何尝不是一种领悟让你把自己看清楚
被爱是奢侈的幸福可惜你从来不在乎

啊一段感情就此结束
啊一颗心眼看要荒芜
我们的爱若是错误愿你我没有白白受苦
若曾真心真意付出就应该满足
啊多么痛的领悟你曾是我的全部
只是我回首来时路的每一步都走的好孤独
啊多么痛的领悟你曾是我的全部
只愿你挣脱情的枷锁爱的束缚
任意追逐别再为爱受苦

Translation: Apprehension - I suppose I would cry, but I didn't.
I just silently stared at your ongoing steps and gave you my last blessings.
Could it be said as a kind of apprehension so that I could see through myself.
Though the misery of loveless would last in my soul deeply forever nights and days

I suppose I would revenge you, but i didn't
When I saw the man I used to love is as helpless as a child...
Could it be said as apprehension so that you could see through yourself...
What's a luxurious happiness of being loved; however it's such a pity that you had never cherished it.

Alas, my love is going to terminate;
Alas, my heart is going to empty;
If our love would be a fault, I wish we didn't just suffer without learning anything.
If we had ever given out all our hearts, we should feel content.
Alas, how painful the apprehension is!! You used to be everything to me
Just whenever I reflect what I had gone through. Every step I'd walked is full of isolation
Alas, how painful the apprehension is, You used to be my everything.
I wish you could free yourself from cuffs and restraint of love to chase whatever you want in your life
Don't suffer from love anymore

(Love Tales No. 2) Thou shall never end.

2007-04-28T08:52:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

Part 5 of 5Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 04:06 AM

Wayne's parents were seated in the living room watching the TV. When Wayne led me into the living room, their mood darkened immediately.

Wayne strolled over and switched off the TV. The tension grew so thick that it could literally snap anytime. "Mom and Dad, I believe it is time we have a good talk with you."

Wayne's Dad was willing to have an honest conversation. "Wayne, we are doing this for your own good. We don't want you to be confused. What kind of life are you leading without a proper family or child?"

"Dad, I was born with that sexual orientation and I want to make the most out of my life. I care about how you and Mom feel but it is my personal happiness I am talking about. It is hard to find someone whom I love, whom I feel committed to and here you are depriving me of a chance at happiness because you are colored by prejudice."

Wayne held my hand and reiterated, "Mom, Alvin did not point a gun at me. He did not fool me, and if anything, it was I who wanted to be together with him."

I glanced at Wayne's courageous front and felt a sense of pride blooming inside me. "Auntie and Uncle, I do know that you love Wayne very much. I can promise you that I love Wayne, too. If not, I won't commit myself to this relationship. If he feels happier with someone else, I am willing to let him go. I feel proud of Wayne today because he loves you enough to get your blessing. We could have carried on secretly but we didn't have the heart to lie to you."

My tears streamed down uncontrollably. "I am not asking you to accept me but I am asking you to respect Wayne's decision in his happiness. I want him to be happy too."

Wayne's Mom recognized my sincerity and asked softly, "Wayne, are you happy with him?"

Wayne looked at me in a veil of unshed tears. "Yes."

Wayne's father looked at his wife for a moment and said, "If that is what our son wants, so be it. I don't want to end up losing my son." Wayne's Mom nodded reluctantly.

With a broad smile, Wayne jumped and hugged his parents gratefully. "Thank you, Mom and Dad."

I was too happy for words and all I could think of was just thanking them profusely.

His Mom faced me quietly and pleaded, "Take good care of my son."

At that moment, I saw the essence of a Mother's unconditional love for his son. How difficult it was for her to let her son pursue his own road to happiness.

I smiled at Wayne and replied, "I promise you that, Auntie."

*

After we sent Wayne's parents off on Saturday, we decided to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon just doing nothing. The two of us sprawled on the white sofa and watched the Japanese chanteuse Misia belting out 'live' a beautiful ballad 'Everything' from her concert DVD. The staging was spectacular with the orchestra offering majestic support. She was framed in a white and silver dress, looking like a virginal bride celebrating a poignant paean of love.

I met you by chance in the midst of passing time
It's amazing, isn't it? That such a miracle should be so close by

Still missing you, the time passes and I can't see you
Slipping through the door, I remember once again
You laughing with that person

My beloved, please don't make me sad
There are nights when I cry myself to sleep
Don't look at the past, just look at me

You're everything, you're everything
I'm stronger than you think
I don't want any kind lies
All I want is you
How long a time can be called forever?
I want to go with you far, far into the future
I want to peek at those days with you

My beloved, please hold me
Like you always do, in the midst of time's tenderness
Hold my hand, look just at the present

You're everything, you're everything
Even if I'm apart from you
If we could see each other, I'd surely forgive you
Any night

You're everything, you're everything
I'm strong enough to dream of you
Now let's change the power to love
Into courage

You're everything, you're everything
Even if I'm apart from you
If we could see each other, it would all disappear
Even the pain in my heart

You're everything, you're everything
I'm stronger than you think
I don't want any kind lies
All I want is you
You're everything...

As she finished her hypnotic performance, both Wayne and I looked at each other. Even though we couldn't comprehend most of the Japanese lyrics, the singer managed to convey her language of love through the swings of emotions.

Wayne lowered his head and kissed me with the gentleness of a snowflake caressing the ground. His tenderness made my knees weak and my heart melt languidly.

Wayne cooed softly, "I will never get tired of saying 'I love you'. Each time you manage to surprise me more and more."

He may be the most ordinary guy but he is my everything.

And when the thunderous applause from the concert audience came, it really sounded like joyful bells ringing - and celebrating our hard-earned personal victory.

I knew this didn't mark the closing chapter of our love story but my heart was singing as I held Wayne's gaze, knowing that the rest of the journey will be wonderful with him by my side.

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

(Issue 50) It had never End ...[Ein]

2007-04-27T16:49:00.000+08:00

Nete, I thought I could but I couldn't.

I kept it from all my ex about my return, however I seem to bump onto one another with a different reaction for each.

Cason: We greeted each other with a Hi-Bye Diva hug and carried on our own party with our own friends.
Ensoé: Cricà couldn't confirm whether it was him dancing beside us, as he dress slight differently from his usual self, and since we were quite unsure and he didn't seem to recognize us, we carried on our party. However Cricà later confirmed it was him after bumping at the toilet but I was no longer present to greet him.
Savur: He was the only one I informed because I never failed to enjoy his company and presence. We made several appointments but kept postponing due to our busy schedule.
Peit: My friend told me that he was in the club, at a certain spot, and my decision was to avoid him, only because I know that he would blame me for not letting him know that I am back. Hey, Peit, we shall meet when I return in July.
Nete: He brought the Drama Mama in me back to life.

I told myself before I returned to Singapore that I will not get myself involve in any situation again like I did previously, and I was delighted that I was able to make it home on the first two nights of partying and feel great at the same time.

However came Sunday night, I bumped into Nete and he told me that he is partying alone. I thought, "Well, I should be able to handle the situation well". I gave him a hug, and with this hug everything (i.e. my feelings and emotions) returned to me in a zap. The hug was actually something I had been longing for since we last met and it actually meant more than any words could describe.

He kept it cool and tried to avoid my lips against his, so I respected that. We danced and party with Cricà, my FEMME (Huent) and our friends. There were occasional hugs and playful bites on both our shoulders and arms. However, strong emotions and beautiful memories flashes in my mind, every time he is not around me. Quickly, I told Huent to make sure that I stay away from all possible temptation and return home that night.

As the party was getting to an end, I bid him farewell and told him that I will be having supper with my friends. I also make sure that he knows I would be flying back to China on Friday. He decided to stay, and I was half relieved, thinking that I will be going back at night but misses him at the same time. But he changed the situation by saying that he would message me after his party to see where we will be having supper.

Père was high and he decided to cancel the supper and continue his party over at the CLINIC. I couldn't party on and choose to return home with Huent. As we were on the way home, I received his message. I forced myself to give a cold reply," Heading Home, Supper Canceled". But I couldn't help to sent another message the next minute and asked him to take care. Soon he replied,"Will be at ZOUK on Wednesday". My heart longed for him again.

to be continued...

Coming to terms with (trying to be strong) Me, (controlling) Myself and (misses him dearly) I.

Singing in the rain to the tunes of: 李聖傑-最近
你最近不说话, 怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单, 有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

你想要的, 我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的, 却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

你[*我]常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
我[*你]覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
不想再約束不要再痛苦, 下一次會有更好的情路

爱我却不能给你我全部
这一次我们都能很幸福

Translation: Lately- You’ve been very quiet lately. What’s wrong? Why?
Is there something that’s making you unhappy?
I heard that you’re very lonely lately. A little confused, a little lost
But I can’t be by your side right now.

What you want, I can’t give you
There are some parts of me I cannot give you
What I do give you, that’s not what you want to possess
We are not a good match but we just can’t call it quits
How many times have we held each other wanting to cry?

You [*I] often say all this that had happened is only the beginning,
But I [*You] feel like all of this had ended a long time ago
I don’t want to end this but I also don’t want to hurt anymore
Next time there will be an easier way

(I) LOVE, but I can't give you everything whole-heartily
This time, it is possible for both of us to be happy

(Love Tales No.2) Holding On

2007-04-26T08:47:00.000+08:00

(Issue 49) Take Care, Cricà.

2007-04-25T16:42:00.000+08:00

I am postponing the publishing date for most of my blog articles, as they would reveal that I am presently back in Singapore. I also decided to keep this trip low key, as there are only two purpose to this trip, one of which is business related while the other is personal. One of my closest soulmate is leaving for Taiwan for a year or two and this gradually lessen the chance of us meeting up again when I return to Singapore, therefore I am going to delicate most of my personal time to him.

Our friendship started in the most awkward way, but we later become friends who club and drink together, check out cute guys, speak our minds and feelings freely to one another and not forgetting constant bitching. Thank you for being there for almost all of the time I feel down. It would not be easy now that we are still quite uncertain how frequent he can go online but I am sure our friendship will last.

Both of us click in many ways but ironically it seems that both of us do not know how to handle our relationship problems when we were placed in a situation of a possible one-sided love, and many times our advises for one another is like the blind leading the blind. However I do realize that no matter what logical advise might be said to us by anyone, we will still always choose to follow our heart and guts, and live by our own decisions, regardless it is right or wrong. I guess it is because every sentence or expression has it's positive and negative sides, the important thing is that we are able to live by it and not live to regret not doing it.

I guess our friendship had became special as he had become another essential type of listening ear every fortunate gay man wishes to have. They are those that we could ask for advises, which straight men can never understood, and be slightly drama over our relationship matters without be prejudice by. 'Love, Care and Concern' is shown for one another, but it is of a different type we give to our lovers. I guess if we were to remain single when we are old (spit, better not), we know that we have each other to depend on, a "Sisterly Love".

Thanks, Cricà. Take Care, Safe Journey and Remember to Follow your Heart.

Coming to terms with (having one less pal to club with)Me, (checking out cute guys by)Myself and (will miss u and the things we do)I.

Dancing to one of his favourite driving dance tunes: Madonna - Get Together
Can we get together, I really, I really wanna be with you
Come and check it out with me, I hope you, I hope you feel the same way too

I searched, I searched, I searched my whole life
To find, find, find the secret, But all I did was open up my eyes
Baby we can do it, we can do it all right

Do you believe that we can change the future
Do you believe I can make you feel better

Not the original video, it's a mix done by frantonio

(Love Tales No. 2) A Place to Run to

2007-04-24T08:38:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

Part 3 of 5Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 04:09 AM

Mom was offering joss-sticks to Dad's tablet when I reached home at nine. Mom has been a widow since Dad lost his battle with cancer when I was fifteen. She raised my brother and me up to the best that she could, juggling two jobs at the same time. Fortunately, my brother and I are working now to support the family so that she can retire. Mom may be nearing sixty but she spends a lot of time in the People's Association, helping out with the grassroots and old folks. I always admired Mom for her courage and exuberance and I was determined to age gracefully like her.

"Mom!" I called out excitedly and hugged her from behind.

She gave a yelp in surprise and laughed when she saw me. "Aiyoh, Alvin. You frighten me out of my wits. I thought it was a thief or something."

Mom paused for a while to scrutinize my features and noted, "You have grown thinner. Did Wayne ill-treat you?"

I burst out laughing at her question. "No lah. He treats me very well. And for the record, we didn't have a quarrel."

She paused and studied my expression. "I can see you are telling the truth. Go and have a bath, first. I will lay out dinner for you."

I sighed in delight, "I miss your food. I can smell curry chicken from here."

Mom gave an affectionate pat on my shoulder. "Hurry up, wash up. We'll talk later."

*

"Hmm, the sesame paste tastes like heaven."

Mom was beaming as my compliments flew. "So how are things between Wayne and you?"

"Fine. It's just that his parents flew down from Indonesia this week to bunk up with us. Wayne told his parents about us, so it's quite understandable that they are particularly hostile towards me. They need time to absorb the news and accept us."

Mom sat beside me and said, "So how is Wayne treating this?"

"He has been very supportive towards me but I don't want him to fall out with his parents. They raised him up and gave their best for him, after all. Your son wouldn't fall for a heartless cad. Wayne loves his parents too, but he also wants them to accept us. Wayne's parents are protective, though."

Mom understood. "You must see from their point of view. It isn't easy for them to accept such a relationship."

I nodded and placed my palms over Mom's wrinkled hands to show my unspoken gratitude for her understanding.

"When your father died, I know how it feels like to lose your loved one. I wanted to leave this world as well but the two of you gave me a reason to fight hard. It came to me that nothing was more important than seeing my two sons happy. I will try hard to make you two happy but you are ultimately responsible for your choices and happiness. Seeing the two of you with your loved ones, I will be able to answer to your father when I meet him in Heaven."

My eyes were brimming with unshed tears. Mom really fought hard for us. I knew how devastating it must be for her to bear the pain of seeing her eldest son unable to give her a grandson.

"Mom, I wished I could make it less painful for you but I love Wayne this much."

She nodded. "I know that. If you think Wayne can give you the happiness, you have all my support. I only want you to be happy."

I hugged her and wept in cutting regret. "Thank you. I don't deserve you."

"You have always been good to me. You took care of the family when your father died."

"I didn't do my job well."

"Nonsense. Look at your brother, he is happy with his work and his girlfriend. You took part-time jobs for him to send him to University. He owes you that."

Mom and I hastily wiped our tears and steered to more cheerful conversation. My phone rang when I was asking how Mom was doing as a volunteer at the People's Association. It was Wayne.

"Alvin, I am picking you up from your house. You are coming back with me today. My parents will apologize for changing the house locks and keys."

I stood up frozen. "You confronted them?"

"No. When I came back and found the keys and locks changed, I called the house phone and asked them to stop this nonsense. We had a good talk and I promise you they won't threaten you in any way."

My heart was palpitating. "I am very doubtful about the 'good talk' part. I am afraid they would misunderstand me even more. Wayne, you and I need to talk to them. I mean it."

"I am taking the lift to your house now. We'll talk later?"

I hung up with the ominous knowledge that the situation were getting bleaker. For the first time, I felt lost and scared that love wasn't enough to conquer the obstacles. I looked at Mom helplessly and heaved a gusty sigh. I didn't really know what to do.

I was too tired to think. Everything I did seem to have backfired.

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

(Issue 48) Conclusion of mine

2007-04-23T15:51:00.000+08:00

Having jotting down all my experience, all the wonderful moments came running back into my mind and brighten up my day. Having able to forgive, our past disputes and conflicts had appeared to be very insignificant. Yes I did mentioned that I am sorry and regretful to many, for it is because I wasn't sure if I was forgiven. It is often we see the mistakes other did and not reflect back on ourselves. Isn't it always easier to forgive one another when you learn that you are not perfect yourself?

I am a perfectionist, however I came to realize that everyone is not perfect, and with true love and willingness to compromise, you lover slowly and eventually becomes perfect enough, after all 'perfect' is a standard set by your own mind.

There is not point changing a person into someone you would for, for what he is not, with compromise and loving him for what he is, your love will grow stronger and healthy, as there is no mask to put on or worries that he would go back to his old ways. Why not settle for second best than to suffer looking for that perfect one?

Love is when you find out that you still care for that person, even after you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship. For once I can truely say I did not let myself or him down because I love them with my true heart.

Some people find it superficial to forgive the ones who hurt you the most, but had you realize that most of the times you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches? Many times we thought we had moved on, many or us fail to differentiate whether they are back walking on their feet or actually covering the distance on their knees.

The only thing I regret not doing is not things I could have done to save the relation, because I had always been true to myself and know the decision is mine and I have to live with it. The regret would actually be not having a diary to jot down all the simple things we had done together everyday, that had actually put a smile on my face. This diary would then be the best Love Story ever written, only because I can related to the feelings I had truely experienced, and know that it is not any fantasy.

I have to thank everyone in my life, because I believe "Everyone who got where he is, has had to begin where he was". I may not be as positive and able love without regrets if it wasn't for every single one of you. Heartbreaks are bound to appear but as long as we are aware that life has to go on and slowly build the strength to mend our hearts at our own pace, we see the better light of our life.

Coming to terms with (walking at my own pace and enjoying every scene and fresh air with every step I take) Me, (accept everyone for who he is) Myself and (simple and non-perfect) I.

Singing loudly and dancing to the tunes of: Whitney Houston - Step by Step
And this old road is rough and ruined
So many dangers along the way
So many burdens might fall upon me
So many troubles that I have to face
Oh, but I won't let my spirit fail me
Oh, I won't let my spirit go
Until I get to my destination
I'm gonna take it slowly cuz I'm making it mine

Step By Step (you know I'm taking it), bit by bit,
stone by stone, brick by brick, Step by step, day by day,
mile by mile), go your own way.

Say it, baby, don't give up
You got to hold on to what you got,
Oh, baby, don't give up,
You got to keep on moving on don't stop.
I know you're hurting, and i know you're blue,
i know you're hurting but don't let the bad things get to you.

(Love Tales No. 2) Outcast

2007-04-22T08:28:00.000+08:00

(Issue 47) Cinq: solitaire: Insecte

2007-04-21T13:19:00.000+08:00

I return to Singapore feeling Great and Single, things went smoothly during this vacation break of mine, and I was surprise that I manage to cut off all desires to start a relationship, well, at least until 3 days before I return to China.

During my vacation, several rejections were made and I was proud of myself. I was having my last clubbing night with all my friends and my "Femme" (shorthand for the Fashionable Female version of Me) before I leave for work again. Everyone was happy for me, being able to tide over the relation everyone would had thought it would last. Knowing that it would be another six months before I could party again, a friend who decided to help me get my flirting mood back on track again. I was barely interested.

Things changed when he appeared beside me, and I quickly took up my friend's changellge to make a move on him. It was not long before we kissed, maybe even before knowing his name, Nete. The kiss was passionated and I started to panic as the game went beyond my expectation. Quickly I turned to my "Femme" for her most honest opinion, "Bro, just take the offer (ONS) as long as you make it clear that you will be flying off soon. But remember not to put in any feelings and get yourself hurt again." Well, basically that is what I want to hear, so we headed home after the club closes.

Sweet Nete offered to cook something light for me while I was showering. We only manage to wake up in the late afternoon and his friends dropped by with lunch around dinner time. We all sat around and chatted, then they offer to have me tag along to watch a movie together, one event followed by another. I woke up to a familiar face again, and nothing feels better than to watch Nete sleep. I managed to change into something fresh before heading out to meet my friends a 12 hours prior to my flight back. He tagged along.

Everyone was fun, and soon we realize that all our together time had to come to an end as I was hours away from my flight, the heavy downpour made it harder as it was a perfect excuse to remain under the sheather longer.

It was until I was lying on the bed at home, the unwanted lonely feeling that I had been trying to avoid for the past few months hit me again. I quickly called my "Femme" on speed dial and you can sense the strong tone of "I warned you so" in every word she said.

I was happy that he thought there is a possibility for us but I was quickly pulled back into the reality that I am not ready for another tedious LDR. I blamed myself as I mislead him badly, and felt more guilty after knowing more things about him. Although I beat around the bush, but I was sure the rejection was hard. The entire story would take hours to elaborate but we know one way or another the timing was simply wrong.

Nete, smiles, I do hope that we can be friends as promise and do not feel awkward when we next meet each other.

Coming to terms with (guilty) Me, (should have taken my "Femme" seriously) Myself and (lost) I.

Singing to the tunes of: 周杰伦 - 退后
我知道你我都没有错, 只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺, 全被时间扑了空
我知道们都没有错, 只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情会一定带去

Translation: Step Back - "I know neither you nor I were wrong,
Its just that we only forgot to step back.
Pledging sincerely with the promise,
but yet failed to get what I want by time

I know we are not wrong
It is only that we will be better off letting go
The most beautiful love, will continue in my memory"

(Love Tales No. 2) Hand in Hand

2007-04-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Stigma82. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

(Part 1 of 5) Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 12:08 PM
To my dearest mom for everything. I love you.

Would I be standing here
After all these years
Among the stars above
Maybe not, if it wasn't for your love
Smiling faces all around
Like when a king that has just been crowned
A battle has been won
That I'd have lost
If it wasn't for your love
A fairy tale unfolds
More true than stories I've been told
At last my chance to shine
And all in perfect time
The life I once dreamed of
Who'd have thought
If it wasn't for your love
And oh the wonderful surprise
To have a light so bright it blinds my eyes
And finally I see, how it feels to live a dream
But would I have touched the sky
Ever flown so high
No not i, if it wasn't for your love

Heather Headley : If It wasn't for your love

I closed the door gingerly, careful not to let the jingle of the keys rouse Wayne's parents. My eyes peered into the darkness of the living room and I was immediately reassured by the emptiness of the house.

They are out for dinner. Thank God.

Without wasting a minute, I dragged my tired body as fast as I could to my room, picked up a new set of clothes and headed straight to the bathroom to ease the fatigue gathered from today's hectic work. Fearing that I would bump into Wayne's parents, I quickly showered and rushed straight to the comforting privacy of my room. I dried my hair with the towel and propped myself on the bed, massaging my aching muscles. I dimmed the light from the table lamp and closed my eyes.

My mind silently whispered, "This is only going to be for a week. I can do it for both Wayne and my sake."

Just when my eyes were on the verge of closing, the creaking sound of the door woke me up. I recognized Wayne's familiar voice and he sounded a little frustrated, "Mom and Dad, you know I am not going to talk to you about this. I know it is hard for you to accept Alvin but I am already 35. I am old enough to know what I want."

Wayne's mom cried, "Can't you change for us? You are the eldest and I expect you to be more sensible. I thought you were only confused for a period but now it seems you are very serious with that guy."

Wayne groaned, "It's been five years now. Haven't you given up? I thought the two of you had understood us. You know, I was initially against the idea of the four of us bunking together but Alvin pleaded me to do it. He doesn't want the two of you to stay in a hotel. The hostile way you treated him at dinner yesterday was really uncalled for."

"Wayne, how can you talk to us in this manner? We are your parents! We naturally want what is good for you." The anger in Wayne's father was blatant in his inflection.

There was a pregnant silence and it was defused abruptly by Wayne. "I can give in to you on anything but in matters that concern my personal happiness, I am sorry. I love the two of you all and I know it hurts to have a homosexual for a son, but this is who I am. I am happy about who I am."

A shuffle of footsteps followed. Wayne's dad called out, "Where do you think you are going?"

Wayne replied, "I am going to Alvin's room to sleep tonight. I think I really need him after all this angry talk. By the way, he paid for the air-con in the guest-room for the two of you to have a nice stay. I don't think he deserves any of the nasty things you said to me in the lift."

Just before Wayne pushed open the door to my room, I switched off the night lamp and pretended to fall asleep. Wayne closed the door slowly with a heavy sigh. He looked tired and depressed as he loosened his tie and sat beside me.

Wayne bent down and gave an affectionate peck on my cheeks. "Why, pretending to fall asleep?" I opened my eyes and knew I couldn't fool Wayne. I clasped his face and we exchanged a full kiss that reminded me how much I love him. My eyelids fluttered open as I smiled and said, "Thank you."

He arched an eyebrow and stroked my nose. "Why thank me?"

"For standing by me and defending me in front of your parents. I am so sorry to cause so much unhappiness between you and your family."

He edged closer and rested the full length of his body beside mine. Taking me into his arms, he caressed my hair and said softly, "Don't be silly. It's my choice to be with you."

I drew closer and said, "Do you regret it?"

He frowned. "No, of course not. We've been together for five years. I don't regret a single moment. The happiness is real."

His declaration sent an arrow of poignancy inside me. My eyes became wet as I added, "I never regret it as long as you are happy."

He grinned. "That's why I love you so much. You can stomach a boring, average-looking guy like me."

I chuckled and smeared my tears. "I am no hunk either. It's not a beauty contest. I just want a simple guy who has the right attitude. You fit the bill."

"Sometimes I wonder what a cute guy like you is doing with me," he confessed honestly.

"Don't you know the most beautiful people are the least insecure?"

Wayne rolled his eyes and laughed wryly. "I should count myself so lucky."

I drew his lips into an urgent kiss that warmed my cheeks instantly. The heat and the exquisite gentleness of the slick friction between our rolling tongues took our breath away. Wayne moaned in pleasure as I slipped my hands down and cupped his thickening bulge.

"I confirm my statement once again: I am lucky." He sighed.

My tongue swirled around his earlobe slowly. "I love you for your sense of humour."

His eyelids fluttered shut as he gasped, "Please continue with your compliments."

My palm sneaked under his shirt and stroked the wide expanse of his chest. His breathing accelerated as I tongued his right nipple in deliberate slowness. I unbuttoned his shirt to rain kisses softly on his smooth torso and nipped gently the soft skin around his navel.

Wayne proposed seductively, "Can I expect more to come?"

I faced him and smiled apologetically, "No. Your parents are here."

"That's what you said yesterday."

I kissed him lightly and he groaned in sexual frustration. "You wouldn't want your parents to hear you moaning in ecstasy, right? They will shoot you in the head."

"Six more days to release," he grunted.

I nodded and laughed. "Yes, just six more days. Come on, be a considerate son."

"It's hard. The pun is intended, FYI." Wayne gyrated his hips playfully against mine.

I sympathized with his agony. "I am sorry. I wish I could help more but it's D-I-Y in the toilet."

"Yes, dear. But can you give me some more kisses? Hot, long ones." Wayne implored pitifully like a puppy.

"Your wish is my command," I lowered my head and continued to show him how much I love him.

Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Stigma82. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.

(Issue 46) Quatre: séparé: Petit

2007-04-19T05:34:00.000+08:00

I wasn't very much prepared to fall back in love after my 'in between relation' with Savur, as I was revaluing myself and wondering what is the reason behind my thrice failure in being a couple. I was also enjoying my single hood with my soul-mates clubbing and club-hopping all around town, and then it happened.

We party all night long over at Happy and decided to hop over to Onxy for another round of booze and dance. And it was there when one of our friends happen to bump into Peit. He introduced himself to each and everyone of us and by the time he approached me to introduce himself, the door bitch is ready to accept my cold hard cash, but this unfamiliar hand, pushed it away with his credit card. I objected the offer but the senseless door bitch, still charged my entry on him.

He insisted on paying the tab and as a friendly gesture I brought him drinks. However, it didn't stop him from outdoing me, as he didn't stop the flow of drinks on his own tab. I was high and drunk sooner than I thought. It was at the end of the party when we decided to kick some alcohol out of my head by walking a distance to take a cab. That was when he introduced himself in depth.

Before we headed home, he asked for my number and we exchanged. After which was our countless dates and courtship. We became an item soon enough and things moved smoothly with him and his straight friends. However the commonalities among of of his friends is that they would warn me not to hurt Peit or play with his heart. I was relieved everytime I heard this remark, as it could also meant that he is a good catch. I was more than ready to commit myself into a serious relationship that would last forever in my mind.

Although we often argue but either one of us will take the initiative to compromise, everything was smooth and we even took holidays trips together to neighboring countries. Our relation was then put into a test when we were separated as I have to change my work environment from Singapore to China. We were separated by 3 hours flight and soon realize that trust and faith comes in more than compromise in a Long Distance Relationship.

I was touched by his gesture to fly over and visit me for a week even when I did not have anytime to accompany him. I was more than impressed by his attitude towards my dad and sister over in China, who knew my sexuality but decided to keep it to themselves. However, Peit gave me a call days after our one year anniversary. I was shocked by his question on "What will I do to satisfy my needs?", I was shocked and I told him that I hardly hard time for myself which he can tell from his visit to China. But the more important statement came after my reply, "It is difficult to have a bf who is not physically there for you went you need him,....Let's breakup". I forgot everything he said in between those sentences, as I start to realize that his first question wasn't about sexual needs alone, there is this emotional and physical presence I couldn't give him. "Peit, I'm sorry, but it is not the right moment to discuss about this. Please think it over and I will call you back in an hour".

I was buying time as I didn't want him to make any rush decisions. However at the same time, I was also more than ready to let go, as I couldn't bear to see the one I love suffer. It seems selfish of me to hold on to him when I can't provide what he wants. I return the call and he was firm with the decision. I agreed and we parted peacefully.

Peit, I learned a lot about compromise, trust and faith from you and also know my limits as a boyfriend. Glad that you came into my life and gave me those wonderful memories I will hardly forget.

Coming to terms with (still working overseas) Me, (am not ready to commit in any relation yet) Myself and (content with my present status) I.

Singing in the rain to the tunes of: 蔡依林 - 柠檬草的味道
"毕竟用尽了力气也未必如愿总是要过去以后才了解
突然我记起你的脸爱不爱不过一念之间
绕一圈今天的我能和昨天面对面

我们都没错只是不适合亲爱的我当时不懂得
选择是我的不是你给的明天自己负责"

Translation: Smell of Lemon Grass - "After all, I might not get what I wanted even if I used all my strength
I always only understood after the event has passed
Suddenly I remembered your face
To love or not is simply depends on a thought; I traveled around once
Today, I can face myself from yesterday

We are not wrong; we are just incompatible
My dear; I don't understand at the time
The choice is mine; it is not what you gave me
I have to be responsible for my own tomorrow"

(Love Tales 1) Part 14 Conclusion (End)

2007-04-18T19:12:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Oct 11 2005, 12:50 AM
Hendrix was standing outside his BMW with a bouquet of purple tulips when JD walked out of his apartment. JD smiled and shook his head when he saw Hendrix, he walked towards Hendrix and Hendrix said with a big smile, "For you, I am still figuring what type of flowers do you like?"

JD quipped, "I am not a girl lah, why kept sending me flowers? Anyway, I like roses, red to be specific." Hendrix opened the car door for JD and said, "Ok! Got it. You will receive a bouquet of red roses everyday from tomorrow onwards."

JD had a very enjoying chat with Hendrix on the way to his office, he felt comfortable knowing Hendrix on a deeper level. He was thankful that Hendrix is here for him. They agreed to do dinner later that night.

JD walked briskly to his cubicle with the eye catching bouquet, attracting the stares and admiration from his colleagues. Before he could sit down at his seat, Robbie came rushing over, "Flowers again? Whoa, this time is purple tulips! What is his profession? Florist?"

JD gave a light slap on Robbie's palm and said sweetly, "Don't be such a bitch! He is in the legal practice, mind you." "Oh, what's the big deal? As if he is going to press charges against me for saying he might be a florist. FYI, I have dated lawyers as well!" Robbie bitched back.

Both of them were joking when Kai walked pass, ignoring them even when Robbie called out to him. Robbie looked at JD with a knowing look and asked, "He is now officially a defeat in this game. Serves him right for fooling around so often. I definitely stand by your decision to choose that florist!"

JD was on the phone when he saw Kai walked over to Robbie's cubicle, he looked at his watch and saw it was already evening. Curiously, JD walked over after he got off the phone. He overheard their conversation.

"Robbie, I know you must have said something nasty about me to JD. I don't appreciate that. What had happened between us was essentially a one night stand, you know jolly well. When that night was over, we were over. You shouldn't have tried to drive a wedge between me and JD!"

"Kai, you think too highly of yourself. I had ONS with you simply because I was horny that time. Nothing more! Furthermore, you don't need me to play the hypocrite, JD can see through you himself. He is not like those you had fooled with, JD is a smart boy. FYI, the hunk he is seeing now is way better than you, your highness!"

JD decided not to disturb them and walked silently back to his cubicle. He had always suspected that Robbie might had flings with Kai before but never had the chance to confirm his suspicions. But he did not felt angry towards Kai either. After Kai pushed him to the floor and left him at the park last night, he knew this guy is definitely not for him.

He started packing up, with a smile on his face. He is looking forward to the dinner date with Hendrix, his first official dinner date with Hendrix.

"Finally, we got to do dinner. This is our first date! I hope you see it as a date too!" Hendrix said excitedly when he picked JD up later.

"Yes, this is our first dinner date and more to come if you perform well tonight." JD replied with a wink. "I will make sure I give my best performance!" replied Hendrix. Both of them smiled at each other and drove off in Hendrix's silver BMW.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Issue 45) Trois: rêveur: Saveur

2007-04-17T00:16:00.000+08:00

Savur was my first in between and the story begins at Happy again. I was clubbing and having fun, after deciding to brave the audience who seen my 'stage-play' I had with Ensoé a couple of weeks ago. It was towards the end of the night that Cason told me that there is this cute guy at the bar drinking with a girl. I can tell from Cason face how interested he was, and at the very next moment, Cason asked me to approach him and introduce the both of them.

Deep in my mind was, what the heck, nothing could be even more embarrassing than what had happened the other night. So I approached him and introduced myself and he replied, "Hi, I am Savur", with an accent, and from this close distance I realized his charm. I followed the conversion with a survey on his status, etc. Then soon after I hinted Cason it is time to step in, and I introduced the both of them and excuse myself to the loo. When I return, Cason wanted me to help him get Savur's number while he excuse himself to the loo. "Savur, Cason is interested in you and wishes to have your number. Do you mind?" Savur gave me his number and when I am about to leave the bar, he got hold of me and ask, "Hey, what is your number then?" I felt flattered and gave him my number.

To my surprise, I received a message from Savur the next night while I was partying with my "Femme" (shorthand for the Female version of Me), I asked him about Cason but the topic was changed by this with his charming flirting. By the end of the night, he drop the question, by asking me to join him over at Sentosa, as he and his "Femme" got a free room from the groom and bride. I decided to drop by since there is someone else present.

We spent our night at the beach, laying on deck chairs, looking at the stars and drinking a heavy mix of alcohol. The night was beautiful but sunrise came in an hour or two. I decided to head home as the bright sun shone upon my tired and half sober face.

It was soon we started going out for simple meals and both of us make sure that we do not mention the word "Love" even as we sang our favorite tune "Fly to the Moon". things went smoothly and we were sure whether to confirm one another. Both of us Sagi, found our commonalities and topics. He occupation had always been my dream and his office is breath-taking.

Soon we found out that we have a unexpected common 'friend', which leads to mild embarrassment. Things started to change slowly, there was an unexpected drift, but since we did not commit, at least things were not so awkward for us. We soon became friends which you meet at least once a year for a simple dinner alone together. Although the hugs and kisses were gone, but that special care for one another is still present.

Coming to terms with (sometimes it is better to remain as friends than partners) Me, (had wondered what things would be like being a couple) Myself and (my secret affair everyone heard of but doesn't have a face to attach it to) I.

Smiling happily every time I hear: Frank Sinatra - Fly me to the moon
Fly me to the moon, And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like, On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand, In other words darling kiss me

Fill my life with song, And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for, All I worship and adore
In other words please be true, In other words I love you

(High Defination 5) Dirt

2007-04-16T07:42:00.000+08:00

Featuring: Courteney Cox as Lucy Spiller, Will McCormack, Ian Hart, Josh Stewart, Laura Allen & Jeffrey Nordling.

Show Category: Drama

About the Show:Courteney Cox stars in this new drama from FX, and also acts as an executive producer. The series follows the exploits of Lucy Spiller, an executive editor at two tabloid magazines. Lucy possesses the power to manipulate the lives of celebrities through the articles she prints in the magazine.

My Comments (4/5): Monica Courtney Cox is ready to make people forget about her Friends character with her new role as a ruthless tabloid editor who uses threats to make sure that her people run the magazine well. It shows how far you can go in order to get the story done even at the expense of others. If you are looking into Drugs, Sex, Lies and Scandal, this is your show. Her best quote,"As much as you all hate to admit it, you need me."

13episode is rather short for their first season, however they manage to make u excited over the second season by reuniting old 'Friend', Jennifer Aniston into the show with a couple of unsolved twist at Season's One Finale.

TV Promo:

(Issue 44) Deux: lascif: Ensoleillé

2007-04-15T07:50:00.000+08:00

Was alone in 'Happy' again, enjoying the scenes of cute guys while dancing to the tunes of George, when two guys took the courage to approach to disturb my alone time with my Cosmopolitan. I politely return them return with an unwelcoming smile and looked away to ignore their presence.

However, my hints weren't clear enough, as they continue their pursue by dancing around me. I tried to shift myself away from my favorite position (leaning against the wall, one step into the the dance floor where cute half naked guys on the podium can be clearly seen) but was 'trap' by them. So I politely pushed them aside and try to enjoy the music will hanging on to my Cosmo just in case it spill on my white top.

Ensoé quickly took this opportunity to introduced himself and his friend, Ax. He told me that Ax is interested in getting to know me. I was smiled and introduced myself and continue my dance. Ax, got the hint and was prepared to move away, but Ensoé grasp Ax by the hand and showed off his skills. He continue dancing around me and brushes my hand with his. I quickly sallowed the entire glass Cosmo in one single breathe and pass the server my empty glass, as I could wait to insert both my hands into my own jeans pocket. Ensoé started to change his tactics to having small talks. I replied, I guess after all it is the flattery that refrained me from walking out the club or shoo him off in his face.

What interested me was not their appearance, but Ensoé confidence and 'cockiness'. You can see from their gestures that Ax takes Ensoé lessons seriously, like a student to a teacher. As I was replying to my sms, Ensoé asked for my number and I didn't hesitate I gave a fake, an being an 'expert' he reached for my phone, gave himself a missed call and replied " This is my number". Surprise, shocked and amused, he attracted me in some weird way.

Messages started coming for the passed few days. I was alone and trying to recover from my past relation with Cason, therefore I agreed to go on a first date. He was sweet and caring, which leads to subsequent dates. Our dates become sweeter and everything was perfect, as he was caring and loving. The weird thing is that every time I bunk over, there is the presence of his room mate, therefore I restricted our moments to pure kissing only. What didn't match was also our sex drive, my desire was low (maybe because that was why I wasn't attracted to him the first place, not that he is below average but he is just not my type). The other reason to my low drive was the presence of his room mate and male landlord. Slowly this drift us apart, and even was the topic among his friends. I just replied them that I am aware of satisfying the needs (but what they didn't know is that I have to do it at my own comfort zone).

Soon, I found out that he wasn't a "Vanilla". I got afraid and decided to move on without him. As it was the first time for me to request a breakup, I didn't know what to do. At first our messages started to turn cold from my side, then after a couple of days I called and asked for a breakup. Things didn't turn out great, in fact it was ugly.

As the weekend approached, his friend Ax asked me for a drink, and since I was already planning to head down to Happy alone, I accepted his offer. It was then I happened to bumped onto Ensoé and we provided the customers with a bit of daytime soap opera.

Ensoé, up till now I am still very sorry for breaking your heart and I hope we can be friends again, or at least forgive me. But again, every time, I bump into you, I shy off as I worry of the drama we would create, but deep down inside I want to say I am truly sorry for what I had done.

Coming to terms with (feeling blue) Me, (still get over it) Myself and (apologetic) I.

Feeling apologetic : Blue - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
What I got to do to be heard?
What do I say when it's all over?
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

It's sad, so sad, It's a sad, sad situation.
And it's getting more and more absurd.
It's sad, so sad, Why can't we talk it over?
Oh it seems to me, That sorry seems to be the hardest word.

(Booty Shaking 15) Louis Vuitton Limited Designs Series

2007-04-14T21:35:00.000+08:00

Louis Vuitton had been always famous for their classic Monogram designs, however in 2005, Marc Jacobs and Japanese Artist Takashi Murakami (Murakami is considered one of the leaders of Japanese Neo-Pop. Famous for his colorful and cheerful enigmatic work) came out with their highly sought after limited edition Louis Vuitton Cherry Blossom Cerises, followed by their hard to find (sold out everywhere) brown and pink combo with printing of the cherry blossoms - the symbol of spring in Japan.

This year, Marc Jacobs came out with their "The Groom" that represents the “Spirit of Travel” for Men.

Years before that, Louis Vuitton came out with a patchwork picture design sewn from fabics of their various leather works. (I am unsure of the designer then and the series name, however I still manage to find 3 of their designs on the net). This year, Marc Jacobs came out with their "Louis Vuitton Tribute Patchwork Bag", which cost USD45,352, probably one of the World’s Most Expensive Handbags. I say probably because we all know that anything is possible in the accessory industry and it’s pretty easy to get up to that dollar figure - crocodile leather diamond encrusted Hermes Birkin. Personally I would go for the Birkin, but who knows some people prefer trendy (erm, can I call this bag trendy?) over classics, such as a bag from the House of Hermes.

You are probably saying in your head, “Why so much?” Personally I don’t know why, this bag is just plain ugly in my eyes. This double sided bag is designed with a collage of 15 different Louis Vuitton Handbags from the LV spring / summer and cruise lines. Which I do like (a-l-o-n-e, not cut and collaged together)

And before entering Rehab, Marc Jacobs also feature a series of 'weird' designs in his show ranging from Monogram Denim Patchwork, Monogram Dentelle (LV monogram with 18th century lace and lurex embroidery), Polka Dots Fleurs & Navy and The Rivet Bags.

Could this be his downfall designs ever for a luxury brand or a big hit? Would anyone purchase for the Name rather than the design? I truthly wonder who is their Market targets for these designs? The Rich and Attention Seeking? I could understand their SOLD OUT 2005 Louis Vuitton Cherry Blossom Cerises, because at least it is Kawaii, but the 2007 range is simply a nightmare, haa. It's just my most honest opinion. My guess that they are fighting to get on the TOP 10 List LV had hardly entered, THE TOP TEN WORST BAGS EVER. Maybe this is another way of beating the LV FAKES because I doubt the 'fakers' wouldn't take the risk to produce such hideous designs.

(Issue 43) Un: joueur: Chanson

2007-04-13T10:55:00.000+08:00

I didn't realize until an hour ago that the lifespan of my first relation was actually less than a month instead of three months. I guess it was the wonderful memories Cason gave me that makes it almost never ending.

I remembered clearly the date we first met was also the first day I decided to step out of the closet. I wanted to experience the AJs clubbing scene to celebrate this day, therefore I took up an offer to a club outing with 'Sgy', someone I just knew from the internet. He arranged for me to meet up with his friends at a Hotel Lounge before heading down to 'Happy'.

There was an instant attraction as 'Sgy' introduce his friends to me, among which is a couple and a smart looking Cason. It was not long till I realize that 'Sgy' was also attracted to Cason, therefore I didn't pin any hopes that night. At the Lounge, we listen to live bands while slipping our martinis, out of a sudden I felt a hand touching my back as I was lying comfortably on the sofa. I paused and looked, it was Cason slipping his hand behind 'Sgy's' back, as he was sitting between us. There was a sudden rush and blush, as it was unexpected approach. I guess it was the skills of my flirting eyes that hinted him my interests.

We finished up our drinks and when Cason and his friends visited the toilet before heading out to Happy, 'Sgy' took the opportunity to ask if I was interested in Cason, as he could see his interest in me. I was delighted while awkward at the same time, my immediate response was "No, I am not". I was surprised it came out from my mouth but maybe it was to prevent any embarrassment as 'Sgy' took the courtesy to bring me out and I didn't know clearly whether there is any hidden relation between 'Sgy' and Cason.

Over at Happy, 'Sgy' got real drunk as it became clear that Cason was falling for a guy he brought along. I could understand that was hurtful to see someone you love, love someone you tag along for fun. I was sorry, so that night I restrain myself from any advances from Cason. However, when 'Sgy' visited the toilet, Cason quickly asked for my number. Without any thought, my number came out of my mouth sooner than I can 'regret'.

Actual dates followed the day after, from Karaoke Sessions with his friends to Clubs. We did even went to a fun fair and he even won me a stuffed puppy dog, it was so corny especially when we were taking the train back home (two guys in their 20s holding on the a stuffed dog, and for once we know that they are not looking at us because we are cute, haa). I would look forward to another day with him every night, and everyday seems to be sweeter than the other, however the bomb dropped when I received an unexpected message three days prior to his birthday.

"I'm actually kinda afraid tat u fall for me 2 much.. Im nt into any relationship now. N i can tell u r a nice guy. Is jus tat i wld say i treat u more like a gd frd than a lover, im sorry if tis sms had hurt u, but i dun want to lead u on further. Hope u understand.. im sorry walter. Pls forgive me..."

Tears rolled down at first, as I couldn't reached him for a verbal explanation, meet up or a follow up message. But after a couple of days, I re-read the message and start to wonder, did I misunderstood his friendship for a relationship? Was I ever his lover? Basically, what actually differentiate a "Lover" and a "Good Friend"? Could it be my desired to be loved that mistook his actions? Or is this simply a lousy breakup?

We happened to bumped into one another after a couple of months, instead of asking finding out the truth, we did not touch on that issue. I wanted him to tell me at his own timing. So we had a couple of drinks and appreciate other cute guys and the music.

Deep inside I was thankful that he did not choose to mislead me and draw a line. There are some things in life that are better left unsaid and unexplained, especially since you had already learned to make peace with it. What I got in return right now is a friend whom I don't mind meeting up to club once in a while.

Thanks my Cason, whether it was 'love' or 'friendship', I do feel special and fortunate during that period, and it will always be in my memories. Thank you for teaching me, how to love and how it felt to be loved. With this entry, I guess I can move one step further by deleting the sms he send from my phone. (Or am I, now that his message can been seen by the whole world and not me alone?) Haa.

Coming to terms with (the answer is no longer important to) Me, (glad for both him and) Myself and (moved on) I.

Singing to the tunes of: Faith Evans - My First Love
(couldn't find any video clip but here's the lyrics)

"Tell me how a thing that brings such joy can bring such pain
And how could something so wrong seem so right
We never had the chance to make it get better
We never said goodbye
I never wanna feel the pain of losing love again,
cause love just has a way of breaking down,
Next time I'm gonna pray that this will be better
The second time around,
So heres to love thats lost and found

I wont cry, no, I wont break down
Even though inside it hurts so bad
Next time I will make love last
Though you will always have a place in my heart."

However I do find another nice song as I was searching for the Faith Evans video.
This is the english version of Utada Hikaru's First Love: Jessa Zaragosa - First Love

(Love Tales 1) Part 13 To Love Or To Be Loved

2007-04-12T08:28:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Oct 7 2005, 10:35 PM

Kai was about to move towards to Hendrix when JD stopped him. He said in hushed tone, "Kai, please don't create a scene in public. Please control yourself, let's just go somewhere else to talk, I will get Hendrix to go back. Just the two of us, yah?"

Kai nodded and softened his tone, "Ok. Just the two of us. Let's go now." JD looked at Hendrix apologetically and explained, "Hendrix, I am really sorry about what had happened. I need to talk to Kai, I can't do dinner with you. I will call you again. I am really sorry!"

Hendrix shot a cold stare at Kai then turned to look at JD, said, "I understand. Are you sure you don't need me to be around? I am just a phone call away. Call me anytime if you need me." JD gave Hendrix a warm smile before leaving with Kai.

Kai drove JD to a quiet spot in Marina South and JD got out when the car stopped. Kai ran out to JD, held his hands and pleaded, "JD, please don't torture me like that. Talk to me! I promise you I will break off with my girlfriend and we will stay together as a couple. You will officially be my boyfriend. I mean it!"

JD shook his head slowly then replied, "So what? Kai, are you willing to tell our colleagues that we are an item? Will you tell them the truth that you leave your girlfriend for me? Are you ready to face others as my boyfriend? Getting committed in a gay relationship is not the same as flirting with gays. Let's just treat this as a dream and end this amicably."

Kai grabbed JD tightly and shouted in the silent night, "Why are you doing this to me? What do you want me to do? First, you want me to be gay and now you want me to be out as well? Are you toying with my feelings all these while? Don't think too highly of yourself!" Kai shoved JD aside, causing him to fall onto the hard concrete floor. Kai did not bother to look back and stormed off.

JD did not manage to get up immediately, he just sat there stunned. He had never saw the abusive side of Kai and he was surprised at Kai's behaviour. JD sat there for a good 10 minutes before picking himself up, Kai was nowhere in sight. JD tried walking but felt a sharp pain in his ankle, he thought to himself, "I must have hurt my ankle with that push."

JD looked around him and found the place to be dead and no one was in sight in the quiet park. He got a shock when his mobile rang, "JD, Hendrix here. Is it a good time to talk? Where are you? Did that guy behave inappropriately to you?"

JD felt a sense of relief and found himself overwhelmed with tears flowing down his cheeks, "Hendrix, I am at Marina South, I hurt my ankle..Can you come and fetch me home, please?" "What?! What happened? Don't worry, I am on my way now. Wait for me." Hendrix said anxiously.

Hendrix helped JD to his car and drove him home. He did not ask anything but said concernedly when they reached JD's apartment, "Apply some ointment on the sore ankle. Take a hot bath and sleep early. Remember, I am always a phone call away."

JD hugged Hendrix, who was surprised at the gesture. JD said appreciatively, "Thank you so much, Hendrix. Thank you for all you have done for me. I am really sorry that I have treated you shabbily. I am so sorry!"

Hendrix replied gently, "This is the best apology I ever got! Don't think too much. Go and sleep early." Before JD got off the car, he kissed Hendrix.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Issue 42) Don't Give Up

2007-04-11T07:38:00.000+08:00

Almost everyone has a past relationship, and there are many ways to handle them and these are the many ways I had tried to overcome them. Cried, drunk my sorrows, confine to a friend, lock myself up and etc, but ultimately it all ends the same way, a thought that wakes me up, telling me that "Sometimes without this heartbreak, I would not really know how much or how important the person meant to me, as humans tends to only appreciate things that are either lost or unreachable".

I once come across a blog that wrote: " Truth about Love
1) When your heart broke once, you are upset cos he is your everything...
2) When your heart broke twice, you know you can overcome it...
3) When your heart broke thrice, you know it is the usual path you would be facing...
4) When your heart broke 4th time, you are a bit dumb about love and have no more strength to carry on...
5) When you heart broke the fifth time, you know it is time to stop all misery and lead life as your fullest." Although I have only been into 3 relationships and many 'in-betweens', though they are all short lived, but hey definitely meant something to me, because I never fail to put in all my heart, feelings and emotions into it.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we been missing until it arrives, and this is the reason that makes me get up on my feet and carry on. No one can go back and make a brand new start. "once you've tasted love, you'll never find yourself going back to original singlehood or coupleship", but anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I would like to take the opportunity to mention my 3 past relations and 2 memorable "in betweens" that change my life. With it would be the worth of the "grains of sand" I pick up everytime I stand up from a fall.

I guess sometimes a door closes because it is time for you to move on and learn another "lesson", we grow and learn by the days, however, most of the time we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us. And maybe another reason why 'God' wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Don't worry, my next issues on my past relations won't be on the sad expects of the relations, but on the happiest moment we have together, because given a choice of your own, why wouldn't you want to re-live the happiest moments and learn from the hardship but to chose the vise-verse.

Coming to terms with (wanting to record down the good memories before I forget) Me, (jotting down notes I have learned in the past so that I won't be bitten by it again) Myself and (happy) I.

Singing to the tunes of: Josh Groban - You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)
Don't give up, It's just the weight of the world, When you're heart's heavy, I will lift it for you
Don't give up, Cuz you want to be heard, If silence keeps you, I will break it for you
Don't give up, It's just the hurt that you hide, When you're lost inside, I'll be there to find you
Don't give up, Because you want to burn bright, If darkness blinds you, I will shine to guide you
Don't give up, Because you are loved

(Surround Sound 10) Latter Days

2007-04-10T10:10:00.000+08:00

Actors: Wesley A. Ramsey, Steve Sandvoss and Rebekah Jordan

Synopsis: Christian (Wes Ramsey), a hunky, 20-something, West Hollywood party boy gets more than he bargains for when he tries to seduce 19-year-old Elder Aaron Davis (Steve Sandvoss), a sexually confused Mormon missionary who moves into his apartment complex. When Christian exposes Davis' secret sexual desire, Davis' rejects Christian for being shallow and empty, The encounter shatters each boy's reality and draws the two into a passionate romance that risks destroying their lives. Latter Days is a charming, sexy, and moving tale that will leave you believing in the transformational power of love.

My Comments (5/5): Truly touching movie with a clear and deep message about self acceptance, diversity in character, mindset & personalities and really about finding your true self. You can't help but to identify to some degree with them, regardless if you are a closet or vice-verse. It also enlightens us as to both sides of an ongoing issue: homophobia. It is a show to be recommended to everyone you know, and the DVD is definitely worth the keep. "Audiences, young and old and straight and gay, have been moved to tears by this beautiful story of the transformational power of love and family".

Trailer:

Watch Full Movie Online and YES it is FREE:
Latter Days: Side A Latter Days: Side B

Songs From the Movie:Nita Whitaker - Tuesday, 3:00 am
Warning full of spoilers...Catch the Movie first.

This song is not featured in the movie, however beautifully edited,
Trust me, this show is nothing like Bishonen, and way better).
Song: Evanescence - You

(Issue 41) Take Me For What I'm Worth

2007-04-09T19:42:00.000+08:00

Can we gage anyone's relationship commitment level from his behaviour and actions when he is Single? I personally do, but realise that it would be rather unfair, due to the different freedom and responsibilities both status offer. When we are single, we tend to explore into areas we are restricted during couplehood, as the only person we would have to answer to is ourselves.

With the temptation and freedom, our actions and decisions would tend to be different. However, is it fair to say that you will not be attracted to the same temptation when you are attached?

Another issue is that I was critised for having ONS, even it is only in my singlehood dayz. I believe that many of us moved into the territory of One Night Stand during Singlehood, while others condem the idea, but why tied yourself down to a statement that you can't foresee, as it would just leads to gossip or even "friends" testing your abilities to do so. I do envy the determination and mindset of these group and respect their decisions. Their contradictions to me is that "If you can't control your temptations during singlehood, what difference does it make when you are attached?".

I guess the difference is your love towards your partner that will prevent you from doing so, you will know which line can be cross and which have to be clearly drawn. Why One Night Stands questions your ability to commit during couple-ship? I believe that temptations would be stronger and harder to resist if it is something new to someone, but ultimately it all comes down to the mindset, faith and commitment of a person that speak for ones actions.

Coming to terms with (puzzled and confused) Me, (clearly aware of the lines to cross and not to) Myself and (why am) I (letting this issue getting into me once in a while now and then).

Dancing to the tunes of: Madonna - Nobody Knows Me [Aviddiva Remix]
No one's telling you how to live your life
But it's a setup until you're fed up
It's no good when you're misunderstood
But why should I care
What the world thinks of me
Won't let a stranger
Give me a social disease
Nobody, nobody knows me

(Booty Shaking 14) Dolce and Gabbana Fall 2007

2007-04-08T20:48:00.000+08:00

Love, Love, Love Domenico and Stefano for their clever uses of colors (mercury, bronze, brass, copper, gold and silver) to fit their Inspiration from Stanley Kubrick's innovative film, 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Kick start is three white Chic Astronaut's Jumpsuits to mark their theme. Notice their detailing from the buttons, belts and accessories. They never fail to add a spin of the highly charged homosexual spin to their style with a masculine touch to their clothes, that clearly define the beautiful structure of a man.

Inspirations are clearly shown from the neckline to the shoes, making man look good in shorts and trucks in the season of Fall. Attention are drawn to bulges with their how waist pants and body hugging suits, even a Heterosexual look tasteful in them.

Again, they used music from the hottest icons in the music scene, this time they moved on Madonna to Justin Timberlake with a great remix of "My Love" and "Damn Girl", and just when you think the show had end, they change the mood from futuristic pop to Orchestra sounds of the "On The Beautiful Blue Danube", with another 3 Jumpsuits on top of suits in colors of copper, bronze, gold. Fabulous.

Part 1:

Part 2:

(Issue 40) Singlehood

2007-04-07T11:16:00.000+08:00

Some say that couples do crazy things simply because they are in love, however my stand is that Singles does more crazy things to hide their discomfort with their status, and I am referring to those that desperately looking for love, either to spite their ex, peer pressure from his friends, afraid of growing old alone or desperately wants to be loved and cared.

Regardless of, whether it is to make him jealous or to make him regret his decision to dump, first and foremost, put yourself in the shoes of the innocent party you drag into your unresolved relationship, what goes around will eventually comes around to you one day. I prefer to come to a clean cut with my previous relationship, no matter how hurtful it could be, it doesn't means having zero contacts with him, but instead have a common understanding that the love for each other is different from the past and slowly accept each other as friends thru forgiveness, remember the good moments we once had together and blessed each other's future with grace. Once you learn to let go, you also learn how to handle difficult situations with 'better solutions', improving/controlling your flaws, understand what you are really looking for in your partner and love someone without comparison.

Others hurry love due to peer pressure from friends who had all 'coupled up' but him. I couldn't understand this pressure because many times these group of singles come back complaining that the couple are pretentious, incompatible, won't last long (and all the other sour grapes statements), while others complain that they are not as 'lucky' as their friends to have found their true love. Everyone knows that luck do sometimes appear, but if you do not learn how to grasp hold of the opportunity and appreciate it, luck can also slip away. Have they ever question those we envy about their endless commitments and compromises?

It is important for us to figure out why we rush for the search of love and come into terms with it.

On the other hand, I have come to know a number singles who are constantly searching for love while rejecting many hopefuls the same time. Their only aim is to look for a perfect guy through trial and errors. Could it be their worries of getting hurt by a "imperfect" guy or their fear of commitment that restrains them into taking the risk?

Many of them end up loving themselves less and start to give up hope, either because they couldn't understand why it is so difficult to find a "perfect" guy, while other grew tired due to the countless short term relationship he has been experiencing (either due to his own 'unacceptance' of the imperfect man or he got his karma back).

But I have a strong point to make, sometimes it's not the 'heart-breaker' that doesn't believe in the relation, many of the times the other party may not have realise that he is subconsciously sabotage the relation, lost faith and many other reasons that lead to the word 'breakup' from the one who loves you most, because sometimes letting you go is easier than you see you suffering.

If only they could understand that everyone inculding them have flaws, give up the thought of a perfect guy, trust their feelings that first attracts you to him (as long as it isn't the sex) and learn to work with each others flaws. Stop giving up a relation just because there are always a greener patch of grass out there. Why throw yourself back into single hood when you hate it so much?

I would like to make a stand that with all the above mentioned, I am not saying that we should give up on searching for love and remain single hood. Nor suggesting to force yourself remain in a relationship you have no feelings for.

These are just my opinions (either portraited as advises or criticisms), the most important thing is not to let anything or anyone affect your own decisions only because no one else but yourself is answerable to your own actions.

Things was seen with a clearer state of mind when I learn not to hate or regret the things I did, instead I forgive and learn from experience, and love myself just about enough to build up my confidence to love again when the next door open for me again.

Coming to terms with (enjoying single hood at the moment) Me, (stop, look, think and analyse before making another step) Myself and I (know I am not alone even when "I" am single, because there is always "Me" to love "Myself", haa).

Singing to the song: Whitney Houston - Unashamed
If I changed my mind, If I changed my faith,
Every time a stop light signaled, Each time I made mistakes
I dont think that i, Would be where I am today
I live my life without regrets, What you see is, What you see is, What you see is what you get

And im, Unashamed of the life I lead, Unashamed of the strength on my knees
Of choices Ive made, Of the love that Ive saved, Of the things Ive done, My belief in the one
Unashamed of the words of my friends, I know who they are, Make mistakes, make amends
Follow my instincts, my star, On my sleeve I wear my heart, Unashamed.

Adding up my life, it totals all my dreams
Im counting all my blessings, And the gifts I have received
Still theres always someone, Something to overcome
Took all my life to understand, That I am what I am, who I am
Unashamed

(This mtv is followed by a song by Whitney's Mother; Cissy Houston - Somebody should have told me)

(Love Tales 1) Part 12 Making A Decision

2007-04-06T10:50:00.000+08:00

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Oct 5 2005, 10:05 PM

JD stopped in his tracks, he turned back and asked, "What did you just say? Suffering? And you think I am not suffering from your lies? Kai, you have a live in girlfriend and I am just another play toy you flirt with, how could you be suffering?"

Kai shook his head furiously and repeated, "JD, I am really suffering. I am really in love with you. I have never felt this strong connection with another guy before. Yes, before you, there were guys and those were flings but I am really serious about you! All I am asking for is more time for me to work this out with my girlfriend. I can?t just break off with her like that."

JD looked at Kai's sorrowful eyes, he couldn't bear to see his ideal man looked so defeated but he has to maintain his stance, to protect himself and Kai. He said, "Kai, it is impossible between us. How are you going to break off with her? How am I supposed to handle the fact that I am a relationship wrecker? How long will you be with me till you find another strong connection girl?"

Kai had wanted to speak but JD cut him off, "Kai, thanks for the sweet moments we had but we are not meant for each other. Stay faithful to your girl, stop your flirtatious ways. You are not being fair to her." With that, JD walked out of the pantry.

Robbie came over to JD's cubicle during lunch and asked, "Lunch? I have an appointment at 2pm so we have to do a quick one." JD looked at Robbie and asked, "Since when I have agreed to be your lunch mate?"

"Quit bitching and get ready. I don't have all the time in the world to wait for you. See you at the lobby in 5 mins, I am going to the Gents to touch up." Robbie walked off immediately after his last sentence, leaving JD baffled.

Robbie was at his usual bitching ways during lunch, bitching about everyone from the receptionist to their superior. JD just could not believe how bitchy Robbie was when his thoughts were interrupted by Robbie's sudden change of tone, "So, tell me, you have totally rejected Kai's advances? He looked like shit today!"

JD replied, "There's nothing between us. Not before, not now and not in the future. Please don't ask me such things anymore." Robbie smiled and placed his palms on JD's, nodded and said, "I am glad you are able to break out of it, it's for your own good."

The rest of the day went peacefully especially since Robbie was out the whole afternoon. JD was about to pack up when his phone rang, "Hi JD, Hendrix here. Knocking off soon? Free for dinner?" JD replied with a smile, "Sure. See you downstairs in 10 mins?"

"I am already here. Downstairs at your building lift lobby." Replied Hendrix.

JD walked passed Kai's cubicle and did not bothered to stop to check on Kai. He knew he had made the right decision of not developing further with Kai. JD was about to enter the lift when someone called out to him.

He pressed the stop button and looked out and saw Kai. "JD, can we do dinner? Please?" Kai pleaded. JD shook his head and rejected, "No, I can't. I already have a dinner date, Kai. You saw him before."

Kai clenched his fist tightly, bit his lips and forced JD into the waiting lift. Once inside, he tried to control his anger unsuccessfully, he shouted, "Why are you doing this to me? Bring out another man to challenge me? You want me to be jealous? Ok! I am jealous! Happy?"

JD felt his anger boiled up as well, he argued, "Kai, you have no right to stop me from going out with other guys! We are not a couple. Hello, for Christ sake! You have a girlfriend and the maximum both of us went were pure sex! Animal instincts! Nothing more!"

When the lift door opened, JD stormed out with Kai followed closely behind. When Kai saw Hendrix waiting at the lobby, he went ballistic. He grabbed JD and pulled him to a quiet corner. "Tell me now! Is it that you will only be happy if I break off with my girlfriend this instant?" Kai said under his breath, barely audible.

Hendrix walked towards them, with a worried look. Kai had wanted to push Hendrix aside but was stopped by JD. "Don't be a brute, Kai! We are in the lobby, mind you!"

Hendrix said calmly, "Shall we go elsewhere to settle this? This is seriously not an ideal place to do this. You are Kai, right? I am sure you wouldn't want any of your colleagues to witness this awkward situation?"

"I don't need you to remind me, dude! This is between me and JD. Step out of this or you will be sorry!" Kai threatened.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Issue 39) Balancing Out

2007-04-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

I do find it strange that many people choose to remain single or in a relation not because they are enjoy the bits and pleasure of it. I think I am blessed with a pessimistic attitude that many admired. Although I couldn't deny the fact that I do fall many times, however it is how I get up from the fall that receive admiration and how I could put my past behind and enjoy the present. I do believe that in either phase there are something to rejoice about.

Recently I came across many situations that happened among my friends and learnt that many did not choose to be single and are unhappy about it and vise verse. I am shock about it, but I guess I couldn't comment because I am not in their shoes, however my point is that I would choose to change the situation rather than to hope for things to happen. Only because I think that since we have to live with our own way of life and nobody else, isn't it wise to make the best about it, instead of putting yourself in a miserable situation?

I see it as, when I am single I get to enjoy the things I complain about when I am attached and vise verse. I don't see the point of not enjoying it while I am given the chance to and regret that I didn't, because we can't get the best of both worlds, so I balance it out when I am in each different situation. This way when my situation change, it will not be in my "dislike" list as I had enjoyed the moment with no regrets, rather than to bring the issue up when you know that it is not suitable for the situation you are in. With a healthy balance, you won't feel left out nor be lead into temptation, because you know that you will be able to do it again when you are back in the other situation you "wished" you were in.

Remember it should be a party you should celebrate regardless when you single or in a relationship, just enjoy the "good"s while you are at it.

Coming to terms with (healthy balanced) Me, (compromising temptations my own way, without affecting my lover when I am in a relation or future lover when I am all by) Myself and (pessimistic) I.

Dancing to the beat of: The Cheetah Girls - The Party's Just Begun
Chillin' out, Break it down, That's the way we do it now
Attitude in the groove, Getting into something new
Say goodbye to yesterday, Future looking good to me
All together raise your hands, Time to party, time to dance

Party 'cause you know the future's all yours
Dance till your feet don't touch the floor
Celebrate the day you've waited for
Party like you're ready for so much more
Do it like you know it's never been done
Go a little crazy, have too much fun
Today's the day, come on everyone, The party's just begun