(Love Tales 1) Part 12 Making A Decision

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Oct 5 2005, 10:05 PM

JD stopped in his tracks, he turned back and asked, "What did you just say? Suffering? And you think I am not suffering from your lies? Kai, you have a live in girlfriend and I am just another play toy you flirt with, how could you be suffering?"

Kai shook his head furiously and repeated, "JD, I am really suffering. I am really in love with you. I have never felt this strong connection with another guy before. Yes, before you, there were guys and those were flings but I am really serious about you! All I am asking for is more time for me to work this out with my girlfriend. I can?t just break off with her like that."

JD looked at Kai's sorrowful eyes, he couldn't bear to see his ideal man looked so defeated but he has to maintain his stance, to protect himself and Kai. He said, "Kai, it is impossible between us. How are you going to break off with her? How am I supposed to handle the fact that I am a relationship wrecker? How long will you be with me till you find another strong connection girl?"

Kai had wanted to speak but JD cut him off, "Kai, thanks for the sweet moments we had but we are not meant for each other. Stay faithful to your girl, stop your flirtatious ways. You are not being fair to her." With that, JD walked out of the pantry.

Robbie came over to JD's cubicle during lunch and asked, "Lunch? I have an appointment at 2pm so we have to do a quick one." JD looked at Robbie and asked, "Since when I have agreed to be your lunch mate?"

"Quit bitching and get ready. I don't have all the time in the world to wait for you. See you at the lobby in 5 mins, I am going to the Gents to touch up." Robbie walked off immediately after his last sentence, leaving JD baffled.

Robbie was at his usual bitching ways during lunch, bitching about everyone from the receptionist to their superior. JD just could not believe how bitchy Robbie was when his thoughts were interrupted by Robbie's sudden change of tone, "So, tell me, you have totally rejected Kai's advances? He looked like shit today!"

JD replied, "There's nothing between us. Not before, not now and not in the future. Please don't ask me such things anymore." Robbie smiled and placed his palms on JD's, nodded and said, "I am glad you are able to break out of it, it's for your own good."

The rest of the day went peacefully especially since Robbie was out the whole afternoon. JD was about to pack up when his phone rang, "Hi JD, Hendrix here. Knocking off soon? Free for dinner?" JD replied with a smile, "Sure. See you downstairs in 10 mins?"

"I am already here. Downstairs at your building lift lobby." Replied Hendrix.

JD walked passed Kai's cubicle and did not bothered to stop to check on Kai. He knew he had made the right decision of not developing further with Kai. JD was about to enter the lift when someone called out to him.

He pressed the stop button and looked out and saw Kai. "JD, can we do dinner? Please?" Kai pleaded. JD shook his head and rejected, "No, I can't. I already have a dinner date, Kai. You saw him before."

Kai clenched his fist tightly, bit his lips and forced JD into the waiting lift. Once inside, he tried to control his anger unsuccessfully, he shouted, "Why are you doing this to me? Bring out another man to challenge me? You want me to be jealous? Ok! I am jealous! Happy?"

JD felt his anger boiled up as well, he argued, "Kai, you have no right to stop me from going out with other guys! We are not a couple. Hello, for Christ sake! You have a girlfriend and the maximum both of us went were pure sex! Animal instincts! Nothing more!"

When the lift door opened, JD stormed out with Kai followed closely behind. When Kai saw Hendrix waiting at the lobby, he went ballistic. He grabbed JD and pulled him to a quiet corner. "Tell me now! Is it that you will only be happy if I break off with my girlfriend this instant?" Kai said under his breath, barely audible.

Hendrix walked towards them, with a worried look. Kai had wanted to push Hendrix aside but was stopped by JD. "Don't be a brute, Kai! We are in the lobby, mind you!"

Hendrix said calmly, "Shall we go elsewhere to settle this? This is seriously not an ideal place to do this. You are Kai, right? I am sure you wouldn't want any of your colleagues to witness this awkward situation?"

"I don't need you to remind me, dude! This is between me and JD. Step out of this or you will be sorry!" Kai threatened.

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Issue 39) Balancing Out

I do find it strange that many people choose to remain single or in a relation not because they are enjoy the bits and pleasure of it. I think I am blessed with a pessimistic attitude that many admired. Although I couldn't deny the fact that I do fall many times, however it is how I get up from the fall that receive admiration and how I could put my past behind and enjoy the present. I do believe that in either phase there are something to rejoice about.

Recently I came across many situations that happened among my friends and learnt that many did not choose to be single and are unhappy about it and vise verse. I am shock about it, but I guess I couldn't comment because I am not in their shoes, however my point is that I would choose to change the situation rather than to hope for things to happen. Only because I think that since we have to live with our own way of life and nobody else, isn't it wise to make the best about it, instead of putting yourself in a miserable situation?

I see it as, when I am single I get to enjoy the things I complain about when I am attached and vise verse. I don't see the point of not enjoying it while I am given the chance to and regret that I didn't, because we can't get the best of both worlds, so I balance it out when I am in each different situation. This way when my situation change, it will not be in my "dislike" list as I had enjoyed the moment with no regrets, rather than to bring the issue up when you know that it is not suitable for the situation you are in. With a healthy balance, you won't feel left out nor be lead into temptation, because you know that you will be able to do it again when you are back in the other situation you "wished" you were in.

Remember it should be a party you should celebrate regardless when you single or in a relationship, just enjoy the "good"s while you are at it.

Coming to terms with (healthy balanced) Me, (compromising temptations my own way, without affecting my lover when I am in a relation or future lover when I am all by) Myself and (pessimistic) I.

Dancing to the beat of: The Cheetah Girls - The Party's Just Begun
Chillin' out, Break it down, That's the way we do it now
Attitude in the groove, Getting into something new
Say goodbye to yesterday, Future looking good to me
All together raise your hands, Time to party, time to dance

Party 'cause you know the future's all yours
Dance till your feet don't touch the floor
Celebrate the day you've waited for
Party like you're ready for so much more
Do it like you know it's never been done
Go a little crazy, have too much fun
Today's the day, come on everyone, The party's just begun

(Surround Sound 9) Bridget Jones Diary One & Two

Actors:Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth & Hugh Grant.

Synopsis:
Bridget Jones Diary - Can a single woman over 30, who smokes too much, drinks too much, and has a tendency to say whatever comes into her mind, find her place in the world... and a man? Bridget Jones is an assistant at a London book publisher, feeling time pass her by. When Daniel Cleaver, her boss, starts flirting with her in a vulgar way, she plunges straight in. An affair ensues and she's head over heels. She also keeps running into Mark Darcy, a reserved even stiff barrister who has known her since she was a child young enough to frolic naked in his wading pool, seems to look down his nose at her, and hates Cleaver (truth is, Daniel may be a bit of a bounder). What are Bridget's choices?

Bridget Jones Diary, The Edge of Reason - You thought the last movie was happily ever after? You thought wrong! Bridget and Mark are now together but for how long? A jellyfish by the name of Rebecca, Bridget's relationship paranoia, unusual horsemanship, magic mushrooms and a stint in prison are just some of the things Bridget has to face in The Edge of Reason. Add to that the return of Daniel Cleaver and you have the makings of one of the funniest films this year. Will they live happily ever after?

My Comments (4.5/5): It shows that love comes at the most unexpected times; sometimes when we were dressed our worst and sometimes when we are already in love. Love is about listening to your heart follow it, trust and communication. Well-plotted to inform us the different situations of love in a light-hearted way. 0.5 rating was given away because it seems too scary to be the perfect story of Love, and I hope that given to be in her shoes, I wished to be not as fat, not as fashion victim and with lots of luck to help me through, haa.

Trailer:
Bridget Jones Diary (2001)

Bridget Jones Diary, The Edge of Reason (2004)


Songs From the Movie: Will Young - Your Love is King
Too many to choose from but this is one of my favourite that is not Featured in their OST.


(2001): Diana Ross & Marvin Gaye - Stop, Look, Listen (To Your Heart), Aretha Franklin - Respect, Chaka Khan - I'm Every Woman, Sheryl Crow - Kiss That Girl, Shelby Lynne - Killin' Kind, Andy Williams - Can't Take My Eyes Off You, Shelby Lynne - Dreamsome, Alisha's Attic - Pretender Got My Heart & Jamie O'Neal - All By Myself.

(2004): Diana Ross - Ain't No Mountain High Enough, Gabrielle - Out of Reach, Marvin Gaye - Let's Get It On, TLC - Waterfalls, Robbie Williams - Angels, Yvonne Fair - It Should Have Been Me, Van Morrison - Someone Like You & En Vogue - My Lovin'

(Issue 38) Quarrels

Love given can never be taken back, but what about harsh words, can it be forgiven and forgotten? Does it means that a couple doesn't love each other when they quarrel? Isn't quarrel meant to bring a relationship to a higher level whereby they can understand each other likes and dislikes, needs and concerns better when they bring things up to the table for a possible heated discussion? Or should we avoid quarrels because we couldn't handle the situations of a possible cold war, or because "sorry is always the hardest word to say", or because we fear of losing each other?

I personally like to be hit with the truth, no matters how hard it is going to be, because lies will only snowball and as the truth surfaces one day, you will then be crushed by your own lies and instead of explaining one situation, you end up explaining for the lies too.

Which is more frightening, a cold war after a quarrel or an internal war within yourself? I couldn't live the fact that I have to find excuses for my lover for my own doubts in my head, it would be a entire war of contradictions inside me that might lead to self-blame. If you have doubts, ask. I believe many know this theory however they applied it the wrong way, as many of us choose not to ask that person but the friends around him, which in the end leads to more confusion. Who knows the answer best other than himself? Sometimes we do not even understand ourselves, therefore what makes you think that you friends know you better than you yourself?

"Sorry" isn't hard to pronounce, what makes it difficult is the situation, timing and how sincere you are. Have you ever thought that who should say it first, as it brings a whole new meaning to the relationship. I once question this situation, if I didn't make the mistake but apologise because I see it as a pointless quarrel, am I being gracious or stupid? For a partner who do not know you good intenions he might see a different light and does the same mistake again, however this time you were to be blame for it instead of him, because you "unintentionally admitted" it's you fault, that why you choose to apolegise.

Sometimes "sorry" had became the most over-rated word to many and therefore loses its charms and meaning. So when and how should we apolegise?

When we are in a relation, fear of losing each other will always be our constant fear, either through temptations from a third party or by the countless number of quarrels, however I would choice to "discuss our problems/indifference" rather than to have it bottled up (due to the fear of losing) and kill the relation with a sudden outburst of accumulated unsatisfaction. I believe when we bring our issues to the table things would turn for the better as you can understand your partner better, compromise when required or maybe to let go earlier.

Having quarrels are common and it doesn't mean that the other party dislike you, in fact I believe you wouldn't choose to quarrel with someone you have no feelings for because any explanation would just be an excuse. However, we must watch our tone as we speak, as words once said neither can be taken back nor can be forgotten though forgiven. The forbinned word would be "breakup", unless after serious consideration.

Coming to terms with (straight-forward) Me, (loving, trusting and believing in the person I love and) Myself and (willing to give a second chance but hardly a third chance) I.

Singing to: Toni Braxton - Just Be A Man About It
"You say you're staying over your Friends 'Cuz you got a lot on your mind
Now you're swearing up and down that It ain't me
Still you say that things have changed
So tell me what exactly does it mean When you say you need your space

Just don't make no excuses, no no Why you gotta lie to me
Just be a man about it
Baby, you don't gotta lie to me, no Just be a man about it
If you wanna leave go on Just be a man about it
Come and grab your things and go on Right now Just be a man about it"

(Booty Shaking 13) It’s in the Bag

There are a whole wide range of bags available for the everyday man right now who gyms, works and play, unlike our parent's era, we have more choices than the briefcase. It is becoming more and more of an accesory than just a bag. An with all the different kinds of activities pack into one day, we normally look for a bag to go with all our different activities for the day.

1- Messenger Bag
Often made from canvas and swung across the shoulder, messenger bags have taken on a whole new meaning in urban fashion. From students with canvas bags to urban hipsters with modern leather bags, the messenger’s laidback style will always have a classic casual flair, but today’s leather messenger tote also exudes a hint of uptown sophistication.
My personal comments is that you might not want to carry this if you want to avoid crisps on your shirt when you carry it around. A untidy man is not an attractive man.

2- Holdall
Any traveling man needs a holdall for those weekend jaunts or three-day business trips. Big, bulky luggage has transformed into sleek, stylish holdalls (or carryalls). Its design is inspired by the duffel bag, but its predominantly leather exterior and more refined appearance attribute a classic look to this practical tote.
My personal comments is that with all the different sizes keepall/holdall available, you can get the right enough size for both your work and gym neccessities.

3- Tote
A tote is the modern approach to the classic briefcase. Resembling an artisan’s bag, the tote is the utmost in casual business attire. Its basic design and usual soft leather exterior allots it a classic status, while its long handles give it a contemporary edge. If purchased in a chocolate brown or black, this bag can add a touch of laidback masculinity to any casual work wear.
My personal comments is that this is simillar to the messeger, and are a bit more girly to many, however if you choose the right fabric, color and size to go with a decent dressing, any man can pull off a daring and stylish masculine identity and be an eye candy, but a worng decision will instantly change you into a fashion victim, just like any other bag would.

4- Newsboy Bag
Like the advent of the newsboy cap, the newsboy bag is a classic style that has become synonymous with men’s casual wear. It’s similar to the messenger bag’s style, but its traditional canvas exterior makes it a little less formal than the latter. This bag style is perfect for the student on the go, as it makes a fashion statement and exudes more masculinity and style-savvy than a knapsack.
My personal comments is that this is the most casual bag of the bunch.

Throw out the old idea that bags are for women and get with the fashion-forward times. While classic bags like briefcases are still around, other bags with classic elements, like the messenger bag, are becoming almost necessary accessories for today’s modern man.
Article Suggested By: Darwin S., Glendale, CA

(Issue 37) Loving [Myself, Maybe]

Ain't we used to mentioning all the different kinds of hates we have for our past lovers? However at the end of the day, sometimes, it still boils down to one other kind of hate; you hate him only because you love him so much, deep inside, and you couldn't let go. I guess love for someone never ends, it is something given and you can never take it back or change it.

Sometimes we break up because we do not want to see the other party hurt, what is more hurting; to separate because he thinks that you are not his type and he do not want to led you on anymore or to do things behind you back? Does actually breaking up (the 'right' kind) expresses the other kind of love? Or am I buffing myself?

To me, love never ends, after the breakup it just changes into another kind of love gradually. We expressed it differently, so of us turn into friends and still show care and concern, whereas the others, have a even more bitter relation. But doesn't most of the time, bitter relation comes from jealousy and jealousy doesn't comes from love? Since it is both love, couldn't we make life easier for ourselves and be gracious enough to become friends, after all we did have happy times together. If we could only realise that sometimes hating makes us ugly and at the same time closes many doors for us.

Nobody is perfect and not everyone compliments everyone, so why should we insist on a unfruitful relation and not move on, learn from our experiences which brings us to a clearer state of mind of what we want and what we can accept in our future relations.

Some described my attitude as heartless, because I am able to let go easily when someone ask for a breakup, while others say I didn't love as much. However, I think otherwise, although I may not cry anymore, but I do think back of the good memories I have and still wish that I am able to hug him to bed and be waken by his kiss during lonely nights, but I guess I am able to move on quickly only because I think that "The brightest future will always be based on a forgiven past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. I will not forget my past, as it is a lesson and a beautiful memory, but most important it is moulding me into what I am right now, stronger and wiser. My love for anyone (family and friends) shall never end, even when bad situations happen, and if it does, it only changes."

Could I had said all of the above just to hide the possibility of me loving myself to much to get hurt?

Coming to terms with (growing and learning) Me, (able to love like I had never been hurt by anyone or) Myself and (find my way back into love instead of hate) I.

Singing out out to: Mary J. Blige - No More Drama
"Broken heart again, Another lesson learn
Better know your friends, Or else you will get burned
Gotta count on me, Cause I can guarantee That I'll be fine"

"Uh, it feels so good,
When you let go, Of all the drama, In your life
Now you're free From all the pain, Free from all the game
Free from all the stress, So bye your happiness
I don't know, Only God knows, Where the story ends For me,
but I know, Where the story begins
It's up to us to choose, Whether we win or lose
And I choose to win"

(Love Tales 1) Part 11 Decision Time

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

Written and Publish on Oct 3 2005, 10:35 PM

When JD stepped out of his unit and headed out of his apartment, he saw Hendrix's silver BMW parking by the side, with a bouquet of red roses on hand. JD shook his head in disbelief and walked towards Hendrix, whose smile is as bright as the blazing sun.

"What are you doing here so early?" JD quipped with a smile. Hendrix passed the lovely red roses to JD, opened his car door and said, "I am here to drive you to work and to earn some impression points."

"You don't have to do that, I am doing fine. I get over sorrows easily and you already sent me home last night." JD said appreciately while inside the car. Hendrix just kept smiling and never replied.

Both of them listen to the friendly banter on radio and laughed occasionally at the jokes that the radio deejay cracked. JD felt peaceful and mindful of Hendrix's efforts. When they reached JD's office, JD said, "Hendrix, it's weekend tomorrow. I am thinking of heading down to the beach. You wanna join me?"

Hendrix's eyes opened wide and mumbled, "You are asking me along? You mean I have passed the test to officially date you?" JD laughed, "Hendrix, it's not a date. But I am thankful of you being here last night and now. It's just an outing to the beach. So keen or not?" "Yes! Of course!" Hendrix smiled.

JD walked passed Kai's cubicle on his way to his cubicle and as usual, Kai wasn't there. He smiled and thought to himself, "It's over. It's a new beginning. Time to look forward." He was deep in thoughts when Robbie pat him on the shoulders.

"Why are you smiling at yourself? Are you ok? Don't tell me you are on the brink of a mental breakdown? Gosh, let's go see a shrink now!" Robbie rattled off in his usual loud exaggerated tone.

"Robbie, it's time you grow up. Don't be such an idiot. Your jokes really fall flat most of the times." JD snapped. "Well, at least I brought you out of your state. So tell me, why so happy? You bedded that delicious piece of meat?" Robbie said with a wink.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. I need to go back to work, you can continue daydreaming if you like." JD shook his head and said. Robbie, getting the hint, replied, "You don't have to be smug about landing a rich man. No big deal, I have my fair share too. Mark my words, they are either trying to bed you or they have small dicks! Most ain't serious anyway. Just make sure you don't walk into another trap after what had happened between you and Kai."

JD stared at Robbie and snarled, "Don't bring Kai into our conversation. I have nothing to do with him. What had happened was no big deal. I want you to know that and bear that in mind. Don't make jokes about us anymore and don't go around spreading rumours." Robbie bent forward and inched so close to JD that JD smelled his fresh breath, then looked at JD's eyes and said, "I am glad you snapped out of it. Kai isn't really the kind of guy we gays can handle. See you later!"

JD took his mug and made his way to the pantry to make coffee when he bumped into the disheveled Kai. He has never seen Kai so untidy and his eye bags were heavy and droopy. Both of them stood in the pantry, with mugs in their hands, silent. JD was about to turn back when Kai whispered, "Don't turn your back on me. I am suffering. Give me another chance, JD!"

Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.

(Issue 36) A Wait Worth Waiting for

Sometimes I feel so sick and tired of starting a relationship, not because I am loving the fact that I am single, but because my three past relations begins three days after we first met, someone whom I do not know well enough yet. Could a rush start lead to a short relation?

Will love last longer when we are with someone whom we know well, someone who has already opened up his life to you and someone you can be yourself and feel comfortable with farting in the same room, instead of an instant attraction?

I had cultivated a work nature, whereby I love to take on unknown and new challenges, and commit my whole self into making it work, regardless of the number of compromises and efforts I will have to make instead of backing out. Could I had subconscious cultivate it my love life too? Would a relation be easier if I had start in a different way, as emotions and feelings are involve in relationships unlike work?

I couldn't help but to think that relationships that started out as friends would last longer as the decision to be part of each other life is base on the understanding each other needs and demands, likes and dislike and the irresistible intimate feeling of having to hug one another to protect them from anything harsh, instead of sex.

A foundation is build between friends, a support that can be felt from each other and a care and concern we provide as friends. The love would be stronger as you realised that the compromises and time you are willing to give is even more than when you were just friends.

Every touch would have a stronger feeling and passion as you had longed for this moment to come. It would be hard to explain the difference (comparing a kiss to someone your just met and someone you knew and longed to kissed) in words, as it is an feeling that runs through your veins to your heart. It is an explosion and a rush of blood that we normally seen in movies, just like hugging someone you love deeply but had lost touch for years. You could feel that the wait is worth every moment, unlike any other hug or kiss from a stranger, which might lead to just an ONS. The desire for one another would be stronger, and therefore brings you to a different height in your relation. It is like getting something you thought was unreachable.

I say this is to acknowledge my need for a strong foundation before I step in again, I want to be love by someone knows me from within, instead of an instant attraction. Someone who loves for all my flaws and Someone whom I I feel comfortable opening up my heart to.

Never rush into love as it is the fruits from the tree you planted from day one that tastes the best, because in every bite, you could taste your sweat tear, blood, efforts and labor. It is a wait worth waiting for.

Coming to terms with (longing to love for the inner) Me, (lusting the inner him and not the outer shell) Myself and (nourishing my plant by the day before the bite) I.

Listening to: Vanessa Hudgens - Don't Talk

"Oh boy, You've got to be patient with me
Oh Boy, I wanna get to know you much better
Let's start it out being friends for awhile
You hold my eye when I first saw ur smile.
Oh boy, This could really turn into something
Oh boy, That's why I don?t wanna rush it."

"I know it feel that this is real
But I need sometime to see
If ur gonna be the one for me"

(High Defination 4) Brothers and Sisters

Featuring: Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal), Rachel Griffiths (Six Feet Under), Sally Field (Norman Rae),Balthazar Getty, Matthew Rhys & Dave Annable.

Show Category: Family Drama

About the Show: Brothers and Sisters is a compelling, new one-hour prime time drama about the California-based Walker family. In the series, we meet a collection of incredibly intertwined and somewhat damaged adult siblings who embrace one another unconditionally while striving to reflect the perceived perfection of their role model parents. In the days ahead, they will navigate waves of temptation, deception and grief.

Brothers and Sisters follows the Walkers through the maze of American life today -- the pressures, limitless options and the struggle to grow beyond our backgrounds into ourselves. Through these fascinating siblings -- Sarah, the corporate VP struggling to balance motherhood with career; Tommy, the loyal son and seeming heir to the family business; Kevin, the gay lawyer cautiously learning about love; Justin, the baby of the family, grappling with war trauma and addiction; and Kitty, right-wing radio host turned TV pundit who has always been Daddy's little girl -- the show explores what it means to be a family in the 21st century, and how these brothers and sisters balance their own lives as they strive to accept their parents as people -- flawed, contradictory and forgivable -- rather than just as a father and mother.

The parents are Tom Skerritt as William Walker, the larger-than-life patriarch and president of the family business, and Sally Field as Nora Holden, the opinionated wife and mother to the five Walker siblings.

My Comments (5/5): Although it posts some similarity to Season One of "Six Feet Under", but I got to say this shows grows into the viewer much better than the latter. This shows is evolves around stay-at-home parents, sibling rivalry at work, homosexual relationships, and other issues that affect many families around the world (note I used the word many. But since it is TV, we can forgive the fact that all this happen to one family, and thank the fact that the writers merged them together beautifully).

I am giving a perfect rating, because similarly to the real world, no matter how dysfunctional a family is there is still love, care and concern for one another. The show smartly shows how human choose to push their differences aside and stand beside one another, only when big major problems arise. It also shows regrets we were to have by not expressing yourself while you still have the chances to do so. It is a heart-warming drama which you can pick up a lot of lessons in life.

TV Promo:


You will notice in the next promo trailer, that two actors had been replaced by Sally Field and Matthew Rhys. The promo also showed that Kelvin was married with a kid. Guess they made many changes but the present show that is still running is excellant and exciting enough.


Note: it would be coming to Singapore soon, but I believed there would be many cuts made, so download and wait for the DVD.

(Issue 35) I am what I am

I guess it is very easy and common to stereotype someone and everyone does it, however did we ever reconsider and think that it would be fair to the victim? Although I do stereotype, like any other human being, I am now trying to take everyone as a blank canvas and let them paint their own drawings to me, this was only after I was a victim myself.

Recently manage to have some decent time and think back why did most of my possible relationship became unfruitful, and I found out that most of it are my Single-hood actions. When I am single, I am carefree, enjoy my freedom of not having a lover to answer my actions to and flirt around. There are the occasional flings and ONS, which in turn do portrait me as a "club slut". And it could be the reasons why I am stereotype as a "bad lover" at the same time.

However I do not feel sorry for myself because I believed in, being both true to myself and answerable to my own actions. My stand is that everyone puts on a different hat when they are place in a different environment. A poor analysis to explain my stand would be an example of a Hooker. I believe that there are some hookers who are good mothers and teaches their children good values, it doesn't meant that all hooker are indecent and bad, as it is a job 'in demand' and it pays their rent and get their children to universities. It does not mean that she behaves the same during her work and off-work time.

I am aware that I am able to recieve acceptable testimonials on how different I behave when I am single and when I am attached. I fully perform my role as a lover and am responsible for my actions. Because I believe that when I am attached I am not one responsible to myself but to my lover too.

I feel wronged but the judges people make at times, however I also found out that actually in life we just need to be responsible to our own actions and and the people around us. It also doesn't matter what people think about you as long as the people you love understand you (including friends and family). Importantly also, time will tell. Direct explanations would just be excuses to those who have a judgement on you, therefore I learn to disregard opinions and live a life I would not regret living up (at least to my own standards).

Coming to terms with (being happy) Me, (being able to answer to) Myself and (learning to care less on others opinion) I.

Listening and singing to: Gloria Gaynor - I Am What I Am
This is a remix version, with photos of Helen Mirren. What I like most Love is the things she said before the song starts.

(It takes a lifetime to become the best of what we can be. We have not the time or the righ to judge each other. It is one life, and there is no return and no deposit. One life. So make sure you like what's in your closet)

I am what I am, I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum, Some think it's noise I think it's pretty

It's my life, That I want to have a little pride in
My life, so it's not a place I have to hide in
Life's not worth a dam, Till you can say, I am what I am

I am what I am, And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck, Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces

Missing lyrics from the original song-
I am what I am, I am my own special creation
So come take a look, Give me the hook, Or the ovation.

And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not see things from a different angle
One life so it's time to open up your closet