Recently many major events and situations happen around me, my closest kins and friends (people I care and love a lot), I couldn't help but to wonder - How do you define or determine every major action or move you made in your life is right or wrong? To me, I believe that everything has its pros and cons, its is just the difference in percentage.
Every changes would led to a butterfly effect, regardless how it is done or handled in a different way or the same actions done at a different timing, it will create a whole new story, a entire different situation and a different knowledge and lesson to be learned. I truly believe that as long as I am satisfied and glad with the route I had walked and route ahead that is presented to me, I have no regrets with all my rights and wrongdoings.
No one can guarantee you your future path,if the situation was handle "their way" by handling the situation differently. Positively looking, if not for my wrongdoings, I might not have learned my lessons better or achieve my almost perfect life now. Then again What is perfect? Is it having everything you want in life monetary or emotional wise? It sounds BULLSHIT to me as the limit to perfection is always unreachable. Mine perfection is something I could live without worries and guilt when I go to sleep every night. I don't deny there were sleepless nights and guilts, but at the same time I might not be here writing without them happening.
Obviously there are also things I strongly believe that should never be done, things that betrayed your believes, dishonesty that you have to live with for life and betrayal to people who trust you most. No one is a 100% but never "discount" yourself with your mis-actions and empty promises. Explanations and Promises are pointless and worthless, even to people who trust you most, let your actions speak for your way of life and principles.
What is done can never be erased or undone, but I believe the importance is to acknowledge and engrave the mistake deep in your heart and take it seriously. Constantly remind yourself that you will not step back into the same path and ask for forgiveness again. Friends, Kins and God can forgive you once but a repeat would show clearly your "sincereness" for forgiveness. Sorry is the hardest word to say, only because you have to follow up with your actions and promises.
Just follow your heart and live your way of life, the way you would regret and ask for an impossible chance of "Turn Back Time".
Coming into terms with (happy with my choice of life) Me, (understanding and learning my wrongdoings) Myself and (Baby) I (love the way you love me. Loving you always too).
Singing to the tune to: Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay
I don't know why I did the things I did I don't know why I said the things I said
Love's like a knife it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons they wound sometimes.
I didn't really mean to heart you I didn't wanna see you go I know I made you cry, but baby
If I could turn back time If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay
If I could reach the stars I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me like you used to do
If I could turn back time
My world was shattered I was torn apart
Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart
You walked out that door I swore that I didn't care
But I lost everything darling then and there
Too strong to tell you I was sorry
Too proud to tell you I was wrong I know that I was blind, and ooh...
Showing posts with label 79contradictions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 79contradictions. Show all posts
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
(Issue 74) Changes
I love reading books and articles on body lauguage, mainly because I believe that you can analyse a person more accurately through his subconcious actions. Despite my knowleadge, I had been constantly repremended for having poor Body Lauguage myself.
Now that I am aware, I am determine to change them. I told everyone to remind me whenever they notice, because it has already been a habit and it is hard to kick within days, weeks or maybe even a month.
The most obvious is my standing posture. I hunchback. This posture display a person's lack of confidence and low self-esteem, and when we look at a health point of view, I may have to grow old with a fixed and unsightly posture I would greatly regret.
Then it is my seating posture, when I get too comfortable, I tend to get too laidback, almost to a lying down posture. No wonder, I do have quite a lower back ache problem. I can feel it coming. The worst thing is being lactose detorlerant, I can't get calcium directly from milk.
Third, which is very bad, is that I can't give full attention to the speaker. I have a habit to wonder around and notice the things happening around me. Surrounding actions grap my attention easily. And at the age of 28, I couldn't believe the comments that were/are directing at me. The most recent comment was,"You are more "aunty" then my mother".
To the speaker, I am dis-interested. To me, I am multi-tasking & curious (lame excuse?) I always tell them that I use my ears to listen and my eyes to see. Presently, I have taken this into serious thoughts, and agree that my actions are a disrespect to the speaker, and maybe to Calen, I am cruising at other guys.
Today, I shall admit, I am cruising, but that beautiful bags, accessories, hairstyles, clothes and etc, because of my passion/love/desire to be a designer, and my eye for luxury/charming items. It's not the guys, and if you notice, mine attention is more attracted/disractted by girls dresses and portrait herself.
These three are the main three habits, I am more determine to change/kickoff and I am aware of the instant need to. So friends out there, remind me please. Or better still if you have good ideas on how I can work on it, drop me a comment or two.
Coming into terms with (ugly posture) Me, (learning to take better care of) Myself and (for Calen and) I.
Couldn't find a matching song, haa therefore have to change one sentence of the lyrics... 王力宏 - 改变自己
今早起床了, 看镜子里的我
忽然发现我发型睡得有点KUSO
(忽然发现我的身体語言真的很差)
一点点改变, 有很大的差别
Woke up in the morning, and in the reflection of the mirror,
I suddenly realise that my out of the bed hair looks KUSO
(I suddenly realise that my body language is terrible)
A little change can do alot of difference.
Now that I am aware, I am determine to change them. I told everyone to remind me whenever they notice, because it has already been a habit and it is hard to kick within days, weeks or maybe even a month.
The most obvious is my standing posture. I hunchback. This posture display a person's lack of confidence and low self-esteem, and when we look at a health point of view, I may have to grow old with a fixed and unsightly posture I would greatly regret.
Then it is my seating posture, when I get too comfortable, I tend to get too laidback, almost to a lying down posture. No wonder, I do have quite a lower back ache problem. I can feel it coming. The worst thing is being lactose detorlerant, I can't get calcium directly from milk.
Third, which is very bad, is that I can't give full attention to the speaker. I have a habit to wonder around and notice the things happening around me. Surrounding actions grap my attention easily. And at the age of 28, I couldn't believe the comments that were/are directing at me. The most recent comment was,"You are more "aunty" then my mother".
To the speaker, I am dis-interested. To me, I am multi-tasking & curious (lame excuse?) I always tell them that I use my ears to listen and my eyes to see. Presently, I have taken this into serious thoughts, and agree that my actions are a disrespect to the speaker, and maybe to Calen, I am cruising at other guys.
Today, I shall admit, I am cruising, but that beautiful bags, accessories, hairstyles, clothes and etc, because of my passion/love/desire to be a designer, and my eye for luxury/charming items. It's not the guys, and if you notice, mine attention is more attracted/disractted by girls dresses and portrait herself.
These three are the main three habits, I am more determine to change/kickoff and I am aware of the instant need to. So friends out there, remind me please. Or better still if you have good ideas on how I can work on it, drop me a comment or two.
Coming into terms with (ugly posture) Me, (learning to take better care of) Myself and (for Calen and) I.
Couldn't find a matching song, haa therefore have to change one sentence of the lyrics... 王力宏 - 改变自己
今早起床了, 看镜子里的我
忽然发现我发型睡得有点KUSO
(忽然发现我的身体語言真的很差)
一点点改变, 有很大的差别
Woke up in the morning, and in the reflection of the mirror,
I suddenly realise that my out of the bed hair looks KUSO
(I suddenly realise that my body language is terrible)
A little change can do alot of difference.
Monday, September 17, 2007
(Issue 73) Being Romantic
This is an analysis of my character - "You're a bit of a romantic and like to get back to basics." and I think that it is dangerously true. Is it important to be romantic to constantly add sparks in your relationship? If it is true, I am actually standing at the edge of the building, because I realise that I am quite a "moment killer". I am not sure how Calen really feel after having anticipating for nothing.
Recently when someone ask what is the most romantic thing someone had done for you or vise-verse, I couldn't think of anything. There is no instant answer at my fingertips. For me I prefer to get back to the basics. Inside me, it is more practical to do show your love, care and concern daily with simple yet thoughtful actions. This is what Calen had constantly been offering me. I used to show my appreciation with "Thank You", however slowly I learn that the appreciation can be better express with a kiss or a hug. And can you guess what is even better? Mirroring of actions.
Dear, I am aware that I miss alot of important moments, and therefore gives you lots of opportunity to bring it up once in a while. Hee, I do deserve that. No matter how much I wish to turn back time and do things right, it is impossible. All I can do now is to pay more attention to special occasions and add a little spark.
Coming into terms with (less romantic) Me, (working within) Myself and (gracefully accepting my mistakes/mishaps, haa) I.
Singing to the tune to: Shayne Ward - If That's Is OK With You
If That's OK With You
I love the way that you look without your make up
I had a girl before we met but we broke up
Theres something 'bout you that makes me want to step up
step up and be with you
If That's Ok With You
We'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
cos imma make you feel so good thats how i see it happening
yeah we'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
cos baby i wanna step up and be with you
if thats ok with you
im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth
I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth
im gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry
if thats ok with you
if thats ok with you
I wanna keep your toothbrush at my appartment
Make a second set of keys and ask you to move in
I'm not crazy
I know what im getting myself in
I wanna live with you
If thats ok with you
Recently when someone ask what is the most romantic thing someone had done for you or vise-verse, I couldn't think of anything. There is no instant answer at my fingertips. For me I prefer to get back to the basics. Inside me, it is more practical to do show your love, care and concern daily with simple yet thoughtful actions. This is what Calen had constantly been offering me. I used to show my appreciation with "Thank You", however slowly I learn that the appreciation can be better express with a kiss or a hug. And can you guess what is even better? Mirroring of actions.
Dear, I am aware that I miss alot of important moments, and therefore gives you lots of opportunity to bring it up once in a while. Hee, I do deserve that. No matter how much I wish to turn back time and do things right, it is impossible. All I can do now is to pay more attention to special occasions and add a little spark.
Coming into terms with (less romantic) Me, (working within) Myself and (gracefully accepting my mistakes/mishaps, haa) I.
Singing to the tune to: Shayne Ward - If That's Is OK With You
If That's OK With You
I love the way that you look without your make up
I had a girl before we met but we broke up
Theres something 'bout you that makes me want to step up
step up and be with you
If That's Ok With You
We'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
cos imma make you feel so good thats how i see it happening
yeah we'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
cos baby i wanna step up and be with you
if thats ok with you
im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth
I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth
im gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry
if thats ok with you
if thats ok with you
I wanna keep your toothbrush at my appartment
Make a second set of keys and ask you to move in
I'm not crazy
I know what im getting myself in
I wanna live with you
If thats ok with you
Sunday, September 16, 2007
(Issue 72) Insomnia
Insomnia. There are several reasons to this cause; work stress, financial stress, peer pressure or ,like several others mine is due to, missing someone badly. But mine has a strong mixture of sweetness in it.
Today is only our second night apart, and this isn't our first time being apart from each other, however the days and nights are slightly different from the other time. It's my turn to sleep alone in that huge bed and the room seems to be colder than usual. Deep inside me was mixed feelings. I feel lonely but sweet at the same time because I know he loves and misses me as much.
We know that we have each other in our hearts, strong and burning bright. But it is the need to feel his touch that refrain me from having a good night sleep. Nothing beats the warmth he provide.
I still remember the first time when we were apart. I have to attend my work duty in China for two weeks. During that period, we communicate thru MSN Video Calls and Overseas Calls. I try to complete my job ASAP so that I can cut short the trip, and I gladly managed to. Work schedule was packed and tiring but definitely sweet, as I know my ultimate goal is to surprise him, by returning to Singapore the night before his KL trip. It was the goal that makes me feel his strong presence beside me all the time, and I tried make him feel the same with surprise MMS pictures and videos (I hope it did).
The second time we were apart was when I had to fulfil my NS Reservice duty. It's the pictures in my phone and the nightly phone calls that put the smile on my face. But nothing beats his sudden surprise for me on my Night's Off.
Calen, I love you deep from my heart. You never never fail to put a smile on my plain looking face and keep my imperfect soul warm.
Coming into terms with Me (missing you so much), (being able to relate) Myself (to the lyrics of the Micheal Bolton song) and I (can't wait for him to return,hee)
Singing to my latest lullaby: Michael Bolton - Missing You Now
I talk to you but it’s not the same as touchin’ you
And every time you whisper my name, I wanna run to you
We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long
But it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong
Baby ’cause I’m missing you now
And it’s drivin’ me crazy
How I’m needin’ you baby
I’m missing you now
Can’t wait till I’m alone with you
To show you how I’m missing you now
Wishin’ you were here by my side is all that I can do
Got my arms around my pillow at night, they should be
Holdin’ you
Thought I was stronger, how could I know, how could
I know
I can’t take this much longer, it’s so hard on my soul
Baby I just can’t wait, till I see your face
Chase away this loneliness inside
When you’re close to my heart, right here in my arms
Then and only then, will I be satisfied
I’m missing you now
We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long
But it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong
Today is only our second night apart, and this isn't our first time being apart from each other, however the days and nights are slightly different from the other time. It's my turn to sleep alone in that huge bed and the room seems to be colder than usual. Deep inside me was mixed feelings. I feel lonely but sweet at the same time because I know he loves and misses me as much.
We know that we have each other in our hearts, strong and burning bright. But it is the need to feel his touch that refrain me from having a good night sleep. Nothing beats the warmth he provide.
I still remember the first time when we were apart. I have to attend my work duty in China for two weeks. During that period, we communicate thru MSN Video Calls and Overseas Calls. I try to complete my job ASAP so that I can cut short the trip, and I gladly managed to. Work schedule was packed and tiring but definitely sweet, as I know my ultimate goal is to surprise him, by returning to Singapore the night before his KL trip. It was the goal that makes me feel his strong presence beside me all the time, and I tried make him feel the same with surprise MMS pictures and videos (I hope it did).
The second time we were apart was when I had to fulfil my NS Reservice duty. It's the pictures in my phone and the nightly phone calls that put the smile on my face. But nothing beats his sudden surprise for me on my Night's Off.
Calen, I love you deep from my heart. You never never fail to put a smile on my plain looking face and keep my imperfect soul warm.
Coming into terms with Me (missing you so much), (being able to relate) Myself (to the lyrics of the Micheal Bolton song) and I (can't wait for him to return,hee)
Singing to my latest lullaby: Michael Bolton - Missing You Now
I talk to you but it’s not the same as touchin’ you
And every time you whisper my name, I wanna run to you
We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long
But it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong
Baby ’cause I’m missing you now
And it’s drivin’ me crazy
How I’m needin’ you baby
I’m missing you now
Can’t wait till I’m alone with you
To show you how I’m missing you now
Wishin’ you were here by my side is all that I can do
Got my arms around my pillow at night, they should be
Holdin’ you
Thought I was stronger, how could I know, how could
I know
I can’t take this much longer, it’s so hard on my soul
Baby I just can’t wait, till I see your face
Chase away this loneliness inside
When you’re close to my heart, right here in my arms
Then and only then, will I be satisfied
I’m missing you now
We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long
But it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong
Saturday, September 15, 2007
(Issue 71) Future Bf/Husband Wish List
When you are single, do you have a list of criteria for your next boyfriend? And during this period of time, you start rejecting groups and groups of guys that walk pass you, thinking that you shouldn't settle for less to achieve happiness. But a sudden unexpected attraction changes your routine of men rejection.
You couldn't help to wonder what is it in him that attracts you, especially when he possess some of No-No's in your next-boyfriend-to-be list. For my case, he is a friend of my closest friends, other than that he was perfect, and still is. But for him, and almost 50% of the AJs in Singapore, I guess I am not one the top choices of best candidate for future husband-to-be.
This made me wonder how lucky can one person be. Could it be fate that he choose to try things out with me? We had actually come across each other life so many times and I am glad we had come one full circle to be together, rather than never together. We were from the same school, went on a group holiday together in Bangkok (around two to three years ago) and coincident enough we were both in HK weeks before we were dating.
Whether it is luck, fate or hard work, I will treasure him more than anything else and I hope slowly I achieve more and more ticks on his "Wish List"/Criteria List, but at the same time still being who I really am, only because I know for sure a person can't act who he is not for his entire life and be happy at the same time.
Oh yah, I remember a quote mentioned by Morgan Freeman who acted as 'God' in 'Evan Almighty'; "When people pray for patience? Does God give them patience? No, He gives them the opportunity to be patient."
I am glad that I took the opportunity to love when I asked for it. Coming into terms with (Thankfully) Me, (glad for) Myself and I (wish he feel the same too).
Dancing to the song from: Shayne Ward - That's My Goal
You know where I come from. You know my story
You know why I'm standing here. Tonight
Please don't go. Don't be in a hurry
I'm here to make it clear. Make it right
Well I know I've acted foolish. But I promise you no more
I've finally found that something. Worth reaching for
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal
Please don't go
You know that I need you. I can't breathe without you
Live without you. Be without you
Well I know I've acted foolish. But I promise you no more. No more
Well I won't stop believing. That we will be leaving together
So when I say I love you. I'll mean it forever and ever. Ever and ever
You couldn't help to wonder what is it in him that attracts you, especially when he possess some of No-No's in your next-boyfriend-to-be list. For my case, he is a friend of my closest friends, other than that he was perfect, and still is. But for him, and almost 50% of the AJs in Singapore, I guess I am not one the top choices of best candidate for future husband-to-be.
This made me wonder how lucky can one person be. Could it be fate that he choose to try things out with me? We had actually come across each other life so many times and I am glad we had come one full circle to be together, rather than never together. We were from the same school, went on a group holiday together in Bangkok (around two to three years ago) and coincident enough we were both in HK weeks before we were dating.
Whether it is luck, fate or hard work, I will treasure him more than anything else and I hope slowly I achieve more and more ticks on his "Wish List"/Criteria List, but at the same time still being who I really am, only because I know for sure a person can't act who he is not for his entire life and be happy at the same time.
Oh yah, I remember a quote mentioned by Morgan Freeman who acted as 'God' in 'Evan Almighty'; "When people pray for patience? Does God give them patience? No, He gives them the opportunity to be patient."
I am glad that I took the opportunity to love when I asked for it. Coming into terms with (Thankfully) Me, (glad for) Myself and I (wish he feel the same too).
Dancing to the song from: Shayne Ward - That's My Goal
You know where I come from. You know my story
You know why I'm standing here. Tonight
Please don't go. Don't be in a hurry
I'm here to make it clear. Make it right
Well I know I've acted foolish. But I promise you no more
I've finally found that something. Worth reaching for
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal
Please don't go
You know that I need you. I can't breathe without you
Live without you. Be without you
Well I know I've acted foolish. But I promise you no more. No more
Well I won't stop believing. That we will be leaving together
So when I say I love you. I'll mean it forever and ever. Ever and ever
Monday, September 10, 2007
(Issue 70) My Human Umbrella
In this modern city, everyone should had experienced office polities, book-lickers, back-stabbers, apple-polisher etc etc. Therefore hasn't it become vital for everyone to be fully armored to survive in this harsh world as everyone is working forward to their own best interest? Slowly this had become our way of life, however how long could we put on this strong front and be ourselves? Is the 14 off days a year enough?
I am glad that I had found a place where I could run to and feel safe everyday. Deep in the arms or Calen, I could strip myself "naked" (from the amour) and be vulnerable; breathe without worrying about any hidden agenda from anyone. His arms is stronger than any armour and the warmth he provides block me from any strong and unpredictable cold wind. It has become a place I could build/charge myself up again and face the world with a brave and strong front.
I gotta say that with him around, it doesn't matter how tired work can be, as the thought of being able to see him after work relives the stress and recharges my mind and soul.
It is also that sudden message I received in the middle of the hectic work day that boast me up and make all my worries disappear. No matter how corny the message could be to others, it is simply sweet and charming.
I can't say enough thank you, hence I wouldn't also take things for granted. I promise to do the same for you. Dear, I will let my actions show my love for you like you did for me and I hope I doing it well. Smiles.
Coming to terms with (Having an umbrella over)Me, (able to relax) Myself (everyday) and I (love you Calen).
Dancing to the Happy tune of: Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
"I could feel it from the start,
Couldn't stand to be apart.
Something about you caught my eye,
Something moved me deep inside!
Don't know what you did boy but
You had it and I've been hooked ever since."
I am glad that I had found a place where I could run to and feel safe everyday. Deep in the arms or Calen, I could strip myself "naked" (from the amour) and be vulnerable; breathe without worrying about any hidden agenda from anyone. His arms is stronger than any armour and the warmth he provides block me from any strong and unpredictable cold wind. It has become a place I could build/charge myself up again and face the world with a brave and strong front.
I gotta say that with him around, it doesn't matter how tired work can be, as the thought of being able to see him after work relives the stress and recharges my mind and soul.
It is also that sudden message I received in the middle of the hectic work day that boast me up and make all my worries disappear. No matter how corny the message could be to others, it is simply sweet and charming.
I can't say enough thank you, hence I wouldn't also take things for granted. I promise to do the same for you. Dear, I will let my actions show my love for you like you did for me and I hope I doing it well. Smiles.
Coming to terms with (Having an umbrella over)Me, (able to relax) Myself (everyday) and I (love you Calen).
Dancing to the Happy tune of: Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
"I could feel it from the start,
Couldn't stand to be apart.
Something about you caught my eye,
Something moved me deep inside!
Don't know what you did boy but
You had it and I've been hooked ever since."
Sunday, August 19, 2007
(Issue 69) Giving
"Giving"; actions to show your affections of love to another, I am not referring to the physical objects that can be brought with money. When we are in love, we show extra care to our lovers when they are sick or tired, we drop an SMS to our lovers whenever we miss them when they are not around, we defend our lover when someone else wronged him, etc, etc. Everyone has their own set of actions they will do to show their affections to their love ones, but however how many are there were able to 'give' and not ask for any return or an acknowledgement? What happens when one party 'give' more than the other?
Many of times we do little actions to show our affections of love without condition in a relationship and not ask for anything in return, but subconsciously, as time goes, most would begin to wonder if the receiver had began to take things for granted. And the worst that could happen in such cases, is when they start to compare who loves the other party more. There is no scale in life that measures love and therefore shouldn't be compared. Secondly, everyone grade every actions differently in life.
I had learn that "Giving" is a great present by itself, as the action of 'giving' alone provides you a great sense of fulfilment. If you see the picture another way round, "If having someone to love you is the best gift in life, isn't your actions of giving now being reverse to returning the gift?" [I do not know how to put it right in a sentence]
No matter what, we should never compare who gives more in a relationship or why doesn't he do the same in return, because all actions should come from the heart. BUT, contradicting again, you should make known to your lover what you like to see from him and what you think is healthly in a relationship, because everyone is brought up differently and therefore think differently. Sometimes the most obvious thing/actions to you could be the least obvious to him. Remember, communication is the key to a relation. Someone once told me, "Why is it so that a voice-impaired can speaks up for himself, communicates with others and sometimes takes the extra effort put his message thru to the common people like us, but a normal person like us dislike to communicate?".
Calen, I love you from the bottom of my heart and I can also feel your love to me. I couldn't say enough thank you for the things you had done and I have learn that many times all we ask from one other is a hug or a kiss, sometimes even the look in the eyes that expresses it all.
Coming to terms with (life is a continous learning process) Me, (and therefore still learning how to 'upgrade' and express) Myself and (thankfully for having Calen in my life) I.
Singing to the tunes of: Sonny & Cher - It's The Little Things
You're not the kind of guy
That make the girls all sigh
And they never turn their heads
And look when you walk by
But baby that's okay I love you anyway
And I never change or rearrange you
So stay that way
Cause it's the little things that mean a lot
It's what you are not what you got
Call my name and I'll come running
Look at me and the clouds start sunning
Hold my hand and you got me going
Kiss my lips and my mind starts going
We got a thing that won't stop cooking
You turn me on just by looking
You can make me strong just by sighing
You can break my heart just by crying
You're not the smartest man that I ever met
And every word you ever said I won't forget
And so I guess that's why until the day I die
When you're bad and make me sad
You're still my guy
Many of times we do little actions to show our affections of love without condition in a relationship and not ask for anything in return, but subconsciously, as time goes, most would begin to wonder if the receiver had began to take things for granted. And the worst that could happen in such cases, is when they start to compare who loves the other party more. There is no scale in life that measures love and therefore shouldn't be compared. Secondly, everyone grade every actions differently in life.
I had learn that "Giving" is a great present by itself, as the action of 'giving' alone provides you a great sense of fulfilment. If you see the picture another way round, "If having someone to love you is the best gift in life, isn't your actions of giving now being reverse to returning the gift?" [I do not know how to put it right in a sentence]
No matter what, we should never compare who gives more in a relationship or why doesn't he do the same in return, because all actions should come from the heart. BUT, contradicting again, you should make known to your lover what you like to see from him and what you think is healthly in a relationship, because everyone is brought up differently and therefore think differently. Sometimes the most obvious thing/actions to you could be the least obvious to him. Remember, communication is the key to a relation. Someone once told me, "Why is it so that a voice-impaired can speaks up for himself, communicates with others and sometimes takes the extra effort put his message thru to the common people like us, but a normal person like us dislike to communicate?".
Calen, I love you from the bottom of my heart and I can also feel your love to me. I couldn't say enough thank you for the things you had done and I have learn that many times all we ask from one other is a hug or a kiss, sometimes even the look in the eyes that expresses it all.
Coming to terms with (life is a continous learning process) Me, (and therefore still learning how to 'upgrade' and express) Myself and (thankfully for having Calen in my life) I.
Singing to the tunes of: Sonny & Cher - It's The Little Things
You're not the kind of guy
That make the girls all sigh
And they never turn their heads
And look when you walk by
But baby that's okay I love you anyway
And I never change or rearrange you
So stay that way
Cause it's the little things that mean a lot
It's what you are not what you got
Call my name and I'll come running
Look at me and the clouds start sunning
Hold my hand and you got me going
Kiss my lips and my mind starts going
We got a thing that won't stop cooking
You turn me on just by looking
You can make me strong just by sighing
You can break my heart just by crying
You're not the smartest man that I ever met
And every word you ever said I won't forget
And so I guess that's why until the day I die
When you're bad and make me sad
You're still my guy
(Issue 68) A Different Angle to the Action: Compromise
Compromising... many times a couple is unaware of their minor actions of compromising when they are in love. This is the reason why everyone changes when they are in love, some changes their lifestyles, while others changes their behaviour and attitudes to certain "disapproving" actions (i.e. they react differently when the same actions came out from their friends, acquaintances and lover).
It was brought to my close attention that I tend to use the word "Anything" in my conversation too much. Positively, this could be a compromise which allows to receiver to act upon his own preference, but on the other hand, it could also mean that the sender couldn't be bother about the decision. What-so-ever, it doesn't matter, as 'Annything' is equivalent to not having the question answered at all. As both of caese the receiver is not given an option, unlike "Yes/No/But". And if the sender doesn't require an opinion, he could have acted base on his own decision without asking. Presently, thanks to creativity, the only time when "Anything" means sometime is when you order your choice of drink in a kopitiam.
Calen, I promise to reduce the use of "Anything" in our conversation, after knowing that it is a bad kind of compromise.
Another type of compromising is to "Compromise and Assume". Compromising is part and parcel of a relation but not to "Compromise and 'Make a [ASS] out of [U] and [ME]'". Many times either party of a couple would "forgive" a certain action that he is total un-agreeable on and wishes that the other party will notice the mistake himself. I personally, is against such compromise; firstly the latter most probably is unaware of his actions being a 'mistake', because it wasn't mentioned by the receiver that he couldn't accept it. Secondly, there would be a certain point of time the receiver couldn't take it anymore and decide to blow up. My guess is the other party would feel weird and strange that how come the receiver didn't sound off this dislike after so many occurrence but only today? Have he been compromising all along? Is it his fault for not noticing? Sadly this is how most quarrels starts.
I do hope that this doesn't happen to me, as I had seen far too many of these situations happening to people around me and they end up unpleasant. Thank god for giving me a Mature Calen, who has the same frequency as me.
Coming to terms with (realising that compromise is alright if it is made known to the other party) Me, (however isn't 'giving' suppose to be not expecting a return) Myself and (therefore again contradicting) I.
Listening to the tunes of: Mariah Carey - My All
I am thinking of you, In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you, Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you, And I won't pull through, Without you by my side
I'd give my all to have, Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel, Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on, Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Baby can you feel me, Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly, Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far, Like a distant star, I'm wishing on tonight
Give my all for your love, Tonight
It was brought to my close attention that I tend to use the word "Anything" in my conversation too much. Positively, this could be a compromise which allows to receiver to act upon his own preference, but on the other hand, it could also mean that the sender couldn't be bother about the decision. What-so-ever, it doesn't matter, as 'Annything' is equivalent to not having the question answered at all. As both of caese the receiver is not given an option, unlike "Yes/No/But". And if the sender doesn't require an opinion, he could have acted base on his own decision without asking. Presently, thanks to creativity, the only time when "Anything" means sometime is when you order your choice of drink in a kopitiam.
Calen, I promise to reduce the use of "Anything" in our conversation, after knowing that it is a bad kind of compromise.
Another type of compromising is to "Compromise and Assume". Compromising is part and parcel of a relation but not to "Compromise and 'Make a [ASS] out of [U] and [ME]'". Many times either party of a couple would "forgive" a certain action that he is total un-agreeable on and wishes that the other party will notice the mistake himself. I personally, is against such compromise; firstly the latter most probably is unaware of his actions being a 'mistake', because it wasn't mentioned by the receiver that he couldn't accept it. Secondly, there would be a certain point of time the receiver couldn't take it anymore and decide to blow up. My guess is the other party would feel weird and strange that how come the receiver didn't sound off this dislike after so many occurrence but only today? Have he been compromising all along? Is it his fault for not noticing? Sadly this is how most quarrels starts.
I do hope that this doesn't happen to me, as I had seen far too many of these situations happening to people around me and they end up unpleasant. Thank god for giving me a Mature Calen, who has the same frequency as me.
Coming to terms with (realising that compromise is alright if it is made known to the other party) Me, (however isn't 'giving' suppose to be not expecting a return) Myself and (therefore again contradicting) I.
Listening to the tunes of: Mariah Carey - My All
I am thinking of you, In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you, Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you, And I won't pull through, Without you by my side
I'd give my all to have, Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel, Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on, Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Baby can you feel me, Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly, Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far, Like a distant star, I'm wishing on tonight
Give my all for your love, Tonight
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
(Issue 67) Satisfaction
I believe that there is always going to be somebody better looking than the person you end up with. Someone funnier, smarter, richer. But if you are lucky enough to meet someone with whom you are compatible, you have to close certain doors.
We have to recognise that, yes, you may indeed meet other people you could fall in love with. But by sticking to the person you chose, you gain a level of intimacy that is not possible by hopping from one person to the next every couple of years.
We should be always be content with what we were given, and I do believe that everything does comes back to form a circle because God is always fair. Let's say you gave up someone to be with someone else better and keep doing that soon you will end up with wanting back the person you were with because the person you ran away with may lack qualities of what the first victim has.
Greed is one of the seven deadly sins we should learn to avoid especially in this circle. If you choose to keep changing, you made a infamous reputation for yourself and soon you might end up with nothing. Why not make the best of what you have after all there is also someone who is much better than yourself too.
Satisfaction comes from within. Always remember what attracts you to the person you are with now, and also remember the "Goods" about him and compromise with his flaws. Some may think that as years gone by sparks no longer exist, however sparks can be recreated by yourself. There are 1001 things you can do together and enjoy the moment, it could be the simplest thing you do that start the sparks. Even when you guys had done absolutely everything in the world, look back and "re-do" things you did before because not only it would be a new experience, it will also bring back lovely memories and remind you guys of the lovely moments you guys had.
Coming to terms with (Grateful)Me, (Calen and)Myself and I(no longer want to enjoy happy moments alone).
Listening to the Music of : Faith Hill - This Kiss
I don’t want another heartbreak
I don’t need another turn to cry
I don’t want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh, no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky
It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss
It’s that pivotal moment
It’s impossible
This kiss, this kiss (Unstoppable)
This kiss, this kiss
Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours
You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky
You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let’s let every thing slide
You got me floating, you got me flying
We have to recognise that, yes, you may indeed meet other people you could fall in love with. But by sticking to the person you chose, you gain a level of intimacy that is not possible by hopping from one person to the next every couple of years.
We should be always be content with what we were given, and I do believe that everything does comes back to form a circle because God is always fair. Let's say you gave up someone to be with someone else better and keep doing that soon you will end up with wanting back the person you were with because the person you ran away with may lack qualities of what the first victim has.
Greed is one of the seven deadly sins we should learn to avoid especially in this circle. If you choose to keep changing, you made a infamous reputation for yourself and soon you might end up with nothing. Why not make the best of what you have after all there is also someone who is much better than yourself too.
Satisfaction comes from within. Always remember what attracts you to the person you are with now, and also remember the "Goods" about him and compromise with his flaws. Some may think that as years gone by sparks no longer exist, however sparks can be recreated by yourself. There are 1001 things you can do together and enjoy the moment, it could be the simplest thing you do that start the sparks. Even when you guys had done absolutely everything in the world, look back and "re-do" things you did before because not only it would be a new experience, it will also bring back lovely memories and remind you guys of the lovely moments you guys had.
Coming to terms with (Grateful)Me, (Calen and)Myself and I(no longer want to enjoy happy moments alone).
Listening to the Music of : Faith Hill - This Kiss
I don’t want another heartbreak
I don’t need another turn to cry
I don’t want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh, no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky
It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss
It’s that pivotal moment
It’s impossible
This kiss, this kiss (Unstoppable)
This kiss, this kiss
Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours
You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky
You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let’s let every thing slide
You got me floating, you got me flying
Monday, June 18, 2007
(Issue 66) Blush
Have you ever did something and wish the entire world would forget? And have you wondered why others are not be embarrassed over the things they had done? I guess it is a habit thing people do sub-consciously and not notice. I did notice many guys obscenely adjust their privates in public and there are still many who picks their nose while talking to you.
Anyway yesterday, I was chatting with Calen and he suddenly blush for something he did years ago, I guess was embarrassed over something I thought was common. I was enjoying the sweet and lovely moment, because I get to see another side of him looking innocent, shy and bashful. Calen, no worries, I believe that I had done more embarrassing things than you do.
Someone had send me a list in friendster and I decided to change some of them to embarrassing moments of my own. Calen, guess my score.
Caused by Alcohol
[ ] kissed someone who never would when you are sober
[ ] waking up not remembering who is beside you
[ ] trashed out in a gathering party (friends drew on you/stripped you and took photos)
[ ] kiss the wrong person when especially when your partner is around
[ ] done a striptease
[ ] vomited/thrown up in the club or street
[ ] slept on the roadside
[ ] create a (fight/quarrel) scene with a small issue
[ ] confess something to someone you should never have
[ ] make out with a stranger and regret the next day
[ ] make out with colleagues or friends
[ ] you/friend threw up in someone else vehicle
During Sex
[ ] caught having oral sex/sex in public
[ ] farted in front of your lover in bed
[ ] had your lover fall asleep half way while you were having foreplay/sex
[ ] caught having sex by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught masturbating by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught wearing the ugliest or dirtiest underwear during sex
[ ] caught wearing un-matching under garments (female only)
[ ] caught having un-matching tan
[ ] caught having porn collections/vibrator
[ ] wore the same clothes to work the next day
[ ] forgot to remove nipple stickers during sex (female only)
[ ] shout out the wrong name during sex
[ ] your partner told you that the orgasms are all fake (male only)
[ ] Premature Ejaculation/"die off" before sex (both parties)
[ ] have room service walked into the room while both of you were still naked
Apparel Disasters
[ ] wore two different colors socks
[ ] had to borrow tampons (female only)
[ ] stain clothes with unprepared "period" (female only)
[ ] told having a hard on at a sleep over with a group of friends (male only)
[ ] having a hard on in public and couldn't disguise it (male only)
[ ] forgot to zip up
[ ] wore your clothes inside out
[ ] having someone tell your nostril hair sticking out of the nose
[ ] unintentional exposure of privates
[ ] having your pants caught up by the socks or having your dress caught up by your under-garment
[ ] white socks with black shoes
[ ] caught playing dressed up
[ ] having toilet paper/rubbish sticking onto your shoes without realising
[ ] wore socks with holes to a friend's place or while trying out new shoes
[ ] had strong discomfort smell of smelly feet or body Oder when you are among a group of friends
[ ] under pit sweat stain/dandruff shown clearly
[ ] someone sees dirty stains on your underwear
[ ] pee/pass motion with clothes still on
[ ] having something stuck on you without noticing (price tag/food)
[ ] clash into someone wearing the same clothes as you
[ ] having food stuck in between your teeth
[ ] arrive drench or wet in white/light colored clothes for work/date
[ ] having a ugly snapshot of you in magazine/newspaper/TV etc
[ ] having a bad hair day
[ ] mistake a customer for a staff
[ ] caught using imitation
[ ] dress in theme, for a non theme party
[ ] overgrown hair coming out from your swimming attire
[ ] had your pants pulled down in public before
Restrooms
[ ] caught up in a situation where you have nothing to clean your butt after bowel discharge
[ ] someone from the urinal beside you keeping looking at your privates (male only)
[ ] walk into a cubicle with someone in it
[ ] caught not washing hands after toilet usage by friends
[ ] forgot to flush/couldn't flush the bowl at friends' place
[ ] went into the toilet for the other sex
In Public
[ ] snore in public transport
[ ] drool in public transport
[ ] slept on a stranger's shoulder
[ ] mumbling alone in public
[ ] screamed or shouted in public because you thought you saw something that frighten you.
[ ] scream and shout when surprised when bumping onto long lost friends (screamer/receiver)
[ ] unintentional molested someone with your swing arms
[ ] recognise the wrong person and even talked to him for a moment
[ ] pressed on the wrong door bell when visiting a friend
[ ] everyone seems to be staring at you in public transport and you don't why
[ ] the only one with the back facing the lift door in a crowded lift.
[ ] farted in a lift and someone notice it was you
[ ] bumped onto a wall/lamppost/etc while walking on the street
[ ] ran/walk straight into a glass door or wall
[ ] tripped and fell down in front of the public
While trying to Impress
[ ] used vulgarity in front of people you want to impress
[ ] expressed a one sided love
[ ] caught having a blind date
[ ] someone showed photos of you which you longed to have them dispose
[ ] have your parents tell everyone about your embarrass childhood moments
[ ] pat a stranger's back and thought that he/she is your friend
[ ] having a conversation with someone, but instead he was having a phone conversation with another person
[ ] speaking behind someone back, when he/she is actually behind you
[ ] choked and throw up at some one's face (victim/culprit)
[ ] have your food fly across the table
[ ] paid for a meal with only coins
[ ] didn't bring enough to pay at the cashier
[ ] invalid/max out your credit card
Others
[ ] returned a used product/product you had damaged yourself
[ ] unintentional return or caught exchanging a gift someone gave you.
[ ] caught cheating
[ ] caught for a crime
[ ] being fired
[ ] fall asleep at school/work
[ ] public caning or detention
[ ] blush redder than a lobster
[ ] sang out of tune/pitch in public
[ ] ever danced like a chicken/fool in public
[ ] flag the wrong bus
[ ] fall in a bowling alley
[ ] express a wrong foreign word overseas, which carries another meaning
[ ] laughed and snored
[ ] squeeze something usual out from nose
[ ] fall backwards while rocking your chair
Scored: 54 out of 101. Not so bad, I thought I would score at least an 'A' (75%) but instead I got a 'C6' "academically". Well, at least I will not be criticised for scoring badly for sure a test.
Coming to terms with (this song reminds)Me(of Cafe de Mar), (and finally having you, all to)Myself and I(in return will give you my all, Calen).
Listening to the music of: Plumb - Blush (Only You)
When you look at me I start to blush
and all that I can say is you and us
oh baby I'm so afraid to be in love
with you, with you...
I wanna be in love with only you
I wanna watch the sky turn grey then blue
I wanna know the kiss thats always new
I wanna be in love with only you
just you
When stars are falling dark
will light the way
will hit the ground and fall
into the shade
ill light the night with fire
and run away
Anyway yesterday, I was chatting with Calen and he suddenly blush for something he did years ago, I guess was embarrassed over something I thought was common. I was enjoying the sweet and lovely moment, because I get to see another side of him looking innocent, shy and bashful. Calen, no worries, I believe that I had done more embarrassing things than you do.
Someone had send me a list in friendster and I decided to change some of them to embarrassing moments of my own. Calen, guess my score.
Caused by Alcohol
[ ] kissed someone who never would when you are sober
[ ] waking up not remembering who is beside you
[ ] trashed out in a gathering party (friends drew on you/stripped you and took photos)
[ ] kiss the wrong person when especially when your partner is around
[ ] done a striptease
[ ] vomited/thrown up in the club or street
[ ] slept on the roadside
[ ] create a (fight/quarrel) scene with a small issue
[ ] confess something to someone you should never have
[ ] make out with a stranger and regret the next day
[ ] make out with colleagues or friends
[ ] you/friend threw up in someone else vehicle
During Sex
[ ] caught having oral sex/sex in public
[ ] farted in front of your lover in bed
[ ] had your lover fall asleep half way while you were having foreplay/sex
[ ] caught having sex by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught masturbating by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught wearing the ugliest or dirtiest underwear during sex
[ ] caught wearing un-matching under garments (female only)
[ ] caught having un-matching tan
[ ] caught having porn collections/vibrator
[ ] wore the same clothes to work the next day
[ ] forgot to remove nipple stickers during sex (female only)
[ ] shout out the wrong name during sex
[ ] your partner told you that the orgasms are all fake (male only)
[ ] Premature Ejaculation/"die off" before sex (both parties)
[ ] have room service walked into the room while both of you were still naked
Apparel Disasters
[ ] wore two different colors socks
[ ] had to borrow tampons (female only)
[ ] stain clothes with unprepared "period" (female only)
[ ] told having a hard on at a sleep over with a group of friends (male only)
[ ] having a hard on in public and couldn't disguise it (male only)
[ ] forgot to zip up
[ ] wore your clothes inside out
[ ] having someone tell your nostril hair sticking out of the nose
[ ] unintentional exposure of privates
[ ] having your pants caught up by the socks or having your dress caught up by your under-garment
[ ] white socks with black shoes
[ ] caught playing dressed up
[ ] having toilet paper/rubbish sticking onto your shoes without realising
[ ] wore socks with holes to a friend's place or while trying out new shoes
[ ] had strong discomfort smell of smelly feet or body Oder when you are among a group of friends
[ ] under pit sweat stain/dandruff shown clearly
[ ] someone sees dirty stains on your underwear
[ ] pee/pass motion with clothes still on
[ ] having something stuck on you without noticing (price tag/food)
[ ] clash into someone wearing the same clothes as you
[ ] having food stuck in between your teeth
[ ] arrive drench or wet in white/light colored clothes for work/date
[ ] having a ugly snapshot of you in magazine/newspaper/TV etc
[ ] having a bad hair day
[ ] mistake a customer for a staff
[ ] caught using imitation
[ ] dress in theme, for a non theme party
[ ] overgrown hair coming out from your swimming attire
[ ] had your pants pulled down in public before
Restrooms
[ ] caught up in a situation where you have nothing to clean your butt after bowel discharge
[ ] someone from the urinal beside you keeping looking at your privates (male only)
[ ] walk into a cubicle with someone in it
[ ] caught not washing hands after toilet usage by friends
[ ] forgot to flush/couldn't flush the bowl at friends' place
[ ] went into the toilet for the other sex
In Public
[ ] snore in public transport
[ ] drool in public transport
[ ] slept on a stranger's shoulder
[ ] mumbling alone in public
[ ] screamed or shouted in public because you thought you saw something that frighten you.
[ ] scream and shout when surprised when bumping onto long lost friends (screamer/receiver)
[ ] unintentional molested someone with your swing arms
[ ] recognise the wrong person and even talked to him for a moment
[ ] pressed on the wrong door bell when visiting a friend
[ ] everyone seems to be staring at you in public transport and you don't why
[ ] the only one with the back facing the lift door in a crowded lift.
[ ] farted in a lift and someone notice it was you
[ ] bumped onto a wall/lamppost/etc while walking on the street
[ ] ran/walk straight into a glass door or wall
[ ] tripped and fell down in front of the public
While trying to Impress
[ ] used vulgarity in front of people you want to impress
[ ] expressed a one sided love
[ ] caught having a blind date
[ ] someone showed photos of you which you longed to have them dispose
[ ] have your parents tell everyone about your embarrass childhood moments
[ ] pat a stranger's back and thought that he/she is your friend
[ ] having a conversation with someone, but instead he was having a phone conversation with another person
[ ] speaking behind someone back, when he/she is actually behind you
[ ] choked and throw up at some one's face (victim/culprit)
[ ] have your food fly across the table
[ ] paid for a meal with only coins
[ ] didn't bring enough to pay at the cashier
[ ] invalid/max out your credit card
Others
[ ] returned a used product/product you had damaged yourself
[ ] unintentional return or caught exchanging a gift someone gave you.
[ ] caught cheating
[ ] caught for a crime
[ ] being fired
[ ] fall asleep at school/work
[ ] public caning or detention
[ ] blush redder than a lobster
[ ] sang out of tune/pitch in public
[ ] ever danced like a chicken/fool in public
[ ] flag the wrong bus
[ ] fall in a bowling alley
[ ] express a wrong foreign word overseas, which carries another meaning
[ ] laughed and snored
[ ] squeeze something usual out from nose
[ ] fall backwards while rocking your chair
Scored: 54 out of 101. Not so bad, I thought I would score at least an 'A' (75%) but instead I got a 'C6' "academically". Well, at least I will not be criticised for scoring badly for sure a test.
Coming to terms with (this song reminds)Me(of Cafe de Mar), (and finally having you, all to)Myself and I(in return will give you my all, Calen).
Listening to the music of: Plumb - Blush (Only You)
When you look at me I start to blush
and all that I can say is you and us
oh baby I'm so afraid to be in love
with you, with you...
I wanna be in love with only you
I wanna watch the sky turn grey then blue
I wanna know the kiss thats always new
I wanna be in love with only you
just you
When stars are falling dark
will light the way
will hit the ground and fall
into the shade
ill light the night with fire
and run away
Saturday, June 16, 2007
(Issue 65) Fag Hags
They say that every gay man has a FagHag that LOVES him, but lucky for me, I and my FEMMe, Huent, are the best of friends. We are friends that came a long way with several ups and downs, therefore we cared a lot for each other and are open to each other. She, unlike FagHags, only flirts with straight guys and enjoys straight clubs more than anywhere else. And because of her Straight-up Attitude and Behavior in Clubs, Huent was never be address as a FagHag in her life.
Recently, a girl told me that she had "broken up" her gay friend because he is attached, I was shock and astonish. Shouldn't she be happy for him? She told him that if he has to be in a relation, he have to choose to give her up, even as a friend. Could it be possessive? I wasn't sure, but was glad that I was not put in this situation.
What would I have done if I was in this situation? I will still choose to Love my bf, but I will not give up the friendship, especially when she is a worthy friend. I would convince her that no matter what I will still have time for her when she needs my support and she in fact has another friend to do the same, which would be my BF.
She acknowledge that she knows he would never love her, but she doesn't like to have lesser time with him. However, I do believe that even if he is not attached, he would also meet new friends and therefore instead of meeting her 7 days a week, he might meet her for 6.5 days a week. I wondered is this acceptable to her. I didn't dare to mention or ask.
COuld she be a FagHag? What actually defines a FagHag? I started to browse the net and had come across a number of interesting findings.
"You Are A True Fag Hag If...
-You are a straight girl and you spend more that 3/4 of your free time with your best friend who is gay.
-You would rather go to a gay club than a straight club
-Your fag gave you your own drag name
-You know all the gay guys at the local gay bar
-You been to and are well-known in all the gay bars
-You fag takes you shopping for mac makeup and then puts it on you
-Your dress, hair and makeup are always flawless
-You dress up in his drag gear on Saturday night or dress in drag together
-You dance with all the fags on stage when the DIVA's starts to sing
-YOu dance as if you are having sex with your fag
-You learned to Vogue from watching your fag
-You fall in love with your fag (which is a bad thing)
-You try to convert your fag (this will only ruin your relationship with him)
And lastly... you find your self not being able to live without him because you have so much fun with him."
"This type of woman is generally spoiled by the general delightfulness of gay men, therefore she may scorn straight men for their lack of personality and overall dullness."
"(n.) One who follows a homosexual guy for lack of own social life or out of extreme love. A hag is an exclusively heterosexual woman, often a young teenage girl, who is attached to her "fag" to the point of making frequent phone calls, excessive texting, nights out in gay bars, clubbing, shopping trips, spa trips, trips abroad, and sometimes even getting a joint mortgage. The hag has the ultimate power to veto dates, grade outfits, disillusion insecurities of her "fag". The relationship between a hag and her "fag" is sacred, characterised by extraordinary protectiveness."
"an overweight (fat) girl who spends most of her days with gay boys because straight boys aren't attracted to her. She has a lot of confidence and high self-esteem because her fags always compliment her and say that she's pretty (even thou through other peoples eyes, she's really not attractive). She's the center of attention at clubs and parties and all the fags want to dance with her and get her drunk. Sometimes (most of the time) the fag hag falls in love with her fag because he knows her in and out and understands her the most. Also when she's intoxicated she has a habit of making out with gay boys and at times hookin up with them (getting fingered, wackin off the fag, and rarely sex but it happens) then in some rare cases a fag hag gets pregnant by a fag and says its from a straight boy cause they dont wanna look stupid. Also a fag hag gets jealous when her fag hangs out with other gurls without her, or those that she doesn't know. A fag hags life is complicated because she can't fit in with the straight crowd and only feels comfortable with the fags, but unfortunately the gay world is not stable so she tries her best to stay in the loop of things so that she doesnt get replaced by a newer, younger, prettier, or somewat skinnier fag hag."
I didn't put this up to upset anyone as they are not my definitions but I find them funny and cute to read. But I think that regardless whether she is a FagHag or not, she should never interfere in her Fag's relationship, because afterall she is just a friend and not his Girl-Friend. Luckily Huent, knows which lines not to cross more than anyone (straight, gay/faghag, siblings or friends). Thanks Huent.
Coming to terms with (Lucky)Me, (to have a great 'Femme' that understand me better than)Myself and (no FAG HAG please)I.
Listening to the ultimate GAY music: Geri Halliwell-It's Raining Men
(*note: adult content in video. Calen please don't be angry, it's for the pleasure of readers, especially the lonely and maybe highly charged and driven Cricà, LOL.*)
Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you - You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely girls
and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -
Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, the street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men.
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!
Recently, a girl told me that she had "broken up" her gay friend because he is attached, I was shock and astonish. Shouldn't she be happy for him? She told him that if he has to be in a relation, he have to choose to give her up, even as a friend. Could it be possessive? I wasn't sure, but was glad that I was not put in this situation.
What would I have done if I was in this situation? I will still choose to Love my bf, but I will not give up the friendship, especially when she is a worthy friend. I would convince her that no matter what I will still have time for her when she needs my support and she in fact has another friend to do the same, which would be my BF.
She acknowledge that she knows he would never love her, but she doesn't like to have lesser time with him. However, I do believe that even if he is not attached, he would also meet new friends and therefore instead of meeting her 7 days a week, he might meet her for 6.5 days a week. I wondered is this acceptable to her. I didn't dare to mention or ask.
COuld she be a FagHag? What actually defines a FagHag? I started to browse the net and had come across a number of interesting findings.
"You Are A True Fag Hag If...
-You are a straight girl and you spend more that 3/4 of your free time with your best friend who is gay.
-You would rather go to a gay club than a straight club
-Your fag gave you your own drag name
-You know all the gay guys at the local gay bar
-You been to and are well-known in all the gay bars
-You fag takes you shopping for mac makeup and then puts it on you
-Your dress, hair and makeup are always flawless
-You dress up in his drag gear on Saturday night or dress in drag together
-You dance with all the fags on stage when the DIVA's starts to sing
-YOu dance as if you are having sex with your fag
-You learned to Vogue from watching your fag
-You fall in love with your fag (which is a bad thing)
-You try to convert your fag (this will only ruin your relationship with him)
And lastly... you find your self not being able to live without him because you have so much fun with him."
"This type of woman is generally spoiled by the general delightfulness of gay men, therefore she may scorn straight men for their lack of personality and overall dullness."
"(n.) One who follows a homosexual guy for lack of own social life or out of extreme love. A hag is an exclusively heterosexual woman, often a young teenage girl, who is attached to her "fag" to the point of making frequent phone calls, excessive texting, nights out in gay bars, clubbing, shopping trips, spa trips, trips abroad, and sometimes even getting a joint mortgage. The hag has the ultimate power to veto dates, grade outfits, disillusion insecurities of her "fag". The relationship between a hag and her "fag" is sacred, characterised by extraordinary protectiveness."
"an overweight (fat) girl who spends most of her days with gay boys because straight boys aren't attracted to her. She has a lot of confidence and high self-esteem because her fags always compliment her and say that she's pretty (even thou through other peoples eyes, she's really not attractive). She's the center of attention at clubs and parties and all the fags want to dance with her and get her drunk. Sometimes (most of the time) the fag hag falls in love with her fag because he knows her in and out and understands her the most. Also when she's intoxicated she has a habit of making out with gay boys and at times hookin up with them (getting fingered, wackin off the fag, and rarely sex but it happens) then in some rare cases a fag hag gets pregnant by a fag and says its from a straight boy cause they dont wanna look stupid. Also a fag hag gets jealous when her fag hangs out with other gurls without her, or those that she doesn't know. A fag hags life is complicated because she can't fit in with the straight crowd and only feels comfortable with the fags, but unfortunately the gay world is not stable so she tries her best to stay in the loop of things so that she doesnt get replaced by a newer, younger, prettier, or somewat skinnier fag hag."
I didn't put this up to upset anyone as they are not my definitions but I find them funny and cute to read. But I think that regardless whether she is a FagHag or not, she should never interfere in her Fag's relationship, because afterall she is just a friend and not his Girl-Friend. Luckily Huent, knows which lines not to cross more than anyone (straight, gay/faghag, siblings or friends). Thanks Huent.
Coming to terms with (Lucky)Me, (to have a great 'Femme' that understand me better than)Myself and (no FAG HAG please)I.
Listening to the ultimate GAY music: Geri Halliwell-It's Raining Men
(*note: adult content in video. Calen please don't be angry, it's for the pleasure of readers, especially the lonely and maybe highly charged and driven Cricà, LOL.*)
Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you - You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely girls
and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -
Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, the street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men.
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
(Issue 64) Results Slips
Recently, closest friends had been rejected job offers due to poor Academic Results that was at least 3 years ago, and these start to make me think. Should our entire life be based on the results we achieve during our adolescence years when we were playful and unaware of the importance to achieve good results? Does it also mean that your academic standard had not and will not improve since your last exams? Should we take these exams every 5 years to prove our improvement? And how fair are the test yearly, are they of the same standard every year?
Does this apply to our everyday life too? Can your Street Smartness be test and recorded on Academic Slips? Are testimonials from your Exs' equivalent to your grading in whether you are a Good Lover? I truly doubt the latter question, as everyone has their side of the story to tell.
If you think that the above is unfair, have you ever question yourself falling into their category and ever misjudge someone. There is no perfect solution, *wink* because nothing can be perfect.
Coming to terms with (felt misjudged)Me, (contradicting)Myself and (misjudging others)I.
This reminded me of a classic movie (Dangerous Minds) and its theme song: Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise
"Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me?"
"They say I gotta learn
But nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it , how can they reach me?
I guess they can't
I guess they won't, I guess they front
That's why I know my life is out of luck, fool! "
Does this apply to our everyday life too? Can your Street Smartness be test and recorded on Academic Slips? Are testimonials from your Exs' equivalent to your grading in whether you are a Good Lover? I truly doubt the latter question, as everyone has their side of the story to tell.
If you think that the above is unfair, have you ever question yourself falling into their category and ever misjudge someone. There is no perfect solution, *wink* because nothing can be perfect.
Coming to terms with (felt misjudged)Me, (contradicting)Myself and (misjudging others)I.
This reminded me of a classic movie (Dangerous Minds) and its theme song: Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise
"Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me?"
"They say I gotta learn
But nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it , how can they reach me?
I guess they can't
I guess they won't, I guess they front
That's why I know my life is out of luck, fool! "
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
(Issue 63) Sweet Talker
How true can words be for it not to come out as Sweet Talk? I guess the only way is for your actions to tell. I had been known to be a Sweet Talker and a Charmer, which is not a good thing, because to me, these are people who uses words to get into someone's else pants.
Then again how do one avoid to be named after them? Like my previous posts, words are getting cheap in this circle but we should not run away from love or never to trust love again because of them. Because one fine day you will find that special someone who will love you whole-heartedly. We need to give love a chance and also people who used to be players and sweet talkers a chance, because I believe that one day, they will grow and learn the true meaning of Love.
They could be what they are because of their past and they will be who they be in the future because of their present. Although we might not turn out to be the one who stay with them forever, but we could be the one who changed them and made them grow.
I guess I say this because the people around me had help me grow and mature (thank you everyone and sorry to those I hurt before) but if not for them and Calen, I guess my life would be different. Sometimes it is not that we are bad, but because we were unaware how hurtful our actions are.
I can only say, "Calen, time would prove with my actions to show. My vows to you are things I promise and like I say I wouldn't promise things that are impossible (i.e. no quarrels and disagreements), for they are part and parcels of a relation. But I promise that I'll hold on to you tighter everytime we have to go through an obstacle, as doing it together would make us understand each other better and bind us tighter. I can't read minds and therefore problems and disagreements must be surface so that I can know you better and avoid doing it to you again. For you I will go that extra mile, because I know you would do the same for me and also with you around I have someone to lean on when I need you the most. Please do not lose trust, confidence and faith in me. What's important is not what others think but how you feel when you are with me. I Love You from deep inside".
Coming to terms with (having you beside)Me, (knowing you and) Myself (better), and (still learning) I.
Listen closely to the Lyrics: Monica - Angel of Mine
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of mine
I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
I'm gonna love you boy you are so fine
Angel of Mine
How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow
You came into my life sent from above
When I lost all hope you showed me love
I'm checkin' for ya boy you're right on time
Angel of Mine
Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world can ever compare
Last night the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine
What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life sent from above (Sent from above)
When I lost all hope, you showed me love (Boy you showed me love)
I'm checkin' for ya, boy you're right on time (Right on Time)
Angel of Mine (Angel of mine)
I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were new,
Every breath that I take, the love that we make
I only share it with you (you, you, you,you)
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine
Then again how do one avoid to be named after them? Like my previous posts, words are getting cheap in this circle but we should not run away from love or never to trust love again because of them. Because one fine day you will find that special someone who will love you whole-heartedly. We need to give love a chance and also people who used to be players and sweet talkers a chance, because I believe that one day, they will grow and learn the true meaning of Love.
They could be what they are because of their past and they will be who they be in the future because of their present. Although we might not turn out to be the one who stay with them forever, but we could be the one who changed them and made them grow.
I guess I say this because the people around me had help me grow and mature (thank you everyone and sorry to those I hurt before) but if not for them and Calen, I guess my life would be different. Sometimes it is not that we are bad, but because we were unaware how hurtful our actions are.
I can only say, "Calen, time would prove with my actions to show. My vows to you are things I promise and like I say I wouldn't promise things that are impossible (i.e. no quarrels and disagreements), for they are part and parcels of a relation. But I promise that I'll hold on to you tighter everytime we have to go through an obstacle, as doing it together would make us understand each other better and bind us tighter. I can't read minds and therefore problems and disagreements must be surface so that I can know you better and avoid doing it to you again. For you I will go that extra mile, because I know you would do the same for me and also with you around I have someone to lean on when I need you the most. Please do not lose trust, confidence and faith in me. What's important is not what others think but how you feel when you are with me. I Love You from deep inside".
Coming to terms with (having you beside)Me, (knowing you and) Myself (better), and (still learning) I.
Listen closely to the Lyrics: Monica - Angel of Mine
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of mine
I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
I'm gonna love you boy you are so fine
Angel of Mine
How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow
You came into my life sent from above
When I lost all hope you showed me love
I'm checkin' for ya boy you're right on time
Angel of Mine
Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world can ever compare
Last night the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine
What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life sent from above (Sent from above)
When I lost all hope, you showed me love (Boy you showed me love)
I'm checkin' for ya, boy you're right on time (Right on Time)
Angel of Mine (Angel of mine)
I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were new,
Every breath that I take, the love that we make
I only share it with you (you, you, you,you)
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine
Sunday, June 10, 2007
(Issue 62) Love, Like & Adore + Pet Names
What is the difference between Love, Like and Adore? And which is the most appropriate word to use at the different stages of the relationship?
I remember Père told me once not to use the word "love" if you don't mean it. He realized that many people do not start with "like" and "adore", especially when the feeling for one another was pure admiration and infatuation. They used the word "Love" to someone they barely know but desire.
Like: to regard with favor; have a kindly or friendly feeling for (a person, group, etc.); find attractive
Adore: to like or admire very much
Love: A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. An intense emotional attachment.
Next on the list that are normally taken lightly, especially in this circle among common friends, are Pet Names. Again it was both Père and Cricà who warned me about the misused of Pet Names in this circle, especially in Clubs. Many of times they use them on close friends or as a common flirt. Always take note that, if you are not sure ask, because having a Pet Name (i.e. Dear, Wife, Baby, etc) doesn't meant that he has taken you as his partner or lover.
The above are situations that had happen to some friends of mine, when in most cases they are the victim rather than the 'player'. So many times victims thought they were being loved, especially with the things people said and promise, but just to be hurt by the other most hurtful sentence, "they thought you understood that it is just a mutual flirt". Words are getting cheap, and without saying or recognizing that he is ready to commit in a relationship, don't put too much hopes in it.
Lucky for me, I am now happily attached to someone who knows how to express himself well and always ask to confirm. Calen, my feelings for you are also true and deep from my heart.
Coming to terms with (Happy) Me, (feel excite for) Myself and (glad)I.
Dedicated to friends who are hurt by promises: P Diddy ft Brandy - Thought You Said
"Guess your words dont mean nothing to me
Thought you said thought you said that you loved me
Thought you said thought you said that you need me
Thought you said thought you said you complete me
Thought you said you were never gonna let it go
Thought you said thought you said when you held me
Thought you said thought you said when'd you tell me
Thought you said no one else could replace me
Thought you said that your never gonna let it go"
I remember Père told me once not to use the word "love" if you don't mean it. He realized that many people do not start with "like" and "adore", especially when the feeling for one another was pure admiration and infatuation. They used the word "Love" to someone they barely know but desire.
Like: to regard with favor; have a kindly or friendly feeling for (a person, group, etc.); find attractive
Adore: to like or admire very much
Love: A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. An intense emotional attachment.
Next on the list that are normally taken lightly, especially in this circle among common friends, are Pet Names. Again it was both Père and Cricà who warned me about the misused of Pet Names in this circle, especially in Clubs. Many of times they use them on close friends or as a common flirt. Always take note that, if you are not sure ask, because having a Pet Name (i.e. Dear, Wife, Baby, etc) doesn't meant that he has taken you as his partner or lover.
The above are situations that had happen to some friends of mine, when in most cases they are the victim rather than the 'player'. So many times victims thought they were being loved, especially with the things people said and promise, but just to be hurt by the other most hurtful sentence, "they thought you understood that it is just a mutual flirt". Words are getting cheap, and without saying or recognizing that he is ready to commit in a relationship, don't put too much hopes in it.
Lucky for me, I am now happily attached to someone who knows how to express himself well and always ask to confirm. Calen, my feelings for you are also true and deep from my heart.
Coming to terms with (Happy) Me, (feel excite for) Myself and (glad)I.
Dedicated to friends who are hurt by promises: P Diddy ft Brandy - Thought You Said
"Guess your words dont mean nothing to me
Thought you said thought you said that you loved me
Thought you said thought you said that you need me
Thought you said thought you said you complete me
Thought you said you were never gonna let it go
Thought you said thought you said when you held me
Thought you said thought you said when'd you tell me
Thought you said no one else could replace me
Thought you said that your never gonna let it go"
Friday, June 08, 2007
(Issue 61) Show Hand
I can't say I am perfect but I can say that I love with all my heart. I truly believe that as time goes by, my feelings will touch the person, but if it didn't, then it could only mean that we are not meant for one another after all.
I was disappointed when Calen told me (quite sometime back) that he doesn't believe in everlasting love. I could understand why one would feel this way in our circle, so I kept quiet. Does this means that he is prepared to give up on his relationship anytime? I understand that both of us are able to let go and move on fast, is it good or healthy for both of us?
I decided to bet my everything, because I know that even if this relationship doesn't last, I will not regret any of my actions, as to love someone is far much more better than to be loved. I am glad to have learn how to love like a parent to the child, always giving and hardly ask for returns. I am also glad that I have no one else to answer to but myself when a relationship fails," Did I give my all? Or was I lying my way through?".
No one gives a better answer other than TIME and your ACTIONS. People can choose to misunderstand you, love you or hate you, but the most important thing is that you work and live according to your heart, because the only person that is going to accompany you for your entire life is you, yourself and your actions. Learn to Love yourself and you will learn to be more positive and appreciative of whatever comes to you regardless of whether it is good or bad.
Coming to terms with (Having Someone Loving)Me, (thanks to you and)Myself (that we are together now) and (Blessed)I.
If you remember, we sang this song together before: Karen 莫文蔚 - Close to You
Why do birds suddenly appear, Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky, Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
On the day that you were born, The angels got together, And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold, And starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town, Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
I was disappointed when Calen told me (quite sometime back) that he doesn't believe in everlasting love. I could understand why one would feel this way in our circle, so I kept quiet. Does this means that he is prepared to give up on his relationship anytime? I understand that both of us are able to let go and move on fast, is it good or healthy for both of us?
I decided to bet my everything, because I know that even if this relationship doesn't last, I will not regret any of my actions, as to love someone is far much more better than to be loved. I am glad to have learn how to love like a parent to the child, always giving and hardly ask for returns. I am also glad that I have no one else to answer to but myself when a relationship fails," Did I give my all? Or was I lying my way through?".
No one gives a better answer other than TIME and your ACTIONS. People can choose to misunderstand you, love you or hate you, but the most important thing is that you work and live according to your heart, because the only person that is going to accompany you for your entire life is you, yourself and your actions. Learn to Love yourself and you will learn to be more positive and appreciative of whatever comes to you regardless of whether it is good or bad.
Coming to terms with (Having Someone Loving)Me, (thanks to you and)Myself (that we are together now) and (Blessed)I.
If you remember, we sang this song together before: Karen 莫文蔚 - Close to You
Why do birds suddenly appear, Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky, Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
On the day that you were born, The angels got together, And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold, And starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town, Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
(Issue 60) Moulding your Own Future
I received a message from Calen on the 2nd and it briefly mention that he liked me but thinks that we should meet lesser. It was then I understand the true meaning of mixed feelings.
I was feeling happy and excited to know that he has the same feelings as I does for him, yet puzzled and confused whether I do I really liked him or take him as a rebound or could it be just an infatuation? At the same time, I was also angry and disappointed. Why would he want us not to meet anymore/lesser? What is holding him back? What have I done wrong for him to shoo me off?
I had always found Calen pleasant to be around with, however I held back my feelings because he is a brother to Cricà and I didn't want to create any awkward situation. This message bothered me for the entire day and I decide to make my own move and let fate decide, and luckily I did.
*Calen likes to keep things in private, so I'm not telling the story*
I guess my early mentions of the future is in our own hands is proven in this situation. Every actions and every word might determine what will be install next for you. What if I didn't make the move, I guess it would be another "Woulda, Shoulda & Coulda".
Calen, I assure you that I am not taking you as a rebound. You have to trust me and take my word, for everything I say is true and deep from my heart.
Its from your favorite singer and the title matches our theme : 鄭秀文 - 如果我們不再見.
如何能 和你就此不相见？ 有时 还会恨
How is it possible for us not to ever meet again? Sometimes I will still hate.
I was feeling happy and excited to know that he has the same feelings as I does for him, yet puzzled and confused whether I do I really liked him or take him as a rebound or could it be just an infatuation? At the same time, I was also angry and disappointed. Why would he want us not to meet anymore/lesser? What is holding him back? What have I done wrong for him to shoo me off?
I had always found Calen pleasant to be around with, however I held back my feelings because he is a brother to Cricà and I didn't want to create any awkward situation. This message bothered me for the entire day and I decide to make my own move and let fate decide, and luckily I did.
*Calen likes to keep things in private, so I'm not telling the story*
I guess my early mentions of the future is in our own hands is proven in this situation. Every actions and every word might determine what will be install next for you. What if I didn't make the move, I guess it would be another "Woulda, Shoulda & Coulda".
Calen, I assure you that I am not taking you as a rebound. You have to trust me and take my word, for everything I say is true and deep from my heart.
Its from your favorite singer and the title matches our theme : 鄭秀文 - 如果我們不再見.
如何能 和你就此不相见？ 有时 还会恨
How is it possible for us not to ever meet again? Sometimes I will still hate.
Monday, June 04, 2007
(Issue 59) Greatest Treasure
Someone told me "It is not what insides u, define u. It is what u do", and I follow-up in my heart, "it is only because definitions comes from others". I come to realize that I had never fail to give everyone I met a poor first impression, but I am glad to have friends who had be willing to stay on to find out what I truly am.
Sometimes we must also learn to take stock of what we had experience and yet to experience in our life, because we are who we are today for what we had read, people we had met, environment we chose to live in and everything else in life. Are we what we had been aiming for? Are we improving upwards or sliding downwards?
After all, its our life. So start to decide what you want, know what you want, standby what you want, and do it as long as it does not hurt the lives of others. However, you also need to be aware that life is serious and respect your own life. I feel that many people out there thinks that they are having the time of their life and life couldn't get to another level of high. But in actual fact they are abusing themselves with drugs and self-inflated torture/injuries. I agree in playing hard but standby to being responsible not only to others, but yourself too.
I start to learn to look forward to a unknown tomorrow no matter how gloomy it maybe today, because I am the only one who can mold each day into what I want it to be, Happy or Sad, Worthy or Unworthy.
Coming to terms with (try to avoid playing with fire) Me, (love) Myself and (understanding that) I (own the greatest treasure in the world, which is my own life).
Singing to the tunes of: Incubus - Drive
"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there."
Sometimes we must also learn to take stock of what we had experience and yet to experience in our life, because we are who we are today for what we had read, people we had met, environment we chose to live in and everything else in life. Are we what we had been aiming for? Are we improving upwards or sliding downwards?
After all, its our life. So start to decide what you want, know what you want, standby what you want, and do it as long as it does not hurt the lives of others. However, you also need to be aware that life is serious and respect your own life. I feel that many people out there thinks that they are having the time of their life and life couldn't get to another level of high. But in actual fact they are abusing themselves with drugs and self-inflated torture/injuries. I agree in playing hard but standby to being responsible not only to others, but yourself too.
I start to learn to look forward to a unknown tomorrow no matter how gloomy it maybe today, because I am the only one who can mold each day into what I want it to be, Happy or Sad, Worthy or Unworthy.
Coming to terms with (try to avoid playing with fire) Me, (love) Myself and (understanding that) I (own the greatest treasure in the world, which is my own life).
Singing to the tunes of: Incubus - Drive
"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there."
Saturday, June 02, 2007
(Issue 58) Loving Myself ; Appreciating Life
Many called me Heartless while others take me as a Player, I can't deny that these names doesn't affect me, but my conscious remain clear. I had tried to explain, but simply asked myself why bother after all, if the person has biased against you, all your explanations are simply excuses.
If names is a price I will have to pay for being able to Love Myself, then it is simply a small price to pay. I have recently heard stories and have my closest "friend" tell me that she would want to leave the world for the unworthy love she is getting. If it is so unworthy, why would you want to exchange your live for it? Would he appreciate and love you more after you are gone? What about the people around you who had truly loved you for who you are all these years regardless of what you do?
I believe that one can only truly love another only after he is able to love himself. Some give their everything to their lover including themselves and dignity, in the end they realise that it has never been true love, because for love to last, both parties should be happy. A one-sided love will present its problems as time comes.
It is also when you know how to love yourself, you will be able to let go of the things you once loved without regrets, sometimes separation makes the other person happier and sometimes it is about the moments you have together and not how long it must last, especially when one have to suffer.
I came across this story:
When you are feeling hurt, pick up a pick of stone and hold it in your hand. Squeeze it tightly and ask yourself, "Does it hurt?". Nothing and no-one can hurt you more than yourself. You own your own life and therefore control it, no-one can control your life because every actions and decision is finally made on your own. Nothing can hurt you if you don't put it on your shoulder , the ghost from the past haunts you because you carry him around in your heart. Now you can choose to throw the stone, someone passes on to you, out of sight or hold it tight and hurt yourself?
It is a different story from my dad's but I think both have its purpose and meaning. Every time you fall, grasp something from the ground (regardless it is sand, soil or dirt) keep it in your pocket to remind yourself what makes you fall.
Coming to terms with (appreciating)Me, (knowing the importance to Love)Myself and I(run my own life).
Dancing to the tunes of: Boy George - Live My Life
"I tell you baby, this is no way to live
Make sacrifies, 'til there's nothing to give
Everyone says there's rules to obey
I can't follow when things never change"
"Who can say what tomorrow will bring
You give nothing, expecting everything
Ain't nobody's business
How I live my life
I learnt my lesson
Whether it's wrong or right
Ain't nobody baby
Gonna tell me how
I should live my life
Do live my way now
Satisfaction can be hard to find
I go crazy keeping it all inside"
If names is a price I will have to pay for being able to Love Myself, then it is simply a small price to pay. I have recently heard stories and have my closest "friend" tell me that she would want to leave the world for the unworthy love she is getting. If it is so unworthy, why would you want to exchange your live for it? Would he appreciate and love you more after you are gone? What about the people around you who had truly loved you for who you are all these years regardless of what you do?
I believe that one can only truly love another only after he is able to love himself. Some give their everything to their lover including themselves and dignity, in the end they realise that it has never been true love, because for love to last, both parties should be happy. A one-sided love will present its problems as time comes.
It is also when you know how to love yourself, you will be able to let go of the things you once loved without regrets, sometimes separation makes the other person happier and sometimes it is about the moments you have together and not how long it must last, especially when one have to suffer.
I came across this story:
When you are feeling hurt, pick up a pick of stone and hold it in your hand. Squeeze it tightly and ask yourself, "Does it hurt?". Nothing and no-one can hurt you more than yourself. You own your own life and therefore control it, no-one can control your life because every actions and decision is finally made on your own. Nothing can hurt you if you don't put it on your shoulder , the ghost from the past haunts you because you carry him around in your heart. Now you can choose to throw the stone, someone passes on to you, out of sight or hold it tight and hurt yourself?
It is a different story from my dad's but I think both have its purpose and meaning. Every time you fall, grasp something from the ground (regardless it is sand, soil or dirt) keep it in your pocket to remind yourself what makes you fall.
Coming to terms with (appreciating)Me, (knowing the importance to Love)Myself and I(run my own life).
Dancing to the tunes of: Boy George - Live My Life
"I tell you baby, this is no way to live
Make sacrifies, 'til there's nothing to give
Everyone says there's rules to obey
I can't follow when things never change"
"Who can say what tomorrow will bring
You give nothing, expecting everything
Ain't nobody's business
How I live my life
I learnt my lesson
Whether it's wrong or right
Ain't nobody baby
Gonna tell me how
I should live my life
Do live my way now
Satisfaction can be hard to find
I go crazy keeping it all inside"
Thursday, May 31, 2007
(Issue 57) Perfection
Why does it takes me 27 years to realise that I am no angel and there is no limit to perfection? Why seek perfection when you are not and what is the benchmark for perfect?
Unlike Mathematics test, you can achieve a perfect score but only because there is a define solution and answer to each problem, but could this be applied to our everyday life? Everyone has a different definition of "a Perfect Life", because we were each brought up in different environments, we meet different types/characters of people and have different likes and dislikes. How many of them are then satisfied with their "Perfect Life" after achieving them? There is no limits in life.
Someone once mentioned, "Every imperfect person are perfect in the eyes of people who loves them, as flaws can be compromise and also because love is blind". Funny but true, but as time passes in a relation, we started to see flaws, flaws that are present and obvious before we knew them or during the honeymoon stage, but we used to choice to foresee. Does this mean that we forgot to compromise or we chose not to close one eye for the "mistakes" he made?
But then again, in every actions that we do, there is a right and wrong, and the only difference is the percentage of rightness in each action. And for every action, there will be a reaction. If you could look another way, his actions could be a reaction of your actions, because we should never forget it takes two hands to clap and two to tango.
Coming to terms with (imperfect)Me, (no longer trying to outdo)Myself and (choose to be loved for what)I (am worth).
Singing Happily to the tunes of: Martin Nievera - Love me for what I am (Original Singer would be the Carpenters)
If what you want, Isn't natural for me
I won't pretend to keep you, What I am I have to be
The picture of perfection, Is only in your mind
For all your expectations, Love can never be designed
We either take each other, For ev'rything we are
Or leave the life, We've made behind, And make another start
You've got to love me, For what I am
For simply being me, Don't love me
For what you intend, Or hope that I will be
And if you're only using me, To feed your fantasy
You're really not in love, So let me go, I must be free
Unlike Mathematics test, you can achieve a perfect score but only because there is a define solution and answer to each problem, but could this be applied to our everyday life? Everyone has a different definition of "a Perfect Life", because we were each brought up in different environments, we meet different types/characters of people and have different likes and dislikes. How many of them are then satisfied with their "Perfect Life" after achieving them? There is no limits in life.
Someone once mentioned, "Every imperfect person are perfect in the eyes of people who loves them, as flaws can be compromise and also because love is blind". Funny but true, but as time passes in a relation, we started to see flaws, flaws that are present and obvious before we knew them or during the honeymoon stage, but we used to choice to foresee. Does this mean that we forgot to compromise or we chose not to close one eye for the "mistakes" he made?
But then again, in every actions that we do, there is a right and wrong, and the only difference is the percentage of rightness in each action. And for every action, there will be a reaction. If you could look another way, his actions could be a reaction of your actions, because we should never forget it takes two hands to clap and two to tango.
Coming to terms with (imperfect)Me, (no longer trying to outdo)Myself and (choose to be loved for what)I (am worth).
Singing Happily to the tunes of: Martin Nievera - Love me for what I am (Original Singer would be the Carpenters)
If what you want, Isn't natural for me
I won't pretend to keep you, What I am I have to be
The picture of perfection, Is only in your mind
For all your expectations, Love can never be designed
We either take each other, For ev'rything we are
Or leave the life, We've made behind, And make another start
You've got to love me, For what I am
For simply being me, Don't love me
For what you intend, Or hope that I will be
And if you're only using me, To feed your fantasy
You're really not in love, So let me go, I must be free
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
(Issue 56) To Nete, I never meant to Hurt
I am aware of my unfair actions to push you to the limits, and have a ridiculous thought that you would still be all for me after pushing you off the cliff. I hope you don't see it as if I push you off the cliff but instead I prevented you from falling into my bottomless pit. I did not want to start a relationship without confidence it would turn fruitful. I did not want you to suffer another lost so quickly after you put your heart into it. Sorry, I may sound fake and pretentious, I just care too much to hurt you.
Nete, I might be returning to Singapore for good, and I thought "Why not give this relationship another chance". However, I know that this chance is no longer up to me to decide. Therefore, I messaged you for a possible chance to meet, but was rejected due to another high possibility to feel hurt again by me, you 'postpone' it to an infinite date. I then told the last chance by telling you I have something important to tell you, and you laughed in your response. From this laughter, I could see that you are covering for the hurt I gave or you want to avoid talking.
Nete, I have learned that you closed your doors and it is also time for me to close mine. Although we never end up as a couple, I shall say that you had and always been good to me, regardless of the countless unpleasant experience I throw to you. Thank you and I am forever sorry. I hope that you would find someone more worth falling in love than me. Hopefully one day when we meet again, we can be friends lending support to one another and not acquaintance.
Coming to terms with (deep from my heart, I hope you could understand my actions and forgive)Me, (couldn't even make peace with)Myself and (will learn to closed this door and move on)I.
Singing out loud to: Christina Aguilera - Hurt
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
Nete, I might be returning to Singapore for good, and I thought "Why not give this relationship another chance". However, I know that this chance is no longer up to me to decide. Therefore, I messaged you for a possible chance to meet, but was rejected due to another high possibility to feel hurt again by me, you 'postpone' it to an infinite date. I then told the last chance by telling you I have something important to tell you, and you laughed in your response. From this laughter, I could see that you are covering for the hurt I gave or you want to avoid talking.
Nete, I have learned that you closed your doors and it is also time for me to close mine. Although we never end up as a couple, I shall say that you had and always been good to me, regardless of the countless unpleasant experience I throw to you. Thank you and I am forever sorry. I hope that you would find someone more worth falling in love than me. Hopefully one day when we meet again, we can be friends lending support to one another and not acquaintance.
Coming to terms with (deep from my heart, I hope you could understand my actions and forgive)Me, (couldn't even make peace with)Myself and (will learn to closed this door and move on)I.
Singing out loud to: Christina Aguilera - Hurt
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
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