What is the difference between Love, Like and Adore? And which is the most appropriate word to use at the different stages of the relationship?
I remember Père told me once not to use the word "love" if you don't mean it. He realized that many people do not start with "like" and "adore", especially when the feeling for one another was pure admiration and infatuation. They used the word "Love" to someone they barely know but desire.
Like: to regard with favor; have a kindly or friendly feeling for (a person, group, etc.); find attractive
Adore: to like or admire very much
Love: A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. An intense emotional attachment.
Next on the list that are normally taken lightly, especially in this circle among common friends, are Pet Names. Again it was both Père and Cricà who warned me about the misused of Pet Names in this circle, especially in Clubs. Many of times they use them on close friends or as a common flirt. Always take note that, if you are not sure ask, because having a Pet Name (i.e. Dear, Wife, Baby, etc) doesn't meant that he has taken you as his partner or lover.
The above are situations that had happen to some friends of mine, when in most cases they are the victim rather than the 'player'. So many times victims thought they were being loved, especially with the things people said and promise, but just to be hurt by the other most hurtful sentence, "they thought you understood that it is just a mutual flirt". Words are getting cheap, and without saying or recognizing that he is ready to commit in a relationship, don't put too much hopes in it.
Lucky for me, I am now happily attached to someone who knows how to express himself well and always ask to confirm. Calen, my feelings for you are also true and deep from my heart.
Coming to terms with (Happy) Me, (feel excite for) Myself and (glad)I.
Dedicated to friends who are hurt by promises: P Diddy ft Brandy - Thought You Said
"Guess your words dont mean nothing to me
Thought you said thought you said that you loved me
Thought you said thought you said that you need me
Thought you said thought you said you complete me
Thought you said you were never gonna let it go
Thought you said thought you said when you held me
Thought you said thought you said when'd you tell me
Thought you said no one else could replace me
Thought you said that your never gonna let it go"
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Saturday, June 09, 2007
(Love Tales 5) Part One- Reunited
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:15 AM
"Hey, hold up, please." I was about to press the 'Door Close' button when a familiar voice alerted me to halt. I almost missed the voice as fatigue from the hectic work day threatened to drown my senses. I shut my eyes and rubbed my neck. As my eyes fluttered open, a gasp of surprise escaped from my throat as the imposing figure stood beside me.
His achingly familiar baritone pierced through the air. "Sean?"
Shock gripped me all of a sudden. I was tongue-tied for words. "Hi?Christopher, how have you been?" A mix of loss and regret bloomed inside me as I studied his features. He looked visibly older and mellower in his early thirties. His eyes still sparkled intelligently but there was a deep sadness and severity that molded his features. There was a hint of white hair at the edges. Christopher was still attractive in his enigmatic manner; his built grew tougher and leaner over the years and he exuded a masculine grace that seemed to make the lift claustrophobic.
He was equally shocked at seeing me here. The pause grew deafening before he recollected himself and said, "I am fine. Are you working here?"
I plastered a smile and nodded politely. "I've been working here for three years now at International Plaza. An accountant. Boring job." I tried to avoid his eye contact and kept my head low, staring at the floor of the lift.
The journey down to the 1st floor was so agonizingly slow. I had an urge to burst out of the lift like a popped champagne cork.
"Are you free tonight? Care to join me for a drink?" Christopher asked earnestly.
I shook my head hastily and pressed the button of the lift again. "I got an appointment. I am sorry."
"Well, then can you give me your phone number? I want to meet you again."
My tone was shaky as I clenched my fist tightly. "Er.. I don't really see the need."
Christopher edged dangerously closer. "Damn it, it's been six years. Can you learn to forgive yourself?"
The tears streamed down as I spurted out angrily. "I was the one who saw him jump. He made me remember. It was a mistake from the start. I shouldn't have betrayed him." I looked at him accusingly, "It's a person's life. How could you take it so lightly?"
I backed away from him, covered my face with my clammy hands and cried with shame, "He was my best friend." My briefcase dropped to the floor with a resounding thud.
Christopher stepped closer and took my shoulders as I wrecked up in sobs.
"Please, don't touch me. Just stay away from me." I screamed and sucked in the air heavily. Christopher treaded backwards to give me space. His eyes were red and he was heaving in difficulty and gasping for air. "Okay, calm down."
He coughed loudly and slumped to the floor. There was a loud weezing sound as he struggled to get the air inside his lungs. "My ventolin for my asthma?" He pointed to the bag he left on the corner of the lift.
I shouted, jumped and quickly gathered myself. I reached for his bag and ransacked for his medication. My heart cried out when I handed him gingerly his medication.
Christopher pressed the tip of the tube and inhaled heavily. He steadied himself before taking another huge breath.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:15 AM
"Hey, hold up, please." I was about to press the 'Door Close' button when a familiar voice alerted me to halt. I almost missed the voice as fatigue from the hectic work day threatened to drown my senses. I shut my eyes and rubbed my neck. As my eyes fluttered open, a gasp of surprise escaped from my throat as the imposing figure stood beside me.
His achingly familiar baritone pierced through the air. "Sean?"
Shock gripped me all of a sudden. I was tongue-tied for words. "Hi?Christopher, how have you been?" A mix of loss and regret bloomed inside me as I studied his features. He looked visibly older and mellower in his early thirties. His eyes still sparkled intelligently but there was a deep sadness and severity that molded his features. There was a hint of white hair at the edges. Christopher was still attractive in his enigmatic manner; his built grew tougher and leaner over the years and he exuded a masculine grace that seemed to make the lift claustrophobic.
He was equally shocked at seeing me here. The pause grew deafening before he recollected himself and said, "I am fine. Are you working here?"
I plastered a smile and nodded politely. "I've been working here for three years now at International Plaza. An accountant. Boring job." I tried to avoid his eye contact and kept my head low, staring at the floor of the lift.
The journey down to the 1st floor was so agonizingly slow. I had an urge to burst out of the lift like a popped champagne cork.
"Are you free tonight? Care to join me for a drink?" Christopher asked earnestly.
I shook my head hastily and pressed the button of the lift again. "I got an appointment. I am sorry."
"Well, then can you give me your phone number? I want to meet you again."
My tone was shaky as I clenched my fist tightly. "Er.. I don't really see the need."
Christopher edged dangerously closer. "Damn it, it's been six years. Can you learn to forgive yourself?"
The tears streamed down as I spurted out angrily. "I was the one who saw him jump. He made me remember. It was a mistake from the start. I shouldn't have betrayed him." I looked at him accusingly, "It's a person's life. How could you take it so lightly?"
I backed away from him, covered my face with my clammy hands and cried with shame, "He was my best friend." My briefcase dropped to the floor with a resounding thud.
Christopher stepped closer and took my shoulders as I wrecked up in sobs.
"Please, don't touch me. Just stay away from me." I screamed and sucked in the air heavily. Christopher treaded backwards to give me space. His eyes were red and he was heaving in difficulty and gasping for air. "Okay, calm down."
He coughed loudly and slumped to the floor. There was a loud weezing sound as he struggled to get the air inside his lungs. "My ventolin for my asthma?" He pointed to the bag he left on the corner of the lift.
I shouted, jumped and quickly gathered myself. I reached for his bag and ransacked for his medication. My heart cried out when I handed him gingerly his medication.
Christopher pressed the tip of the tube and inhaled heavily. He steadied himself before taking another huge breath.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Friday, June 08, 2007
(Issue 61) Show Hand
I can't say I am perfect but I can say that I love with all my heart. I truly believe that as time goes by, my feelings will touch the person, but if it didn't, then it could only mean that we are not meant for one another after all.
I was disappointed when Calen told me (quite sometime back) that he doesn't believe in everlasting love. I could understand why one would feel this way in our circle, so I kept quiet. Does this means that he is prepared to give up on his relationship anytime? I understand that both of us are able to let go and move on fast, is it good or healthy for both of us?
I decided to bet my everything, because I know that even if this relationship doesn't last, I will not regret any of my actions, as to love someone is far much more better than to be loved. I am glad to have learn how to love like a parent to the child, always giving and hardly ask for returns. I am also glad that I have no one else to answer to but myself when a relationship fails," Did I give my all? Or was I lying my way through?".
No one gives a better answer other than TIME and your ACTIONS. People can choose to misunderstand you, love you or hate you, but the most important thing is that you work and live according to your heart, because the only person that is going to accompany you for your entire life is you, yourself and your actions. Learn to Love yourself and you will learn to be more positive and appreciative of whatever comes to you regardless of whether it is good or bad.
Coming to terms with (Having Someone Loving)Me, (thanks to you and)Myself (that we are together now) and (Blessed)I.
If you remember, we sang this song together before: Karen 莫文蔚 - Close to You
Why do birds suddenly appear, Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky, Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
On the day that you were born, The angels got together, And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold, And starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town, Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
I was disappointed when Calen told me (quite sometime back) that he doesn't believe in everlasting love. I could understand why one would feel this way in our circle, so I kept quiet. Does this means that he is prepared to give up on his relationship anytime? I understand that both of us are able to let go and move on fast, is it good or healthy for both of us?
I decided to bet my everything, because I know that even if this relationship doesn't last, I will not regret any of my actions, as to love someone is far much more better than to be loved. I am glad to have learn how to love like a parent to the child, always giving and hardly ask for returns. I am also glad that I have no one else to answer to but myself when a relationship fails," Did I give my all? Or was I lying my way through?".
No one gives a better answer other than TIME and your ACTIONS. People can choose to misunderstand you, love you or hate you, but the most important thing is that you work and live according to your heart, because the only person that is going to accompany you for your entire life is you, yourself and your actions. Learn to Love yourself and you will learn to be more positive and appreciative of whatever comes to you regardless of whether it is good or bad.
Coming to terms with (Having Someone Loving)Me, (thanks to you and)Myself (that we are together now) and (Blessed)I.
If you remember, we sang this song together before: Karen 莫文蔚 - Close to You
Why do birds suddenly appear, Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky, Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
On the day that you were born, The angels got together, And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold, And starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town, Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
(Love Tales 4) Part Four- Noel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:19 PM
I heaved a gusty sigh before I took the lift up to Nick's apartment. I figured that I couldn't slot my card in his letterbox because of the musical box, so I had to deliver it by hand. I did not think Nick will want to see me after all the embarrassment I have caused him. I will just press the doorbell and leave the present and card at his doorstep. I just wanted to stay a while and sneak a peek at him and make sure he's alright; that's all. It took me fifteen minutes to find the courage to press the buzz. I scooted off and hid myself behind the wall. The door parted slightly and opened. The thread of longing in my heart stretched taut as I saw Nick opening the grilled gates. He was dressed normally in a worn-out shirt and shorts. It felt like nothing has changed since the last time I met him. He still had that rugged lanky form but his hair was cut shorter and his cheekbones were more defined. When he picked up the card and present, I couldn't control the tears trickling down my cheeks. I missed him so much that I wanted to run over to him and tell him that I still love him after all these years. It was not a sleazy teenage crush that faded with time. In fact, my feelings for Nick had grown stronger. After so many meaningless sexual encounters with men, I still thought about how my heartbeats will accelerate at the sight of Nick. I still remembered the brief reckless kiss we shared. I never regretted my confession of love to him.
Nick sat down on his doorstep and adjusted his gold-rimmed spectacles as he read the card. Tears gathered in his eyes as he took out the musical box with caution. He covered his face with one palm and cried my name. I pressed my mouth to choke back my wrecked sobs. It felt really agonizing to see someone whom you love in pain. I hated the ironic feeling of being so physically close to Nick yet I can't touch him. I had tried letting go but I completely failed. Nick wiped his tears away, stood up with the card and present and started to close the door. I didn't know what made me burst out and shout his name. The thought of spending another Christmas without him chilled my heart.
When Nick saw me standing just a few meters from his door, he was momentarily stunned. He put down the present and card and gravitated cautiously out of his door, saying, "Gabriel, is that you?" He couldn't believe his eyes. My lips were trembling as I uttered a delicate "Yes". I never dreamt that I would be able to see Nick again. Tears kept trickling out of my eyes involuntarily. My feet gathered pace towards him as I burst into a ragged cry.
Nick grabbed me tightly into an embrace that made me forgot about the tears, longing and the abuses I have suffered for these 5 years. Nick molded his palms flat across my cheeks, refusing to believe that it was me standing right in front of him. He lashed out emotionally, "Where have you been all these years? I tried to look for you but only to find out that you have sold your house and moved out. Why didn't you come and look for me?"
I couldn't answer. The joy at seeing Nick again chased any logic from my head.
He caressed my hair and noted, "You have grown up."
I nodded and said truthfully, "But in my heart, nothing has changed all these while."
Nick looked at me and rationalized, "You are such a fool. I am too old for you now." I shook my head and maintained, "It was never just a crush. I knew whom I loved back then. I knew who cared for me and I knew you loved me all this while. I saw how you cried when you read the card."
Nick laughed bitterly, "Yes, I have always been a confused fool. It would be selfish of me to take advantage of your youth. I had to leave and do the right thing. I was so damn scared at what I was feeling. Just imagine how big a scandal it would cause if we were to be seen together."
I nodded and said resolutely, "I knew; and so I waited. And I will continue to wait for you for as long as it takes."
When Nick hugged me with a chuckle, I never felt such overwhelming joy before in my past 23 years. I felt as if I have returned home after being away for a long, long time. To me, age was just a state of mind. I just wanted someone to love me with his heart.
Nick broke the reunion with a sudden question and pointed to my bruises on my forearm. "What happened to you?"
I told him frankly what had happened. There was a mix of disbelief and shock in his eyes.
"How long have you been doing this?" Nick asked worriedly.
"For three years. On and off. Mom needed the money to pay her bills and Max needed the money to study. I can't rely on Auntie's help every time."
Nick led me inside his house and quickly fetched the First Aids box from his kitchen cabinet. He took some cotton wool and applied some ointment to my bruises with gentle care.
I hung my head in shame as tears ran down languidly. "Will you despise me?"
Nick just took my hands and brushed the fallen locks of my hair. "No, but promise me that you will never do this again." I smiled with gratitude and buried my face in his chest. "Thank you. You don't know what this means to me."
For a long time, Nick and I just laid there quietly. I was so tired that I couldn't think anymore. Nick breathed in deeply and kissed me softly on my forehead, "Merry Christmas, Gabriel." I shut my eyes and tried to etch this beautiful moment in my memory. Nick's eyes were smiling and I couldn?t resist planting a soft kiss on his lips. I could feel the surge of unspoken love that flowed between us. My eyes squeezed tightly as I cherished the tenderness that coursed through us.
There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts, but this Christmas is the best that I have had in years. This was all because of Nick and the love in my heart. I saw the crystal musical box with the angel sparkling in the dark beauty of the night and smiled wistfully. Its beauty was fleeting and transient; if one hesitated for a moment, he or she will lose the chance of ever capturing that again. I knew there will be more disappointments and scars to come, but with these beautiful moments of love embedded in my memories, I didn't think there was anything more for me to regret.
I traced Nick's jaws gently and whispered with blossoming joy, "I love you, Nick. Merry Christmas." The angel suddenly pirouetted with the enchanting tune of "Holy Night". Nick and I stared at each other blankly for a moment and burst out laughing until tears came out. Miracles did happen once in a while.
-THE END-
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:19 PM
I heaved a gusty sigh before I took the lift up to Nick's apartment. I figured that I couldn't slot my card in his letterbox because of the musical box, so I had to deliver it by hand. I did not think Nick will want to see me after all the embarrassment I have caused him. I will just press the doorbell and leave the present and card at his doorstep. I just wanted to stay a while and sneak a peek at him and make sure he's alright; that's all. It took me fifteen minutes to find the courage to press the buzz. I scooted off and hid myself behind the wall. The door parted slightly and opened. The thread of longing in my heart stretched taut as I saw Nick opening the grilled gates. He was dressed normally in a worn-out shirt and shorts. It felt like nothing has changed since the last time I met him. He still had that rugged lanky form but his hair was cut shorter and his cheekbones were more defined. When he picked up the card and present, I couldn't control the tears trickling down my cheeks. I missed him so much that I wanted to run over to him and tell him that I still love him after all these years. It was not a sleazy teenage crush that faded with time. In fact, my feelings for Nick had grown stronger. After so many meaningless sexual encounters with men, I still thought about how my heartbeats will accelerate at the sight of Nick. I still remembered the brief reckless kiss we shared. I never regretted my confession of love to him.
Nick sat down on his doorstep and adjusted his gold-rimmed spectacles as he read the card. Tears gathered in his eyes as he took out the musical box with caution. He covered his face with one palm and cried my name. I pressed my mouth to choke back my wrecked sobs. It felt really agonizing to see someone whom you love in pain. I hated the ironic feeling of being so physically close to Nick yet I can't touch him. I had tried letting go but I completely failed. Nick wiped his tears away, stood up with the card and present and started to close the door. I didn't know what made me burst out and shout his name. The thought of spending another Christmas without him chilled my heart.
When Nick saw me standing just a few meters from his door, he was momentarily stunned. He put down the present and card and gravitated cautiously out of his door, saying, "Gabriel, is that you?" He couldn't believe his eyes. My lips were trembling as I uttered a delicate "Yes". I never dreamt that I would be able to see Nick again. Tears kept trickling out of my eyes involuntarily. My feet gathered pace towards him as I burst into a ragged cry.
Nick grabbed me tightly into an embrace that made me forgot about the tears, longing and the abuses I have suffered for these 5 years. Nick molded his palms flat across my cheeks, refusing to believe that it was me standing right in front of him. He lashed out emotionally, "Where have you been all these years? I tried to look for you but only to find out that you have sold your house and moved out. Why didn't you come and look for me?"
I couldn't answer. The joy at seeing Nick again chased any logic from my head.
He caressed my hair and noted, "You have grown up."
I nodded and said truthfully, "But in my heart, nothing has changed all these while."
Nick looked at me and rationalized, "You are such a fool. I am too old for you now." I shook my head and maintained, "It was never just a crush. I knew whom I loved back then. I knew who cared for me and I knew you loved me all this while. I saw how you cried when you read the card."
Nick laughed bitterly, "Yes, I have always been a confused fool. It would be selfish of me to take advantage of your youth. I had to leave and do the right thing. I was so damn scared at what I was feeling. Just imagine how big a scandal it would cause if we were to be seen together."
I nodded and said resolutely, "I knew; and so I waited. And I will continue to wait for you for as long as it takes."
When Nick hugged me with a chuckle, I never felt such overwhelming joy before in my past 23 years. I felt as if I have returned home after being away for a long, long time. To me, age was just a state of mind. I just wanted someone to love me with his heart.
Nick broke the reunion with a sudden question and pointed to my bruises on my forearm. "What happened to you?"
I told him frankly what had happened. There was a mix of disbelief and shock in his eyes.
"How long have you been doing this?" Nick asked worriedly.
"For three years. On and off. Mom needed the money to pay her bills and Max needed the money to study. I can't rely on Auntie's help every time."
Nick led me inside his house and quickly fetched the First Aids box from his kitchen cabinet. He took some cotton wool and applied some ointment to my bruises with gentle care.
I hung my head in shame as tears ran down languidly. "Will you despise me?"
Nick just took my hands and brushed the fallen locks of my hair. "No, but promise me that you will never do this again." I smiled with gratitude and buried my face in his chest. "Thank you. You don't know what this means to me."
For a long time, Nick and I just laid there quietly. I was so tired that I couldn't think anymore. Nick breathed in deeply and kissed me softly on my forehead, "Merry Christmas, Gabriel." I shut my eyes and tried to etch this beautiful moment in my memory. Nick's eyes were smiling and I couldn?t resist planting a soft kiss on his lips. I could feel the surge of unspoken love that flowed between us. My eyes squeezed tightly as I cherished the tenderness that coursed through us.
There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts, but this Christmas is the best that I have had in years. This was all because of Nick and the love in my heart. I saw the crystal musical box with the angel sparkling in the dark beauty of the night and smiled wistfully. Its beauty was fleeting and transient; if one hesitated for a moment, he or she will lose the chance of ever capturing that again. I knew there will be more disappointments and scars to come, but with these beautiful moments of love embedded in my memories, I didn't think there was anything more for me to regret.
I traced Nick's jaws gently and whispered with blossoming joy, "I love you, Nick. Merry Christmas." The angel suddenly pirouetted with the enchanting tune of "Holy Night". Nick and I stared at each other blankly for a moment and burst out laughing until tears came out. Miracles did happen once in a while.
-THE END-
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
(Issue 60) Moulding your Own Future
I received a message from Calen on the 2nd and it briefly mention that he liked me but thinks that we should meet lesser. It was then I understand the true meaning of mixed feelings.
I was feeling happy and excited to know that he has the same feelings as I does for him, yet puzzled and confused whether I do I really liked him or take him as a rebound or could it be just an infatuation? At the same time, I was also angry and disappointed. Why would he want us not to meet anymore/lesser? What is holding him back? What have I done wrong for him to shoo me off?
I had always found Calen pleasant to be around with, however I held back my feelings because he is a brother to Cricà and I didn't want to create any awkward situation. This message bothered me for the entire day and I decide to make my own move and let fate decide, and luckily I did.
*Calen likes to keep things in private, so I'm not telling the story*
I guess my early mentions of the future is in our own hands is proven in this situation. Every actions and every word might determine what will be install next for you. What if I didn't make the move, I guess it would be another "Woulda, Shoulda & Coulda".
Calen, I assure you that I am not taking you as a rebound. You have to trust me and take my word, for everything I say is true and deep from my heart.
Its from your favorite singer and the title matches our theme : 鄭秀文 - 如果我們不再見.
如何能 和你就此不相见？ 有时 还会恨
How is it possible for us not to ever meet again? Sometimes I will still hate.
I was feeling happy and excited to know that he has the same feelings as I does for him, yet puzzled and confused whether I do I really liked him or take him as a rebound or could it be just an infatuation? At the same time, I was also angry and disappointed. Why would he want us not to meet anymore/lesser? What is holding him back? What have I done wrong for him to shoo me off?
I had always found Calen pleasant to be around with, however I held back my feelings because he is a brother to Cricà and I didn't want to create any awkward situation. This message bothered me for the entire day and I decide to make my own move and let fate decide, and luckily I did.
*Calen likes to keep things in private, so I'm not telling the story*
I guess my early mentions of the future is in our own hands is proven in this situation. Every actions and every word might determine what will be install next for you. What if I didn't make the move, I guess it would be another "Woulda, Shoulda & Coulda".
Calen, I assure you that I am not taking you as a rebound. You have to trust me and take my word, for everything I say is true and deep from my heart.
Its from your favorite singer and the title matches our theme : 鄭秀文 - 如果我們不再見.
如何能 和你就此不相见？ 有时 还会恨
How is it possible for us not to ever meet again? Sometimes I will still hate.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
(Love Tales 4) Part Three- Noel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 3 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:16 PM
The ethereal crystal angel was spinning in an instrumental rendition of "Holy Night", captivating in his grace. He was gripping a trumpet, joyfully heralding the arrival of Christmas with a beatific smile. His beautifully carved wings soared as he danced in the air. I had been staring at the intricate musical box for the past ten minutes, wondering if this was the gift I wanted to get for Nick. I looked anxiously at the price tag and calculated mentally if I had enough money to last the coming semester. Deciding against my wisdom, I told the shop assistant at to wrap up the crystalline musical box and fished out the money from my wallet. Satisfied with the purchase, I left Paragon and went straight to Borders to pick up a Christmas card. I spent quite some time, conjuring up the words to express my inner feelings. It was difficult to express my emotions after a period of emotional detachment as a rent-boy. I picked up the pen gingerly and organized my thoughts.
Hi Nick,
How time flies. Five Christmases have passed since we met.
I hope you are doing fine.
Rest assured. I still hold that promise to you that I will finish university. This coming semester will be my last semester and I will be starting work as a junior accountant. It was hard to juggle with the school work cos; Mom was down with an illness that caused her thyroid glands to swell. Her vision became hazy. Fortunately, she is doing fine with constant medication. I feel particularly happy this Christmas because I have quitted doing something which I don't feel proud of. I hope you will like the musical box I have gotten for you. I just wanted to get something special for you this year now that I can afford it.
Thank you for all the things you have done for me. I just want you to know these five years have not changed the way I feel.
Regards,
Gabriel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 3 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:16 PM
The ethereal crystal angel was spinning in an instrumental rendition of "Holy Night", captivating in his grace. He was gripping a trumpet, joyfully heralding the arrival of Christmas with a beatific smile. His beautifully carved wings soared as he danced in the air. I had been staring at the intricate musical box for the past ten minutes, wondering if this was the gift I wanted to get for Nick. I looked anxiously at the price tag and calculated mentally if I had enough money to last the coming semester. Deciding against my wisdom, I told the shop assistant at to wrap up the crystalline musical box and fished out the money from my wallet. Satisfied with the purchase, I left Paragon and went straight to Borders to pick up a Christmas card. I spent quite some time, conjuring up the words to express my inner feelings. It was difficult to express my emotions after a period of emotional detachment as a rent-boy. I picked up the pen gingerly and organized my thoughts.
Hi Nick,
How time flies. Five Christmases have passed since we met.
I hope you are doing fine.
Rest assured. I still hold that promise to you that I will finish university. This coming semester will be my last semester and I will be starting work as a junior accountant. It was hard to juggle with the school work cos; Mom was down with an illness that caused her thyroid glands to swell. Her vision became hazy. Fortunately, she is doing fine with constant medication. I feel particularly happy this Christmas because I have quitted doing something which I don't feel proud of. I hope you will like the musical box I have gotten for you. I just wanted to get something special for you this year now that I can afford it.
Thank you for all the things you have done for me. I just want you to know these five years have not changed the way I feel.
Regards,
Gabriel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Monday, June 04, 2007
(Issue 59) Greatest Treasure
Someone told me "It is not what insides u, define u. It is what u do", and I follow-up in my heart, "it is only because definitions comes from others". I come to realize that I had never fail to give everyone I met a poor first impression, but I am glad to have friends who had be willing to stay on to find out what I truly am.
Sometimes we must also learn to take stock of what we had experience and yet to experience in our life, because we are who we are today for what we had read, people we had met, environment we chose to live in and everything else in life. Are we what we had been aiming for? Are we improving upwards or sliding downwards?
After all, its our life. So start to decide what you want, know what you want, standby what you want, and do it as long as it does not hurt the lives of others. However, you also need to be aware that life is serious and respect your own life. I feel that many people out there thinks that they are having the time of their life and life couldn't get to another level of high. But in actual fact they are abusing themselves with drugs and self-inflated torture/injuries. I agree in playing hard but standby to being responsible not only to others, but yourself too.
I start to learn to look forward to a unknown tomorrow no matter how gloomy it maybe today, because I am the only one who can mold each day into what I want it to be, Happy or Sad, Worthy or Unworthy.
Coming to terms with (try to avoid playing with fire) Me, (love) Myself and (understanding that) I (own the greatest treasure in the world, which is my own life).
Singing to the tunes of: Incubus - Drive
"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there."
Sometimes we must also learn to take stock of what we had experience and yet to experience in our life, because we are who we are today for what we had read, people we had met, environment we chose to live in and everything else in life. Are we what we had been aiming for? Are we improving upwards or sliding downwards?
After all, its our life. So start to decide what you want, know what you want, standby what you want, and do it as long as it does not hurt the lives of others. However, you also need to be aware that life is serious and respect your own life. I feel that many people out there thinks that they are having the time of their life and life couldn't get to another level of high. But in actual fact they are abusing themselves with drugs and self-inflated torture/injuries. I agree in playing hard but standby to being responsible not only to others, but yourself too.
I start to learn to look forward to a unknown tomorrow no matter how gloomy it maybe today, because I am the only one who can mold each day into what I want it to be, Happy or Sad, Worthy or Unworthy.
Coming to terms with (try to avoid playing with fire) Me, (love) Myself and (understanding that) I (own the greatest treasure in the world, which is my own life).
Singing to the tunes of: Incubus - Drive
"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there."
Sunday, June 03, 2007
(Love Tales 4) Part Two- Noel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:12 PM
"Gabriel, I think it's better for me to leave the school. I don't think I can continue to teach you," Nick whispered solemnly and gravely.
"Can you just take it that I have never said those things? Can you just transfer to another class and not leave the school? Please, I am going to be guilt-ridden for the rest of my life. I am sorry to have said that. I truly am. I promise I will never bother you again," I hastily pacified, tears blurring my eyes.
Nick's eyes were bloodshot as he said, "It's not your fault, Gabriel. I think I have failed as a teacher. I should have been more careful and firm with you. Thank God we didn't do anything foolish that night."
"How about if I switch to another school?" I quickly offered.
Nick looked shocked to the core. "You must never do anything like this. Your final exams are coming and I want you to promise me that you will complete your studies and enter university. Promise me that. Now."
I sobbed. "Yes. I promise you that."
"I am sorry to mislead you. My kindness was definitely out of concern without any ulterior motives. I might have overstepped my boundary as a teacher."
I shook my head and defended vigorously, "No, it wasn't something done out of kindness. I do feel something special towards you. I am young but I am not confused."
Nick implored, "Please don't say that again. It's not right that you feel this way. You are too young to understand what love is all about. I must not take advantage of that.?"
"If you weren't my teacher, will that change anything?"
There was a pregnant awkward silence. Nick looked at me squarely in the eye and said staunchly, "It will change nothing."
"You lie. You say this but your heart and that kiss says another."
"When you grow older, you will know that this is all but a silly crush," Nick said in resignation.
"I guess I won't see you at the graduation dinner."
Nick's smiled feebly. "No. I will be busy in my new school. You must take good care of yourself. Remember your promise to me. We will meet again when you graduate from university. I know you can do it."
I edged closer to Nick and gave him a tight embrace, knowing very well this will be the last time I am meeting him. "Thank you for what you have done for me. I am deeply sorry if I have caused you any embarrassment." I could feel the delicate shatters in my heart as his hands tapped my back affectionately.
"By the time you grow up, you will probably have forgotten me and laugh at this moment now." Nick tried to defuse the thick tension that was mounting between us. I could see a rivulet of tear stream down the side of his eyes.
I breathed in his scent, wondering why something this wrong could feel so right. When he detached from my embrace, he smeared the tear off his eyes. "Gabriel, take care. I have to go now. Tell the rest of the class that I thank them for all their well-wishes earlier on. Now go back to class."
I took a last glance and waved a last goodbye. Even though Nick was not physically with me, I knew that he will always have a place in my heart.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:12 PM
"Gabriel, I think it's better for me to leave the school. I don't think I can continue to teach you," Nick whispered solemnly and gravely.
"Can you just take it that I have never said those things? Can you just transfer to another class and not leave the school? Please, I am going to be guilt-ridden for the rest of my life. I am sorry to have said that. I truly am. I promise I will never bother you again," I hastily pacified, tears blurring my eyes.
Nick's eyes were bloodshot as he said, "It's not your fault, Gabriel. I think I have failed as a teacher. I should have been more careful and firm with you. Thank God we didn't do anything foolish that night."
"How about if I switch to another school?" I quickly offered.
Nick looked shocked to the core. "You must never do anything like this. Your final exams are coming and I want you to promise me that you will complete your studies and enter university. Promise me that. Now."
I sobbed. "Yes. I promise you that."
"I am sorry to mislead you. My kindness was definitely out of concern without any ulterior motives. I might have overstepped my boundary as a teacher."
I shook my head and defended vigorously, "No, it wasn't something done out of kindness. I do feel something special towards you. I am young but I am not confused."
Nick implored, "Please don't say that again. It's not right that you feel this way. You are too young to understand what love is all about. I must not take advantage of that.?"
"If you weren't my teacher, will that change anything?"
There was a pregnant awkward silence. Nick looked at me squarely in the eye and said staunchly, "It will change nothing."
"You lie. You say this but your heart and that kiss says another."
"When you grow older, you will know that this is all but a silly crush," Nick said in resignation.
"I guess I won't see you at the graduation dinner."
Nick's smiled feebly. "No. I will be busy in my new school. You must take good care of yourself. Remember your promise to me. We will meet again when you graduate from university. I know you can do it."
I edged closer to Nick and gave him a tight embrace, knowing very well this will be the last time I am meeting him. "Thank you for what you have done for me. I am deeply sorry if I have caused you any embarrassment." I could feel the delicate shatters in my heart as his hands tapped my back affectionately.
"By the time you grow up, you will probably have forgotten me and laugh at this moment now." Nick tried to defuse the thick tension that was mounting between us. I could see a rivulet of tear stream down the side of his eyes.
I breathed in his scent, wondering why something this wrong could feel so right. When he detached from my embrace, he smeared the tear off his eyes. "Gabriel, take care. I have to go now. Tell the rest of the class that I thank them for all their well-wishes earlier on. Now go back to class."
I took a last glance and waved a last goodbye. Even though Nick was not physically with me, I knew that he will always have a place in my heart.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
(Issue 58) Loving Myself ; Appreciating Life
Many called me Heartless while others take me as a Player, I can't deny that these names doesn't affect me, but my conscious remain clear. I had tried to explain, but simply asked myself why bother after all, if the person has biased against you, all your explanations are simply excuses.
If names is a price I will have to pay for being able to Love Myself, then it is simply a small price to pay. I have recently heard stories and have my closest "friend" tell me that she would want to leave the world for the unworthy love she is getting. If it is so unworthy, why would you want to exchange your live for it? Would he appreciate and love you more after you are gone? What about the people around you who had truly loved you for who you are all these years regardless of what you do?
I believe that one can only truly love another only after he is able to love himself. Some give their everything to their lover including themselves and dignity, in the end they realise that it has never been true love, because for love to last, both parties should be happy. A one-sided love will present its problems as time comes.
It is also when you know how to love yourself, you will be able to let go of the things you once loved without regrets, sometimes separation makes the other person happier and sometimes it is about the moments you have together and not how long it must last, especially when one have to suffer.
I came across this story:
When you are feeling hurt, pick up a pick of stone and hold it in your hand. Squeeze it tightly and ask yourself, "Does it hurt?". Nothing and no-one can hurt you more than yourself. You own your own life and therefore control it, no-one can control your life because every actions and decision is finally made on your own. Nothing can hurt you if you don't put it on your shoulder , the ghost from the past haunts you because you carry him around in your heart. Now you can choose to throw the stone, someone passes on to you, out of sight or hold it tight and hurt yourself?
It is a different story from my dad's but I think both have its purpose and meaning. Every time you fall, grasp something from the ground (regardless it is sand, soil or dirt) keep it in your pocket to remind yourself what makes you fall.
Coming to terms with (appreciating)Me, (knowing the importance to Love)Myself and I(run my own life).
Dancing to the tunes of: Boy George - Live My Life
"I tell you baby, this is no way to live
Make sacrifies, 'til there's nothing to give
Everyone says there's rules to obey
I can't follow when things never change"
"Who can say what tomorrow will bring
You give nothing, expecting everything
Ain't nobody's business
How I live my life
I learnt my lesson
Whether it's wrong or right
Ain't nobody baby
Gonna tell me how
I should live my life
Do live my way now
Satisfaction can be hard to find
I go crazy keeping it all inside"
If names is a price I will have to pay for being able to Love Myself, then it is simply a small price to pay. I have recently heard stories and have my closest "friend" tell me that she would want to leave the world for the unworthy love she is getting. If it is so unworthy, why would you want to exchange your live for it? Would he appreciate and love you more after you are gone? What about the people around you who had truly loved you for who you are all these years regardless of what you do?
I believe that one can only truly love another only after he is able to love himself. Some give their everything to their lover including themselves and dignity, in the end they realise that it has never been true love, because for love to last, both parties should be happy. A one-sided love will present its problems as time comes.
It is also when you know how to love yourself, you will be able to let go of the things you once loved without regrets, sometimes separation makes the other person happier and sometimes it is about the moments you have together and not how long it must last, especially when one have to suffer.
I came across this story:
When you are feeling hurt, pick up a pick of stone and hold it in your hand. Squeeze it tightly and ask yourself, "Does it hurt?". Nothing and no-one can hurt you more than yourself. You own your own life and therefore control it, no-one can control your life because every actions and decision is finally made on your own. Nothing can hurt you if you don't put it on your shoulder , the ghost from the past haunts you because you carry him around in your heart. Now you can choose to throw the stone, someone passes on to you, out of sight or hold it tight and hurt yourself?
It is a different story from my dad's but I think both have its purpose and meaning. Every time you fall, grasp something from the ground (regardless it is sand, soil or dirt) keep it in your pocket to remind yourself what makes you fall.
Coming to terms with (appreciating)Me, (knowing the importance to Love)Myself and I(run my own life).
Dancing to the tunes of: Boy George - Live My Life
"I tell you baby, this is no way to live
Make sacrifies, 'til there's nothing to give
Everyone says there's rules to obey
I can't follow when things never change"
"Who can say what tomorrow will bring
You give nothing, expecting everything
Ain't nobody's business
How I live my life
I learnt my lesson
Whether it's wrong or right
Ain't nobody baby
Gonna tell me how
I should live my life
Do live my way now
Satisfaction can be hard to find
I go crazy keeping it all inside"
Friday, June 01, 2007
(Love Tales 4) Part One- Noel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 5 of 5Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:05 PM
My eyelids fluttered open to receive the first rays of the Christmas morning. There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts. Instead, all I could see was the light drizzle caressing the hectic streets of Orchard Road. The skies were grey and ominous; somewhat mirroring the deadening isolation in my heart. I drew the curtains and walked over to the bed to pick up my trousers and shirt. I glanced at the sleeping guy and tried to remember the name of the guy whom I had sex with but my memory was too fragmented. All I could remember was going inside the bar to pick up my potential customer. We chatted for a while, struck a price before we left the noisy gay bar for the hotel. I didn't enjoy the rough sex at all. I rubbed gently the purplish bruises on my arms, rinsed my mouth of his pungent cigarette smell and took the stack of generous cash he left on the dressing table.
The burst of open air felt like a cold stab. The crowd was thickening in front of Heerens where Christmas jingles were playing out loud and Citibank promoters were busy giving out pamphlets, spreading the cheers while hoping to bring in business. I passed by California Fitness gym and was surprised at the number of people doing their workout on Christmas morning. Life still went on in its usual static routine regardless of the Christmas occasion. I thought to myself wryly; I was not spared from working on Christmas Eve either. I needed the extra cash to buy my textbooks for the coming semester in university and get a small token for Nick.
Every Christmas, I will make sure I will get a card for my junior college teacher to thank him for everything he has done for me. If not for his kindness and his dedication, I will never have made it past my college education. Dad passed away that year and it left Mom to support the family and my younger brother's education. The financial aid from the government could not cover my textbooks, school uniforms and additional expenses, so I had to take up part-time jobs. I always had trouble catching up with schoolwork. By the time I finished my evening shifts at 7-Eleven, I was already so drained that I can hardly stay awake during the lessons. When Nick knew about my situation, he gave me additional coaching in Mathematics at his house and even offered to give me a sum of money to tide me over. Even though he was just transferred to the college, he took time to know every member of the class. He was the only teacher who took effort to find out why I was always so sleepy in class, instead of just attributing it to sheer laziness. In return for his kindness, I promised him to work my hardest and make sure that I finish my university studies. I still hold on to that promise to Nick.
It has been five years since I saw Nick. I fought back the clawing guilt when I recalled my secret infatuation for Nick. It wasn't something that was borne out of gratitude. The feeling for him was so intense that I just couldn't control my feelings that night and I spilled it out in a moment of impetuousness. It was my recklessness that had compelled him to tender his resignation and leave the school. That was my wretched way of repaying his kindness. How he must have hated me ever since.
I don't think I will forgive myself as long as I live.
I brushed back my hot tears that was streaming down my cheeks. A wretched creature like me doesn't deserve any forgiveness. I have destroyed the only person who had shown me true kindness. I wondered what Nick would have thought of me if he ever found out I moonlight as a rent-boy. I am truly incorrigible beyond words.
I started becoming a rent-boy when I was at the army. After I graduated from junior college, my kind aunt offered her place to us. We moved into her house and sold the apartment to get some spare cash. The money allowed my brother and me to continue our education. I saved most of my army salary. It was through my army buddy that I got into the sex trade. I was amazed at how he could afford designer fashion wear and he told me they were 'sponsored' by a rich man. I was initially apprehensive but when my mom got ill, I don't think I can take my aunt's charity any longer. I started to follow my buddy and learn the tricks of the trade. It offered easy money but we always had to protect ourselves and keep ourselves 'marketable' through regular exercise at the gym and dieting.
There was a flutter of happiness and hope as the next semester would be my final semester in the university. I will soon be able to get my degree and start working as an accountant. Mom's illness was getting better and soon, my younger brother will have a steady income when he goes to the Army. I promised myself that last night will mark the end of my rent-boy stint. I may not be able to face Nick again but I wanted badly to look at myself in the mirror and recover my shredded dignity.
The drizzle started to dissipate as the sun's rays poured over the thick clouds. I smiled and noted that this year's Christmas seemed to look a little brighter. I hummed the melodic tune of "Have yourself a merry little Christmas" and left my makeshift seat outside California Fitness gym to embrace the warm sunlight once more. A trio of muscled gym-goers was just leaving the gym and I noted the signal of interest in their eyes. I pursed my lips and looked away, wondering what gift I should get for Nick this year. My heart twisted painfully as I knew silently that lust will mark the rest of my life but a true love will always be beyond my grasp.
This was because I have lost my heart to Nick. It will never find its way back again.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 5 of 5Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:05 PM
My eyelids fluttered open to receive the first rays of the Christmas morning. There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts. Instead, all I could see was the light drizzle caressing the hectic streets of Orchard Road. The skies were grey and ominous; somewhat mirroring the deadening isolation in my heart. I drew the curtains and walked over to the bed to pick up my trousers and shirt. I glanced at the sleeping guy and tried to remember the name of the guy whom I had sex with but my memory was too fragmented. All I could remember was going inside the bar to pick up my potential customer. We chatted for a while, struck a price before we left the noisy gay bar for the hotel. I didn't enjoy the rough sex at all. I rubbed gently the purplish bruises on my arms, rinsed my mouth of his pungent cigarette smell and took the stack of generous cash he left on the dressing table.
The burst of open air felt like a cold stab. The crowd was thickening in front of Heerens where Christmas jingles were playing out loud and Citibank promoters were busy giving out pamphlets, spreading the cheers while hoping to bring in business. I passed by California Fitness gym and was surprised at the number of people doing their workout on Christmas morning. Life still went on in its usual static routine regardless of the Christmas occasion. I thought to myself wryly; I was not spared from working on Christmas Eve either. I needed the extra cash to buy my textbooks for the coming semester in university and get a small token for Nick.
Every Christmas, I will make sure I will get a card for my junior college teacher to thank him for everything he has done for me. If not for his kindness and his dedication, I will never have made it past my college education. Dad passed away that year and it left Mom to support the family and my younger brother's education. The financial aid from the government could not cover my textbooks, school uniforms and additional expenses, so I had to take up part-time jobs. I always had trouble catching up with schoolwork. By the time I finished my evening shifts at 7-Eleven, I was already so drained that I can hardly stay awake during the lessons. When Nick knew about my situation, he gave me additional coaching in Mathematics at his house and even offered to give me a sum of money to tide me over. Even though he was just transferred to the college, he took time to know every member of the class. He was the only teacher who took effort to find out why I was always so sleepy in class, instead of just attributing it to sheer laziness. In return for his kindness, I promised him to work my hardest and make sure that I finish my university studies. I still hold on to that promise to Nick.
It has been five years since I saw Nick. I fought back the clawing guilt when I recalled my secret infatuation for Nick. It wasn't something that was borne out of gratitude. The feeling for him was so intense that I just couldn't control my feelings that night and I spilled it out in a moment of impetuousness. It was my recklessness that had compelled him to tender his resignation and leave the school. That was my wretched way of repaying his kindness. How he must have hated me ever since.
I don't think I will forgive myself as long as I live.
I brushed back my hot tears that was streaming down my cheeks. A wretched creature like me doesn't deserve any forgiveness. I have destroyed the only person who had shown me true kindness. I wondered what Nick would have thought of me if he ever found out I moonlight as a rent-boy. I am truly incorrigible beyond words.
I started becoming a rent-boy when I was at the army. After I graduated from junior college, my kind aunt offered her place to us. We moved into her house and sold the apartment to get some spare cash. The money allowed my brother and me to continue our education. I saved most of my army salary. It was through my army buddy that I got into the sex trade. I was amazed at how he could afford designer fashion wear and he told me they were 'sponsored' by a rich man. I was initially apprehensive but when my mom got ill, I don't think I can take my aunt's charity any longer. I started to follow my buddy and learn the tricks of the trade. It offered easy money but we always had to protect ourselves and keep ourselves 'marketable' through regular exercise at the gym and dieting.
There was a flutter of happiness and hope as the next semester would be my final semester in the university. I will soon be able to get my degree and start working as an accountant. Mom's illness was getting better and soon, my younger brother will have a steady income when he goes to the Army. I promised myself that last night will mark the end of my rent-boy stint. I may not be able to face Nick again but I wanted badly to look at myself in the mirror and recover my shredded dignity.
The drizzle started to dissipate as the sun's rays poured over the thick clouds. I smiled and noted that this year's Christmas seemed to look a little brighter. I hummed the melodic tune of "Have yourself a merry little Christmas" and left my makeshift seat outside California Fitness gym to embrace the warm sunlight once more. A trio of muscled gym-goers was just leaving the gym and I noted the signal of interest in their eyes. I pursed my lips and looked away, wondering what gift I should get for Nick this year. My heart twisted painfully as I knew silently that lust will mark the rest of my life but a true love will always be beyond my grasp.
This was because I have lost my heart to Nick. It will never find its way back again.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
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