I believe that there is always going to be somebody better looking than the person you end up with. Someone funnier, smarter, richer. But if you are lucky enough to meet someone with whom you are compatible, you have to close certain doors.
We have to recognise that, yes, you may indeed meet other people you could fall in love with. But by sticking to the person you chose, you gain a level of intimacy that is not possible by hopping from one person to the next every couple of years.
We should be always be content with what we were given, and I do believe that everything does comes back to form a circle because God is always fair. Let's say you gave up someone to be with someone else better and keep doing that soon you will end up with wanting back the person you were with because the person you ran away with may lack qualities of what the first victim has.
Greed is one of the seven deadly sins we should learn to avoid especially in this circle. If you choose to keep changing, you made a infamous reputation for yourself and soon you might end up with nothing. Why not make the best of what you have after all there is also someone who is much better than yourself too.
Satisfaction comes from within. Always remember what attracts you to the person you are with now, and also remember the "Goods" about him and compromise with his flaws. Some may think that as years gone by sparks no longer exist, however sparks can be recreated by yourself. There are 1001 things you can do together and enjoy the moment, it could be the simplest thing you do that start the sparks. Even when you guys had done absolutely everything in the world, look back and "re-do" things you did before because not only it would be a new experience, it will also bring back lovely memories and remind you guys of the lovely moments you guys had.
Coming to terms with (Grateful)Me, (Calen and)Myself and I(no longer want to enjoy happy moments alone).
Listening to the Music of : Faith Hill - This Kiss
I don’t want another heartbreak
I don’t need another turn to cry
I don’t want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh, no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky
It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss
It’s that pivotal moment
It’s impossible
This kiss, this kiss (Unstoppable)
This kiss, this kiss
Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours
You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky
You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let’s let every thing slide
You got me floating, you got me flying
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
(Love Tales 6) Dear Diary
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:41 AM
1:00 p.m.
Some things are best hidden in the heart ; like my fondness for Jason. I kept pushing him to girls because one day I fear I couldn't control the impulse to declare my love for him. By then, our friendship will turn awkward both for him and myself, and I do not wish to have this kind of ending. I smiled, embittered at the thought that there can be no resolution or acceptance from Jason. It was painful but this sacrifice would be worth it. I finished my diary entry for the last day of the year and sighed with an emptiness that lingered in my heart.
"Hello, Melanie. You must come for the party today. I've got a great guy to introduce to you." The lilting tone of mine was a complete contrast to the scathing hurt burning in my heart. I locked my diary and stashed it away as I carried on with the conversation and with my lonely existence.
11:00 p.m.
"Can you please be more proactive?" I rolled my eyes as I whispered to Jason who was sitting next to me. Jason looked dashing, decked out in formal wear with his stylish hairdo but his smile now seemed plastered and uneasy. ?Thank God they have moved on to the next table in search of greener pastures. Gerald, that Melanie is a quack. You?ve got to be kidding if you think she matches me?? I couldn?t think of any rejoinder. Melanie has got to be the worst girl I have ever recommended ; I couldn?t concentrate on the casual conversation with the intermittent loud slurps of her soup. "Look, can we get out of here? I have absolutely no appetite. My whole New Year mood is ruined. All thanks to you." Jason looked at me and practically dragged me out of the function room while I messaged Melanie that Jason suddenly had some gastric pain that he needed medical attention badly. Jason needed solitude away from the crowd and I suggested that we do our private countdown by the Singapore River with a few cans of beer.
11:50 p.m.
Jason picked up his can of Tiger Beer and sipped, looking exceptionally moody. I knew things were not looking great especially in his love path. My heart felt twinges of pain for him but I quickly brushed off them, feigning nonchalance. "Gerald, you know you've been a great friend to me and you were always there when I needed you." I shook my head, saying firmly, "Incorrect. It should be 'are'. Jason, I let you know all my little secrets, so please don't say you are going to ditch me." Jason's cheeks were ruddy and heated as he said, "Gerald, shall I let you in on my secret?"
I smiled and nodded. "Sure, why not when I have confided in you a thousand and one secrets?" Jason lowered his head and said softly, "When I close my eyes, all my thoughts are of you." My heartbeat quickened at his admission and I wasn't sure I was hearing the correct things. "Well, I am honored. Never knew you thought of me so often." Jason scratched his head and shook it furiously, "No, that was not what I meant. I mean; I like you."
"You are drunk. You must be?" I rationalized, refusing to accept his words. Tears blurred my eyes when I practically plied the words out of my burning throat, "Jason, please don't humor me. I cannot take this anymore." Jason slapped his face and smothered it with both his hands, and mumbled miserably, "It was a mistake. Can you take it you've never heard me blurt out the words?"
"No."
"Are we still friends?"
"No."
"That's it then. I've ended our friendship on New Year's Day." Jason was clearly agonized with a disappointed look that pierced my core. My tears of mirth kept streaming down as I blurted out raggedly, "You'd better keep good on your admission that you like me so I can stop recommending to you all those wretched girls."
Jason's hands clasped with mine as he said, "We will just have to take it one step at a time then because I am practically clueless at this." My emotions were churning beneath my cool fa硤e as I replied, "Okay. Are you sure about this?"
Jason looked at me seriously and admitted, "My heart tells me 'Yes' but my brain frankly disagreed." I quickly interjected, "You should listen to your heart." He smiled and looked at me, smearing the tears that escaped my eyes. "I've known all along that you've liked me. Gerald Wong, I can see ; I have eyes. I have seen the things you've done for me that no other person in the world will."
"And to think, you kept me in suspense until now. How's that for a payment." I almost wanted to burst out crying at his simple words of gratitude. The tenderness rocked me to the core as he continued, "I needed time to think about this."
"Oh. You've just made my day. No, my year."
Jason dropped a peck on my cheeks and whispered, "Happy New Year, Gerald. I am shaking on the inside beneath all the calmness written on my face." I punched him in the chest and spat, "You hid it real well, didn't you?" He laughed and eased the tension with a quick diversion of the subject, "Well, can we exchange our presents now?"
I cried out in delight when I unwrapped his present for me.
The clock chimed twelve. I couldn't believe it;it was a new pair of sandals.
It was the best New Year present I have ever received and I thought silently that maybe fairy tales do exist after all. Jason looked and chuckled with his eyes sparkling in mischief, "Expecting something expensive?"
I shook my head and I held his hand tighter. "You've no idea how priceless your gift is. Happy New Year, Jason." Suddenly the world looked a bit brighter with the constellation of stars in twinkling glory, inspiring a romantic atmosphere that reminded me of fairy tales. Jason asked me to try on the sandals and they fit to a tee.
He definitely knew my size.
1:00 a.m.
I smiled and opened my diary and began to write. "Dear Diary, something wonderful happened today."
END
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:41 AM
1:00 p.m.
Some things are best hidden in the heart ; like my fondness for Jason. I kept pushing him to girls because one day I fear I couldn't control the impulse to declare my love for him. By then, our friendship will turn awkward both for him and myself, and I do not wish to have this kind of ending. I smiled, embittered at the thought that there can be no resolution or acceptance from Jason. It was painful but this sacrifice would be worth it. I finished my diary entry for the last day of the year and sighed with an emptiness that lingered in my heart.
"Hello, Melanie. You must come for the party today. I've got a great guy to introduce to you." The lilting tone of mine was a complete contrast to the scathing hurt burning in my heart. I locked my diary and stashed it away as I carried on with the conversation and with my lonely existence.
11:00 p.m.
"Can you please be more proactive?" I rolled my eyes as I whispered to Jason who was sitting next to me. Jason looked dashing, decked out in formal wear with his stylish hairdo but his smile now seemed plastered and uneasy. ?Thank God they have moved on to the next table in search of greener pastures. Gerald, that Melanie is a quack. You?ve got to be kidding if you think she matches me?? I couldn?t think of any rejoinder. Melanie has got to be the worst girl I have ever recommended ; I couldn?t concentrate on the casual conversation with the intermittent loud slurps of her soup. "Look, can we get out of here? I have absolutely no appetite. My whole New Year mood is ruined. All thanks to you." Jason looked at me and practically dragged me out of the function room while I messaged Melanie that Jason suddenly had some gastric pain that he needed medical attention badly. Jason needed solitude away from the crowd and I suggested that we do our private countdown by the Singapore River with a few cans of beer.
11:50 p.m.
Jason picked up his can of Tiger Beer and sipped, looking exceptionally moody. I knew things were not looking great especially in his love path. My heart felt twinges of pain for him but I quickly brushed off them, feigning nonchalance. "Gerald, you know you've been a great friend to me and you were always there when I needed you." I shook my head, saying firmly, "Incorrect. It should be 'are'. Jason, I let you know all my little secrets, so please don't say you are going to ditch me." Jason's cheeks were ruddy and heated as he said, "Gerald, shall I let you in on my secret?"
I smiled and nodded. "Sure, why not when I have confided in you a thousand and one secrets?" Jason lowered his head and said softly, "When I close my eyes, all my thoughts are of you." My heartbeat quickened at his admission and I wasn't sure I was hearing the correct things. "Well, I am honored. Never knew you thought of me so often." Jason scratched his head and shook it furiously, "No, that was not what I meant. I mean; I like you."
"You are drunk. You must be?" I rationalized, refusing to accept his words. Tears blurred my eyes when I practically plied the words out of my burning throat, "Jason, please don't humor me. I cannot take this anymore." Jason slapped his face and smothered it with both his hands, and mumbled miserably, "It was a mistake. Can you take it you've never heard me blurt out the words?"
"No."
"Are we still friends?"
"No."
"That's it then. I've ended our friendship on New Year's Day." Jason was clearly agonized with a disappointed look that pierced my core. My tears of mirth kept streaming down as I blurted out raggedly, "You'd better keep good on your admission that you like me so I can stop recommending to you all those wretched girls."
Jason's hands clasped with mine as he said, "We will just have to take it one step at a time then because I am practically clueless at this." My emotions were churning beneath my cool fa硤e as I replied, "Okay. Are you sure about this?"
Jason looked at me seriously and admitted, "My heart tells me 'Yes' but my brain frankly disagreed." I quickly interjected, "You should listen to your heart." He smiled and looked at me, smearing the tears that escaped my eyes. "I've known all along that you've liked me. Gerald Wong, I can see ; I have eyes. I have seen the things you've done for me that no other person in the world will."
"And to think, you kept me in suspense until now. How's that for a payment." I almost wanted to burst out crying at his simple words of gratitude. The tenderness rocked me to the core as he continued, "I needed time to think about this."
"Oh. You've just made my day. No, my year."
Jason dropped a peck on my cheeks and whispered, "Happy New Year, Gerald. I am shaking on the inside beneath all the calmness written on my face." I punched him in the chest and spat, "You hid it real well, didn't you?" He laughed and eased the tension with a quick diversion of the subject, "Well, can we exchange our presents now?"
I cried out in delight when I unwrapped his present for me.
The clock chimed twelve. I couldn't believe it;it was a new pair of sandals.
It was the best New Year present I have ever received and I thought silently that maybe fairy tales do exist after all. Jason looked and chuckled with his eyes sparkling in mischief, "Expecting something expensive?"
I shook my head and I held his hand tighter. "You've no idea how priceless your gift is. Happy New Year, Jason." Suddenly the world looked a bit brighter with the constellation of stars in twinkling glory, inspiring a romantic atmosphere that reminded me of fairy tales. Jason asked me to try on the sandals and they fit to a tee.
He definitely knew my size.
1:00 a.m.
I smiled and opened my diary and began to write. "Dear Diary, something wonderful happened today."
END
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Monday, June 18, 2007
(Issue 66) Blush
Have you ever did something and wish the entire world would forget? And have you wondered why others are not be embarrassed over the things they had done? I guess it is a habit thing people do sub-consciously and not notice. I did notice many guys obscenely adjust their privates in public and there are still many who picks their nose while talking to you.
Anyway yesterday, I was chatting with Calen and he suddenly blush for something he did years ago, I guess was embarrassed over something I thought was common. I was enjoying the sweet and lovely moment, because I get to see another side of him looking innocent, shy and bashful. Calen, no worries, I believe that I had done more embarrassing things than you do.
Someone had send me a list in friendster and I decided to change some of them to embarrassing moments of my own. Calen, guess my score.
Caused by Alcohol
[ ] kissed someone who never would when you are sober
[ ] waking up not remembering who is beside you
[ ] trashed out in a gathering party (friends drew on you/stripped you and took photos)
[ ] kiss the wrong person when especially when your partner is around
[ ] done a striptease
[ ] vomited/thrown up in the club or street
[ ] slept on the roadside
[ ] create a (fight/quarrel) scene with a small issue
[ ] confess something to someone you should never have
[ ] make out with a stranger and regret the next day
[ ] make out with colleagues or friends
[ ] you/friend threw up in someone else vehicle
During Sex
[ ] caught having oral sex/sex in public
[ ] farted in front of your lover in bed
[ ] had your lover fall asleep half way while you were having foreplay/sex
[ ] caught having sex by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught masturbating by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught wearing the ugliest or dirtiest underwear during sex
[ ] caught wearing un-matching under garments (female only)
[ ] caught having un-matching tan
[ ] caught having porn collections/vibrator
[ ] wore the same clothes to work the next day
[ ] forgot to remove nipple stickers during sex (female only)
[ ] shout out the wrong name during sex
[ ] your partner told you that the orgasms are all fake (male only)
[ ] Premature Ejaculation/"die off" before sex (both parties)
[ ] have room service walked into the room while both of you were still naked
Apparel Disasters
[ ] wore two different colors socks
[ ] had to borrow tampons (female only)
[ ] stain clothes with unprepared "period" (female only)
[ ] told having a hard on at a sleep over with a group of friends (male only)
[ ] having a hard on in public and couldn't disguise it (male only)
[ ] forgot to zip up
[ ] wore your clothes inside out
[ ] having someone tell your nostril hair sticking out of the nose
[ ] unintentional exposure of privates
[ ] having your pants caught up by the socks or having your dress caught up by your under-garment
[ ] white socks with black shoes
[ ] caught playing dressed up
[ ] having toilet paper/rubbish sticking onto your shoes without realising
[ ] wore socks with holes to a friend's place or while trying out new shoes
[ ] had strong discomfort smell of smelly feet or body Oder when you are among a group of friends
[ ] under pit sweat stain/dandruff shown clearly
[ ] someone sees dirty stains on your underwear
[ ] pee/pass motion with clothes still on
[ ] having something stuck on you without noticing (price tag/food)
[ ] clash into someone wearing the same clothes as you
[ ] having food stuck in between your teeth
[ ] arrive drench or wet in white/light colored clothes for work/date
[ ] having a ugly snapshot of you in magazine/newspaper/TV etc
[ ] having a bad hair day
[ ] mistake a customer for a staff
[ ] caught using imitation
[ ] dress in theme, for a non theme party
[ ] overgrown hair coming out from your swimming attire
[ ] had your pants pulled down in public before
Restrooms
[ ] caught up in a situation where you have nothing to clean your butt after bowel discharge
[ ] someone from the urinal beside you keeping looking at your privates (male only)
[ ] walk into a cubicle with someone in it
[ ] caught not washing hands after toilet usage by friends
[ ] forgot to flush/couldn't flush the bowl at friends' place
[ ] went into the toilet for the other sex
In Public
[ ] snore in public transport
[ ] drool in public transport
[ ] slept on a stranger's shoulder
[ ] mumbling alone in public
[ ] screamed or shouted in public because you thought you saw something that frighten you.
[ ] scream and shout when surprised when bumping onto long lost friends (screamer/receiver)
[ ] unintentional molested someone with your swing arms
[ ] recognise the wrong person and even talked to him for a moment
[ ] pressed on the wrong door bell when visiting a friend
[ ] everyone seems to be staring at you in public transport and you don't why
[ ] the only one with the back facing the lift door in a crowded lift.
[ ] farted in a lift and someone notice it was you
[ ] bumped onto a wall/lamppost/etc while walking on the street
[ ] ran/walk straight into a glass door or wall
[ ] tripped and fell down in front of the public
While trying to Impress
[ ] used vulgarity in front of people you want to impress
[ ] expressed a one sided love
[ ] caught having a blind date
[ ] someone showed photos of you which you longed to have them dispose
[ ] have your parents tell everyone about your embarrass childhood moments
[ ] pat a stranger's back and thought that he/she is your friend
[ ] having a conversation with someone, but instead he was having a phone conversation with another person
[ ] speaking behind someone back, when he/she is actually behind you
[ ] choked and throw up at some one's face (victim/culprit)
[ ] have your food fly across the table
[ ] paid for a meal with only coins
[ ] didn't bring enough to pay at the cashier
[ ] invalid/max out your credit card
Others
[ ] returned a used product/product you had damaged yourself
[ ] unintentional return or caught exchanging a gift someone gave you.
[ ] caught cheating
[ ] caught for a crime
[ ] being fired
[ ] fall asleep at school/work
[ ] public caning or detention
[ ] blush redder than a lobster
[ ] sang out of tune/pitch in public
[ ] ever danced like a chicken/fool in public
[ ] flag the wrong bus
[ ] fall in a bowling alley
[ ] express a wrong foreign word overseas, which carries another meaning
[ ] laughed and snored
[ ] squeeze something usual out from nose
[ ] fall backwards while rocking your chair
Scored: 54 out of 101. Not so bad, I thought I would score at least an 'A' (75%) but instead I got a 'C6' "academically". Well, at least I will not be criticised for scoring badly for sure a test.
Coming to terms with (this song reminds)Me(of Cafe de Mar), (and finally having you, all to)Myself and I(in return will give you my all, Calen).
Listening to the music of: Plumb - Blush (Only You)
When you look at me I start to blush
and all that I can say is you and us
oh baby I'm so afraid to be in love
with you, with you...
I wanna be in love with only you
I wanna watch the sky turn grey then blue
I wanna know the kiss thats always new
I wanna be in love with only you
just you
When stars are falling dark
will light the way
will hit the ground and fall
into the shade
ill light the night with fire
and run away
Anyway yesterday, I was chatting with Calen and he suddenly blush for something he did years ago, I guess was embarrassed over something I thought was common. I was enjoying the sweet and lovely moment, because I get to see another side of him looking innocent, shy and bashful. Calen, no worries, I believe that I had done more embarrassing things than you do.
Someone had send me a list in friendster and I decided to change some of them to embarrassing moments of my own. Calen, guess my score.
Caused by Alcohol
[ ] kissed someone who never would when you are sober
[ ] waking up not remembering who is beside you
[ ] trashed out in a gathering party (friends drew on you/stripped you and took photos)
[ ] kiss the wrong person when especially when your partner is around
[ ] done a striptease
[ ] vomited/thrown up in the club or street
[ ] slept on the roadside
[ ] create a (fight/quarrel) scene with a small issue
[ ] confess something to someone you should never have
[ ] make out with a stranger and regret the next day
[ ] make out with colleagues or friends
[ ] you/friend threw up in someone else vehicle
During Sex
[ ] caught having oral sex/sex in public
[ ] farted in front of your lover in bed
[ ] had your lover fall asleep half way while you were having foreplay/sex
[ ] caught having sex by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught masturbating by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught wearing the ugliest or dirtiest underwear during sex
[ ] caught wearing un-matching under garments (female only)
[ ] caught having un-matching tan
[ ] caught having porn collections/vibrator
[ ] wore the same clothes to work the next day
[ ] forgot to remove nipple stickers during sex (female only)
[ ] shout out the wrong name during sex
[ ] your partner told you that the orgasms are all fake (male only)
[ ] Premature Ejaculation/"die off" before sex (both parties)
[ ] have room service walked into the room while both of you were still naked
Apparel Disasters
[ ] wore two different colors socks
[ ] had to borrow tampons (female only)
[ ] stain clothes with unprepared "period" (female only)
[ ] told having a hard on at a sleep over with a group of friends (male only)
[ ] having a hard on in public and couldn't disguise it (male only)
[ ] forgot to zip up
[ ] wore your clothes inside out
[ ] having someone tell your nostril hair sticking out of the nose
[ ] unintentional exposure of privates
[ ] having your pants caught up by the socks or having your dress caught up by your under-garment
[ ] white socks with black shoes
[ ] caught playing dressed up
[ ] having toilet paper/rubbish sticking onto your shoes without realising
[ ] wore socks with holes to a friend's place or while trying out new shoes
[ ] had strong discomfort smell of smelly feet or body Oder when you are among a group of friends
[ ] under pit sweat stain/dandruff shown clearly
[ ] someone sees dirty stains on your underwear
[ ] pee/pass motion with clothes still on
[ ] having something stuck on you without noticing (price tag/food)
[ ] clash into someone wearing the same clothes as you
[ ] having food stuck in between your teeth
[ ] arrive drench or wet in white/light colored clothes for work/date
[ ] having a ugly snapshot of you in magazine/newspaper/TV etc
[ ] having a bad hair day
[ ] mistake a customer for a staff
[ ] caught using imitation
[ ] dress in theme, for a non theme party
[ ] overgrown hair coming out from your swimming attire
[ ] had your pants pulled down in public before
Restrooms
[ ] caught up in a situation where you have nothing to clean your butt after bowel discharge
[ ] someone from the urinal beside you keeping looking at your privates (male only)
[ ] walk into a cubicle with someone in it
[ ] caught not washing hands after toilet usage by friends
[ ] forgot to flush/couldn't flush the bowl at friends' place
[ ] went into the toilet for the other sex
In Public
[ ] snore in public transport
[ ] drool in public transport
[ ] slept on a stranger's shoulder
[ ] mumbling alone in public
[ ] screamed or shouted in public because you thought you saw something that frighten you.
[ ] scream and shout when surprised when bumping onto long lost friends (screamer/receiver)
[ ] unintentional molested someone with your swing arms
[ ] recognise the wrong person and even talked to him for a moment
[ ] pressed on the wrong door bell when visiting a friend
[ ] everyone seems to be staring at you in public transport and you don't why
[ ] the only one with the back facing the lift door in a crowded lift.
[ ] farted in a lift and someone notice it was you
[ ] bumped onto a wall/lamppost/etc while walking on the street
[ ] ran/walk straight into a glass door or wall
[ ] tripped and fell down in front of the public
While trying to Impress
[ ] used vulgarity in front of people you want to impress
[ ] expressed a one sided love
[ ] caught having a blind date
[ ] someone showed photos of you which you longed to have them dispose
[ ] have your parents tell everyone about your embarrass childhood moments
[ ] pat a stranger's back and thought that he/she is your friend
[ ] having a conversation with someone, but instead he was having a phone conversation with another person
[ ] speaking behind someone back, when he/she is actually behind you
[ ] choked and throw up at some one's face (victim/culprit)
[ ] have your food fly across the table
[ ] paid for a meal with only coins
[ ] didn't bring enough to pay at the cashier
[ ] invalid/max out your credit card
Others
[ ] returned a used product/product you had damaged yourself
[ ] unintentional return or caught exchanging a gift someone gave you.
[ ] caught cheating
[ ] caught for a crime
[ ] being fired
[ ] fall asleep at school/work
[ ] public caning or detention
[ ] blush redder than a lobster
[ ] sang out of tune/pitch in public
[ ] ever danced like a chicken/fool in public
[ ] flag the wrong bus
[ ] fall in a bowling alley
[ ] express a wrong foreign word overseas, which carries another meaning
[ ] laughed and snored
[ ] squeeze something usual out from nose
[ ] fall backwards while rocking your chair
Scored: 54 out of 101. Not so bad, I thought I would score at least an 'A' (75%) but instead I got a 'C6' "academically". Well, at least I will not be criticised for scoring badly for sure a test.
Coming to terms with (this song reminds)Me(of Cafe de Mar), (and finally having you, all to)Myself and I(in return will give you my all, Calen).
Listening to the music of: Plumb - Blush (Only You)
When you look at me I start to blush
and all that I can say is you and us
oh baby I'm so afraid to be in love
with you, with you...
I wanna be in love with only you
I wanna watch the sky turn grey then blue
I wanna know the kiss thats always new
I wanna be in love with only you
just you
When stars are falling dark
will light the way
will hit the ground and fall
into the shade
ill light the night with fire
and run away
Sunday, June 17, 2007
(Love Tales 6) Dear Diary
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:37 AM
12:00 p.m
On the twelfth stroke, the strap of my sandals came off and no, I was not running away from a prince. In fact, I was fast detaching myself from the pursuit of my best friend Jason who was looking rather murderous. I could have bet yesterday's date went awry for him and I frankly admit I wasn't that qualified as a matchmaker. Knowing that I couldn't outrun him, I decided to stay rooted to the spot to listen to another round of cursing. Picking up my ruined sandals, I turned back and walked barefooted while Jason confronted me with a pointed look and a hard stare.
A wicked smile whipped across his face. "Can't run any more?"
"Enjoy yesterday?" The question was rhetoric when one look at his face tells all. Jason straightened and sighed, "Why do you always keep fixing me with somebody?" I mimicked the gravelly tone of my professor and lectured, "You know, you are not getting any younger?" Jason popped out the most hated question, "What about you?"
"I am happily single. That's the way I want it but you are different. You have so much to look forward to while I. Look, if you are not happy with what I am doing, I won't ever bother again." We walked to the benches at the void deck and sat down both with heavy hearts. I started to wax reason and philosophy again with a tinge of sadness, "I have chosen my path as a gay and God knows I have tried to find myself a partner. I am putting myself out there but it is just useless. Half the people often confuse love with lust. The other half of the population is straight. It is a doomed path and I decided not to drag anyone into it. I took a good look at my friends and family at yesterday's gathering and found out what I have been missing all these years, spending frustrating times thinking about The One until I have forgotten the best things around me. I am no longer dwelling in the happy ever-afters. This is a real world after all. I don't want you to end up like me. Aren't you scared you will wither and end up alone?"
Jason took a look at me, deathly silent in his train of thoughts.
"Well, Jason, I am scared." A lone tear crystallized behind my fluttered eyelids. The insecurities resurfaced like a tidal wave, blanketing me with a solemn grief. I refused to submit and kept up a happy front, "So my resolution this year is to get you a girlfriend. If I can't be happy, I want you to be because my best friend deserves to be?" Jason injected wryly, trying to soften the tension, "Thanks for your nobility but these things can't be rushed." I laughed and shrugged out of my melancholy, "It is time. I am expecting a godson ten years down the road." Jason looked at me incredulously, "You plan faster than my mom. I can't believe you."
"You'd better believe it. In fact, you are coming to Grand Copthorne tonight for the company?s New Year function. I will be bringing my friends and cousins. All girls. Remember to bring your present for exchange and dress appropriately."
"You are such a nag."
"That's why I am single."
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:37 AM
12:00 p.m
On the twelfth stroke, the strap of my sandals came off and no, I was not running away from a prince. In fact, I was fast detaching myself from the pursuit of my best friend Jason who was looking rather murderous. I could have bet yesterday's date went awry for him and I frankly admit I wasn't that qualified as a matchmaker. Knowing that I couldn't outrun him, I decided to stay rooted to the spot to listen to another round of cursing. Picking up my ruined sandals, I turned back and walked barefooted while Jason confronted me with a pointed look and a hard stare.
A wicked smile whipped across his face. "Can't run any more?"
"Enjoy yesterday?" The question was rhetoric when one look at his face tells all. Jason straightened and sighed, "Why do you always keep fixing me with somebody?" I mimicked the gravelly tone of my professor and lectured, "You know, you are not getting any younger?" Jason popped out the most hated question, "What about you?"
"I am happily single. That's the way I want it but you are different. You have so much to look forward to while I. Look, if you are not happy with what I am doing, I won't ever bother again." We walked to the benches at the void deck and sat down both with heavy hearts. I started to wax reason and philosophy again with a tinge of sadness, "I have chosen my path as a gay and God knows I have tried to find myself a partner. I am putting myself out there but it is just useless. Half the people often confuse love with lust. The other half of the population is straight. It is a doomed path and I decided not to drag anyone into it. I took a good look at my friends and family at yesterday's gathering and found out what I have been missing all these years, spending frustrating times thinking about The One until I have forgotten the best things around me. I am no longer dwelling in the happy ever-afters. This is a real world after all. I don't want you to end up like me. Aren't you scared you will wither and end up alone?"
Jason took a look at me, deathly silent in his train of thoughts.
"Well, Jason, I am scared." A lone tear crystallized behind my fluttered eyelids. The insecurities resurfaced like a tidal wave, blanketing me with a solemn grief. I refused to submit and kept up a happy front, "So my resolution this year is to get you a girlfriend. If I can't be happy, I want you to be because my best friend deserves to be?" Jason injected wryly, trying to soften the tension, "Thanks for your nobility but these things can't be rushed." I laughed and shrugged out of my melancholy, "It is time. I am expecting a godson ten years down the road." Jason looked at me incredulously, "You plan faster than my mom. I can't believe you."
"You'd better believe it. In fact, you are coming to Grand Copthorne tonight for the company?s New Year function. I will be bringing my friends and cousins. All girls. Remember to bring your present for exchange and dress appropriately."
"You are such a nag."
"That's why I am single."
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
(Issue 65) Fag Hags
They say that every gay man has a FagHag that LOVES him, but lucky for me, I and my FEMMe, Huent, are the best of friends. We are friends that came a long way with several ups and downs, therefore we cared a lot for each other and are open to each other. She, unlike FagHags, only flirts with straight guys and enjoys straight clubs more than anywhere else. And because of her Straight-up Attitude and Behavior in Clubs, Huent was never be address as a FagHag in her life.
Recently, a girl told me that she had "broken up" her gay friend because he is attached, I was shock and astonish. Shouldn't she be happy for him? She told him that if he has to be in a relation, he have to choose to give her up, even as a friend. Could it be possessive? I wasn't sure, but was glad that I was not put in this situation.
What would I have done if I was in this situation? I will still choose to Love my bf, but I will not give up the friendship, especially when she is a worthy friend. I would convince her that no matter what I will still have time for her when she needs my support and she in fact has another friend to do the same, which would be my BF.
She acknowledge that she knows he would never love her, but she doesn't like to have lesser time with him. However, I do believe that even if he is not attached, he would also meet new friends and therefore instead of meeting her 7 days a week, he might meet her for 6.5 days a week. I wondered is this acceptable to her. I didn't dare to mention or ask.
COuld she be a FagHag? What actually defines a FagHag? I started to browse the net and had come across a number of interesting findings.
"You Are A True Fag Hag If...
-You are a straight girl and you spend more that 3/4 of your free time with your best friend who is gay.
-You would rather go to a gay club than a straight club
-Your fag gave you your own drag name
-You know all the gay guys at the local gay bar
-You been to and are well-known in all the gay bars
-You fag takes you shopping for mac makeup and then puts it on you
-Your dress, hair and makeup are always flawless
-You dress up in his drag gear on Saturday night or dress in drag together
-You dance with all the fags on stage when the DIVA's starts to sing
-YOu dance as if you are having sex with your fag
-You learned to Vogue from watching your fag
-You fall in love with your fag (which is a bad thing)
-You try to convert your fag (this will only ruin your relationship with him)
And lastly... you find your self not being able to live without him because you have so much fun with him."
"This type of woman is generally spoiled by the general delightfulness of gay men, therefore she may scorn straight men for their lack of personality and overall dullness."
"(n.) One who follows a homosexual guy for lack of own social life or out of extreme love. A hag is an exclusively heterosexual woman, often a young teenage girl, who is attached to her "fag" to the point of making frequent phone calls, excessive texting, nights out in gay bars, clubbing, shopping trips, spa trips, trips abroad, and sometimes even getting a joint mortgage. The hag has the ultimate power to veto dates, grade outfits, disillusion insecurities of her "fag". The relationship between a hag and her "fag" is sacred, characterised by extraordinary protectiveness."
"an overweight (fat) girl who spends most of her days with gay boys because straight boys aren't attracted to her. She has a lot of confidence and high self-esteem because her fags always compliment her and say that she's pretty (even thou through other peoples eyes, she's really not attractive). She's the center of attention at clubs and parties and all the fags want to dance with her and get her drunk. Sometimes (most of the time) the fag hag falls in love with her fag because he knows her in and out and understands her the most. Also when she's intoxicated she has a habit of making out with gay boys and at times hookin up with them (getting fingered, wackin off the fag, and rarely sex but it happens) then in some rare cases a fag hag gets pregnant by a fag and says its from a straight boy cause they dont wanna look stupid. Also a fag hag gets jealous when her fag hangs out with other gurls without her, or those that she doesn't know. A fag hags life is complicated because she can't fit in with the straight crowd and only feels comfortable with the fags, but unfortunately the gay world is not stable so she tries her best to stay in the loop of things so that she doesnt get replaced by a newer, younger, prettier, or somewat skinnier fag hag."
I didn't put this up to upset anyone as they are not my definitions but I find them funny and cute to read. But I think that regardless whether she is a FagHag or not, she should never interfere in her Fag's relationship, because afterall she is just a friend and not his Girl-Friend. Luckily Huent, knows which lines not to cross more than anyone (straight, gay/faghag, siblings or friends). Thanks Huent.
Coming to terms with (Lucky)Me, (to have a great 'Femme' that understand me better than)Myself and (no FAG HAG please)I.
Listening to the ultimate GAY music: Geri Halliwell-It's Raining Men
(*note: adult content in video. Calen please don't be angry, it's for the pleasure of readers, especially the lonely and maybe highly charged and driven Cricà, LOL.*)
Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you - You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely girls
and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -
Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, the street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men.
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!
Recently, a girl told me that she had "broken up" her gay friend because he is attached, I was shock and astonish. Shouldn't she be happy for him? She told him that if he has to be in a relation, he have to choose to give her up, even as a friend. Could it be possessive? I wasn't sure, but was glad that I was not put in this situation.
What would I have done if I was in this situation? I will still choose to Love my bf, but I will not give up the friendship, especially when she is a worthy friend. I would convince her that no matter what I will still have time for her when she needs my support and she in fact has another friend to do the same, which would be my BF.
She acknowledge that she knows he would never love her, but she doesn't like to have lesser time with him. However, I do believe that even if he is not attached, he would also meet new friends and therefore instead of meeting her 7 days a week, he might meet her for 6.5 days a week. I wondered is this acceptable to her. I didn't dare to mention or ask.
COuld she be a FagHag? What actually defines a FagHag? I started to browse the net and had come across a number of interesting findings.
"You Are A True Fag Hag If...
-You are a straight girl and you spend more that 3/4 of your free time with your best friend who is gay.
-You would rather go to a gay club than a straight club
-Your fag gave you your own drag name
-You know all the gay guys at the local gay bar
-You been to and are well-known in all the gay bars
-You fag takes you shopping for mac makeup and then puts it on you
-Your dress, hair and makeup are always flawless
-You dress up in his drag gear on Saturday night or dress in drag together
-You dance with all the fags on stage when the DIVA's starts to sing
-YOu dance as if you are having sex with your fag
-You learned to Vogue from watching your fag
-You fall in love with your fag (which is a bad thing)
-You try to convert your fag (this will only ruin your relationship with him)
And lastly... you find your self not being able to live without him because you have so much fun with him."
"This type of woman is generally spoiled by the general delightfulness of gay men, therefore she may scorn straight men for their lack of personality and overall dullness."
"(n.) One who follows a homosexual guy for lack of own social life or out of extreme love. A hag is an exclusively heterosexual woman, often a young teenage girl, who is attached to her "fag" to the point of making frequent phone calls, excessive texting, nights out in gay bars, clubbing, shopping trips, spa trips, trips abroad, and sometimes even getting a joint mortgage. The hag has the ultimate power to veto dates, grade outfits, disillusion insecurities of her "fag". The relationship between a hag and her "fag" is sacred, characterised by extraordinary protectiveness."
"an overweight (fat) girl who spends most of her days with gay boys because straight boys aren't attracted to her. She has a lot of confidence and high self-esteem because her fags always compliment her and say that she's pretty (even thou through other peoples eyes, she's really not attractive). She's the center of attention at clubs and parties and all the fags want to dance with her and get her drunk. Sometimes (most of the time) the fag hag falls in love with her fag because he knows her in and out and understands her the most. Also when she's intoxicated she has a habit of making out with gay boys and at times hookin up with them (getting fingered, wackin off the fag, and rarely sex but it happens) then in some rare cases a fag hag gets pregnant by a fag and says its from a straight boy cause they dont wanna look stupid. Also a fag hag gets jealous when her fag hangs out with other gurls without her, or those that she doesn't know. A fag hags life is complicated because she can't fit in with the straight crowd and only feels comfortable with the fags, but unfortunately the gay world is not stable so she tries her best to stay in the loop of things so that she doesnt get replaced by a newer, younger, prettier, or somewat skinnier fag hag."
I didn't put this up to upset anyone as they are not my definitions but I find them funny and cute to read. But I think that regardless whether she is a FagHag or not, she should never interfere in her Fag's relationship, because afterall she is just a friend and not his Girl-Friend. Luckily Huent, knows which lines not to cross more than anyone (straight, gay/faghag, siblings or friends). Thanks Huent.
Coming to terms with (Lucky)Me, (to have a great 'Femme' that understand me better than)Myself and (no FAG HAG please)I.
Listening to the ultimate GAY music: Geri Halliwell-It's Raining Men
(*note: adult content in video. Calen please don't be angry, it's for the pleasure of readers, especially the lonely and maybe highly charged and driven Cricà, LOL.*)
Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you - You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely girls
and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -
Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, the street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men.
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!
Friday, June 15, 2007
(Love Tales 5) Part Four- A Conclusion
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 4 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:31 AM
I wiped away my tears. Leslie was after all my friend. He didn't deserve to die like this. The guilt tapped even deeper because I did fall for Christopher. It was an unforgivable betrayal.
My sobs must have roused Christopher from his sleep. He rubbed his tired eyes and quickly came over when he saw me crying.
"He still haunts you in your dreams?" He sat down and faced me directly.
"I could have done more. I could have saved him."
He sighed. "Leslie is sick, Sean. It wasn't your fault. We have done enough of grieving. I gave up two years of my life, wallowing in regret, having a mental breakdown. I sorted out my thoughts and I can't let Leslie's death rule my life."
"But it's different for me. I felt I...betrayed him." I forced the words out.
"Why is that so?"
I looked at him seriously and stuttered, "Because I .."
Chris lifted his eyebrows and waited patiently.
"Wait a minute. That was a trick question."
Chris grabbed my hands and whispered poignantly, "I hope your answer is, 'Because I loved you all these while'."
I couldn't lie anymore. I just lowered my head and nodded in shame.
Chris' hands trembled as he tipped my chin up and kissed me gently. A tear escaped his left eye as he teased my lips with a light suction. The light in his eyes shone with the cutting clarity of a diamond.
"When I saw you at the lift after I finished delivering a document, I felt that my prayers were answered. I never gave up the hope of seeing you again. You were so close to slipping away from me. But He gave me another chance. I love you, Sean."
He emitted a bitter laugh. "You know how stubborn my heart is. I am going to wait for you no matter how long it takes for that episode to be over. I have waited for six years. It doesn't matter if I wait longer. I am no longer young and I want to spend my life with the one I love. I know whom I love;and that has never changed. It was always you, Sean, my best friend and my partner."
My heart cracked at his declaration. He just hugged me like a lost child who is equally scared of the dark road ahead. At this moment, I only knew the road would be so cold and empty without him. We would battle the demons together. It was time to live again.
My words were choked as I pleaded, "Chris, can you just hold me tonight? I don't want to sleep alone in the dark, thinking of the unhappy stuffs again."
His body blanketed me with its warmth. It felt so good.
I turned my head to face him and smeared off his tears. "I want to visit Leslie's grave tomorrow. I've got something to tell him."
Chris cradled my head and asked, "What is it you are going to say to him?"
I looked at him in the eye. "I am going to take good care of Chris for you before we, three friends, meet in Heavens again." Leslie's ghost had been laid to rest at long last.
Chris whispered a silent "I love you" and kissed my cheeks.
I didn't have any nightmare that night. In fact my dream had Leslie smiling in delight and stacking my hands on top of Chris' hands, while giving us the blessing.
-END-
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 4 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:31 AM
I wiped away my tears. Leslie was after all my friend. He didn't deserve to die like this. The guilt tapped even deeper because I did fall for Christopher. It was an unforgivable betrayal.
My sobs must have roused Christopher from his sleep. He rubbed his tired eyes and quickly came over when he saw me crying.
"He still haunts you in your dreams?" He sat down and faced me directly.
"I could have done more. I could have saved him."
He sighed. "Leslie is sick, Sean. It wasn't your fault. We have done enough of grieving. I gave up two years of my life, wallowing in regret, having a mental breakdown. I sorted out my thoughts and I can't let Leslie's death rule my life."
"But it's different for me. I felt I...betrayed him." I forced the words out.
"Why is that so?"
I looked at him seriously and stuttered, "Because I .."
Chris lifted his eyebrows and waited patiently.
"Wait a minute. That was a trick question."
Chris grabbed my hands and whispered poignantly, "I hope your answer is, 'Because I loved you all these while'."
I couldn't lie anymore. I just lowered my head and nodded in shame.
Chris' hands trembled as he tipped my chin up and kissed me gently. A tear escaped his left eye as he teased my lips with a light suction. The light in his eyes shone with the cutting clarity of a diamond.
"When I saw you at the lift after I finished delivering a document, I felt that my prayers were answered. I never gave up the hope of seeing you again. You were so close to slipping away from me. But He gave me another chance. I love you, Sean."
He emitted a bitter laugh. "You know how stubborn my heart is. I am going to wait for you no matter how long it takes for that episode to be over. I have waited for six years. It doesn't matter if I wait longer. I am no longer young and I want to spend my life with the one I love. I know whom I love;and that has never changed. It was always you, Sean, my best friend and my partner."
My heart cracked at his declaration. He just hugged me like a lost child who is equally scared of the dark road ahead. At this moment, I only knew the road would be so cold and empty without him. We would battle the demons together. It was time to live again.
My words were choked as I pleaded, "Chris, can you just hold me tonight? I don't want to sleep alone in the dark, thinking of the unhappy stuffs again."
His body blanketed me with its warmth. It felt so good.
I turned my head to face him and smeared off his tears. "I want to visit Leslie's grave tomorrow. I've got something to tell him."
Chris cradled my head and asked, "What is it you are going to say to him?"
I looked at him in the eye. "I am going to take good care of Chris for you before we, three friends, meet in Heavens again." Leslie's ghost had been laid to rest at long last.
Chris whispered a silent "I love you" and kissed my cheeks.
I didn't have any nightmare that night. In fact my dream had Leslie smiling in delight and stacking my hands on top of Chris' hands, while giving us the blessing.
-END-
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
(Issue 64) Results Slips
Recently, closest friends had been rejected job offers due to poor Academic Results that was at least 3 years ago, and these start to make me think. Should our entire life be based on the results we achieve during our adolescence years when we were playful and unaware of the importance to achieve good results? Does it also mean that your academic standard had not and will not improve since your last exams? Should we take these exams every 5 years to prove our improvement? And how fair are the test yearly, are they of the same standard every year?
Does this apply to our everyday life too? Can your Street Smartness be test and recorded on Academic Slips? Are testimonials from your Exs' equivalent to your grading in whether you are a Good Lover? I truly doubt the latter question, as everyone has their side of the story to tell.
If you think that the above is unfair, have you ever question yourself falling into their category and ever misjudge someone. There is no perfect solution, *wink* because nothing can be perfect.
Coming to terms with (felt misjudged)Me, (contradicting)Myself and (misjudging others)I.
This reminded me of a classic movie (Dangerous Minds) and its theme song: Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise
"Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me?"
"They say I gotta learn
But nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it , how can they reach me?
I guess they can't
I guess they won't, I guess they front
That's why I know my life is out of luck, fool! "
Does this apply to our everyday life too? Can your Street Smartness be test and recorded on Academic Slips? Are testimonials from your Exs' equivalent to your grading in whether you are a Good Lover? I truly doubt the latter question, as everyone has their side of the story to tell.
If you think that the above is unfair, have you ever question yourself falling into their category and ever misjudge someone. There is no perfect solution, *wink* because nothing can be perfect.
Coming to terms with (felt misjudged)Me, (contradicting)Myself and (misjudging others)I.
This reminded me of a classic movie (Dangerous Minds) and its theme song: Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise
"Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me?"
"They say I gotta learn
But nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it , how can they reach me?
I guess they can't
I guess they won't, I guess they front
That's why I know my life is out of luck, fool! "
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
(Love Tales 5) Part Three- Obsession
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 3 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:26 AM
I felt a stab of chill in my heart and decided to step away from Christopher. The depression was slowly creeping back like a dark shadow. I thought of all the Prozac stocked at my house and suddenly felt giddiness seize me with its claw. I was scared to be alone as control slipped like flowing water.
Christopher saw the tension wrung inside me and wrapped me tightly.
"Sean, snap out of it. Don't do this to yourself again. It's not your fault." I looked at Christopher for a moment. Tears blurred my vision and I felt so helpless beyond words.
Christopher ushered me outside of the building quickly into his car that was parked at the nearby car-park. I was deathly silent all the while.
He put me at the front seat, secured my seat belt and placed a coat over me. My head rested against the window. I was too emotionally exhausted to think or react.
I didn't even notice that he drove me to his apartment. Christopher opened the door and said staunchly, "You are in no condition to be alone today." He opened the door and lifted me up like a rag doll, then swung his body to slam the car door shut.
"I can manage on my own. You don't have to carry me." I whispered.
Christopher looked at me and carried on piggy-backing me. "You are tired. And I am the cause of that." I didn't say a word and just rested my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes. Just like every aftermath of a depression for the past six years, my brain shut down completely.
*
A slight snore roused me in the middle of the night. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Christopher nodding off on the small sofa beside the bed. I sort of recalled Christopher had helped me to change into a clean T-shirt and a pants.
I sat up and touched my forehead. It hurt to think. I hugged my knees and studied Christopher quietly.
Christopher, Leslie and I were the best of friends since junior college. When Chris divulged that he was bisexual accidentally after a drop too much, Leslie quickly developed a crush for him. Chris was attractive and jovial so it wasn't a surprise that I too felt a soft spot for him, but I never carried my crush too far. We enrolled at the same university and gone through the same course.
Somehow, Leslie's obsession made him ugly and possessive. He started to frown upon the girls who got too near to him. Chris started to avoid him and planned his outing secretly with me. He felt he could confide in me more as a friend than he did in Leslie.
Things started to turn awkward when Chris blurted out that he always had a fondness for me. I refuse to have anything to do with him because I knew it would make Leslie crazy. One day, Leslie's jealousy spurred him to blurt out Chris' bisexuality to his female classmates. Chris was naturally angry and went to confront him. Leslie totally lost Chris as a friend; and that was when it drove him to suicide.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 3 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:26 AM
I felt a stab of chill in my heart and decided to step away from Christopher. The depression was slowly creeping back like a dark shadow. I thought of all the Prozac stocked at my house and suddenly felt giddiness seize me with its claw. I was scared to be alone as control slipped like flowing water.
Christopher saw the tension wrung inside me and wrapped me tightly.
"Sean, snap out of it. Don't do this to yourself again. It's not your fault." I looked at Christopher for a moment. Tears blurred my vision and I felt so helpless beyond words.
Christopher ushered me outside of the building quickly into his car that was parked at the nearby car-park. I was deathly silent all the while.
He put me at the front seat, secured my seat belt and placed a coat over me. My head rested against the window. I was too emotionally exhausted to think or react.
I didn't even notice that he drove me to his apartment. Christopher opened the door and said staunchly, "You are in no condition to be alone today." He opened the door and lifted me up like a rag doll, then swung his body to slam the car door shut.
"I can manage on my own. You don't have to carry me." I whispered.
Christopher looked at me and carried on piggy-backing me. "You are tired. And I am the cause of that." I didn't say a word and just rested my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes. Just like every aftermath of a depression for the past six years, my brain shut down completely.
*
A slight snore roused me in the middle of the night. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Christopher nodding off on the small sofa beside the bed. I sort of recalled Christopher had helped me to change into a clean T-shirt and a pants.
I sat up and touched my forehead. It hurt to think. I hugged my knees and studied Christopher quietly.
Christopher, Leslie and I were the best of friends since junior college. When Chris divulged that he was bisexual accidentally after a drop too much, Leslie quickly developed a crush for him. Chris was attractive and jovial so it wasn't a surprise that I too felt a soft spot for him, but I never carried my crush too far. We enrolled at the same university and gone through the same course.
Somehow, Leslie's obsession made him ugly and possessive. He started to frown upon the girls who got too near to him. Chris started to avoid him and planned his outing secretly with me. He felt he could confide in me more as a friend than he did in Leslie.
Things started to turn awkward when Chris blurted out that he always had a fondness for me. I refuse to have anything to do with him because I knew it would make Leslie crazy. One day, Leslie's jealousy spurred him to blurt out Chris' bisexuality to his female classmates. Chris was naturally angry and went to confront him. Leslie totally lost Chris as a friend; and that was when it drove him to suicide.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
(Issue 63) Sweet Talker
How true can words be for it not to come out as Sweet Talk? I guess the only way is for your actions to tell. I had been known to be a Sweet Talker and a Charmer, which is not a good thing, because to me, these are people who uses words to get into someone's else pants.
Then again how do one avoid to be named after them? Like my previous posts, words are getting cheap in this circle but we should not run away from love or never to trust love again because of them. Because one fine day you will find that special someone who will love you whole-heartedly. We need to give love a chance and also people who used to be players and sweet talkers a chance, because I believe that one day, they will grow and learn the true meaning of Love.
They could be what they are because of their past and they will be who they be in the future because of their present. Although we might not turn out to be the one who stay with them forever, but we could be the one who changed them and made them grow.
I guess I say this because the people around me had help me grow and mature (thank you everyone and sorry to those I hurt before) but if not for them and Calen, I guess my life would be different. Sometimes it is not that we are bad, but because we were unaware how hurtful our actions are.
I can only say, "Calen, time would prove with my actions to show. My vows to you are things I promise and like I say I wouldn't promise things that are impossible (i.e. no quarrels and disagreements), for they are part and parcels of a relation. But I promise that I'll hold on to you tighter everytime we have to go through an obstacle, as doing it together would make us understand each other better and bind us tighter. I can't read minds and therefore problems and disagreements must be surface so that I can know you better and avoid doing it to you again. For you I will go that extra mile, because I know you would do the same for me and also with you around I have someone to lean on when I need you the most. Please do not lose trust, confidence and faith in me. What's important is not what others think but how you feel when you are with me. I Love You from deep inside".
Coming to terms with (having you beside)Me, (knowing you and) Myself (better), and (still learning) I.
Listen closely to the Lyrics: Monica - Angel of Mine
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of mine
I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
I'm gonna love you boy you are so fine
Angel of Mine
How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow
You came into my life sent from above
When I lost all hope you showed me love
I'm checkin' for ya boy you're right on time
Angel of Mine
Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world can ever compare
Last night the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine
What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life sent from above (Sent from above)
When I lost all hope, you showed me love (Boy you showed me love)
I'm checkin' for ya, boy you're right on time (Right on Time)
Angel of Mine (Angel of mine)
I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were new,
Every breath that I take, the love that we make
I only share it with you (you, you, you,you)
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine
Then again how do one avoid to be named after them? Like my previous posts, words are getting cheap in this circle but we should not run away from love or never to trust love again because of them. Because one fine day you will find that special someone who will love you whole-heartedly. We need to give love a chance and also people who used to be players and sweet talkers a chance, because I believe that one day, they will grow and learn the true meaning of Love.
They could be what they are because of their past and they will be who they be in the future because of their present. Although we might not turn out to be the one who stay with them forever, but we could be the one who changed them and made them grow.
I guess I say this because the people around me had help me grow and mature (thank you everyone and sorry to those I hurt before) but if not for them and Calen, I guess my life would be different. Sometimes it is not that we are bad, but because we were unaware how hurtful our actions are.
I can only say, "Calen, time would prove with my actions to show. My vows to you are things I promise and like I say I wouldn't promise things that are impossible (i.e. no quarrels and disagreements), for they are part and parcels of a relation. But I promise that I'll hold on to you tighter everytime we have to go through an obstacle, as doing it together would make us understand each other better and bind us tighter. I can't read minds and therefore problems and disagreements must be surface so that I can know you better and avoid doing it to you again. For you I will go that extra mile, because I know you would do the same for me and also with you around I have someone to lean on when I need you the most. Please do not lose trust, confidence and faith in me. What's important is not what others think but how you feel when you are with me. I Love You from deep inside".
Coming to terms with (having you beside)Me, (knowing you and) Myself (better), and (still learning) I.
Listen closely to the Lyrics: Monica - Angel of Mine
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of mine
I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
I'm gonna love you boy you are so fine
Angel of Mine
How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow
You came into my life sent from above
When I lost all hope you showed me love
I'm checkin' for ya boy you're right on time
Angel of Mine
Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world can ever compare
Last night the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine
What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life sent from above (Sent from above)
When I lost all hope, you showed me love (Boy you showed me love)
I'm checkin' for ya, boy you're right on time (Right on Time)
Angel of Mine (Angel of mine)
I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were new,
Every breath that I take, the love that we make
I only share it with you (you, you, you,you)
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine
Monday, June 11, 2007
(Love Tales 5) Part Two- Despair
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:21 AM
"Are you alright?" I slapped lightly his face to get him conscious.
Christopher smiled weakly as I lifted him up carefully. "No worries. I am fine."
I steadied his heavy frame and grabbed my briefcase and his bag, then offered, "Come, I will send you home."
Christopher smiled and joked, "A moment ago, you warned me not to touch you."
I bit out with malice. "Do you believe I can drop you at any moment?"
"No, you won't." He chuckled.
"Why not?"
"Because you still love me after all these while. You just refuse to admit it."
I dragged him out as the door opens. "You are on the verge of making me lose my patience. I think you have recovered. You talk too much."
Christopher zipped his mouth shut at the sight of my fierce stare.
"I will hail a cab for you. You will survive."
"You have become a mean bitch."
I feigned nonchalance. "That's right. It means you shouldn't come and look for me."
Christopher gently said, "Give me your number, Sean. I won't give up unless I see you. God send me to you six years later."
My anger rose inside me. "Why are you so stubborn? Do you know you are hurting me even more? How can you be so selfish?"
Christopher's face crumpled. "I have a broken heart too. Do you know how hard I try to find you? I went to your place and your parents refused to give me your address. You changed your phone number. I missed you so much but I feel the guilt also;Leslie is my friend too." He squeezed his chest painfully and held my hands.
Me too. My heart silently cried out. I didn't want to think about the fateful night where Leslie was crying and pouring his heart out, sitting on the parapet as I begged him to climb down.
Christopher wanted to break off with me. Someone must have come into our relationship. He refused to tell me who. Sean, did he tell you who it was??
I frantically shook my head and said, "Come down, please. Leslie. Don't do this. We can talk about this rationally. I promise Christopher will return to you. Come down now!"
Leslie just blinked his tears away and shook his head in despair, "He loves someone. I know it. I just know it. I won't let anyone take him away."
As he pushed himself off the parapet, my knees just gave way. I reached out my hand and screamed in hysterical terror. My heart stopped beating. My tears just trickled down.
I have let my friend down. I have caused Leslie's death.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:21 AM
"Are you alright?" I slapped lightly his face to get him conscious.
Christopher smiled weakly as I lifted him up carefully. "No worries. I am fine."
I steadied his heavy frame and grabbed my briefcase and his bag, then offered, "Come, I will send you home."
Christopher smiled and joked, "A moment ago, you warned me not to touch you."
I bit out with malice. "Do you believe I can drop you at any moment?"
"No, you won't." He chuckled.
"Why not?"
"Because you still love me after all these while. You just refuse to admit it."
I dragged him out as the door opens. "You are on the verge of making me lose my patience. I think you have recovered. You talk too much."
Christopher zipped his mouth shut at the sight of my fierce stare.
"I will hail a cab for you. You will survive."
"You have become a mean bitch."
I feigned nonchalance. "That's right. It means you shouldn't come and look for me."
Christopher gently said, "Give me your number, Sean. I won't give up unless I see you. God send me to you six years later."
My anger rose inside me. "Why are you so stubborn? Do you know you are hurting me even more? How can you be so selfish?"
Christopher's face crumpled. "I have a broken heart too. Do you know how hard I try to find you? I went to your place and your parents refused to give me your address. You changed your phone number. I missed you so much but I feel the guilt also;Leslie is my friend too." He squeezed his chest painfully and held my hands.
Me too. My heart silently cried out. I didn't want to think about the fateful night where Leslie was crying and pouring his heart out, sitting on the parapet as I begged him to climb down.
Christopher wanted to break off with me. Someone must have come into our relationship. He refused to tell me who. Sean, did he tell you who it was??
I frantically shook my head and said, "Come down, please. Leslie. Don't do this. We can talk about this rationally. I promise Christopher will return to you. Come down now!"
Leslie just blinked his tears away and shook his head in despair, "He loves someone. I know it. I just know it. I won't let anyone take him away."
As he pushed himself off the parapet, my knees just gave way. I reached out my hand and screamed in hysterical terror. My heart stopped beating. My tears just trickled down.
I have let my friend down. I have caused Leslie's death.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
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