Recently many major events and situations happen around me, my closest kins and friends (people I care and love a lot), I couldn't help but to wonder - How do you define or determine every major action or move you made in your life is right or wrong? To me, I believe that everything has its pros and cons, its is just the difference in percentage.
Every changes would led to a butterfly effect, regardless how it is done or handled in a different way or the same actions done at a different timing, it will create a whole new story, a entire different situation and a different knowledge and lesson to be learned. I truly believe that as long as I am satisfied and glad with the route I had walked and route ahead that is presented to me, I have no regrets with all my rights and wrongdoings.
No one can guarantee you your future path,if the situation was handle "their way" by handling the situation differently. Positively looking, if not for my wrongdoings, I might not have learned my lessons better or achieve my almost perfect life now. Then again What is perfect? Is it having everything you want in life monetary or emotional wise? It sounds BULLSHIT to me as the limit to perfection is always unreachable. Mine perfection is something I could live without worries and guilt when I go to sleep every night. I don't deny there were sleepless nights and guilts, but at the same time I might not be here writing without them happening.
Obviously there are also things I strongly believe that should never be done, things that betrayed your believes, dishonesty that you have to live with for life and betrayal to people who trust you most. No one is a 100% but never "discount" yourself with your mis-actions and empty promises. Explanations and Promises are pointless and worthless, even to people who trust you most, let your actions speak for your way of life and principles.
What is done can never be erased or undone, but I believe the importance is to acknowledge and engrave the mistake deep in your heart and take it seriously. Constantly remind yourself that you will not step back into the same path and ask for forgiveness again. Friends, Kins and God can forgive you once but a repeat would show clearly your "sincereness" for forgiveness. Sorry is the hardest word to say, only because you have to follow up with your actions and promises.
Just follow your heart and live your way of life, the way you would regret and ask for an impossible chance of "Turn Back Time".
Coming into terms with (happy with my choice of life) Me, (understanding and learning my wrongdoings) Myself and (Baby) I (love the way you love me. Loving you always too).
Singing to the tune to: Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay
I don't know why I did the things I did I don't know why I said the things I said
Love's like a knife it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons they wound sometimes.
I didn't really mean to heart you I didn't wanna see you go I know I made you cry, but baby
If I could turn back time If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay
If I could reach the stars I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me like you used to do
If I could turn back time
My world was shattered I was torn apart
Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart
You walked out that door I swore that I didn't care
But I lost everything darling then and there
Too strong to tell you I was sorry
Too proud to tell you I was wrong I know that I was blind, and ooh...
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
(Issue 74) Changes
I love reading books and articles on body lauguage, mainly because I believe that you can analyse a person more accurately through his subconcious actions. Despite my knowleadge, I had been constantly repremended for having poor Body Lauguage myself.
Now that I am aware, I am determine to change them. I told everyone to remind me whenever they notice, because it has already been a habit and it is hard to kick within days, weeks or maybe even a month.
The most obvious is my standing posture. I hunchback. This posture display a person's lack of confidence and low self-esteem, and when we look at a health point of view, I may have to grow old with a fixed and unsightly posture I would greatly regret.
Then it is my seating posture, when I get too comfortable, I tend to get too laidback, almost to a lying down posture. No wonder, I do have quite a lower back ache problem. I can feel it coming. The worst thing is being lactose detorlerant, I can't get calcium directly from milk.
Third, which is very bad, is that I can't give full attention to the speaker. I have a habit to wonder around and notice the things happening around me. Surrounding actions grap my attention easily. And at the age of 28, I couldn't believe the comments that were/are directing at me. The most recent comment was,"You are more "aunty" then my mother".
To the speaker, I am dis-interested. To me, I am multi-tasking & curious (lame excuse?) I always tell them that I use my ears to listen and my eyes to see. Presently, I have taken this into serious thoughts, and agree that my actions are a disrespect to the speaker, and maybe to Calen, I am cruising at other guys.
Today, I shall admit, I am cruising, but that beautiful bags, accessories, hairstyles, clothes and etc, because of my passion/love/desire to be a designer, and my eye for luxury/charming items. It's not the guys, and if you notice, mine attention is more attracted/disractted by girls dresses and portrait herself.
These three are the main three habits, I am more determine to change/kickoff and I am aware of the instant need to. So friends out there, remind me please. Or better still if you have good ideas on how I can work on it, drop me a comment or two.
Coming into terms with (ugly posture) Me, (learning to take better care of) Myself and (for Calen and) I.
Couldn't find a matching song, haa therefore have to change one sentence of the lyrics... 王力宏 - 改变自己
今早起床了, 看镜子里的我
忽然发现我发型睡得有点KUSO
(忽然发现我的身体語言真的很差)
一点点改变, 有很大的差别
Woke up in the morning, and in the reflection of the mirror,
I suddenly realise that my out of the bed hair looks KUSO
(I suddenly realise that my body language is terrible)
A little change can do alot of difference.
Now that I am aware, I am determine to change them. I told everyone to remind me whenever they notice, because it has already been a habit and it is hard to kick within days, weeks or maybe even a month.
The most obvious is my standing posture. I hunchback. This posture display a person's lack of confidence and low self-esteem, and when we look at a health point of view, I may have to grow old with a fixed and unsightly posture I would greatly regret.
Then it is my seating posture, when I get too comfortable, I tend to get too laidback, almost to a lying down posture. No wonder, I do have quite a lower back ache problem. I can feel it coming. The worst thing is being lactose detorlerant, I can't get calcium directly from milk.
Third, which is very bad, is that I can't give full attention to the speaker. I have a habit to wonder around and notice the things happening around me. Surrounding actions grap my attention easily. And at the age of 28, I couldn't believe the comments that were/are directing at me. The most recent comment was,"You are more "aunty" then my mother".
To the speaker, I am dis-interested. To me, I am multi-tasking & curious (lame excuse?) I always tell them that I use my ears to listen and my eyes to see. Presently, I have taken this into serious thoughts, and agree that my actions are a disrespect to the speaker, and maybe to Calen, I am cruising at other guys.
Today, I shall admit, I am cruising, but that beautiful bags, accessories, hairstyles, clothes and etc, because of my passion/love/desire to be a designer, and my eye for luxury/charming items. It's not the guys, and if you notice, mine attention is more attracted/disractted by girls dresses and portrait herself.
These three are the main three habits, I am more determine to change/kickoff and I am aware of the instant need to. So friends out there, remind me please. Or better still if you have good ideas on how I can work on it, drop me a comment or two.
Coming into terms with (ugly posture) Me, (learning to take better care of) Myself and (for Calen and) I.
Couldn't find a matching song, haa therefore have to change one sentence of the lyrics... 王力宏 - 改变自己
今早起床了, 看镜子里的我
忽然发现我发型睡得有点KUSO
(忽然发现我的身体語言真的很差)
一点点改变, 有很大的差别
Woke up in the morning, and in the reflection of the mirror,
I suddenly realise that my out of the bed hair looks KUSO
(I suddenly realise that my body language is terrible)
A little change can do alot of difference.
Monday, September 17, 2007
(Issue 73) Being Romantic
This is an analysis of my character - "You're a bit of a romantic and like to get back to basics." and I think that it is dangerously true. Is it important to be romantic to constantly add sparks in your relationship? If it is true, I am actually standing at the edge of the building, because I realise that I am quite a "moment killer". I am not sure how Calen really feel after having anticipating for nothing.
Recently when someone ask what is the most romantic thing someone had done for you or vise-verse, I couldn't think of anything. There is no instant answer at my fingertips. For me I prefer to get back to the basics. Inside me, it is more practical to do show your love, care and concern daily with simple yet thoughtful actions. This is what Calen had constantly been offering me. I used to show my appreciation with "Thank You", however slowly I learn that the appreciation can be better express with a kiss or a hug. And can you guess what is even better? Mirroring of actions.
Dear, I am aware that I miss alot of important moments, and therefore gives you lots of opportunity to bring it up once in a while. Hee, I do deserve that. No matter how much I wish to turn back time and do things right, it is impossible. All I can do now is to pay more attention to special occasions and add a little spark.
Coming into terms with (less romantic) Me, (working within) Myself and (gracefully accepting my mistakes/mishaps, haa) I.
Singing to the tune to: Shayne Ward - If That's Is OK With You
If That's OK With You
I love the way that you look without your make up
I had a girl before we met but we broke up
Theres something 'bout you that makes me want to step up
step up and be with you
If That's Ok With You
We'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
cos imma make you feel so good thats how i see it happening
yeah we'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
cos baby i wanna step up and be with you
if thats ok with you
im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth
I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth
im gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry
if thats ok with you
if thats ok with you
I wanna keep your toothbrush at my appartment
Make a second set of keys and ask you to move in
I'm not crazy
I know what im getting myself in
I wanna live with you
If thats ok with you
Recently when someone ask what is the most romantic thing someone had done for you or vise-verse, I couldn't think of anything. There is no instant answer at my fingertips. For me I prefer to get back to the basics. Inside me, it is more practical to do show your love, care and concern daily with simple yet thoughtful actions. This is what Calen had constantly been offering me. I used to show my appreciation with "Thank You", however slowly I learn that the appreciation can be better express with a kiss or a hug. And can you guess what is even better? Mirroring of actions.
Dear, I am aware that I miss alot of important moments, and therefore gives you lots of opportunity to bring it up once in a while. Hee, I do deserve that. No matter how much I wish to turn back time and do things right, it is impossible. All I can do now is to pay more attention to special occasions and add a little spark.
Coming into terms with (less romantic) Me, (working within) Myself and (gracefully accepting my mistakes/mishaps, haa) I.
Singing to the tune to: Shayne Ward - If That's Is OK With You
If That's OK With You
I love the way that you look without your make up
I had a girl before we met but we broke up
Theres something 'bout you that makes me want to step up
step up and be with you
If That's Ok With You
We'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
cos imma make you feel so good thats how i see it happening
yeah we'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
cos baby i wanna step up and be with you
if thats ok with you
im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth
I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth
im gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry
if thats ok with you
if thats ok with you
I wanna keep your toothbrush at my appartment
Make a second set of keys and ask you to move in
I'm not crazy
I know what im getting myself in
I wanna live with you
If thats ok with you
Sunday, September 16, 2007
(Issue 72) Insomnia
Insomnia. There are several reasons to this cause; work stress, financial stress, peer pressure or ,like several others mine is due to, missing someone badly. But mine has a strong mixture of sweetness in it.
Today is only our second night apart, and this isn't our first time being apart from each other, however the days and nights are slightly different from the other time. It's my turn to sleep alone in that huge bed and the room seems to be colder than usual. Deep inside me was mixed feelings. I feel lonely but sweet at the same time because I know he loves and misses me as much.
We know that we have each other in our hearts, strong and burning bright. But it is the need to feel his touch that refrain me from having a good night sleep. Nothing beats the warmth he provide.
I still remember the first time when we were apart. I have to attend my work duty in China for two weeks. During that period, we communicate thru MSN Video Calls and Overseas Calls. I try to complete my job ASAP so that I can cut short the trip, and I gladly managed to. Work schedule was packed and tiring but definitely sweet, as I know my ultimate goal is to surprise him, by returning to Singapore the night before his KL trip. It was the goal that makes me feel his strong presence beside me all the time, and I tried make him feel the same with surprise MMS pictures and videos (I hope it did).
The second time we were apart was when I had to fulfil my NS Reservice duty. It's the pictures in my phone and the nightly phone calls that put the smile on my face. But nothing beats his sudden surprise for me on my Night's Off.
Calen, I love you deep from my heart. You never never fail to put a smile on my plain looking face and keep my imperfect soul warm.
Coming into terms with Me (missing you so much), (being able to relate) Myself (to the lyrics of the Micheal Bolton song) and I (can't wait for him to return,hee)
Singing to my latest lullaby: Michael Bolton - Missing You Now
I talk to you but it’s not the same as touchin’ you
And every time you whisper my name, I wanna run to you
We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long
But it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong
Baby ’cause I’m missing you now
And it’s drivin’ me crazy
How I’m needin’ you baby
I’m missing you now
Can’t wait till I’m alone with you
To show you how I’m missing you now
Wishin’ you were here by my side is all that I can do
Got my arms around my pillow at night, they should be
Holdin’ you
Thought I was stronger, how could I know, how could
I know
I can’t take this much longer, it’s so hard on my soul
Baby I just can’t wait, till I see your face
Chase away this loneliness inside
When you’re close to my heart, right here in my arms
Then and only then, will I be satisfied
I’m missing you now
We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long
But it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong
Today is only our second night apart, and this isn't our first time being apart from each other, however the days and nights are slightly different from the other time. It's my turn to sleep alone in that huge bed and the room seems to be colder than usual. Deep inside me was mixed feelings. I feel lonely but sweet at the same time because I know he loves and misses me as much.
We know that we have each other in our hearts, strong and burning bright. But it is the need to feel his touch that refrain me from having a good night sleep. Nothing beats the warmth he provide.
I still remember the first time when we were apart. I have to attend my work duty in China for two weeks. During that period, we communicate thru MSN Video Calls and Overseas Calls. I try to complete my job ASAP so that I can cut short the trip, and I gladly managed to. Work schedule was packed and tiring but definitely sweet, as I know my ultimate goal is to surprise him, by returning to Singapore the night before his KL trip. It was the goal that makes me feel his strong presence beside me all the time, and I tried make him feel the same with surprise MMS pictures and videos (I hope it did).
The second time we were apart was when I had to fulfil my NS Reservice duty. It's the pictures in my phone and the nightly phone calls that put the smile on my face. But nothing beats his sudden surprise for me on my Night's Off.
Calen, I love you deep from my heart. You never never fail to put a smile on my plain looking face and keep my imperfect soul warm.
Coming into terms with Me (missing you so much), (being able to relate) Myself (to the lyrics of the Micheal Bolton song) and I (can't wait for him to return,hee)
Singing to my latest lullaby: Michael Bolton - Missing You Now
I talk to you but it’s not the same as touchin’ you
And every time you whisper my name, I wanna run to you
We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long
But it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong
Baby ’cause I’m missing you now
And it’s drivin’ me crazy
How I’m needin’ you baby
I’m missing you now
Can’t wait till I’m alone with you
To show you how I’m missing you now
Wishin’ you were here by my side is all that I can do
Got my arms around my pillow at night, they should be
Holdin’ you
Thought I was stronger, how could I know, how could
I know
I can’t take this much longer, it’s so hard on my soul
Baby I just can’t wait, till I see your face
Chase away this loneliness inside
When you’re close to my heart, right here in my arms
Then and only then, will I be satisfied
I’m missing you now
We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long
But it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong
Saturday, September 15, 2007
(Issue 71) Future Bf/Husband Wish List
When you are single, do you have a list of criteria for your next boyfriend? And during this period of time, you start rejecting groups and groups of guys that walk pass you, thinking that you shouldn't settle for less to achieve happiness. But a sudden unexpected attraction changes your routine of men rejection.
You couldn't help to wonder what is it in him that attracts you, especially when he possess some of No-No's in your next-boyfriend-to-be list. For my case, he is a friend of my closest friends, other than that he was perfect, and still is. But for him, and almost 50% of the AJs in Singapore, I guess I am not one the top choices of best candidate for future husband-to-be.
This made me wonder how lucky can one person be. Could it be fate that he choose to try things out with me? We had actually come across each other life so many times and I am glad we had come one full circle to be together, rather than never together. We were from the same school, went on a group holiday together in Bangkok (around two to three years ago) and coincident enough we were both in HK weeks before we were dating.
Whether it is luck, fate or hard work, I will treasure him more than anything else and I hope slowly I achieve more and more ticks on his "Wish List"/Criteria List, but at the same time still being who I really am, only because I know for sure a person can't act who he is not for his entire life and be happy at the same time.
Oh yah, I remember a quote mentioned by Morgan Freeman who acted as 'God' in 'Evan Almighty'; "When people pray for patience? Does God give them patience? No, He gives them the opportunity to be patient."
I am glad that I took the opportunity to love when I asked for it. Coming into terms with (Thankfully) Me, (glad for) Myself and I (wish he feel the same too).
Dancing to the song from: Shayne Ward - That's My Goal
You know where I come from. You know my story
You know why I'm standing here. Tonight
Please don't go. Don't be in a hurry
I'm here to make it clear. Make it right
Well I know I've acted foolish. But I promise you no more
I've finally found that something. Worth reaching for
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal
Please don't go
You know that I need you. I can't breathe without you
Live without you. Be without you
Well I know I've acted foolish. But I promise you no more. No more
Well I won't stop believing. That we will be leaving together
So when I say I love you. I'll mean it forever and ever. Ever and ever
You couldn't help to wonder what is it in him that attracts you, especially when he possess some of No-No's in your next-boyfriend-to-be list. For my case, he is a friend of my closest friends, other than that he was perfect, and still is. But for him, and almost 50% of the AJs in Singapore, I guess I am not one the top choices of best candidate for future husband-to-be.
This made me wonder how lucky can one person be. Could it be fate that he choose to try things out with me? We had actually come across each other life so many times and I am glad we had come one full circle to be together, rather than never together. We were from the same school, went on a group holiday together in Bangkok (around two to three years ago) and coincident enough we were both in HK weeks before we were dating.
Whether it is luck, fate or hard work, I will treasure him more than anything else and I hope slowly I achieve more and more ticks on his "Wish List"/Criteria List, but at the same time still being who I really am, only because I know for sure a person can't act who he is not for his entire life and be happy at the same time.
Oh yah, I remember a quote mentioned by Morgan Freeman who acted as 'God' in 'Evan Almighty'; "When people pray for patience? Does God give them patience? No, He gives them the opportunity to be patient."
I am glad that I took the opportunity to love when I asked for it. Coming into terms with (Thankfully) Me, (glad for) Myself and I (wish he feel the same too).
Dancing to the song from: Shayne Ward - That's My Goal
You know where I come from. You know my story
You know why I'm standing here. Tonight
Please don't go. Don't be in a hurry
I'm here to make it clear. Make it right
Well I know I've acted foolish. But I promise you no more
I've finally found that something. Worth reaching for
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal
Please don't go
You know that I need you. I can't breathe without you
Live without you. Be without you
Well I know I've acted foolish. But I promise you no more. No more
Well I won't stop believing. That we will be leaving together
So when I say I love you. I'll mean it forever and ever. Ever and ever
Monday, September 10, 2007
(Issue 70) My Human Umbrella
In this modern city, everyone should had experienced office polities, book-lickers, back-stabbers, apple-polisher etc etc. Therefore hasn't it become vital for everyone to be fully armored to survive in this harsh world as everyone is working forward to their own best interest? Slowly this had become our way of life, however how long could we put on this strong front and be ourselves? Is the 14 off days a year enough?
I am glad that I had found a place where I could run to and feel safe everyday. Deep in the arms or Calen, I could strip myself "naked" (from the amour) and be vulnerable; breathe without worrying about any hidden agenda from anyone. His arms is stronger than any armour and the warmth he provides block me from any strong and unpredictable cold wind. It has become a place I could build/charge myself up again and face the world with a brave and strong front.
I gotta say that with him around, it doesn't matter how tired work can be, as the thought of being able to see him after work relives the stress and recharges my mind and soul.
It is also that sudden message I received in the middle of the hectic work day that boast me up and make all my worries disappear. No matter how corny the message could be to others, it is simply sweet and charming.
I can't say enough thank you, hence I wouldn't also take things for granted. I promise to do the same for you. Dear, I will let my actions show my love for you like you did for me and I hope I doing it well. Smiles.
Coming to terms with (Having an umbrella over)Me, (able to relax) Myself (everyday) and I (love you Calen).
Dancing to the Happy tune of: Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
"I could feel it from the start,
Couldn't stand to be apart.
Something about you caught my eye,
Something moved me deep inside!
Don't know what you did boy but
You had it and I've been hooked ever since."
I am glad that I had found a place where I could run to and feel safe everyday. Deep in the arms or Calen, I could strip myself "naked" (from the amour) and be vulnerable; breathe without worrying about any hidden agenda from anyone. His arms is stronger than any armour and the warmth he provides block me from any strong and unpredictable cold wind. It has become a place I could build/charge myself up again and face the world with a brave and strong front.
I gotta say that with him around, it doesn't matter how tired work can be, as the thought of being able to see him after work relives the stress and recharges my mind and soul.
It is also that sudden message I received in the middle of the hectic work day that boast me up and make all my worries disappear. No matter how corny the message could be to others, it is simply sweet and charming.
I can't say enough thank you, hence I wouldn't also take things for granted. I promise to do the same for you. Dear, I will let my actions show my love for you like you did for me and I hope I doing it well. Smiles.
Coming to terms with (Having an umbrella over)Me, (able to relax) Myself (everyday) and I (love you Calen).
Dancing to the Happy tune of: Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
"I could feel it from the start,
Couldn't stand to be apart.
Something about you caught my eye,
Something moved me deep inside!
Don't know what you did boy but
You had it and I've been hooked ever since."
Sunday, August 19, 2007
(Issue 69) Giving
"Giving"; actions to show your affections of love to another, I am not referring to the physical objects that can be brought with money. When we are in love, we show extra care to our lovers when they are sick or tired, we drop an SMS to our lovers whenever we miss them when they are not around, we defend our lover when someone else wronged him, etc, etc. Everyone has their own set of actions they will do to show their affections to their love ones, but however how many are there were able to 'give' and not ask for any return or an acknowledgement? What happens when one party 'give' more than the other?
Many of times we do little actions to show our affections of love without condition in a relationship and not ask for anything in return, but subconsciously, as time goes, most would begin to wonder if the receiver had began to take things for granted. And the worst that could happen in such cases, is when they start to compare who loves the other party more. There is no scale in life that measures love and therefore shouldn't be compared. Secondly, everyone grade every actions differently in life.
I had learn that "Giving" is a great present by itself, as the action of 'giving' alone provides you a great sense of fulfilment. If you see the picture another way round, "If having someone to love you is the best gift in life, isn't your actions of giving now being reverse to returning the gift?" [I do not know how to put it right in a sentence]
No matter what, we should never compare who gives more in a relationship or why doesn't he do the same in return, because all actions should come from the heart. BUT, contradicting again, you should make known to your lover what you like to see from him and what you think is healthly in a relationship, because everyone is brought up differently and therefore think differently. Sometimes the most obvious thing/actions to you could be the least obvious to him. Remember, communication is the key to a relation. Someone once told me, "Why is it so that a voice-impaired can speaks up for himself, communicates with others and sometimes takes the extra effort put his message thru to the common people like us, but a normal person like us dislike to communicate?".
Calen, I love you from the bottom of my heart and I can also feel your love to me. I couldn't say enough thank you for the things you had done and I have learn that many times all we ask from one other is a hug or a kiss, sometimes even the look in the eyes that expresses it all.
Coming to terms with (life is a continous learning process) Me, (and therefore still learning how to 'upgrade' and express) Myself and (thankfully for having Calen in my life) I.
Singing to the tunes of: Sonny & Cher - It's The Little Things
You're not the kind of guy
That make the girls all sigh
And they never turn their heads
And look when you walk by
But baby that's okay I love you anyway
And I never change or rearrange you
So stay that way
Cause it's the little things that mean a lot
It's what you are not what you got
Call my name and I'll come running
Look at me and the clouds start sunning
Hold my hand and you got me going
Kiss my lips and my mind starts going
We got a thing that won't stop cooking
You turn me on just by looking
You can make me strong just by sighing
You can break my heart just by crying
You're not the smartest man that I ever met
And every word you ever said I won't forget
And so I guess that's why until the day I die
When you're bad and make me sad
You're still my guy
Many of times we do little actions to show our affections of love without condition in a relationship and not ask for anything in return, but subconsciously, as time goes, most would begin to wonder if the receiver had began to take things for granted. And the worst that could happen in such cases, is when they start to compare who loves the other party more. There is no scale in life that measures love and therefore shouldn't be compared. Secondly, everyone grade every actions differently in life.
I had learn that "Giving" is a great present by itself, as the action of 'giving' alone provides you a great sense of fulfilment. If you see the picture another way round, "If having someone to love you is the best gift in life, isn't your actions of giving now being reverse to returning the gift?" [I do not know how to put it right in a sentence]
No matter what, we should never compare who gives more in a relationship or why doesn't he do the same in return, because all actions should come from the heart. BUT, contradicting again, you should make known to your lover what you like to see from him and what you think is healthly in a relationship, because everyone is brought up differently and therefore think differently. Sometimes the most obvious thing/actions to you could be the least obvious to him. Remember, communication is the key to a relation. Someone once told me, "Why is it so that a voice-impaired can speaks up for himself, communicates with others and sometimes takes the extra effort put his message thru to the common people like us, but a normal person like us dislike to communicate?".
Calen, I love you from the bottom of my heart and I can also feel your love to me. I couldn't say enough thank you for the things you had done and I have learn that many times all we ask from one other is a hug or a kiss, sometimes even the look in the eyes that expresses it all.
Coming to terms with (life is a continous learning process) Me, (and therefore still learning how to 'upgrade' and express) Myself and (thankfully for having Calen in my life) I.
Singing to the tunes of: Sonny & Cher - It's The Little Things
You're not the kind of guy
That make the girls all sigh
And they never turn their heads
And look when you walk by
But baby that's okay I love you anyway
And I never change or rearrange you
So stay that way
Cause it's the little things that mean a lot
It's what you are not what you got
Call my name and I'll come running
Look at me and the clouds start sunning
Hold my hand and you got me going
Kiss my lips and my mind starts going
We got a thing that won't stop cooking
You turn me on just by looking
You can make me strong just by sighing
You can break my heart just by crying
You're not the smartest man that I ever met
And every word you ever said I won't forget
And so I guess that's why until the day I die
When you're bad and make me sad
You're still my guy
(Issue 68) A Different Angle to the Action: Compromise
Compromising... many times a couple is unaware of their minor actions of compromising when they are in love. This is the reason why everyone changes when they are in love, some changes their lifestyles, while others changes their behaviour and attitudes to certain "disapproving" actions (i.e. they react differently when the same actions came out from their friends, acquaintances and lover).
It was brought to my close attention that I tend to use the word "Anything" in my conversation too much. Positively, this could be a compromise which allows to receiver to act upon his own preference, but on the other hand, it could also mean that the sender couldn't be bother about the decision. What-so-ever, it doesn't matter, as 'Annything' is equivalent to not having the question answered at all. As both of caese the receiver is not given an option, unlike "Yes/No/But". And if the sender doesn't require an opinion, he could have acted base on his own decision without asking. Presently, thanks to creativity, the only time when "Anything" means sometime is when you order your choice of drink in a kopitiam.
Calen, I promise to reduce the use of "Anything" in our conversation, after knowing that it is a bad kind of compromise.
Another type of compromising is to "Compromise and Assume". Compromising is part and parcel of a relation but not to "Compromise and 'Make a [ASS] out of [U] and [ME]'". Many times either party of a couple would "forgive" a certain action that he is total un-agreeable on and wishes that the other party will notice the mistake himself. I personally, is against such compromise; firstly the latter most probably is unaware of his actions being a 'mistake', because it wasn't mentioned by the receiver that he couldn't accept it. Secondly, there would be a certain point of time the receiver couldn't take it anymore and decide to blow up. My guess is the other party would feel weird and strange that how come the receiver didn't sound off this dislike after so many occurrence but only today? Have he been compromising all along? Is it his fault for not noticing? Sadly this is how most quarrels starts.
I do hope that this doesn't happen to me, as I had seen far too many of these situations happening to people around me and they end up unpleasant. Thank god for giving me a Mature Calen, who has the same frequency as me.
Coming to terms with (realising that compromise is alright if it is made known to the other party) Me, (however isn't 'giving' suppose to be not expecting a return) Myself and (therefore again contradicting) I.
Listening to the tunes of: Mariah Carey - My All
I am thinking of you, In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you, Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you, And I won't pull through, Without you by my side
I'd give my all to have, Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel, Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on, Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Baby can you feel me, Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly, Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far, Like a distant star, I'm wishing on tonight
Give my all for your love, Tonight
It was brought to my close attention that I tend to use the word "Anything" in my conversation too much. Positively, this could be a compromise which allows to receiver to act upon his own preference, but on the other hand, it could also mean that the sender couldn't be bother about the decision. What-so-ever, it doesn't matter, as 'Annything' is equivalent to not having the question answered at all. As both of caese the receiver is not given an option, unlike "Yes/No/But". And if the sender doesn't require an opinion, he could have acted base on his own decision without asking. Presently, thanks to creativity, the only time when "Anything" means sometime is when you order your choice of drink in a kopitiam.
Calen, I promise to reduce the use of "Anything" in our conversation, after knowing that it is a bad kind of compromise.
Another type of compromising is to "Compromise and Assume". Compromising is part and parcel of a relation but not to "Compromise and 'Make a [ASS] out of [U] and [ME]'". Many times either party of a couple would "forgive" a certain action that he is total un-agreeable on and wishes that the other party will notice the mistake himself. I personally, is against such compromise; firstly the latter most probably is unaware of his actions being a 'mistake', because it wasn't mentioned by the receiver that he couldn't accept it. Secondly, there would be a certain point of time the receiver couldn't take it anymore and decide to blow up. My guess is the other party would feel weird and strange that how come the receiver didn't sound off this dislike after so many occurrence but only today? Have he been compromising all along? Is it his fault for not noticing? Sadly this is how most quarrels starts.
I do hope that this doesn't happen to me, as I had seen far too many of these situations happening to people around me and they end up unpleasant. Thank god for giving me a Mature Calen, who has the same frequency as me.
Coming to terms with (realising that compromise is alright if it is made known to the other party) Me, (however isn't 'giving' suppose to be not expecting a return) Myself and (therefore again contradicting) I.
Listening to the tunes of: Mariah Carey - My All
I am thinking of you, In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you, Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you, And I won't pull through, Without you by my side
I'd give my all to have, Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel, Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on, Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Baby can you feel me, Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly, Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far, Like a distant star, I'm wishing on tonight
Give my all for your love, Tonight
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
(Issue 67) Satisfaction
I believe that there is always going to be somebody better looking than the person you end up with. Someone funnier, smarter, richer. But if you are lucky enough to meet someone with whom you are compatible, you have to close certain doors.
We have to recognise that, yes, you may indeed meet other people you could fall in love with. But by sticking to the person you chose, you gain a level of intimacy that is not possible by hopping from one person to the next every couple of years.
We should be always be content with what we were given, and I do believe that everything does comes back to form a circle because God is always fair. Let's say you gave up someone to be with someone else better and keep doing that soon you will end up with wanting back the person you were with because the person you ran away with may lack qualities of what the first victim has.
Greed is one of the seven deadly sins we should learn to avoid especially in this circle. If you choose to keep changing, you made a infamous reputation for yourself and soon you might end up with nothing. Why not make the best of what you have after all there is also someone who is much better than yourself too.
Satisfaction comes from within. Always remember what attracts you to the person you are with now, and also remember the "Goods" about him and compromise with his flaws. Some may think that as years gone by sparks no longer exist, however sparks can be recreated by yourself. There are 1001 things you can do together and enjoy the moment, it could be the simplest thing you do that start the sparks. Even when you guys had done absolutely everything in the world, look back and "re-do" things you did before because not only it would be a new experience, it will also bring back lovely memories and remind you guys of the lovely moments you guys had.
Coming to terms with (Grateful)Me, (Calen and)Myself and I(no longer want to enjoy happy moments alone).
Listening to the Music of : Faith Hill - This Kiss
I don’t want another heartbreak
I don’t need another turn to cry
I don’t want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh, no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky
It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss
It’s that pivotal moment
It’s impossible
This kiss, this kiss (Unstoppable)
This kiss, this kiss
Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours
You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky
You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let’s let every thing slide
You got me floating, you got me flying
We have to recognise that, yes, you may indeed meet other people you could fall in love with. But by sticking to the person you chose, you gain a level of intimacy that is not possible by hopping from one person to the next every couple of years.
We should be always be content with what we were given, and I do believe that everything does comes back to form a circle because God is always fair. Let's say you gave up someone to be with someone else better and keep doing that soon you will end up with wanting back the person you were with because the person you ran away with may lack qualities of what the first victim has.
Greed is one of the seven deadly sins we should learn to avoid especially in this circle. If you choose to keep changing, you made a infamous reputation for yourself and soon you might end up with nothing. Why not make the best of what you have after all there is also someone who is much better than yourself too.
Satisfaction comes from within. Always remember what attracts you to the person you are with now, and also remember the "Goods" about him and compromise with his flaws. Some may think that as years gone by sparks no longer exist, however sparks can be recreated by yourself. There are 1001 things you can do together and enjoy the moment, it could be the simplest thing you do that start the sparks. Even when you guys had done absolutely everything in the world, look back and "re-do" things you did before because not only it would be a new experience, it will also bring back lovely memories and remind you guys of the lovely moments you guys had.
Coming to terms with (Grateful)Me, (Calen and)Myself and I(no longer want to enjoy happy moments alone).
Listening to the Music of : Faith Hill - This Kiss
I don’t want another heartbreak
I don’t need another turn to cry
I don’t want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh, no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky
It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss
It’s that pivotal moment
It’s impossible
This kiss, this kiss (Unstoppable)
This kiss, this kiss
Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours
You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky
You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let’s let every thing slide
You got me floating, you got me flying
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
(Love Tales 6) Dear Diary
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:41 AM
1:00 p.m.
Some things are best hidden in the heart ; like my fondness for Jason. I kept pushing him to girls because one day I fear I couldn't control the impulse to declare my love for him. By then, our friendship will turn awkward both for him and myself, and I do not wish to have this kind of ending. I smiled, embittered at the thought that there can be no resolution or acceptance from Jason. It was painful but this sacrifice would be worth it. I finished my diary entry for the last day of the year and sighed with an emptiness that lingered in my heart.
"Hello, Melanie. You must come for the party today. I've got a great guy to introduce to you." The lilting tone of mine was a complete contrast to the scathing hurt burning in my heart. I locked my diary and stashed it away as I carried on with the conversation and with my lonely existence.
11:00 p.m.
"Can you please be more proactive?" I rolled my eyes as I whispered to Jason who was sitting next to me. Jason looked dashing, decked out in formal wear with his stylish hairdo but his smile now seemed plastered and uneasy. ?Thank God they have moved on to the next table in search of greener pastures. Gerald, that Melanie is a quack. You?ve got to be kidding if you think she matches me?? I couldn?t think of any rejoinder. Melanie has got to be the worst girl I have ever recommended ; I couldn?t concentrate on the casual conversation with the intermittent loud slurps of her soup. "Look, can we get out of here? I have absolutely no appetite. My whole New Year mood is ruined. All thanks to you." Jason looked at me and practically dragged me out of the function room while I messaged Melanie that Jason suddenly had some gastric pain that he needed medical attention badly. Jason needed solitude away from the crowd and I suggested that we do our private countdown by the Singapore River with a few cans of beer.
11:50 p.m.
Jason picked up his can of Tiger Beer and sipped, looking exceptionally moody. I knew things were not looking great especially in his love path. My heart felt twinges of pain for him but I quickly brushed off them, feigning nonchalance. "Gerald, you know you've been a great friend to me and you were always there when I needed you." I shook my head, saying firmly, "Incorrect. It should be 'are'. Jason, I let you know all my little secrets, so please don't say you are going to ditch me." Jason's cheeks were ruddy and heated as he said, "Gerald, shall I let you in on my secret?"
I smiled and nodded. "Sure, why not when I have confided in you a thousand and one secrets?" Jason lowered his head and said softly, "When I close my eyes, all my thoughts are of you." My heartbeat quickened at his admission and I wasn't sure I was hearing the correct things. "Well, I am honored. Never knew you thought of me so often." Jason scratched his head and shook it furiously, "No, that was not what I meant. I mean; I like you."
"You are drunk. You must be?" I rationalized, refusing to accept his words. Tears blurred my eyes when I practically plied the words out of my burning throat, "Jason, please don't humor me. I cannot take this anymore." Jason slapped his face and smothered it with both his hands, and mumbled miserably, "It was a mistake. Can you take it you've never heard me blurt out the words?"
"No."
"Are we still friends?"
"No."
"That's it then. I've ended our friendship on New Year's Day." Jason was clearly agonized with a disappointed look that pierced my core. My tears of mirth kept streaming down as I blurted out raggedly, "You'd better keep good on your admission that you like me so I can stop recommending to you all those wretched girls."
Jason's hands clasped with mine as he said, "We will just have to take it one step at a time then because I am practically clueless at this." My emotions were churning beneath my cool fa硤e as I replied, "Okay. Are you sure about this?"
Jason looked at me seriously and admitted, "My heart tells me 'Yes' but my brain frankly disagreed." I quickly interjected, "You should listen to your heart." He smiled and looked at me, smearing the tears that escaped my eyes. "I've known all along that you've liked me. Gerald Wong, I can see ; I have eyes. I have seen the things you've done for me that no other person in the world will."
"And to think, you kept me in suspense until now. How's that for a payment." I almost wanted to burst out crying at his simple words of gratitude. The tenderness rocked me to the core as he continued, "I needed time to think about this."
"Oh. You've just made my day. No, my year."
Jason dropped a peck on my cheeks and whispered, "Happy New Year, Gerald. I am shaking on the inside beneath all the calmness written on my face." I punched him in the chest and spat, "You hid it real well, didn't you?" He laughed and eased the tension with a quick diversion of the subject, "Well, can we exchange our presents now?"
I cried out in delight when I unwrapped his present for me.
The clock chimed twelve. I couldn't believe it;it was a new pair of sandals.
It was the best New Year present I have ever received and I thought silently that maybe fairy tales do exist after all. Jason looked and chuckled with his eyes sparkling in mischief, "Expecting something expensive?"
I shook my head and I held his hand tighter. "You've no idea how priceless your gift is. Happy New Year, Jason." Suddenly the world looked a bit brighter with the constellation of stars in twinkling glory, inspiring a romantic atmosphere that reminded me of fairy tales. Jason asked me to try on the sandals and they fit to a tee.
He definitely knew my size.
1:00 a.m.
I smiled and opened my diary and began to write. "Dear Diary, something wonderful happened today."
END
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:41 AM
1:00 p.m.
Some things are best hidden in the heart ; like my fondness for Jason. I kept pushing him to girls because one day I fear I couldn't control the impulse to declare my love for him. By then, our friendship will turn awkward both for him and myself, and I do not wish to have this kind of ending. I smiled, embittered at the thought that there can be no resolution or acceptance from Jason. It was painful but this sacrifice would be worth it. I finished my diary entry for the last day of the year and sighed with an emptiness that lingered in my heart.
"Hello, Melanie. You must come for the party today. I've got a great guy to introduce to you." The lilting tone of mine was a complete contrast to the scathing hurt burning in my heart. I locked my diary and stashed it away as I carried on with the conversation and with my lonely existence.
11:00 p.m.
"Can you please be more proactive?" I rolled my eyes as I whispered to Jason who was sitting next to me. Jason looked dashing, decked out in formal wear with his stylish hairdo but his smile now seemed plastered and uneasy. ?Thank God they have moved on to the next table in search of greener pastures. Gerald, that Melanie is a quack. You?ve got to be kidding if you think she matches me?? I couldn?t think of any rejoinder. Melanie has got to be the worst girl I have ever recommended ; I couldn?t concentrate on the casual conversation with the intermittent loud slurps of her soup. "Look, can we get out of here? I have absolutely no appetite. My whole New Year mood is ruined. All thanks to you." Jason looked at me and practically dragged me out of the function room while I messaged Melanie that Jason suddenly had some gastric pain that he needed medical attention badly. Jason needed solitude away from the crowd and I suggested that we do our private countdown by the Singapore River with a few cans of beer.
11:50 p.m.
Jason picked up his can of Tiger Beer and sipped, looking exceptionally moody. I knew things were not looking great especially in his love path. My heart felt twinges of pain for him but I quickly brushed off them, feigning nonchalance. "Gerald, you know you've been a great friend to me and you were always there when I needed you." I shook my head, saying firmly, "Incorrect. It should be 'are'. Jason, I let you know all my little secrets, so please don't say you are going to ditch me." Jason's cheeks were ruddy and heated as he said, "Gerald, shall I let you in on my secret?"
I smiled and nodded. "Sure, why not when I have confided in you a thousand and one secrets?" Jason lowered his head and said softly, "When I close my eyes, all my thoughts are of you." My heartbeat quickened at his admission and I wasn't sure I was hearing the correct things. "Well, I am honored. Never knew you thought of me so often." Jason scratched his head and shook it furiously, "No, that was not what I meant. I mean; I like you."
"You are drunk. You must be?" I rationalized, refusing to accept his words. Tears blurred my eyes when I practically plied the words out of my burning throat, "Jason, please don't humor me. I cannot take this anymore." Jason slapped his face and smothered it with both his hands, and mumbled miserably, "It was a mistake. Can you take it you've never heard me blurt out the words?"
"No."
"Are we still friends?"
"No."
"That's it then. I've ended our friendship on New Year's Day." Jason was clearly agonized with a disappointed look that pierced my core. My tears of mirth kept streaming down as I blurted out raggedly, "You'd better keep good on your admission that you like me so I can stop recommending to you all those wretched girls."
Jason's hands clasped with mine as he said, "We will just have to take it one step at a time then because I am practically clueless at this." My emotions were churning beneath my cool fa硤e as I replied, "Okay. Are you sure about this?"
Jason looked at me seriously and admitted, "My heart tells me 'Yes' but my brain frankly disagreed." I quickly interjected, "You should listen to your heart." He smiled and looked at me, smearing the tears that escaped my eyes. "I've known all along that you've liked me. Gerald Wong, I can see ; I have eyes. I have seen the things you've done for me that no other person in the world will."
"And to think, you kept me in suspense until now. How's that for a payment." I almost wanted to burst out crying at his simple words of gratitude. The tenderness rocked me to the core as he continued, "I needed time to think about this."
"Oh. You've just made my day. No, my year."
Jason dropped a peck on my cheeks and whispered, "Happy New Year, Gerald. I am shaking on the inside beneath all the calmness written on my face." I punched him in the chest and spat, "You hid it real well, didn't you?" He laughed and eased the tension with a quick diversion of the subject, "Well, can we exchange our presents now?"
I cried out in delight when I unwrapped his present for me.
The clock chimed twelve. I couldn't believe it;it was a new pair of sandals.
It was the best New Year present I have ever received and I thought silently that maybe fairy tales do exist after all. Jason looked and chuckled with his eyes sparkling in mischief, "Expecting something expensive?"
I shook my head and I held his hand tighter. "You've no idea how priceless your gift is. Happy New Year, Jason." Suddenly the world looked a bit brighter with the constellation of stars in twinkling glory, inspiring a romantic atmosphere that reminded me of fairy tales. Jason asked me to try on the sandals and they fit to a tee.
He definitely knew my size.
1:00 a.m.
I smiled and opened my diary and began to write. "Dear Diary, something wonderful happened today."
END
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
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