continue...
Friday came, I extended my trip under the request of Cricà and Père. We headed down to PLAY and TABOO, I drunk to suppress all my mixed feelings that night. Orcièr offered to drive me back, I declined but she insisted. That night we were both messed-up, I was feeling even more depress as I was listening to 李聖傑-最近 [Sam Lee - Lately], almost crying to the lyrics. And just when I thought I could just sleep and forget everything, she drove the east-wards instead of west to my place. We quick changed our course of direction and of all the places, we went pass Nete's place. I couldn't resist but to message him what I really feel inside.
"Jus pass ur place. I miss u alot. I regret not hugging u tat night. Sorry but i do miss u." I didn't expect an immediate reply and I was a bit afraid to receive it, but luckily the reply was not as I expected. "Wru? Why pass my place? Me now in bombay. Bk tmr. U went clubbing?".
I followed this normal reply with another dramatic message,"Yes club. Then went wrong expressway.Sorry i know i am not right. But i cant control. I am very high now". Gladly he replied with another sensible message,"Take care of yrself k. U with Cricà rite? Go back take some tea and hv gd rest. Dun think so much." I replied "Orh".
I told Cricà, Orcièr and Huent the next day all my stupid messages I send during the past few days to Nete. I wasn't sure of what I want and how should he react? Why am I so confused? Should I had taken the extra step during my last visit instead of pushing him away? What am I afraid of and what is holding me back? What if I lose him forever?
I guess regardless or which step I make I am bound to face some positive and negative remarks and outcomes. I do not regard sending any of those messages because everything is true from my heart but it is just that I couldn't decide which step to take and how not to hurt either one of us.
Coming to terms with (coulda, shoulda, woulda or lucky)Me, (confusing) Myself and (wondering "What would someone else would do? Is there a perfect solution?")I.
Crying to the song: 孙燕姿 - 不能和你一起
结束还是原谅爱永远搁在远方. 眼神不会说话只有泪光, 你给过希望怎么能忘.
是你填满温暖让梦想有了翅膀, 教我如何控制风的方向, 让我每一天能飞到更远的地方.
不能和你一起拥有喜悦和悲伤, 不管走多远步伐都没有力量.
不能和你一起走往这世界幸福方向, 孤单的身旁少了坚强, 只有简单感伤
Translation: Can't be with you - Ended or Forgiven, Love had been left afar. (My) eyes couldn't express feelings as it has been filled with tears, who can ever forget the hopes that you gave me.
It's you who fill my dreams with care and gave it wings, you taught me how to control the direction of wind so that I can fly further each day.
Can't be with you to go through the ups and downs, it does matter how far I have been because I had lose strength to carry on walking.
Can't be with you to walk together towards a world of happiness, (My)loneliness is no longer accompanied with toughness, but with a simple kind of hurt.
