I believe that there is always going to be somebody better looking than the person you end up with. Someone funnier, smarter, richer. But if you are lucky enough to meet someone with whom you are compatible, you have to close certain doors.
We have to recognise that, yes, you may indeed meet other people you could fall in love with. But by sticking to the person you chose, you gain a level of intimacy that is not possible by hopping from one person to the next every couple of years.
We should be always be content with what we were given, and I do believe that everything does comes back to form a circle because God is always fair. Let's say you gave up someone to be with someone else better and keep doing that soon you will end up with wanting back the person you were with because the person you ran away with may lack qualities of what the first victim has.
Greed is one of the seven deadly sins we should learn to avoid especially in this circle. If you choose to keep changing, you made a infamous reputation for yourself and soon you might end up with nothing. Why not make the best of what you have after all there is also someone who is much better than yourself too.
Satisfaction comes from within. Always remember what attracts you to the person you are with now, and also remember the "Goods" about him and compromise with his flaws. Some may think that as years gone by sparks no longer exist, however sparks can be recreated by yourself. There are 1001 things you can do together and enjoy the moment, it could be the simplest thing you do that start the sparks. Even when you guys had done absolutely everything in the world, look back and "re-do" things you did before because not only it would be a new experience, it will also bring back lovely memories and remind you guys of the lovely moments you guys had.
Coming to terms with (Grateful)Me, (Calen and)Myself and I(no longer want to enjoy happy moments alone).
Listening to the Music of : Faith Hill - This Kiss
I don’t want another heartbreak
I don’t need another turn to cry
I don’t want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh, no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky
It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss
It’s that pivotal moment
It’s impossible
This kiss, this kiss (Unstoppable)
This kiss, this kiss
Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours
You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky
You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let’s let every thing slide
You got me floating, you got me flying
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
(Love Tales 6) Dear Diary
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:41 AM
1:00 p.m.
Some things are best hidden in the heart ; like my fondness for Jason. I kept pushing him to girls because one day I fear I couldn't control the impulse to declare my love for him. By then, our friendship will turn awkward both for him and myself, and I do not wish to have this kind of ending. I smiled, embittered at the thought that there can be no resolution or acceptance from Jason. It was painful but this sacrifice would be worth it. I finished my diary entry for the last day of the year and sighed with an emptiness that lingered in my heart.
"Hello, Melanie. You must come for the party today. I've got a great guy to introduce to you." The lilting tone of mine was a complete contrast to the scathing hurt burning in my heart. I locked my diary and stashed it away as I carried on with the conversation and with my lonely existence.
11:00 p.m.
"Can you please be more proactive?" I rolled my eyes as I whispered to Jason who was sitting next to me. Jason looked dashing, decked out in formal wear with his stylish hairdo but his smile now seemed plastered and uneasy. ?Thank God they have moved on to the next table in search of greener pastures. Gerald, that Melanie is a quack. You?ve got to be kidding if you think she matches me?? I couldn?t think of any rejoinder. Melanie has got to be the worst girl I have ever recommended ; I couldn?t concentrate on the casual conversation with the intermittent loud slurps of her soup. "Look, can we get out of here? I have absolutely no appetite. My whole New Year mood is ruined. All thanks to you." Jason looked at me and practically dragged me out of the function room while I messaged Melanie that Jason suddenly had some gastric pain that he needed medical attention badly. Jason needed solitude away from the crowd and I suggested that we do our private countdown by the Singapore River with a few cans of beer.
11:50 p.m.
Jason picked up his can of Tiger Beer and sipped, looking exceptionally moody. I knew things were not looking great especially in his love path. My heart felt twinges of pain for him but I quickly brushed off them, feigning nonchalance. "Gerald, you know you've been a great friend to me and you were always there when I needed you." I shook my head, saying firmly, "Incorrect. It should be 'are'. Jason, I let you know all my little secrets, so please don't say you are going to ditch me." Jason's cheeks were ruddy and heated as he said, "Gerald, shall I let you in on my secret?"
I smiled and nodded. "Sure, why not when I have confided in you a thousand and one secrets?" Jason lowered his head and said softly, "When I close my eyes, all my thoughts are of you." My heartbeat quickened at his admission and I wasn't sure I was hearing the correct things. "Well, I am honored. Never knew you thought of me so often." Jason scratched his head and shook it furiously, "No, that was not what I meant. I mean; I like you."
"You are drunk. You must be?" I rationalized, refusing to accept his words. Tears blurred my eyes when I practically plied the words out of my burning throat, "Jason, please don't humor me. I cannot take this anymore." Jason slapped his face and smothered it with both his hands, and mumbled miserably, "It was a mistake. Can you take it you've never heard me blurt out the words?"
"No."
"Are we still friends?"
"No."
"That's it then. I've ended our friendship on New Year's Day." Jason was clearly agonized with a disappointed look that pierced my core. My tears of mirth kept streaming down as I blurted out raggedly, "You'd better keep good on your admission that you like me so I can stop recommending to you all those wretched girls."
Jason's hands clasped with mine as he said, "We will just have to take it one step at a time then because I am practically clueless at this." My emotions were churning beneath my cool fa硤e as I replied, "Okay. Are you sure about this?"
Jason looked at me seriously and admitted, "My heart tells me 'Yes' but my brain frankly disagreed." I quickly interjected, "You should listen to your heart." He smiled and looked at me, smearing the tears that escaped my eyes. "I've known all along that you've liked me. Gerald Wong, I can see ; I have eyes. I have seen the things you've done for me that no other person in the world will."
"And to think, you kept me in suspense until now. How's that for a payment." I almost wanted to burst out crying at his simple words of gratitude. The tenderness rocked me to the core as he continued, "I needed time to think about this."
"Oh. You've just made my day. No, my year."
Jason dropped a peck on my cheeks and whispered, "Happy New Year, Gerald. I am shaking on the inside beneath all the calmness written on my face." I punched him in the chest and spat, "You hid it real well, didn't you?" He laughed and eased the tension with a quick diversion of the subject, "Well, can we exchange our presents now?"
I cried out in delight when I unwrapped his present for me.
The clock chimed twelve. I couldn't believe it;it was a new pair of sandals.
It was the best New Year present I have ever received and I thought silently that maybe fairy tales do exist after all. Jason looked and chuckled with his eyes sparkling in mischief, "Expecting something expensive?"
I shook my head and I held his hand tighter. "You've no idea how priceless your gift is. Happy New Year, Jason." Suddenly the world looked a bit brighter with the constellation of stars in twinkling glory, inspiring a romantic atmosphere that reminded me of fairy tales. Jason asked me to try on the sandals and they fit to a tee.
He definitely knew my size.
1:00 a.m.
I smiled and opened my diary and began to write. "Dear Diary, something wonderful happened today."
END
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:41 AM
1:00 p.m.
Some things are best hidden in the heart ; like my fondness for Jason. I kept pushing him to girls because one day I fear I couldn't control the impulse to declare my love for him. By then, our friendship will turn awkward both for him and myself, and I do not wish to have this kind of ending. I smiled, embittered at the thought that there can be no resolution or acceptance from Jason. It was painful but this sacrifice would be worth it. I finished my diary entry for the last day of the year and sighed with an emptiness that lingered in my heart.
"Hello, Melanie. You must come for the party today. I've got a great guy to introduce to you." The lilting tone of mine was a complete contrast to the scathing hurt burning in my heart. I locked my diary and stashed it away as I carried on with the conversation and with my lonely existence.
11:00 p.m.
"Can you please be more proactive?" I rolled my eyes as I whispered to Jason who was sitting next to me. Jason looked dashing, decked out in formal wear with his stylish hairdo but his smile now seemed plastered and uneasy. ?Thank God they have moved on to the next table in search of greener pastures. Gerald, that Melanie is a quack. You?ve got to be kidding if you think she matches me?? I couldn?t think of any rejoinder. Melanie has got to be the worst girl I have ever recommended ; I couldn?t concentrate on the casual conversation with the intermittent loud slurps of her soup. "Look, can we get out of here? I have absolutely no appetite. My whole New Year mood is ruined. All thanks to you." Jason looked at me and practically dragged me out of the function room while I messaged Melanie that Jason suddenly had some gastric pain that he needed medical attention badly. Jason needed solitude away from the crowd and I suggested that we do our private countdown by the Singapore River with a few cans of beer.
11:50 p.m.
Jason picked up his can of Tiger Beer and sipped, looking exceptionally moody. I knew things were not looking great especially in his love path. My heart felt twinges of pain for him but I quickly brushed off them, feigning nonchalance. "Gerald, you know you've been a great friend to me and you were always there when I needed you." I shook my head, saying firmly, "Incorrect. It should be 'are'. Jason, I let you know all my little secrets, so please don't say you are going to ditch me." Jason's cheeks were ruddy and heated as he said, "Gerald, shall I let you in on my secret?"
I smiled and nodded. "Sure, why not when I have confided in you a thousand and one secrets?" Jason lowered his head and said softly, "When I close my eyes, all my thoughts are of you." My heartbeat quickened at his admission and I wasn't sure I was hearing the correct things. "Well, I am honored. Never knew you thought of me so often." Jason scratched his head and shook it furiously, "No, that was not what I meant. I mean; I like you."
"You are drunk. You must be?" I rationalized, refusing to accept his words. Tears blurred my eyes when I practically plied the words out of my burning throat, "Jason, please don't humor me. I cannot take this anymore." Jason slapped his face and smothered it with both his hands, and mumbled miserably, "It was a mistake. Can you take it you've never heard me blurt out the words?"
"No."
"Are we still friends?"
"No."
"That's it then. I've ended our friendship on New Year's Day." Jason was clearly agonized with a disappointed look that pierced my core. My tears of mirth kept streaming down as I blurted out raggedly, "You'd better keep good on your admission that you like me so I can stop recommending to you all those wretched girls."
Jason's hands clasped with mine as he said, "We will just have to take it one step at a time then because I am practically clueless at this." My emotions were churning beneath my cool fa硤e as I replied, "Okay. Are you sure about this?"
Jason looked at me seriously and admitted, "My heart tells me 'Yes' but my brain frankly disagreed." I quickly interjected, "You should listen to your heart." He smiled and looked at me, smearing the tears that escaped my eyes. "I've known all along that you've liked me. Gerald Wong, I can see ; I have eyes. I have seen the things you've done for me that no other person in the world will."
"And to think, you kept me in suspense until now. How's that for a payment." I almost wanted to burst out crying at his simple words of gratitude. The tenderness rocked me to the core as he continued, "I needed time to think about this."
"Oh. You've just made my day. No, my year."
Jason dropped a peck on my cheeks and whispered, "Happy New Year, Gerald. I am shaking on the inside beneath all the calmness written on my face." I punched him in the chest and spat, "You hid it real well, didn't you?" He laughed and eased the tension with a quick diversion of the subject, "Well, can we exchange our presents now?"
I cried out in delight when I unwrapped his present for me.
The clock chimed twelve. I couldn't believe it;it was a new pair of sandals.
It was the best New Year present I have ever received and I thought silently that maybe fairy tales do exist after all. Jason looked and chuckled with his eyes sparkling in mischief, "Expecting something expensive?"
I shook my head and I held his hand tighter. "You've no idea how priceless your gift is. Happy New Year, Jason." Suddenly the world looked a bit brighter with the constellation of stars in twinkling glory, inspiring a romantic atmosphere that reminded me of fairy tales. Jason asked me to try on the sandals and they fit to a tee.
He definitely knew my size.
1:00 a.m.
I smiled and opened my diary and began to write. "Dear Diary, something wonderful happened today."
END
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Monday, June 18, 2007
(Issue 66) Blush
Have you ever did something and wish the entire world would forget? And have you wondered why others are not be embarrassed over the things they had done? I guess it is a habit thing people do sub-consciously and not notice. I did notice many guys obscenely adjust their privates in public and there are still many who picks their nose while talking to you.
Anyway yesterday, I was chatting with Calen and he suddenly blush for something he did years ago, I guess was embarrassed over something I thought was common. I was enjoying the sweet and lovely moment, because I get to see another side of him looking innocent, shy and bashful. Calen, no worries, I believe that I had done more embarrassing things than you do.
Someone had send me a list in friendster and I decided to change some of them to embarrassing moments of my own. Calen, guess my score.
Caused by Alcohol
[ ] kissed someone who never would when you are sober
[ ] waking up not remembering who is beside you
[ ] trashed out in a gathering party (friends drew on you/stripped you and took photos)
[ ] kiss the wrong person when especially when your partner is around
[ ] done a striptease
[ ] vomited/thrown up in the club or street
[ ] slept on the roadside
[ ] create a (fight/quarrel) scene with a small issue
[ ] confess something to someone you should never have
[ ] make out with a stranger and regret the next day
[ ] make out with colleagues or friends
[ ] you/friend threw up in someone else vehicle
During Sex
[ ] caught having oral sex/sex in public
[ ] farted in front of your lover in bed
[ ] had your lover fall asleep half way while you were having foreplay/sex
[ ] caught having sex by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught masturbating by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught wearing the ugliest or dirtiest underwear during sex
[ ] caught wearing un-matching under garments (female only)
[ ] caught having un-matching tan
[ ] caught having porn collections/vibrator
[ ] wore the same clothes to work the next day
[ ] forgot to remove nipple stickers during sex (female only)
[ ] shout out the wrong name during sex
[ ] your partner told you that the orgasms are all fake (male only)
[ ] Premature Ejaculation/"die off" before sex (both parties)
[ ] have room service walked into the room while both of you were still naked
Apparel Disasters
[ ] wore two different colors socks
[ ] had to borrow tampons (female only)
[ ] stain clothes with unprepared "period" (female only)
[ ] told having a hard on at a sleep over with a group of friends (male only)
[ ] having a hard on in public and couldn't disguise it (male only)
[ ] forgot to zip up
[ ] wore your clothes inside out
[ ] having someone tell your nostril hair sticking out of the nose
[ ] unintentional exposure of privates
[ ] having your pants caught up by the socks or having your dress caught up by your under-garment
[ ] white socks with black shoes
[ ] caught playing dressed up
[ ] having toilet paper/rubbish sticking onto your shoes without realising
[ ] wore socks with holes to a friend's place or while trying out new shoes
[ ] had strong discomfort smell of smelly feet or body Oder when you are among a group of friends
[ ] under pit sweat stain/dandruff shown clearly
[ ] someone sees dirty stains on your underwear
[ ] pee/pass motion with clothes still on
[ ] having something stuck on you without noticing (price tag/food)
[ ] clash into someone wearing the same clothes as you
[ ] having food stuck in between your teeth
[ ] arrive drench or wet in white/light colored clothes for work/date
[ ] having a ugly snapshot of you in magazine/newspaper/TV etc
[ ] having a bad hair day
[ ] mistake a customer for a staff
[ ] caught using imitation
[ ] dress in theme, for a non theme party
[ ] overgrown hair coming out from your swimming attire
[ ] had your pants pulled down in public before
Restrooms
[ ] caught up in a situation where you have nothing to clean your butt after bowel discharge
[ ] someone from the urinal beside you keeping looking at your privates (male only)
[ ] walk into a cubicle with someone in it
[ ] caught not washing hands after toilet usage by friends
[ ] forgot to flush/couldn't flush the bowl at friends' place
[ ] went into the toilet for the other sex
In Public
[ ] snore in public transport
[ ] drool in public transport
[ ] slept on a stranger's shoulder
[ ] mumbling alone in public
[ ] screamed or shouted in public because you thought you saw something that frighten you.
[ ] scream and shout when surprised when bumping onto long lost friends (screamer/receiver)
[ ] unintentional molested someone with your swing arms
[ ] recognise the wrong person and even talked to him for a moment
[ ] pressed on the wrong door bell when visiting a friend
[ ] everyone seems to be staring at you in public transport and you don't why
[ ] the only one with the back facing the lift door in a crowded lift.
[ ] farted in a lift and someone notice it was you
[ ] bumped onto a wall/lamppost/etc while walking on the street
[ ] ran/walk straight into a glass door or wall
[ ] tripped and fell down in front of the public
While trying to Impress
[ ] used vulgarity in front of people you want to impress
[ ] expressed a one sided love
[ ] caught having a blind date
[ ] someone showed photos of you which you longed to have them dispose
[ ] have your parents tell everyone about your embarrass childhood moments
[ ] pat a stranger's back and thought that he/she is your friend
[ ] having a conversation with someone, but instead he was having a phone conversation with another person
[ ] speaking behind someone back, when he/she is actually behind you
[ ] choked and throw up at some one's face (victim/culprit)
[ ] have your food fly across the table
[ ] paid for a meal with only coins
[ ] didn't bring enough to pay at the cashier
[ ] invalid/max out your credit card
Others
[ ] returned a used product/product you had damaged yourself
[ ] unintentional return or caught exchanging a gift someone gave you.
[ ] caught cheating
[ ] caught for a crime
[ ] being fired
[ ] fall asleep at school/work
[ ] public caning or detention
[ ] blush redder than a lobster
[ ] sang out of tune/pitch in public
[ ] ever danced like a chicken/fool in public
[ ] flag the wrong bus
[ ] fall in a bowling alley
[ ] express a wrong foreign word overseas, which carries another meaning
[ ] laughed and snored
[ ] squeeze something usual out from nose
[ ] fall backwards while rocking your chair
Scored: 54 out of 101. Not so bad, I thought I would score at least an 'A' (75%) but instead I got a 'C6' "academically". Well, at least I will not be criticised for scoring badly for sure a test.
Coming to terms with (this song reminds)Me(of Cafe de Mar), (and finally having you, all to)Myself and I(in return will give you my all, Calen).
Listening to the music of: Plumb - Blush (Only You)
When you look at me I start to blush
and all that I can say is you and us
oh baby I'm so afraid to be in love
with you, with you...
I wanna be in love with only you
I wanna watch the sky turn grey then blue
I wanna know the kiss thats always new
I wanna be in love with only you
just you
When stars are falling dark
will light the way
will hit the ground and fall
into the shade
ill light the night with fire
and run away
Anyway yesterday, I was chatting with Calen and he suddenly blush for something he did years ago, I guess was embarrassed over something I thought was common. I was enjoying the sweet and lovely moment, because I get to see another side of him looking innocent, shy and bashful. Calen, no worries, I believe that I had done more embarrassing things than you do.
Someone had send me a list in friendster and I decided to change some of them to embarrassing moments of my own. Calen, guess my score.
Caused by Alcohol
[ ] kissed someone who never would when you are sober
[ ] waking up not remembering who is beside you
[ ] trashed out in a gathering party (friends drew on you/stripped you and took photos)
[ ] kiss the wrong person when especially when your partner is around
[ ] done a striptease
[ ] vomited/thrown up in the club or street
[ ] slept on the roadside
[ ] create a (fight/quarrel) scene with a small issue
[ ] confess something to someone you should never have
[ ] make out with a stranger and regret the next day
[ ] make out with colleagues or friends
[ ] you/friend threw up in someone else vehicle
During Sex
[ ] caught having oral sex/sex in public
[ ] farted in front of your lover in bed
[ ] had your lover fall asleep half way while you were having foreplay/sex
[ ] caught having sex by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught masturbating by parents/siblings or roommate
[ ] caught wearing the ugliest or dirtiest underwear during sex
[ ] caught wearing un-matching under garments (female only)
[ ] caught having un-matching tan
[ ] caught having porn collections/vibrator
[ ] wore the same clothes to work the next day
[ ] forgot to remove nipple stickers during sex (female only)
[ ] shout out the wrong name during sex
[ ] your partner told you that the orgasms are all fake (male only)
[ ] Premature Ejaculation/"die off" before sex (both parties)
[ ] have room service walked into the room while both of you were still naked
Apparel Disasters
[ ] wore two different colors socks
[ ] had to borrow tampons (female only)
[ ] stain clothes with unprepared "period" (female only)
[ ] told having a hard on at a sleep over with a group of friends (male only)
[ ] having a hard on in public and couldn't disguise it (male only)
[ ] forgot to zip up
[ ] wore your clothes inside out
[ ] having someone tell your nostril hair sticking out of the nose
[ ] unintentional exposure of privates
[ ] having your pants caught up by the socks or having your dress caught up by your under-garment
[ ] white socks with black shoes
[ ] caught playing dressed up
[ ] having toilet paper/rubbish sticking onto your shoes without realising
[ ] wore socks with holes to a friend's place or while trying out new shoes
[ ] had strong discomfort smell of smelly feet or body Oder when you are among a group of friends
[ ] under pit sweat stain/dandruff shown clearly
[ ] someone sees dirty stains on your underwear
[ ] pee/pass motion with clothes still on
[ ] having something stuck on you without noticing (price tag/food)
[ ] clash into someone wearing the same clothes as you
[ ] having food stuck in between your teeth
[ ] arrive drench or wet in white/light colored clothes for work/date
[ ] having a ugly snapshot of you in magazine/newspaper/TV etc
[ ] having a bad hair day
[ ] mistake a customer for a staff
[ ] caught using imitation
[ ] dress in theme, for a non theme party
[ ] overgrown hair coming out from your swimming attire
[ ] had your pants pulled down in public before
Restrooms
[ ] caught up in a situation where you have nothing to clean your butt after bowel discharge
[ ] someone from the urinal beside you keeping looking at your privates (male only)
[ ] walk into a cubicle with someone in it
[ ] caught not washing hands after toilet usage by friends
[ ] forgot to flush/couldn't flush the bowl at friends' place
[ ] went into the toilet for the other sex
In Public
[ ] snore in public transport
[ ] drool in public transport
[ ] slept on a stranger's shoulder
[ ] mumbling alone in public
[ ] screamed or shouted in public because you thought you saw something that frighten you.
[ ] scream and shout when surprised when bumping onto long lost friends (screamer/receiver)
[ ] unintentional molested someone with your swing arms
[ ] recognise the wrong person and even talked to him for a moment
[ ] pressed on the wrong door bell when visiting a friend
[ ] everyone seems to be staring at you in public transport and you don't why
[ ] the only one with the back facing the lift door in a crowded lift.
[ ] farted in a lift and someone notice it was you
[ ] bumped onto a wall/lamppost/etc while walking on the street
[ ] ran/walk straight into a glass door or wall
[ ] tripped and fell down in front of the public
While trying to Impress
[ ] used vulgarity in front of people you want to impress
[ ] expressed a one sided love
[ ] caught having a blind date
[ ] someone showed photos of you which you longed to have them dispose
[ ] have your parents tell everyone about your embarrass childhood moments
[ ] pat a stranger's back and thought that he/she is your friend
[ ] having a conversation with someone, but instead he was having a phone conversation with another person
[ ] speaking behind someone back, when he/she is actually behind you
[ ] choked and throw up at some one's face (victim/culprit)
[ ] have your food fly across the table
[ ] paid for a meal with only coins
[ ] didn't bring enough to pay at the cashier
[ ] invalid/max out your credit card
Others
[ ] returned a used product/product you had damaged yourself
[ ] unintentional return or caught exchanging a gift someone gave you.
[ ] caught cheating
[ ] caught for a crime
[ ] being fired
[ ] fall asleep at school/work
[ ] public caning or detention
[ ] blush redder than a lobster
[ ] sang out of tune/pitch in public
[ ] ever danced like a chicken/fool in public
[ ] flag the wrong bus
[ ] fall in a bowling alley
[ ] express a wrong foreign word overseas, which carries another meaning
[ ] laughed and snored
[ ] squeeze something usual out from nose
[ ] fall backwards while rocking your chair
Scored: 54 out of 101. Not so bad, I thought I would score at least an 'A' (75%) but instead I got a 'C6' "academically". Well, at least I will not be criticised for scoring badly for sure a test.
Coming to terms with (this song reminds)Me(of Cafe de Mar), (and finally having you, all to)Myself and I(in return will give you my all, Calen).
Listening to the music of: Plumb - Blush (Only You)
When you look at me I start to blush
and all that I can say is you and us
oh baby I'm so afraid to be in love
with you, with you...
I wanna be in love with only you
I wanna watch the sky turn grey then blue
I wanna know the kiss thats always new
I wanna be in love with only you
just you
When stars are falling dark
will light the way
will hit the ground and fall
into the shade
ill light the night with fire
and run away
Sunday, June 17, 2007
(Love Tales 6) Dear Diary
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:37 AM
12:00 p.m
On the twelfth stroke, the strap of my sandals came off and no, I was not running away from a prince. In fact, I was fast detaching myself from the pursuit of my best friend Jason who was looking rather murderous. I could have bet yesterday's date went awry for him and I frankly admit I wasn't that qualified as a matchmaker. Knowing that I couldn't outrun him, I decided to stay rooted to the spot to listen to another round of cursing. Picking up my ruined sandals, I turned back and walked barefooted while Jason confronted me with a pointed look and a hard stare.
A wicked smile whipped across his face. "Can't run any more?"
"Enjoy yesterday?" The question was rhetoric when one look at his face tells all. Jason straightened and sighed, "Why do you always keep fixing me with somebody?" I mimicked the gravelly tone of my professor and lectured, "You know, you are not getting any younger?" Jason popped out the most hated question, "What about you?"
"I am happily single. That's the way I want it but you are different. You have so much to look forward to while I. Look, if you are not happy with what I am doing, I won't ever bother again." We walked to the benches at the void deck and sat down both with heavy hearts. I started to wax reason and philosophy again with a tinge of sadness, "I have chosen my path as a gay and God knows I have tried to find myself a partner. I am putting myself out there but it is just useless. Half the people often confuse love with lust. The other half of the population is straight. It is a doomed path and I decided not to drag anyone into it. I took a good look at my friends and family at yesterday's gathering and found out what I have been missing all these years, spending frustrating times thinking about The One until I have forgotten the best things around me. I am no longer dwelling in the happy ever-afters. This is a real world after all. I don't want you to end up like me. Aren't you scared you will wither and end up alone?"
Jason took a look at me, deathly silent in his train of thoughts.
"Well, Jason, I am scared." A lone tear crystallized behind my fluttered eyelids. The insecurities resurfaced like a tidal wave, blanketing me with a solemn grief. I refused to submit and kept up a happy front, "So my resolution this year is to get you a girlfriend. If I can't be happy, I want you to be because my best friend deserves to be?" Jason injected wryly, trying to soften the tension, "Thanks for your nobility but these things can't be rushed." I laughed and shrugged out of my melancholy, "It is time. I am expecting a godson ten years down the road." Jason looked at me incredulously, "You plan faster than my mom. I can't believe you."
"You'd better believe it. In fact, you are coming to Grand Copthorne tonight for the company?s New Year function. I will be bringing my friends and cousins. All girls. Remember to bring your present for exchange and dress appropriately."
"You are such a nag."
"That's why I am single."
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 2Written and Publish on Jan 5 2004, 01:37 AM
12:00 p.m
On the twelfth stroke, the strap of my sandals came off and no, I was not running away from a prince. In fact, I was fast detaching myself from the pursuit of my best friend Jason who was looking rather murderous. I could have bet yesterday's date went awry for him and I frankly admit I wasn't that qualified as a matchmaker. Knowing that I couldn't outrun him, I decided to stay rooted to the spot to listen to another round of cursing. Picking up my ruined sandals, I turned back and walked barefooted while Jason confronted me with a pointed look and a hard stare.
A wicked smile whipped across his face. "Can't run any more?"
"Enjoy yesterday?" The question was rhetoric when one look at his face tells all. Jason straightened and sighed, "Why do you always keep fixing me with somebody?" I mimicked the gravelly tone of my professor and lectured, "You know, you are not getting any younger?" Jason popped out the most hated question, "What about you?"
"I am happily single. That's the way I want it but you are different. You have so much to look forward to while I. Look, if you are not happy with what I am doing, I won't ever bother again." We walked to the benches at the void deck and sat down both with heavy hearts. I started to wax reason and philosophy again with a tinge of sadness, "I have chosen my path as a gay and God knows I have tried to find myself a partner. I am putting myself out there but it is just useless. Half the people often confuse love with lust. The other half of the population is straight. It is a doomed path and I decided not to drag anyone into it. I took a good look at my friends and family at yesterday's gathering and found out what I have been missing all these years, spending frustrating times thinking about The One until I have forgotten the best things around me. I am no longer dwelling in the happy ever-afters. This is a real world after all. I don't want you to end up like me. Aren't you scared you will wither and end up alone?"
Jason took a look at me, deathly silent in his train of thoughts.
"Well, Jason, I am scared." A lone tear crystallized behind my fluttered eyelids. The insecurities resurfaced like a tidal wave, blanketing me with a solemn grief. I refused to submit and kept up a happy front, "So my resolution this year is to get you a girlfriend. If I can't be happy, I want you to be because my best friend deserves to be?" Jason injected wryly, trying to soften the tension, "Thanks for your nobility but these things can't be rushed." I laughed and shrugged out of my melancholy, "It is time. I am expecting a godson ten years down the road." Jason looked at me incredulously, "You plan faster than my mom. I can't believe you."
"You'd better believe it. In fact, you are coming to Grand Copthorne tonight for the company?s New Year function. I will be bringing my friends and cousins. All girls. Remember to bring your present for exchange and dress appropriately."
"You are such a nag."
"That's why I am single."
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
(Issue 65) Fag Hags
They say that every gay man has a FagHag that LOVES him, but lucky for me, I and my FEMMe, Huent, are the best of friends. We are friends that came a long way with several ups and downs, therefore we cared a lot for each other and are open to each other. She, unlike FagHags, only flirts with straight guys and enjoys straight clubs more than anywhere else. And because of her Straight-up Attitude and Behavior in Clubs, Huent was never be address as a FagHag in her life.
Recently, a girl told me that she had "broken up" her gay friend because he is attached, I was shock and astonish. Shouldn't she be happy for him? She told him that if he has to be in a relation, he have to choose to give her up, even as a friend. Could it be possessive? I wasn't sure, but was glad that I was not put in this situation.
What would I have done if I was in this situation? I will still choose to Love my bf, but I will not give up the friendship, especially when she is a worthy friend. I would convince her that no matter what I will still have time for her when she needs my support and she in fact has another friend to do the same, which would be my BF.
She acknowledge that she knows he would never love her, but she doesn't like to have lesser time with him. However, I do believe that even if he is not attached, he would also meet new friends and therefore instead of meeting her 7 days a week, he might meet her for 6.5 days a week. I wondered is this acceptable to her. I didn't dare to mention or ask.
COuld she be a FagHag? What actually defines a FagHag? I started to browse the net and had come across a number of interesting findings.
"You Are A True Fag Hag If...
-You are a straight girl and you spend more that 3/4 of your free time with your best friend who is gay.
-You would rather go to a gay club than a straight club
-Your fag gave you your own drag name
-You know all the gay guys at the local gay bar
-You been to and are well-known in all the gay bars
-You fag takes you shopping for mac makeup and then puts it on you
-Your dress, hair and makeup are always flawless
-You dress up in his drag gear on Saturday night or dress in drag together
-You dance with all the fags on stage when the DIVA's starts to sing
-YOu dance as if you are having sex with your fag
-You learned to Vogue from watching your fag
-You fall in love with your fag (which is a bad thing)
-You try to convert your fag (this will only ruin your relationship with him)
And lastly... you find your self not being able to live without him because you have so much fun with him."
"This type of woman is generally spoiled by the general delightfulness of gay men, therefore she may scorn straight men for their lack of personality and overall dullness."
"(n.) One who follows a homosexual guy for lack of own social life or out of extreme love. A hag is an exclusively heterosexual woman, often a young teenage girl, who is attached to her "fag" to the point of making frequent phone calls, excessive texting, nights out in gay bars, clubbing, shopping trips, spa trips, trips abroad, and sometimes even getting a joint mortgage. The hag has the ultimate power to veto dates, grade outfits, disillusion insecurities of her "fag". The relationship between a hag and her "fag" is sacred, characterised by extraordinary protectiveness."
"an overweight (fat) girl who spends most of her days with gay boys because straight boys aren't attracted to her. She has a lot of confidence and high self-esteem because her fags always compliment her and say that she's pretty (even thou through other peoples eyes, she's really not attractive). She's the center of attention at clubs and parties and all the fags want to dance with her and get her drunk. Sometimes (most of the time) the fag hag falls in love with her fag because he knows her in and out and understands her the most. Also when she's intoxicated she has a habit of making out with gay boys and at times hookin up with them (getting fingered, wackin off the fag, and rarely sex but it happens) then in some rare cases a fag hag gets pregnant by a fag and says its from a straight boy cause they dont wanna look stupid. Also a fag hag gets jealous when her fag hangs out with other gurls without her, or those that she doesn't know. A fag hags life is complicated because she can't fit in with the straight crowd and only feels comfortable with the fags, but unfortunately the gay world is not stable so she tries her best to stay in the loop of things so that she doesnt get replaced by a newer, younger, prettier, or somewat skinnier fag hag."
I didn't put this up to upset anyone as they are not my definitions but I find them funny and cute to read. But I think that regardless whether she is a FagHag or not, she should never interfere in her Fag's relationship, because afterall she is just a friend and not his Girl-Friend. Luckily Huent, knows which lines not to cross more than anyone (straight, gay/faghag, siblings or friends). Thanks Huent.
Coming to terms with (Lucky)Me, (to have a great 'Femme' that understand me better than)Myself and (no FAG HAG please)I.
Listening to the ultimate GAY music: Geri Halliwell-It's Raining Men
(*note: adult content in video. Calen please don't be angry, it's for the pleasure of readers, especially the lonely and maybe highly charged and driven Cricà, LOL.*)
Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you - You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely girls
and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -
Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, the street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men.
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!
Recently, a girl told me that she had "broken up" her gay friend because he is attached, I was shock and astonish. Shouldn't she be happy for him? She told him that if he has to be in a relation, he have to choose to give her up, even as a friend. Could it be possessive? I wasn't sure, but was glad that I was not put in this situation.
What would I have done if I was in this situation? I will still choose to Love my bf, but I will not give up the friendship, especially when she is a worthy friend. I would convince her that no matter what I will still have time for her when she needs my support and she in fact has another friend to do the same, which would be my BF.
She acknowledge that she knows he would never love her, but she doesn't like to have lesser time with him. However, I do believe that even if he is not attached, he would also meet new friends and therefore instead of meeting her 7 days a week, he might meet her for 6.5 days a week. I wondered is this acceptable to her. I didn't dare to mention or ask.
COuld she be a FagHag? What actually defines a FagHag? I started to browse the net and had come across a number of interesting findings.
"You Are A True Fag Hag If...
-You are a straight girl and you spend more that 3/4 of your free time with your best friend who is gay.
-You would rather go to a gay club than a straight club
-Your fag gave you your own drag name
-You know all the gay guys at the local gay bar
-You been to and are well-known in all the gay bars
-You fag takes you shopping for mac makeup and then puts it on you
-Your dress, hair and makeup are always flawless
-You dress up in his drag gear on Saturday night or dress in drag together
-You dance with all the fags on stage when the DIVA's starts to sing
-YOu dance as if you are having sex with your fag
-You learned to Vogue from watching your fag
-You fall in love with your fag (which is a bad thing)
-You try to convert your fag (this will only ruin your relationship with him)
And lastly... you find your self not being able to live without him because you have so much fun with him."
"This type of woman is generally spoiled by the general delightfulness of gay men, therefore she may scorn straight men for their lack of personality and overall dullness."
"(n.) One who follows a homosexual guy for lack of own social life or out of extreme love. A hag is an exclusively heterosexual woman, often a young teenage girl, who is attached to her "fag" to the point of making frequent phone calls, excessive texting, nights out in gay bars, clubbing, shopping trips, spa trips, trips abroad, and sometimes even getting a joint mortgage. The hag has the ultimate power to veto dates, grade outfits, disillusion insecurities of her "fag". The relationship between a hag and her "fag" is sacred, characterised by extraordinary protectiveness."
"an overweight (fat) girl who spends most of her days with gay boys because straight boys aren't attracted to her. She has a lot of confidence and high self-esteem because her fags always compliment her and say that she's pretty (even thou through other peoples eyes, she's really not attractive). She's the center of attention at clubs and parties and all the fags want to dance with her and get her drunk. Sometimes (most of the time) the fag hag falls in love with her fag because he knows her in and out and understands her the most. Also when she's intoxicated she has a habit of making out with gay boys and at times hookin up with them (getting fingered, wackin off the fag, and rarely sex but it happens) then in some rare cases a fag hag gets pregnant by a fag and says its from a straight boy cause they dont wanna look stupid. Also a fag hag gets jealous when her fag hangs out with other gurls without her, or those that she doesn't know. A fag hags life is complicated because she can't fit in with the straight crowd and only feels comfortable with the fags, but unfortunately the gay world is not stable so she tries her best to stay in the loop of things so that she doesnt get replaced by a newer, younger, prettier, or somewat skinnier fag hag."
I didn't put this up to upset anyone as they are not my definitions but I find them funny and cute to read. But I think that regardless whether she is a FagHag or not, she should never interfere in her Fag's relationship, because afterall she is just a friend and not his Girl-Friend. Luckily Huent, knows which lines not to cross more than anyone (straight, gay/faghag, siblings or friends). Thanks Huent.
Coming to terms with (Lucky)Me, (to have a great 'Femme' that understand me better than)Myself and (no FAG HAG please)I.
Listening to the ultimate GAY music: Geri Halliwell-It's Raining Men
(*note: adult content in video. Calen please don't be angry, it's for the pleasure of readers, especially the lonely and maybe highly charged and driven Cricà, LOL.*)
Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you - You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely girls
and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -
Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, the street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men.
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!
Friday, June 15, 2007
(Love Tales 5) Part Four- A Conclusion
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 4 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:31 AM
I wiped away my tears. Leslie was after all my friend. He didn't deserve to die like this. The guilt tapped even deeper because I did fall for Christopher. It was an unforgivable betrayal.
My sobs must have roused Christopher from his sleep. He rubbed his tired eyes and quickly came over when he saw me crying.
"He still haunts you in your dreams?" He sat down and faced me directly.
"I could have done more. I could have saved him."
He sighed. "Leslie is sick, Sean. It wasn't your fault. We have done enough of grieving. I gave up two years of my life, wallowing in regret, having a mental breakdown. I sorted out my thoughts and I can't let Leslie's death rule my life."
"But it's different for me. I felt I...betrayed him." I forced the words out.
"Why is that so?"
I looked at him seriously and stuttered, "Because I .."
Chris lifted his eyebrows and waited patiently.
"Wait a minute. That was a trick question."
Chris grabbed my hands and whispered poignantly, "I hope your answer is, 'Because I loved you all these while'."
I couldn't lie anymore. I just lowered my head and nodded in shame.
Chris' hands trembled as he tipped my chin up and kissed me gently. A tear escaped his left eye as he teased my lips with a light suction. The light in his eyes shone with the cutting clarity of a diamond.
"When I saw you at the lift after I finished delivering a document, I felt that my prayers were answered. I never gave up the hope of seeing you again. You were so close to slipping away from me. But He gave me another chance. I love you, Sean."
He emitted a bitter laugh. "You know how stubborn my heart is. I am going to wait for you no matter how long it takes for that episode to be over. I have waited for six years. It doesn't matter if I wait longer. I am no longer young and I want to spend my life with the one I love. I know whom I love;and that has never changed. It was always you, Sean, my best friend and my partner."
My heart cracked at his declaration. He just hugged me like a lost child who is equally scared of the dark road ahead. At this moment, I only knew the road would be so cold and empty without him. We would battle the demons together. It was time to live again.
My words were choked as I pleaded, "Chris, can you just hold me tonight? I don't want to sleep alone in the dark, thinking of the unhappy stuffs again."
His body blanketed me with its warmth. It felt so good.
I turned my head to face him and smeared off his tears. "I want to visit Leslie's grave tomorrow. I've got something to tell him."
Chris cradled my head and asked, "What is it you are going to say to him?"
I looked at him in the eye. "I am going to take good care of Chris for you before we, three friends, meet in Heavens again." Leslie's ghost had been laid to rest at long last.
Chris whispered a silent "I love you" and kissed my cheeks.
I didn't have any nightmare that night. In fact my dream had Leslie smiling in delight and stacking my hands on top of Chris' hands, while giving us the blessing.
-END-
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 4 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:31 AM
I wiped away my tears. Leslie was after all my friend. He didn't deserve to die like this. The guilt tapped even deeper because I did fall for Christopher. It was an unforgivable betrayal.
My sobs must have roused Christopher from his sleep. He rubbed his tired eyes and quickly came over when he saw me crying.
"He still haunts you in your dreams?" He sat down and faced me directly.
"I could have done more. I could have saved him."
He sighed. "Leslie is sick, Sean. It wasn't your fault. We have done enough of grieving. I gave up two years of my life, wallowing in regret, having a mental breakdown. I sorted out my thoughts and I can't let Leslie's death rule my life."
"But it's different for me. I felt I...betrayed him." I forced the words out.
"Why is that so?"
I looked at him seriously and stuttered, "Because I .."
Chris lifted his eyebrows and waited patiently.
"Wait a minute. That was a trick question."
Chris grabbed my hands and whispered poignantly, "I hope your answer is, 'Because I loved you all these while'."
I couldn't lie anymore. I just lowered my head and nodded in shame.
Chris' hands trembled as he tipped my chin up and kissed me gently. A tear escaped his left eye as he teased my lips with a light suction. The light in his eyes shone with the cutting clarity of a diamond.
"When I saw you at the lift after I finished delivering a document, I felt that my prayers were answered. I never gave up the hope of seeing you again. You were so close to slipping away from me. But He gave me another chance. I love you, Sean."
He emitted a bitter laugh. "You know how stubborn my heart is. I am going to wait for you no matter how long it takes for that episode to be over. I have waited for six years. It doesn't matter if I wait longer. I am no longer young and I want to spend my life with the one I love. I know whom I love;and that has never changed. It was always you, Sean, my best friend and my partner."
My heart cracked at his declaration. He just hugged me like a lost child who is equally scared of the dark road ahead. At this moment, I only knew the road would be so cold and empty without him. We would battle the demons together. It was time to live again.
My words were choked as I pleaded, "Chris, can you just hold me tonight? I don't want to sleep alone in the dark, thinking of the unhappy stuffs again."
His body blanketed me with its warmth. It felt so good.
I turned my head to face him and smeared off his tears. "I want to visit Leslie's grave tomorrow. I've got something to tell him."
Chris cradled my head and asked, "What is it you are going to say to him?"
I looked at him in the eye. "I am going to take good care of Chris for you before we, three friends, meet in Heavens again." Leslie's ghost had been laid to rest at long last.
Chris whispered a silent "I love you" and kissed my cheeks.
I didn't have any nightmare that night. In fact my dream had Leslie smiling in delight and stacking my hands on top of Chris' hands, while giving us the blessing.
-END-
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
(Issue 64) Results Slips
Recently, closest friends had been rejected job offers due to poor Academic Results that was at least 3 years ago, and these start to make me think. Should our entire life be based on the results we achieve during our adolescence years when we were playful and unaware of the importance to achieve good results? Does it also mean that your academic standard had not and will not improve since your last exams? Should we take these exams every 5 years to prove our improvement? And how fair are the test yearly, are they of the same standard every year?
Does this apply to our everyday life too? Can your Street Smartness be test and recorded on Academic Slips? Are testimonials from your Exs' equivalent to your grading in whether you are a Good Lover? I truly doubt the latter question, as everyone has their side of the story to tell.
If you think that the above is unfair, have you ever question yourself falling into their category and ever misjudge someone. There is no perfect solution, *wink* because nothing can be perfect.
Coming to terms with (felt misjudged)Me, (contradicting)Myself and (misjudging others)I.
This reminded me of a classic movie (Dangerous Minds) and its theme song: Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise
"Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me?"
"They say I gotta learn
But nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it , how can they reach me?
I guess they can't
I guess they won't, I guess they front
That's why I know my life is out of luck, fool! "
Does this apply to our everyday life too? Can your Street Smartness be test and recorded on Academic Slips? Are testimonials from your Exs' equivalent to your grading in whether you are a Good Lover? I truly doubt the latter question, as everyone has their side of the story to tell.
If you think that the above is unfair, have you ever question yourself falling into their category and ever misjudge someone. There is no perfect solution, *wink* because nothing can be perfect.
Coming to terms with (felt misjudged)Me, (contradicting)Myself and (misjudging others)I.
This reminded me of a classic movie (Dangerous Minds) and its theme song: Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise
"Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me?"
"They say I gotta learn
But nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it , how can they reach me?
I guess they can't
I guess they won't, I guess they front
That's why I know my life is out of luck, fool! "
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
(Love Tales 5) Part Three- Obsession
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 3 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:26 AM
I felt a stab of chill in my heart and decided to step away from Christopher. The depression was slowly creeping back like a dark shadow. I thought of all the Prozac stocked at my house and suddenly felt giddiness seize me with its claw. I was scared to be alone as control slipped like flowing water.
Christopher saw the tension wrung inside me and wrapped me tightly.
"Sean, snap out of it. Don't do this to yourself again. It's not your fault." I looked at Christopher for a moment. Tears blurred my vision and I felt so helpless beyond words.
Christopher ushered me outside of the building quickly into his car that was parked at the nearby car-park. I was deathly silent all the while.
He put me at the front seat, secured my seat belt and placed a coat over me. My head rested against the window. I was too emotionally exhausted to think or react.
I didn't even notice that he drove me to his apartment. Christopher opened the door and said staunchly, "You are in no condition to be alone today." He opened the door and lifted me up like a rag doll, then swung his body to slam the car door shut.
"I can manage on my own. You don't have to carry me." I whispered.
Christopher looked at me and carried on piggy-backing me. "You are tired. And I am the cause of that." I didn't say a word and just rested my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes. Just like every aftermath of a depression for the past six years, my brain shut down completely.
*
A slight snore roused me in the middle of the night. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Christopher nodding off on the small sofa beside the bed. I sort of recalled Christopher had helped me to change into a clean T-shirt and a pants.
I sat up and touched my forehead. It hurt to think. I hugged my knees and studied Christopher quietly.
Christopher, Leslie and I were the best of friends since junior college. When Chris divulged that he was bisexual accidentally after a drop too much, Leslie quickly developed a crush for him. Chris was attractive and jovial so it wasn't a surprise that I too felt a soft spot for him, but I never carried my crush too far. We enrolled at the same university and gone through the same course.
Somehow, Leslie's obsession made him ugly and possessive. He started to frown upon the girls who got too near to him. Chris started to avoid him and planned his outing secretly with me. He felt he could confide in me more as a friend than he did in Leslie.
Things started to turn awkward when Chris blurted out that he always had a fondness for me. I refuse to have anything to do with him because I knew it would make Leslie crazy. One day, Leslie's jealousy spurred him to blurt out Chris' bisexuality to his female classmates. Chris was naturally angry and went to confront him. Leslie totally lost Chris as a friend; and that was when it drove him to suicide.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 3 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:26 AM
I felt a stab of chill in my heart and decided to step away from Christopher. The depression was slowly creeping back like a dark shadow. I thought of all the Prozac stocked at my house and suddenly felt giddiness seize me with its claw. I was scared to be alone as control slipped like flowing water.
Christopher saw the tension wrung inside me and wrapped me tightly.
"Sean, snap out of it. Don't do this to yourself again. It's not your fault." I looked at Christopher for a moment. Tears blurred my vision and I felt so helpless beyond words.
Christopher ushered me outside of the building quickly into his car that was parked at the nearby car-park. I was deathly silent all the while.
He put me at the front seat, secured my seat belt and placed a coat over me. My head rested against the window. I was too emotionally exhausted to think or react.
I didn't even notice that he drove me to his apartment. Christopher opened the door and said staunchly, "You are in no condition to be alone today." He opened the door and lifted me up like a rag doll, then swung his body to slam the car door shut.
"I can manage on my own. You don't have to carry me." I whispered.
Christopher looked at me and carried on piggy-backing me. "You are tired. And I am the cause of that." I didn't say a word and just rested my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes. Just like every aftermath of a depression for the past six years, my brain shut down completely.
*
A slight snore roused me in the middle of the night. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Christopher nodding off on the small sofa beside the bed. I sort of recalled Christopher had helped me to change into a clean T-shirt and a pants.
I sat up and touched my forehead. It hurt to think. I hugged my knees and studied Christopher quietly.
Christopher, Leslie and I were the best of friends since junior college. When Chris divulged that he was bisexual accidentally after a drop too much, Leslie quickly developed a crush for him. Chris was attractive and jovial so it wasn't a surprise that I too felt a soft spot for him, but I never carried my crush too far. We enrolled at the same university and gone through the same course.
Somehow, Leslie's obsession made him ugly and possessive. He started to frown upon the girls who got too near to him. Chris started to avoid him and planned his outing secretly with me. He felt he could confide in me more as a friend than he did in Leslie.
Things started to turn awkward when Chris blurted out that he always had a fondness for me. I refuse to have anything to do with him because I knew it would make Leslie crazy. One day, Leslie's jealousy spurred him to blurt out Chris' bisexuality to his female classmates. Chris was naturally angry and went to confront him. Leslie totally lost Chris as a friend; and that was when it drove him to suicide.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
(Issue 63) Sweet Talker
How true can words be for it not to come out as Sweet Talk? I guess the only way is for your actions to tell. I had been known to be a Sweet Talker and a Charmer, which is not a good thing, because to me, these are people who uses words to get into someone's else pants.
Then again how do one avoid to be named after them? Like my previous posts, words are getting cheap in this circle but we should not run away from love or never to trust love again because of them. Because one fine day you will find that special someone who will love you whole-heartedly. We need to give love a chance and also people who used to be players and sweet talkers a chance, because I believe that one day, they will grow and learn the true meaning of Love.
They could be what they are because of their past and they will be who they be in the future because of their present. Although we might not turn out to be the one who stay with them forever, but we could be the one who changed them and made them grow.
I guess I say this because the people around me had help me grow and mature (thank you everyone and sorry to those I hurt before) but if not for them and Calen, I guess my life would be different. Sometimes it is not that we are bad, but because we were unaware how hurtful our actions are.
I can only say, "Calen, time would prove with my actions to show. My vows to you are things I promise and like I say I wouldn't promise things that are impossible (i.e. no quarrels and disagreements), for they are part and parcels of a relation. But I promise that I'll hold on to you tighter everytime we have to go through an obstacle, as doing it together would make us understand each other better and bind us tighter. I can't read minds and therefore problems and disagreements must be surface so that I can know you better and avoid doing it to you again. For you I will go that extra mile, because I know you would do the same for me and also with you around I have someone to lean on when I need you the most. Please do not lose trust, confidence and faith in me. What's important is not what others think but how you feel when you are with me. I Love You from deep inside".
Coming to terms with (having you beside)Me, (knowing you and) Myself (better), and (still learning) I.
Listen closely to the Lyrics: Monica - Angel of Mine
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of mine
I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
I'm gonna love you boy you are so fine
Angel of Mine
How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow
You came into my life sent from above
When I lost all hope you showed me love
I'm checkin' for ya boy you're right on time
Angel of Mine
Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world can ever compare
Last night the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine
What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life sent from above (Sent from above)
When I lost all hope, you showed me love (Boy you showed me love)
I'm checkin' for ya, boy you're right on time (Right on Time)
Angel of Mine (Angel of mine)
I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were new,
Every breath that I take, the love that we make
I only share it with you (you, you, you,you)
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine
Then again how do one avoid to be named after them? Like my previous posts, words are getting cheap in this circle but we should not run away from love or never to trust love again because of them. Because one fine day you will find that special someone who will love you whole-heartedly. We need to give love a chance and also people who used to be players and sweet talkers a chance, because I believe that one day, they will grow and learn the true meaning of Love.
They could be what they are because of their past and they will be who they be in the future because of their present. Although we might not turn out to be the one who stay with them forever, but we could be the one who changed them and made them grow.
I guess I say this because the people around me had help me grow and mature (thank you everyone and sorry to those I hurt before) but if not for them and Calen, I guess my life would be different. Sometimes it is not that we are bad, but because we were unaware how hurtful our actions are.
I can only say, "Calen, time would prove with my actions to show. My vows to you are things I promise and like I say I wouldn't promise things that are impossible (i.e. no quarrels and disagreements), for they are part and parcels of a relation. But I promise that I'll hold on to you tighter everytime we have to go through an obstacle, as doing it together would make us understand each other better and bind us tighter. I can't read minds and therefore problems and disagreements must be surface so that I can know you better and avoid doing it to you again. For you I will go that extra mile, because I know you would do the same for me and also with you around I have someone to lean on when I need you the most. Please do not lose trust, confidence and faith in me. What's important is not what others think but how you feel when you are with me. I Love You from deep inside".
Coming to terms with (having you beside)Me, (knowing you and) Myself (better), and (still learning) I.
Listen closely to the Lyrics: Monica - Angel of Mine
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of mine
I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
I'm gonna love you boy you are so fine
Angel of Mine
How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow
You came into my life sent from above
When I lost all hope you showed me love
I'm checkin' for ya boy you're right on time
Angel of Mine
Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world can ever compare
Last night the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine
What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life sent from above (Sent from above)
When I lost all hope, you showed me love (Boy you showed me love)
I'm checkin' for ya, boy you're right on time (Right on Time)
Angel of Mine (Angel of mine)
I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were new,
Every breath that I take, the love that we make
I only share it with you (you, you, you,you)
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine
Monday, June 11, 2007
(Love Tales 5) Part Two- Despair
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:21 AM
"Are you alright?" I slapped lightly his face to get him conscious.
Christopher smiled weakly as I lifted him up carefully. "No worries. I am fine."
I steadied his heavy frame and grabbed my briefcase and his bag, then offered, "Come, I will send you home."
Christopher smiled and joked, "A moment ago, you warned me not to touch you."
I bit out with malice. "Do you believe I can drop you at any moment?"
"No, you won't." He chuckled.
"Why not?"
"Because you still love me after all these while. You just refuse to admit it."
I dragged him out as the door opens. "You are on the verge of making me lose my patience. I think you have recovered. You talk too much."
Christopher zipped his mouth shut at the sight of my fierce stare.
"I will hail a cab for you. You will survive."
"You have become a mean bitch."
I feigned nonchalance. "That's right. It means you shouldn't come and look for me."
Christopher gently said, "Give me your number, Sean. I won't give up unless I see you. God send me to you six years later."
My anger rose inside me. "Why are you so stubborn? Do you know you are hurting me even more? How can you be so selfish?"
Christopher's face crumpled. "I have a broken heart too. Do you know how hard I try to find you? I went to your place and your parents refused to give me your address. You changed your phone number. I missed you so much but I feel the guilt also;Leslie is my friend too." He squeezed his chest painfully and held my hands.
Me too. My heart silently cried out. I didn't want to think about the fateful night where Leslie was crying and pouring his heart out, sitting on the parapet as I begged him to climb down.
Christopher wanted to break off with me. Someone must have come into our relationship. He refused to tell me who. Sean, did he tell you who it was??
I frantically shook my head and said, "Come down, please. Leslie. Don't do this. We can talk about this rationally. I promise Christopher will return to you. Come down now!"
Leslie just blinked his tears away and shook his head in despair, "He loves someone. I know it. I just know it. I won't let anyone take him away."
As he pushed himself off the parapet, my knees just gave way. I reached out my hand and screamed in hysterical terror. My heart stopped beating. My tears just trickled down.
I have let my friend down. I have caused Leslie's death.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:21 AM
"Are you alright?" I slapped lightly his face to get him conscious.
Christopher smiled weakly as I lifted him up carefully. "No worries. I am fine."
I steadied his heavy frame and grabbed my briefcase and his bag, then offered, "Come, I will send you home."
Christopher smiled and joked, "A moment ago, you warned me not to touch you."
I bit out with malice. "Do you believe I can drop you at any moment?"
"No, you won't." He chuckled.
"Why not?"
"Because you still love me after all these while. You just refuse to admit it."
I dragged him out as the door opens. "You are on the verge of making me lose my patience. I think you have recovered. You talk too much."
Christopher zipped his mouth shut at the sight of my fierce stare.
"I will hail a cab for you. You will survive."
"You have become a mean bitch."
I feigned nonchalance. "That's right. It means you shouldn't come and look for me."
Christopher gently said, "Give me your number, Sean. I won't give up unless I see you. God send me to you six years later."
My anger rose inside me. "Why are you so stubborn? Do you know you are hurting me even more? How can you be so selfish?"
Christopher's face crumpled. "I have a broken heart too. Do you know how hard I try to find you? I went to your place and your parents refused to give me your address. You changed your phone number. I missed you so much but I feel the guilt also;Leslie is my friend too." He squeezed his chest painfully and held my hands.
Me too. My heart silently cried out. I didn't want to think about the fateful night where Leslie was crying and pouring his heart out, sitting on the parapet as I begged him to climb down.
Christopher wanted to break off with me. Someone must have come into our relationship. He refused to tell me who. Sean, did he tell you who it was??
I frantically shook my head and said, "Come down, please. Leslie. Don't do this. We can talk about this rationally. I promise Christopher will return to you. Come down now!"
Leslie just blinked his tears away and shook his head in despair, "He loves someone. I know it. I just know it. I won't let anyone take him away."
As he pushed himself off the parapet, my knees just gave way. I reached out my hand and screamed in hysterical terror. My heart stopped beating. My tears just trickled down.
I have let my friend down. I have caused Leslie's death.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
(Issue 62) Love, Like & Adore + Pet Names
What is the difference between Love, Like and Adore? And which is the most appropriate word to use at the different stages of the relationship?
I remember Père told me once not to use the word "love" if you don't mean it. He realized that many people do not start with "like" and "adore", especially when the feeling for one another was pure admiration and infatuation. They used the word "Love" to someone they barely know but desire.
Like: to regard with favor; have a kindly or friendly feeling for (a person, group, etc.); find attractive
Adore: to like or admire very much
Love: A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. An intense emotional attachment.
Next on the list that are normally taken lightly, especially in this circle among common friends, are Pet Names. Again it was both Père and Cricà who warned me about the misused of Pet Names in this circle, especially in Clubs. Many of times they use them on close friends or as a common flirt. Always take note that, if you are not sure ask, because having a Pet Name (i.e. Dear, Wife, Baby, etc) doesn't meant that he has taken you as his partner or lover.
The above are situations that had happen to some friends of mine, when in most cases they are the victim rather than the 'player'. So many times victims thought they were being loved, especially with the things people said and promise, but just to be hurt by the other most hurtful sentence, "they thought you understood that it is just a mutual flirt". Words are getting cheap, and without saying or recognizing that he is ready to commit in a relationship, don't put too much hopes in it.
Lucky for me, I am now happily attached to someone who knows how to express himself well and always ask to confirm. Calen, my feelings for you are also true and deep from my heart.
Coming to terms with (Happy) Me, (feel excite for) Myself and (glad)I.
Dedicated to friends who are hurt by promises: P Diddy ft Brandy - Thought You Said
"Guess your words dont mean nothing to me
Thought you said thought you said that you loved me
Thought you said thought you said that you need me
Thought you said thought you said you complete me
Thought you said you were never gonna let it go
Thought you said thought you said when you held me
Thought you said thought you said when'd you tell me
Thought you said no one else could replace me
Thought you said that your never gonna let it go"
I remember Père told me once not to use the word "love" if you don't mean it. He realized that many people do not start with "like" and "adore", especially when the feeling for one another was pure admiration and infatuation. They used the word "Love" to someone they barely know but desire.
Like: to regard with favor; have a kindly or friendly feeling for (a person, group, etc.); find attractive
Adore: to like or admire very much
Love: A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. An intense emotional attachment.
Next on the list that are normally taken lightly, especially in this circle among common friends, are Pet Names. Again it was both Père and Cricà who warned me about the misused of Pet Names in this circle, especially in Clubs. Many of times they use them on close friends or as a common flirt. Always take note that, if you are not sure ask, because having a Pet Name (i.e. Dear, Wife, Baby, etc) doesn't meant that he has taken you as his partner or lover.
The above are situations that had happen to some friends of mine, when in most cases they are the victim rather than the 'player'. So many times victims thought they were being loved, especially with the things people said and promise, but just to be hurt by the other most hurtful sentence, "they thought you understood that it is just a mutual flirt". Words are getting cheap, and without saying or recognizing that he is ready to commit in a relationship, don't put too much hopes in it.
Lucky for me, I am now happily attached to someone who knows how to express himself well and always ask to confirm. Calen, my feelings for you are also true and deep from my heart.
Coming to terms with (Happy) Me, (feel excite for) Myself and (glad)I.
Dedicated to friends who are hurt by promises: P Diddy ft Brandy - Thought You Said
"Guess your words dont mean nothing to me
Thought you said thought you said that you loved me
Thought you said thought you said that you need me
Thought you said thought you said you complete me
Thought you said you were never gonna let it go
Thought you said thought you said when you held me
Thought you said thought you said when'd you tell me
Thought you said no one else could replace me
Thought you said that your never gonna let it go"
Saturday, June 09, 2007
(Love Tales 5) Part One- Reunited
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:15 AM
"Hey, hold up, please." I was about to press the 'Door Close' button when a familiar voice alerted me to halt. I almost missed the voice as fatigue from the hectic work day threatened to drown my senses. I shut my eyes and rubbed my neck. As my eyes fluttered open, a gasp of surprise escaped from my throat as the imposing figure stood beside me.
His achingly familiar baritone pierced through the air. "Sean?"
Shock gripped me all of a sudden. I was tongue-tied for words. "Hi?Christopher, how have you been?" A mix of loss and regret bloomed inside me as I studied his features. He looked visibly older and mellower in his early thirties. His eyes still sparkled intelligently but there was a deep sadness and severity that molded his features. There was a hint of white hair at the edges. Christopher was still attractive in his enigmatic manner; his built grew tougher and leaner over the years and he exuded a masculine grace that seemed to make the lift claustrophobic.
He was equally shocked at seeing me here. The pause grew deafening before he recollected himself and said, "I am fine. Are you working here?"
I plastered a smile and nodded politely. "I've been working here for three years now at International Plaza. An accountant. Boring job." I tried to avoid his eye contact and kept my head low, staring at the floor of the lift.
The journey down to the 1st floor was so agonizingly slow. I had an urge to burst out of the lift like a popped champagne cork.
"Are you free tonight? Care to join me for a drink?" Christopher asked earnestly.
I shook my head hastily and pressed the button of the lift again. "I got an appointment. I am sorry."
"Well, then can you give me your phone number? I want to meet you again."
My tone was shaky as I clenched my fist tightly. "Er.. I don't really see the need."
Christopher edged dangerously closer. "Damn it, it's been six years. Can you learn to forgive yourself?"
The tears streamed down as I spurted out angrily. "I was the one who saw him jump. He made me remember. It was a mistake from the start. I shouldn't have betrayed him." I looked at him accusingly, "It's a person's life. How could you take it so lightly?"
I backed away from him, covered my face with my clammy hands and cried with shame, "He was my best friend." My briefcase dropped to the floor with a resounding thud.
Christopher stepped closer and took my shoulders as I wrecked up in sobs.
"Please, don't touch me. Just stay away from me." I screamed and sucked in the air heavily. Christopher treaded backwards to give me space. His eyes were red and he was heaving in difficulty and gasping for air. "Okay, calm down."
He coughed loudly and slumped to the floor. There was a loud weezing sound as he struggled to get the air inside his lungs. "My ventolin for my asthma?" He pointed to the bag he left on the corner of the lift.
I shouted, jumped and quickly gathered myself. I reached for his bag and ransacked for his medication. My heart cried out when I handed him gingerly his medication.
Christopher pressed the tip of the tube and inhaled heavily. He steadied himself before taking another huge breath.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 4Written and Publish on Aug 27 2005, 01:15 AM
"Hey, hold up, please." I was about to press the 'Door Close' button when a familiar voice alerted me to halt. I almost missed the voice as fatigue from the hectic work day threatened to drown my senses. I shut my eyes and rubbed my neck. As my eyes fluttered open, a gasp of surprise escaped from my throat as the imposing figure stood beside me.
His achingly familiar baritone pierced through the air. "Sean?"
Shock gripped me all of a sudden. I was tongue-tied for words. "Hi?Christopher, how have you been?" A mix of loss and regret bloomed inside me as I studied his features. He looked visibly older and mellower in his early thirties. His eyes still sparkled intelligently but there was a deep sadness and severity that molded his features. There was a hint of white hair at the edges. Christopher was still attractive in his enigmatic manner; his built grew tougher and leaner over the years and he exuded a masculine grace that seemed to make the lift claustrophobic.
He was equally shocked at seeing me here. The pause grew deafening before he recollected himself and said, "I am fine. Are you working here?"
I plastered a smile and nodded politely. "I've been working here for three years now at International Plaza. An accountant. Boring job." I tried to avoid his eye contact and kept my head low, staring at the floor of the lift.
The journey down to the 1st floor was so agonizingly slow. I had an urge to burst out of the lift like a popped champagne cork.
"Are you free tonight? Care to join me for a drink?" Christopher asked earnestly.
I shook my head hastily and pressed the button of the lift again. "I got an appointment. I am sorry."
"Well, then can you give me your phone number? I want to meet you again."
My tone was shaky as I clenched my fist tightly. "Er.. I don't really see the need."
Christopher edged dangerously closer. "Damn it, it's been six years. Can you learn to forgive yourself?"
The tears streamed down as I spurted out angrily. "I was the one who saw him jump. He made me remember. It was a mistake from the start. I shouldn't have betrayed him." I looked at him accusingly, "It's a person's life. How could you take it so lightly?"
I backed away from him, covered my face with my clammy hands and cried with shame, "He was my best friend." My briefcase dropped to the floor with a resounding thud.
Christopher stepped closer and took my shoulders as I wrecked up in sobs.
"Please, don't touch me. Just stay away from me." I screamed and sucked in the air heavily. Christopher treaded backwards to give me space. His eyes were red and he was heaving in difficulty and gasping for air. "Okay, calm down."
He coughed loudly and slumped to the floor. There was a loud weezing sound as he struggled to get the air inside his lungs. "My ventolin for my asthma?" He pointed to the bag he left on the corner of the lift.
I shouted, jumped and quickly gathered myself. I reached for his bag and ransacked for his medication. My heart cried out when I handed him gingerly his medication.
Christopher pressed the tip of the tube and inhaled heavily. He steadied himself before taking another huge breath.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Friday, June 08, 2007
(Issue 61) Show Hand
I can't say I am perfect but I can say that I love with all my heart. I truly believe that as time goes by, my feelings will touch the person, but if it didn't, then it could only mean that we are not meant for one another after all.
I was disappointed when Calen told me (quite sometime back) that he doesn't believe in everlasting love. I could understand why one would feel this way in our circle, so I kept quiet. Does this means that he is prepared to give up on his relationship anytime? I understand that both of us are able to let go and move on fast, is it good or healthy for both of us?
I decided to bet my everything, because I know that even if this relationship doesn't last, I will not regret any of my actions, as to love someone is far much more better than to be loved. I am glad to have learn how to love like a parent to the child, always giving and hardly ask for returns. I am also glad that I have no one else to answer to but myself when a relationship fails," Did I give my all? Or was I lying my way through?".
No one gives a better answer other than TIME and your ACTIONS. People can choose to misunderstand you, love you or hate you, but the most important thing is that you work and live according to your heart, because the only person that is going to accompany you for your entire life is you, yourself and your actions. Learn to Love yourself and you will learn to be more positive and appreciative of whatever comes to you regardless of whether it is good or bad.
Coming to terms with (Having Someone Loving)Me, (thanks to you and)Myself (that we are together now) and (Blessed)I.
If you remember, we sang this song together before: Karen 莫文蔚 - Close to You
Why do birds suddenly appear, Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky, Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
On the day that you were born, The angels got together, And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold, And starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town, Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
I was disappointed when Calen told me (quite sometime back) that he doesn't believe in everlasting love. I could understand why one would feel this way in our circle, so I kept quiet. Does this means that he is prepared to give up on his relationship anytime? I understand that both of us are able to let go and move on fast, is it good or healthy for both of us?
I decided to bet my everything, because I know that even if this relationship doesn't last, I will not regret any of my actions, as to love someone is far much more better than to be loved. I am glad to have learn how to love like a parent to the child, always giving and hardly ask for returns. I am also glad that I have no one else to answer to but myself when a relationship fails," Did I give my all? Or was I lying my way through?".
No one gives a better answer other than TIME and your ACTIONS. People can choose to misunderstand you, love you or hate you, but the most important thing is that you work and live according to your heart, because the only person that is going to accompany you for your entire life is you, yourself and your actions. Learn to Love yourself and you will learn to be more positive and appreciative of whatever comes to you regardless of whether it is good or bad.
Coming to terms with (Having Someone Loving)Me, (thanks to you and)Myself (that we are together now) and (Blessed)I.
If you remember, we sang this song together before: Karen 莫文蔚 - Close to You
Why do birds suddenly appear, Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky, Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
On the day that you were born, The angels got together, And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold, And starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town, Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be, Close to you.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
(Love Tales 4) Part Four- Noel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:19 PM
I heaved a gusty sigh before I took the lift up to Nick's apartment. I figured that I couldn't slot my card in his letterbox because of the musical box, so I had to deliver it by hand. I did not think Nick will want to see me after all the embarrassment I have caused him. I will just press the doorbell and leave the present and card at his doorstep. I just wanted to stay a while and sneak a peek at him and make sure he's alright; that's all. It took me fifteen minutes to find the courage to press the buzz. I scooted off and hid myself behind the wall. The door parted slightly and opened. The thread of longing in my heart stretched taut as I saw Nick opening the grilled gates. He was dressed normally in a worn-out shirt and shorts. It felt like nothing has changed since the last time I met him. He still had that rugged lanky form but his hair was cut shorter and his cheekbones were more defined. When he picked up the card and present, I couldn't control the tears trickling down my cheeks. I missed him so much that I wanted to run over to him and tell him that I still love him after all these years. It was not a sleazy teenage crush that faded with time. In fact, my feelings for Nick had grown stronger. After so many meaningless sexual encounters with men, I still thought about how my heartbeats will accelerate at the sight of Nick. I still remembered the brief reckless kiss we shared. I never regretted my confession of love to him.
Nick sat down on his doorstep and adjusted his gold-rimmed spectacles as he read the card. Tears gathered in his eyes as he took out the musical box with caution. He covered his face with one palm and cried my name. I pressed my mouth to choke back my wrecked sobs. It felt really agonizing to see someone whom you love in pain. I hated the ironic feeling of being so physically close to Nick yet I can't touch him. I had tried letting go but I completely failed. Nick wiped his tears away, stood up with the card and present and started to close the door. I didn't know what made me burst out and shout his name. The thought of spending another Christmas without him chilled my heart.
When Nick saw me standing just a few meters from his door, he was momentarily stunned. He put down the present and card and gravitated cautiously out of his door, saying, "Gabriel, is that you?" He couldn't believe his eyes. My lips were trembling as I uttered a delicate "Yes". I never dreamt that I would be able to see Nick again. Tears kept trickling out of my eyes involuntarily. My feet gathered pace towards him as I burst into a ragged cry.
Nick grabbed me tightly into an embrace that made me forgot about the tears, longing and the abuses I have suffered for these 5 years. Nick molded his palms flat across my cheeks, refusing to believe that it was me standing right in front of him. He lashed out emotionally, "Where have you been all these years? I tried to look for you but only to find out that you have sold your house and moved out. Why didn't you come and look for me?"
I couldn't answer. The joy at seeing Nick again chased any logic from my head.
He caressed my hair and noted, "You have grown up."
I nodded and said truthfully, "But in my heart, nothing has changed all these while."
Nick looked at me and rationalized, "You are such a fool. I am too old for you now." I shook my head and maintained, "It was never just a crush. I knew whom I loved back then. I knew who cared for me and I knew you loved me all this while. I saw how you cried when you read the card."
Nick laughed bitterly, "Yes, I have always been a confused fool. It would be selfish of me to take advantage of your youth. I had to leave and do the right thing. I was so damn scared at what I was feeling. Just imagine how big a scandal it would cause if we were to be seen together."
I nodded and said resolutely, "I knew; and so I waited. And I will continue to wait for you for as long as it takes."
When Nick hugged me with a chuckle, I never felt such overwhelming joy before in my past 23 years. I felt as if I have returned home after being away for a long, long time. To me, age was just a state of mind. I just wanted someone to love me with his heart.
Nick broke the reunion with a sudden question and pointed to my bruises on my forearm. "What happened to you?"
I told him frankly what had happened. There was a mix of disbelief and shock in his eyes.
"How long have you been doing this?" Nick asked worriedly.
"For three years. On and off. Mom needed the money to pay her bills and Max needed the money to study. I can't rely on Auntie's help every time."
Nick led me inside his house and quickly fetched the First Aids box from his kitchen cabinet. He took some cotton wool and applied some ointment to my bruises with gentle care.
I hung my head in shame as tears ran down languidly. "Will you despise me?"
Nick just took my hands and brushed the fallen locks of my hair. "No, but promise me that you will never do this again." I smiled with gratitude and buried my face in his chest. "Thank you. You don't know what this means to me."
For a long time, Nick and I just laid there quietly. I was so tired that I couldn't think anymore. Nick breathed in deeply and kissed me softly on my forehead, "Merry Christmas, Gabriel." I shut my eyes and tried to etch this beautiful moment in my memory. Nick's eyes were smiling and I couldn?t resist planting a soft kiss on his lips. I could feel the surge of unspoken love that flowed between us. My eyes squeezed tightly as I cherished the tenderness that coursed through us.
There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts, but this Christmas is the best that I have had in years. This was all because of Nick and the love in my heart. I saw the crystal musical box with the angel sparkling in the dark beauty of the night and smiled wistfully. Its beauty was fleeting and transient; if one hesitated for a moment, he or she will lose the chance of ever capturing that again. I knew there will be more disappointments and scars to come, but with these beautiful moments of love embedded in my memories, I didn't think there was anything more for me to regret.
I traced Nick's jaws gently and whispered with blossoming joy, "I love you, Nick. Merry Christmas." The angel suddenly pirouetted with the enchanting tune of "Holy Night". Nick and I stared at each other blankly for a moment and burst out laughing until tears came out. Miracles did happen once in a while.
-THE END-
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:19 PM
I heaved a gusty sigh before I took the lift up to Nick's apartment. I figured that I couldn't slot my card in his letterbox because of the musical box, so I had to deliver it by hand. I did not think Nick will want to see me after all the embarrassment I have caused him. I will just press the doorbell and leave the present and card at his doorstep. I just wanted to stay a while and sneak a peek at him and make sure he's alright; that's all. It took me fifteen minutes to find the courage to press the buzz. I scooted off and hid myself behind the wall. The door parted slightly and opened. The thread of longing in my heart stretched taut as I saw Nick opening the grilled gates. He was dressed normally in a worn-out shirt and shorts. It felt like nothing has changed since the last time I met him. He still had that rugged lanky form but his hair was cut shorter and his cheekbones were more defined. When he picked up the card and present, I couldn't control the tears trickling down my cheeks. I missed him so much that I wanted to run over to him and tell him that I still love him after all these years. It was not a sleazy teenage crush that faded with time. In fact, my feelings for Nick had grown stronger. After so many meaningless sexual encounters with men, I still thought about how my heartbeats will accelerate at the sight of Nick. I still remembered the brief reckless kiss we shared. I never regretted my confession of love to him.
Nick sat down on his doorstep and adjusted his gold-rimmed spectacles as he read the card. Tears gathered in his eyes as he took out the musical box with caution. He covered his face with one palm and cried my name. I pressed my mouth to choke back my wrecked sobs. It felt really agonizing to see someone whom you love in pain. I hated the ironic feeling of being so physically close to Nick yet I can't touch him. I had tried letting go but I completely failed. Nick wiped his tears away, stood up with the card and present and started to close the door. I didn't know what made me burst out and shout his name. The thought of spending another Christmas without him chilled my heart.
When Nick saw me standing just a few meters from his door, he was momentarily stunned. He put down the present and card and gravitated cautiously out of his door, saying, "Gabriel, is that you?" He couldn't believe his eyes. My lips were trembling as I uttered a delicate "Yes". I never dreamt that I would be able to see Nick again. Tears kept trickling out of my eyes involuntarily. My feet gathered pace towards him as I burst into a ragged cry.
Nick grabbed me tightly into an embrace that made me forgot about the tears, longing and the abuses I have suffered for these 5 years. Nick molded his palms flat across my cheeks, refusing to believe that it was me standing right in front of him. He lashed out emotionally, "Where have you been all these years? I tried to look for you but only to find out that you have sold your house and moved out. Why didn't you come and look for me?"
I couldn't answer. The joy at seeing Nick again chased any logic from my head.
He caressed my hair and noted, "You have grown up."
I nodded and said truthfully, "But in my heart, nothing has changed all these while."
Nick looked at me and rationalized, "You are such a fool. I am too old for you now." I shook my head and maintained, "It was never just a crush. I knew whom I loved back then. I knew who cared for me and I knew you loved me all this while. I saw how you cried when you read the card."
Nick laughed bitterly, "Yes, I have always been a confused fool. It would be selfish of me to take advantage of your youth. I had to leave and do the right thing. I was so damn scared at what I was feeling. Just imagine how big a scandal it would cause if we were to be seen together."
I nodded and said resolutely, "I knew; and so I waited. And I will continue to wait for you for as long as it takes."
When Nick hugged me with a chuckle, I never felt such overwhelming joy before in my past 23 years. I felt as if I have returned home after being away for a long, long time. To me, age was just a state of mind. I just wanted someone to love me with his heart.
Nick broke the reunion with a sudden question and pointed to my bruises on my forearm. "What happened to you?"
I told him frankly what had happened. There was a mix of disbelief and shock in his eyes.
"How long have you been doing this?" Nick asked worriedly.
"For three years. On and off. Mom needed the money to pay her bills and Max needed the money to study. I can't rely on Auntie's help every time."
Nick led me inside his house and quickly fetched the First Aids box from his kitchen cabinet. He took some cotton wool and applied some ointment to my bruises with gentle care.
I hung my head in shame as tears ran down languidly. "Will you despise me?"
Nick just took my hands and brushed the fallen locks of my hair. "No, but promise me that you will never do this again." I smiled with gratitude and buried my face in his chest. "Thank you. You don't know what this means to me."
For a long time, Nick and I just laid there quietly. I was so tired that I couldn't think anymore. Nick breathed in deeply and kissed me softly on my forehead, "Merry Christmas, Gabriel." I shut my eyes and tried to etch this beautiful moment in my memory. Nick's eyes were smiling and I couldn?t resist planting a soft kiss on his lips. I could feel the surge of unspoken love that flowed between us. My eyes squeezed tightly as I cherished the tenderness that coursed through us.
There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts, but this Christmas is the best that I have had in years. This was all because of Nick and the love in my heart. I saw the crystal musical box with the angel sparkling in the dark beauty of the night and smiled wistfully. Its beauty was fleeting and transient; if one hesitated for a moment, he or she will lose the chance of ever capturing that again. I knew there will be more disappointments and scars to come, but with these beautiful moments of love embedded in my memories, I didn't think there was anything more for me to regret.
I traced Nick's jaws gently and whispered with blossoming joy, "I love you, Nick. Merry Christmas." The angel suddenly pirouetted with the enchanting tune of "Holy Night". Nick and I stared at each other blankly for a moment and burst out laughing until tears came out. Miracles did happen once in a while.
-THE END-
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
(Issue 60) Moulding your Own Future
I received a message from Calen on the 2nd and it briefly mention that he liked me but thinks that we should meet lesser. It was then I understand the true meaning of mixed feelings.
I was feeling happy and excited to know that he has the same feelings as I does for him, yet puzzled and confused whether I do I really liked him or take him as a rebound or could it be just an infatuation? At the same time, I was also angry and disappointed. Why would he want us not to meet anymore/lesser? What is holding him back? What have I done wrong for him to shoo me off?
I had always found Calen pleasant to be around with, however I held back my feelings because he is a brother to Cricà and I didn't want to create any awkward situation. This message bothered me for the entire day and I decide to make my own move and let fate decide, and luckily I did.
*Calen likes to keep things in private, so I'm not telling the story*
I guess my early mentions of the future is in our own hands is proven in this situation. Every actions and every word might determine what will be install next for you. What if I didn't make the move, I guess it would be another "Woulda, Shoulda & Coulda".
Calen, I assure you that I am not taking you as a rebound. You have to trust me and take my word, for everything I say is true and deep from my heart.
Its from your favorite singer and the title matches our theme : 鄭秀文 - 如果我們不再見.
如何能 和你就此不相见？ 有时 还会恨
How is it possible for us not to ever meet again? Sometimes I will still hate.
I was feeling happy and excited to know that he has the same feelings as I does for him, yet puzzled and confused whether I do I really liked him or take him as a rebound or could it be just an infatuation? At the same time, I was also angry and disappointed. Why would he want us not to meet anymore/lesser? What is holding him back? What have I done wrong for him to shoo me off?
I had always found Calen pleasant to be around with, however I held back my feelings because he is a brother to Cricà and I didn't want to create any awkward situation. This message bothered me for the entire day and I decide to make my own move and let fate decide, and luckily I did.
*Calen likes to keep things in private, so I'm not telling the story*
I guess my early mentions of the future is in our own hands is proven in this situation. Every actions and every word might determine what will be install next for you. What if I didn't make the move, I guess it would be another "Woulda, Shoulda & Coulda".
Calen, I assure you that I am not taking you as a rebound. You have to trust me and take my word, for everything I say is true and deep from my heart.
Its from your favorite singer and the title matches our theme : 鄭秀文 - 如果我們不再見.
如何能 和你就此不相见？ 有时 还会恨
How is it possible for us not to ever meet again? Sometimes I will still hate.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
(Love Tales 4) Part Three- Noel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 3 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:16 PM
The ethereal crystal angel was spinning in an instrumental rendition of "Holy Night", captivating in his grace. He was gripping a trumpet, joyfully heralding the arrival of Christmas with a beatific smile. His beautifully carved wings soared as he danced in the air. I had been staring at the intricate musical box for the past ten minutes, wondering if this was the gift I wanted to get for Nick. I looked anxiously at the price tag and calculated mentally if I had enough money to last the coming semester. Deciding against my wisdom, I told the shop assistant at to wrap up the crystalline musical box and fished out the money from my wallet. Satisfied with the purchase, I left Paragon and went straight to Borders to pick up a Christmas card. I spent quite some time, conjuring up the words to express my inner feelings. It was difficult to express my emotions after a period of emotional detachment as a rent-boy. I picked up the pen gingerly and organized my thoughts.
Hi Nick,
How time flies. Five Christmases have passed since we met.
I hope you are doing fine.
Rest assured. I still hold that promise to you that I will finish university. This coming semester will be my last semester and I will be starting work as a junior accountant. It was hard to juggle with the school work cos; Mom was down with an illness that caused her thyroid glands to swell. Her vision became hazy. Fortunately, she is doing fine with constant medication. I feel particularly happy this Christmas because I have quitted doing something which I don't feel proud of. I hope you will like the musical box I have gotten for you. I just wanted to get something special for you this year now that I can afford it.
Thank you for all the things you have done for me. I just want you to know these five years have not changed the way I feel.
Regards,
Gabriel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 3 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:16 PM
The ethereal crystal angel was spinning in an instrumental rendition of "Holy Night", captivating in his grace. He was gripping a trumpet, joyfully heralding the arrival of Christmas with a beatific smile. His beautifully carved wings soared as he danced in the air. I had been staring at the intricate musical box for the past ten minutes, wondering if this was the gift I wanted to get for Nick. I looked anxiously at the price tag and calculated mentally if I had enough money to last the coming semester. Deciding against my wisdom, I told the shop assistant at to wrap up the crystalline musical box and fished out the money from my wallet. Satisfied with the purchase, I left Paragon and went straight to Borders to pick up a Christmas card. I spent quite some time, conjuring up the words to express my inner feelings. It was difficult to express my emotions after a period of emotional detachment as a rent-boy. I picked up the pen gingerly and organized my thoughts.
Hi Nick,
How time flies. Five Christmases have passed since we met.
I hope you are doing fine.
Rest assured. I still hold that promise to you that I will finish university. This coming semester will be my last semester and I will be starting work as a junior accountant. It was hard to juggle with the school work cos; Mom was down with an illness that caused her thyroid glands to swell. Her vision became hazy. Fortunately, she is doing fine with constant medication. I feel particularly happy this Christmas because I have quitted doing something which I don't feel proud of. I hope you will like the musical box I have gotten for you. I just wanted to get something special for you this year now that I can afford it.
Thank you for all the things you have done for me. I just want you to know these five years have not changed the way I feel.
Regards,
Gabriel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Monday, June 04, 2007
(Issue 59) Greatest Treasure
Someone told me "It is not what insides u, define u. It is what u do", and I follow-up in my heart, "it is only because definitions comes from others". I come to realize that I had never fail to give everyone I met a poor first impression, but I am glad to have friends who had be willing to stay on to find out what I truly am.
Sometimes we must also learn to take stock of what we had experience and yet to experience in our life, because we are who we are today for what we had read, people we had met, environment we chose to live in and everything else in life. Are we what we had been aiming for? Are we improving upwards or sliding downwards?
After all, its our life. So start to decide what you want, know what you want, standby what you want, and do it as long as it does not hurt the lives of others. However, you also need to be aware that life is serious and respect your own life. I feel that many people out there thinks that they are having the time of their life and life couldn't get to another level of high. But in actual fact they are abusing themselves with drugs and self-inflated torture/injuries. I agree in playing hard but standby to being responsible not only to others, but yourself too.
I start to learn to look forward to a unknown tomorrow no matter how gloomy it maybe today, because I am the only one who can mold each day into what I want it to be, Happy or Sad, Worthy or Unworthy.
Coming to terms with (try to avoid playing with fire) Me, (love) Myself and (understanding that) I (own the greatest treasure in the world, which is my own life).
Singing to the tunes of: Incubus - Drive
"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there."
Sometimes we must also learn to take stock of what we had experience and yet to experience in our life, because we are who we are today for what we had read, people we had met, environment we chose to live in and everything else in life. Are we what we had been aiming for? Are we improving upwards or sliding downwards?
After all, its our life. So start to decide what you want, know what you want, standby what you want, and do it as long as it does not hurt the lives of others. However, you also need to be aware that life is serious and respect your own life. I feel that many people out there thinks that they are having the time of their life and life couldn't get to another level of high. But in actual fact they are abusing themselves with drugs and self-inflated torture/injuries. I agree in playing hard but standby to being responsible not only to others, but yourself too.
I start to learn to look forward to a unknown tomorrow no matter how gloomy it maybe today, because I am the only one who can mold each day into what I want it to be, Happy or Sad, Worthy or Unworthy.
Coming to terms with (try to avoid playing with fire) Me, (love) Myself and (understanding that) I (own the greatest treasure in the world, which is my own life).
Singing to the tunes of: Incubus - Drive
"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there."
Sunday, June 03, 2007
(Love Tales 4) Part Two- Noel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:12 PM
"Gabriel, I think it's better for me to leave the school. I don't think I can continue to teach you," Nick whispered solemnly and gravely.
"Can you just take it that I have never said those things? Can you just transfer to another class and not leave the school? Please, I am going to be guilt-ridden for the rest of my life. I am sorry to have said that. I truly am. I promise I will never bother you again," I hastily pacified, tears blurring my eyes.
Nick's eyes were bloodshot as he said, "It's not your fault, Gabriel. I think I have failed as a teacher. I should have been more careful and firm with you. Thank God we didn't do anything foolish that night."
"How about if I switch to another school?" I quickly offered.
Nick looked shocked to the core. "You must never do anything like this. Your final exams are coming and I want you to promise me that you will complete your studies and enter university. Promise me that. Now."
I sobbed. "Yes. I promise you that."
"I am sorry to mislead you. My kindness was definitely out of concern without any ulterior motives. I might have overstepped my boundary as a teacher."
I shook my head and defended vigorously, "No, it wasn't something done out of kindness. I do feel something special towards you. I am young but I am not confused."
Nick implored, "Please don't say that again. It's not right that you feel this way. You are too young to understand what love is all about. I must not take advantage of that.?"
"If you weren't my teacher, will that change anything?"
There was a pregnant awkward silence. Nick looked at me squarely in the eye and said staunchly, "It will change nothing."
"You lie. You say this but your heart and that kiss says another."
"When you grow older, you will know that this is all but a silly crush," Nick said in resignation.
"I guess I won't see you at the graduation dinner."
Nick's smiled feebly. "No. I will be busy in my new school. You must take good care of yourself. Remember your promise to me. We will meet again when you graduate from university. I know you can do it."
I edged closer to Nick and gave him a tight embrace, knowing very well this will be the last time I am meeting him. "Thank you for what you have done for me. I am deeply sorry if I have caused you any embarrassment." I could feel the delicate shatters in my heart as his hands tapped my back affectionately.
"By the time you grow up, you will probably have forgotten me and laugh at this moment now." Nick tried to defuse the thick tension that was mounting between us. I could see a rivulet of tear stream down the side of his eyes.
I breathed in his scent, wondering why something this wrong could feel so right. When he detached from my embrace, he smeared the tear off his eyes. "Gabriel, take care. I have to go now. Tell the rest of the class that I thank them for all their well-wishes earlier on. Now go back to class."
I took a last glance and waved a last goodbye. Even though Nick was not physically with me, I knew that he will always have a place in my heart.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:12 PM
"Gabriel, I think it's better for me to leave the school. I don't think I can continue to teach you," Nick whispered solemnly and gravely.
"Can you just take it that I have never said those things? Can you just transfer to another class and not leave the school? Please, I am going to be guilt-ridden for the rest of my life. I am sorry to have said that. I truly am. I promise I will never bother you again," I hastily pacified, tears blurring my eyes.
Nick's eyes were bloodshot as he said, "It's not your fault, Gabriel. I think I have failed as a teacher. I should have been more careful and firm with you. Thank God we didn't do anything foolish that night."
"How about if I switch to another school?" I quickly offered.
Nick looked shocked to the core. "You must never do anything like this. Your final exams are coming and I want you to promise me that you will complete your studies and enter university. Promise me that. Now."
I sobbed. "Yes. I promise you that."
"I am sorry to mislead you. My kindness was definitely out of concern without any ulterior motives. I might have overstepped my boundary as a teacher."
I shook my head and defended vigorously, "No, it wasn't something done out of kindness. I do feel something special towards you. I am young but I am not confused."
Nick implored, "Please don't say that again. It's not right that you feel this way. You are too young to understand what love is all about. I must not take advantage of that.?"
"If you weren't my teacher, will that change anything?"
There was a pregnant awkward silence. Nick looked at me squarely in the eye and said staunchly, "It will change nothing."
"You lie. You say this but your heart and that kiss says another."
"When you grow older, you will know that this is all but a silly crush," Nick said in resignation.
"I guess I won't see you at the graduation dinner."
Nick's smiled feebly. "No. I will be busy in my new school. You must take good care of yourself. Remember your promise to me. We will meet again when you graduate from university. I know you can do it."
I edged closer to Nick and gave him a tight embrace, knowing very well this will be the last time I am meeting him. "Thank you for what you have done for me. I am deeply sorry if I have caused you any embarrassment." I could feel the delicate shatters in my heart as his hands tapped my back affectionately.
"By the time you grow up, you will probably have forgotten me and laugh at this moment now." Nick tried to defuse the thick tension that was mounting between us. I could see a rivulet of tear stream down the side of his eyes.
I breathed in his scent, wondering why something this wrong could feel so right. When he detached from my embrace, he smeared the tear off his eyes. "Gabriel, take care. I have to go now. Tell the rest of the class that I thank them for all their well-wishes earlier on. Now go back to class."
I took a last glance and waved a last goodbye. Even though Nick was not physically with me, I knew that he will always have a place in my heart.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
(Issue 58) Loving Myself ; Appreciating Life
Many called me Heartless while others take me as a Player, I can't deny that these names doesn't affect me, but my conscious remain clear. I had tried to explain, but simply asked myself why bother after all, if the person has biased against you, all your explanations are simply excuses.
If names is a price I will have to pay for being able to Love Myself, then it is simply a small price to pay. I have recently heard stories and have my closest "friend" tell me that she would want to leave the world for the unworthy love she is getting. If it is so unworthy, why would you want to exchange your live for it? Would he appreciate and love you more after you are gone? What about the people around you who had truly loved you for who you are all these years regardless of what you do?
I believe that one can only truly love another only after he is able to love himself. Some give their everything to their lover including themselves and dignity, in the end they realise that it has never been true love, because for love to last, both parties should be happy. A one-sided love will present its problems as time comes.
It is also when you know how to love yourself, you will be able to let go of the things you once loved without regrets, sometimes separation makes the other person happier and sometimes it is about the moments you have together and not how long it must last, especially when one have to suffer.
I came across this story:
When you are feeling hurt, pick up a pick of stone and hold it in your hand. Squeeze it tightly and ask yourself, "Does it hurt?". Nothing and no-one can hurt you more than yourself. You own your own life and therefore control it, no-one can control your life because every actions and decision is finally made on your own. Nothing can hurt you if you don't put it on your shoulder , the ghost from the past haunts you because you carry him around in your heart. Now you can choose to throw the stone, someone passes on to you, out of sight or hold it tight and hurt yourself?
It is a different story from my dad's but I think both have its purpose and meaning. Every time you fall, grasp something from the ground (regardless it is sand, soil or dirt) keep it in your pocket to remind yourself what makes you fall.
Coming to terms with (appreciating)Me, (knowing the importance to Love)Myself and I(run my own life).
Dancing to the tunes of: Boy George - Live My Life
"I tell you baby, this is no way to live
Make sacrifies, 'til there's nothing to give
Everyone says there's rules to obey
I can't follow when things never change"
"Who can say what tomorrow will bring
You give nothing, expecting everything
Ain't nobody's business
How I live my life
I learnt my lesson
Whether it's wrong or right
Ain't nobody baby
Gonna tell me how
I should live my life
Do live my way now
Satisfaction can be hard to find
I go crazy keeping it all inside"
If names is a price I will have to pay for being able to Love Myself, then it is simply a small price to pay. I have recently heard stories and have my closest "friend" tell me that she would want to leave the world for the unworthy love she is getting. If it is so unworthy, why would you want to exchange your live for it? Would he appreciate and love you more after you are gone? What about the people around you who had truly loved you for who you are all these years regardless of what you do?
I believe that one can only truly love another only after he is able to love himself. Some give their everything to their lover including themselves and dignity, in the end they realise that it has never been true love, because for love to last, both parties should be happy. A one-sided love will present its problems as time comes.
It is also when you know how to love yourself, you will be able to let go of the things you once loved without regrets, sometimes separation makes the other person happier and sometimes it is about the moments you have together and not how long it must last, especially when one have to suffer.
I came across this story:
When you are feeling hurt, pick up a pick of stone and hold it in your hand. Squeeze it tightly and ask yourself, "Does it hurt?". Nothing and no-one can hurt you more than yourself. You own your own life and therefore control it, no-one can control your life because every actions and decision is finally made on your own. Nothing can hurt you if you don't put it on your shoulder , the ghost from the past haunts you because you carry him around in your heart. Now you can choose to throw the stone, someone passes on to you, out of sight or hold it tight and hurt yourself?
It is a different story from my dad's but I think both have its purpose and meaning. Every time you fall, grasp something from the ground (regardless it is sand, soil or dirt) keep it in your pocket to remind yourself what makes you fall.
Coming to terms with (appreciating)Me, (knowing the importance to Love)Myself and I(run my own life).
Dancing to the tunes of: Boy George - Live My Life
"I tell you baby, this is no way to live
Make sacrifies, 'til there's nothing to give
Everyone says there's rules to obey
I can't follow when things never change"
"Who can say what tomorrow will bring
You give nothing, expecting everything
Ain't nobody's business
How I live my life
I learnt my lesson
Whether it's wrong or right
Ain't nobody baby
Gonna tell me how
I should live my life
Do live my way now
Satisfaction can be hard to find
I go crazy keeping it all inside"
Friday, June 01, 2007
(Love Tales 4) Part One- Noel
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 5 of 5Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:05 PM
My eyelids fluttered open to receive the first rays of the Christmas morning. There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts. Instead, all I could see was the light drizzle caressing the hectic streets of Orchard Road. The skies were grey and ominous; somewhat mirroring the deadening isolation in my heart. I drew the curtains and walked over to the bed to pick up my trousers and shirt. I glanced at the sleeping guy and tried to remember the name of the guy whom I had sex with but my memory was too fragmented. All I could remember was going inside the bar to pick up my potential customer. We chatted for a while, struck a price before we left the noisy gay bar for the hotel. I didn't enjoy the rough sex at all. I rubbed gently the purplish bruises on my arms, rinsed my mouth of his pungent cigarette smell and took the stack of generous cash he left on the dressing table.
The burst of open air felt like a cold stab. The crowd was thickening in front of Heerens where Christmas jingles were playing out loud and Citibank promoters were busy giving out pamphlets, spreading the cheers while hoping to bring in business. I passed by California Fitness gym and was surprised at the number of people doing their workout on Christmas morning. Life still went on in its usual static routine regardless of the Christmas occasion. I thought to myself wryly; I was not spared from working on Christmas Eve either. I needed the extra cash to buy my textbooks for the coming semester in university and get a small token for Nick.
Every Christmas, I will make sure I will get a card for my junior college teacher to thank him for everything he has done for me. If not for his kindness and his dedication, I will never have made it past my college education. Dad passed away that year and it left Mom to support the family and my younger brother's education. The financial aid from the government could not cover my textbooks, school uniforms and additional expenses, so I had to take up part-time jobs. I always had trouble catching up with schoolwork. By the time I finished my evening shifts at 7-Eleven, I was already so drained that I can hardly stay awake during the lessons. When Nick knew about my situation, he gave me additional coaching in Mathematics at his house and even offered to give me a sum of money to tide me over. Even though he was just transferred to the college, he took time to know every member of the class. He was the only teacher who took effort to find out why I was always so sleepy in class, instead of just attributing it to sheer laziness. In return for his kindness, I promised him to work my hardest and make sure that I finish my university studies. I still hold on to that promise to Nick.
It has been five years since I saw Nick. I fought back the clawing guilt when I recalled my secret infatuation for Nick. It wasn't something that was borne out of gratitude. The feeling for him was so intense that I just couldn't control my feelings that night and I spilled it out in a moment of impetuousness. It was my recklessness that had compelled him to tender his resignation and leave the school. That was my wretched way of repaying his kindness. How he must have hated me ever since.
I don't think I will forgive myself as long as I live.
I brushed back my hot tears that was streaming down my cheeks. A wretched creature like me doesn't deserve any forgiveness. I have destroyed the only person who had shown me true kindness. I wondered what Nick would have thought of me if he ever found out I moonlight as a rent-boy. I am truly incorrigible beyond words.
I started becoming a rent-boy when I was at the army. After I graduated from junior college, my kind aunt offered her place to us. We moved into her house and sold the apartment to get some spare cash. The money allowed my brother and me to continue our education. I saved most of my army salary. It was through my army buddy that I got into the sex trade. I was amazed at how he could afford designer fashion wear and he told me they were 'sponsored' by a rich man. I was initially apprehensive but when my mom got ill, I don't think I can take my aunt's charity any longer. I started to follow my buddy and learn the tricks of the trade. It offered easy money but we always had to protect ourselves and keep ourselves 'marketable' through regular exercise at the gym and dieting.
There was a flutter of happiness and hope as the next semester would be my final semester in the university. I will soon be able to get my degree and start working as an accountant. Mom's illness was getting better and soon, my younger brother will have a steady income when he goes to the Army. I promised myself that last night will mark the end of my rent-boy stint. I may not be able to face Nick again but I wanted badly to look at myself in the mirror and recover my shredded dignity.
The drizzle started to dissipate as the sun's rays poured over the thick clouds. I smiled and noted that this year's Christmas seemed to look a little brighter. I hummed the melodic tune of "Have yourself a merry little Christmas" and left my makeshift seat outside California Fitness gym to embrace the warm sunlight once more. A trio of muscled gym-goers was just leaving the gym and I noted the signal of interest in their eyes. I pursed my lips and looked away, wondering what gift I should get for Nick this year. My heart twisted painfully as I knew silently that lust will mark the rest of my life but a true love will always be beyond my grasp.
This was because I have lost my heart to Nick. It will never find its way back again.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 5 of 5Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:05 PM
My eyelids fluttered open to receive the first rays of the Christmas morning. There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts. Instead, all I could see was the light drizzle caressing the hectic streets of Orchard Road. The skies were grey and ominous; somewhat mirroring the deadening isolation in my heart. I drew the curtains and walked over to the bed to pick up my trousers and shirt. I glanced at the sleeping guy and tried to remember the name of the guy whom I had sex with but my memory was too fragmented. All I could remember was going inside the bar to pick up my potential customer. We chatted for a while, struck a price before we left the noisy gay bar for the hotel. I didn't enjoy the rough sex at all. I rubbed gently the purplish bruises on my arms, rinsed my mouth of his pungent cigarette smell and took the stack of generous cash he left on the dressing table.
The burst of open air felt like a cold stab. The crowd was thickening in front of Heerens where Christmas jingles were playing out loud and Citibank promoters were busy giving out pamphlets, spreading the cheers while hoping to bring in business. I passed by California Fitness gym and was surprised at the number of people doing their workout on Christmas morning. Life still went on in its usual static routine regardless of the Christmas occasion. I thought to myself wryly; I was not spared from working on Christmas Eve either. I needed the extra cash to buy my textbooks for the coming semester in university and get a small token for Nick.
Every Christmas, I will make sure I will get a card for my junior college teacher to thank him for everything he has done for me. If not for his kindness and his dedication, I will never have made it past my college education. Dad passed away that year and it left Mom to support the family and my younger brother's education. The financial aid from the government could not cover my textbooks, school uniforms and additional expenses, so I had to take up part-time jobs. I always had trouble catching up with schoolwork. By the time I finished my evening shifts at 7-Eleven, I was already so drained that I can hardly stay awake during the lessons. When Nick knew about my situation, he gave me additional coaching in Mathematics at his house and even offered to give me a sum of money to tide me over. Even though he was just transferred to the college, he took time to know every member of the class. He was the only teacher who took effort to find out why I was always so sleepy in class, instead of just attributing it to sheer laziness. In return for his kindness, I promised him to work my hardest and make sure that I finish my university studies. I still hold on to that promise to Nick.
It has been five years since I saw Nick. I fought back the clawing guilt when I recalled my secret infatuation for Nick. It wasn't something that was borne out of gratitude. The feeling for him was so intense that I just couldn't control my feelings that night and I spilled it out in a moment of impetuousness. It was my recklessness that had compelled him to tender his resignation and leave the school. That was my wretched way of repaying his kindness. How he must have hated me ever since.
I don't think I will forgive myself as long as I live.
I brushed back my hot tears that was streaming down my cheeks. A wretched creature like me doesn't deserve any forgiveness. I have destroyed the only person who had shown me true kindness. I wondered what Nick would have thought of me if he ever found out I moonlight as a rent-boy. I am truly incorrigible beyond words.
I started becoming a rent-boy when I was at the army. After I graduated from junior college, my kind aunt offered her place to us. We moved into her house and sold the apartment to get some spare cash. The money allowed my brother and me to continue our education. I saved most of my army salary. It was through my army buddy that I got into the sex trade. I was amazed at how he could afford designer fashion wear and he told me they were 'sponsored' by a rich man. I was initially apprehensive but when my mom got ill, I don't think I can take my aunt's charity any longer. I started to follow my buddy and learn the tricks of the trade. It offered easy money but we always had to protect ourselves and keep ourselves 'marketable' through regular exercise at the gym and dieting.
There was a flutter of happiness and hope as the next semester would be my final semester in the university. I will soon be able to get my degree and start working as an accountant. Mom's illness was getting better and soon, my younger brother will have a steady income when he goes to the Army. I promised myself that last night will mark the end of my rent-boy stint. I may not be able to face Nick again but I wanted badly to look at myself in the mirror and recover my shredded dignity.
The drizzle started to dissipate as the sun's rays poured over the thick clouds. I smiled and noted that this year's Christmas seemed to look a little brighter. I hummed the melodic tune of "Have yourself a merry little Christmas" and left my makeshift seat outside California Fitness gym to embrace the warm sunlight once more. A trio of muscled gym-goers was just leaving the gym and I noted the signal of interest in their eyes. I pursed my lips and looked away, wondering what gift I should get for Nick this year. My heart twisted painfully as I knew silently that lust will mark the rest of my life but a true love will always be beyond my grasp.
This was because I have lost my heart to Nick. It will never find its way back again.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
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