Famous for bring back Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent back into the fashion light, with fans from every walks of life and multiple fashion awards, took the risk to venture out from Women's Wear to his own line of Menswear. We could tell it has a high chance of success by the way he dressed, but high hopes were pinned.
'Tom Ford' at Madison Avenue menswear store, the first under his own name. Quoted, "the shop's appeal will rest on exceptional service and immaculate clothes. Nearly everything (from underwear to fragrances) can be custom-designed, and the staff includes 12 salespeople, two tailors, and four seamstresses (there is even an on-site atelier, which Ford dramatically revealed by pulling back a curtain in one of the dressing rooms)".
The store is intended to have a residential feel, with many elements (beaver-skin rugs, oversize lamps, the sly Lucio Fontana artwork) coming from Ford's own collections. The design is 1930s-inspired, with a wet bar and even butlers and maids who will fetch you lunch during your appointment.
What ever it may be, the most important thing would be the design of his latest creation ready available to be judged by the mass public in New York.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
(Issue 51) It had never End... [Zwei]
continue...
Wednesday finally came. I tried not to remember that he will be in ZOUK that night, so I had my entire day fully planned just to keep my mind off him. As the party time draws closer I couldn't resist but to drop by PLAY to have countless Martini with Père and Cricà. After my 3rd glass, Cricà told me to head down to ZOUK with him. A quick "No" was replied, followed by "Nete's there". Cricà,"He's not. He's on call tonight".
I took up his offer and went, I was surprised that Cricà walked in front and was on the phone and in less than a minute I saw Nete in front of me. I couldn't help but to think that Cricà planned it, I was pissed for a minute or two and told myself that what is done cannot be undone.
I went back to give Nete another hug and carried on the party with him and Cricà. Thereafter Nete's friend ask me along for Karaoke with them after the party. I hesitated, but I couldn't resist but to obliged after he made the second request.
Songs were played that clearly reminded us of the things we did together on the first three days of 2007, and when I looked into his eyes, as he sang them, my eyes watered and my heart melt, the defense was torn down immediately. I laid faced down on the sofa, hoping not to show any emotions, pretending to be asleep. The entire event end and we decided to leave the place. Everything seems to be an re-enactment, it was the same rainstorm we had when we parted. He invited me to his place, I reconfirmed before agreeing.
As we were waiting for his friend's car to arrive, we sat on the step and he laid his face on my lap. I could feel sadness, I told him to be strong and look at me, but he refused. I wanted to tell him that I still love him while looking straight in his eyes, but couldn't after he sang,"我以为我会报复但是我没有" over and over again. I was hurt yet touched.
He quickly jump into his bed when we reached, I covered him with his blanket, sat on the floor beside his bed and watched him sleep. I was happy, although it was cold but the look of his face kept me warmth. I could choose to leave but I didn't, I could choose to hug him but I didn't, all I could think of his to watch him sleep peacefully, and it is sufficient enough to make me happy.
As it was coming to be an hour towards noon, I woke him up for his appointment. I gentle planted a kiss on his forehead. Still sleepy, he replied that he want to snooze for another half hour. I told him that I need to leave for my appointment followed by a hug. This hug almost held me back as I thought of not letting go and accompanied him for that 30 minutes, but I didn't. I drag myself to leave his place.
Hours later, I send him a message.
"Its a great night. Thanks4inviting me over last night. It is great watching u sleep again.I want to let u know my feelings 4u had never change, but i choose a different path bcos of timing due to my work n more importantly, i dun 1 2c the person i love suffer-i couldn't fulfil ur need 2c ur lover everytime u come home.I also dun 1 2b selfish n hold u back,u'll meet sum1 soon. Trust me,ur feelings 4me will go off soon, plus it would be less hurtful now than if we really get together.I'm sorry 4everythin i did n hope u understand. U got gd friends so cherish them. I wanna meet u again 4 a proper dinner b4 i fly as friends,so no stress ok?Tell me when will u b free"
to be continued...
Coming to terms with (unsure of what I want) Me, (trying to control the situation) Myself and I (still harbor feelings for him).
Crying in the rain to: Sandy Lam - 領悟
我以为我会哭但是我没有
我只是怔怔望著你的脚步给你我最后的祝福
这何尝不是一种领悟让我把自己看清楚
虽然无爱的痛苦将日日夜夜在我灵魂最深处
我以为我会报复但是我没有
当我看到我深爱过的男人竟然像孩子一样无助
这何尝不是一种领悟让你把自己看清楚
被爱是奢侈的幸福可惜你从来不在乎
啊一段感情就此结束
啊一颗心眼看要荒芜
我们的爱若是错误愿你我没有白白受苦
若曾真心真意付出就应该满足
啊多么痛的领悟你曾是我的全部
只是我回首来时路的每一步都走的好孤独
啊多么痛的领悟你曾是我的全部
只愿你挣脱情的枷锁爱的束缚
任意追逐别再为爱受苦
Translation: Apprehension - I suppose I would cry, but I didn't.
I just silently stared at your ongoing steps and gave you my last blessings.
Could it be said as a kind of apprehension so that I could see through myself.
Though the misery of loveless would last in my soul deeply forever nights and days
I suppose I would revenge you, but i didn't
When I saw the man I used to love is as helpless as a child...
Could it be said as apprehension so that you could see through yourself...
What's a luxurious happiness of being loved; however it's such a pity that you had never cherished it.
Alas, my love is going to terminate;
Alas, my heart is going to empty;
If our love would be a fault, I wish we didn't just suffer without learning anything.
If we had ever given out all our hearts, we should feel content.
Alas, how painful the apprehension is!! You used to be everything to me
Just whenever I reflect what I had gone through. Every step I'd walked is full of isolation
Alas, how painful the apprehension is, You used to be my everything.
I wish you could free yourself from cuffs and restraint of love to chase whatever you want in your life
Don't suffer from love anymore
Wednesday finally came. I tried not to remember that he will be in ZOUK that night, so I had my entire day fully planned just to keep my mind off him. As the party time draws closer I couldn't resist but to drop by PLAY to have countless Martini with Père and Cricà. After my 3rd glass, Cricà told me to head down to ZOUK with him. A quick "No" was replied, followed by "Nete's there". Cricà,"He's not. He's on call tonight".
I took up his offer and went, I was surprised that Cricà walked in front and was on the phone and in less than a minute I saw Nete in front of me. I couldn't help but to think that Cricà planned it, I was pissed for a minute or two and told myself that what is done cannot be undone.
I went back to give Nete another hug and carried on the party with him and Cricà. Thereafter Nete's friend ask me along for Karaoke with them after the party. I hesitated, but I couldn't resist but to obliged after he made the second request.
Songs were played that clearly reminded us of the things we did together on the first three days of 2007, and when I looked into his eyes, as he sang them, my eyes watered and my heart melt, the defense was torn down immediately. I laid faced down on the sofa, hoping not to show any emotions, pretending to be asleep. The entire event end and we decided to leave the place. Everything seems to be an re-enactment, it was the same rainstorm we had when we parted. He invited me to his place, I reconfirmed before agreeing.
As we were waiting for his friend's car to arrive, we sat on the step and he laid his face on my lap. I could feel sadness, I told him to be strong and look at me, but he refused. I wanted to tell him that I still love him while looking straight in his eyes, but couldn't after he sang,"我以为我会报复但是我没有" over and over again. I was hurt yet touched.
He quickly jump into his bed when we reached, I covered him with his blanket, sat on the floor beside his bed and watched him sleep. I was happy, although it was cold but the look of his face kept me warmth. I could choose to leave but I didn't, I could choose to hug him but I didn't, all I could think of his to watch him sleep peacefully, and it is sufficient enough to make me happy.
As it was coming to be an hour towards noon, I woke him up for his appointment. I gentle planted a kiss on his forehead. Still sleepy, he replied that he want to snooze for another half hour. I told him that I need to leave for my appointment followed by a hug. This hug almost held me back as I thought of not letting go and accompanied him for that 30 minutes, but I didn't. I drag myself to leave his place.
Hours later, I send him a message.
"Its a great night. Thanks4inviting me over last night. It is great watching u sleep again.I want to let u know my feelings 4u had never change, but i choose a different path bcos of timing due to my work n more importantly, i dun 1 2c the person i love suffer-i couldn't fulfil ur need 2c ur lover everytime u come home.I also dun 1 2b selfish n hold u back,u'll meet sum1 soon. Trust me,ur feelings 4me will go off soon, plus it would be less hurtful now than if we really get together.I'm sorry 4everythin i did n hope u understand. U got gd friends so cherish them. I wanna meet u again 4 a proper dinner b4 i fly as friends,so no stress ok?Tell me when will u b free"
to be continued...
Coming to terms with (unsure of what I want) Me, (trying to control the situation) Myself and I (still harbor feelings for him).
Crying in the rain to: Sandy Lam - 領悟
我以为我会哭但是我没有
我只是怔怔望著你的脚步给你我最后的祝福
这何尝不是一种领悟让我把自己看清楚
虽然无爱的痛苦将日日夜夜在我灵魂最深处
我以为我会报复但是我没有
当我看到我深爱过的男人竟然像孩子一样无助
这何尝不是一种领悟让你把自己看清楚
被爱是奢侈的幸福可惜你从来不在乎
啊一段感情就此结束
啊一颗心眼看要荒芜
我们的爱若是错误愿你我没有白白受苦
若曾真心真意付出就应该满足
啊多么痛的领悟你曾是我的全部
只是我回首来时路的每一步都走的好孤独
啊多么痛的领悟你曾是我的全部
只愿你挣脱情的枷锁爱的束缚
任意追逐别再为爱受苦
Translation: Apprehension - I suppose I would cry, but I didn't.
I just silently stared at your ongoing steps and gave you my last blessings.
Could it be said as a kind of apprehension so that I could see through myself.
Though the misery of loveless would last in my soul deeply forever nights and days
I suppose I would revenge you, but i didn't
When I saw the man I used to love is as helpless as a child...
Could it be said as apprehension so that you could see through yourself...
What's a luxurious happiness of being loved; however it's such a pity that you had never cherished it.
Alas, my love is going to terminate;
Alas, my heart is going to empty;
If our love would be a fault, I wish we didn't just suffer without learning anything.
If we had ever given out all our hearts, we should feel content.
Alas, how painful the apprehension is!! You used to be everything to me
Just whenever I reflect what I had gone through. Every step I'd walked is full of isolation
Alas, how painful the apprehension is, You used to be my everything.
I wish you could free yourself from cuffs and restraint of love to chase whatever you want in your life
Don't suffer from love anymore
Saturday, April 28, 2007
(Love Tales No. 2) Thou shall never end.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 5 of 5Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 04:06 AM
Wayne's parents were seated in the living room watching the TV. When Wayne led me into the living room, their mood darkened immediately.
Wayne strolled over and switched off the TV. The tension grew so thick that it could literally snap anytime. "Mom and Dad, I believe it is time we have a good talk with you."
Wayne's Dad was willing to have an honest conversation. "Wayne, we are doing this for your own good. We don't want you to be confused. What kind of life are you leading without a proper family or child?"
"Dad, I was born with that sexual orientation and I want to make the most out of my life. I care about how you and Mom feel but it is my personal happiness I am talking about. It is hard to find someone whom I love, whom I feel committed to and here you are depriving me of a chance at happiness because you are colored by prejudice."
Wayne held my hand and reiterated, "Mom, Alvin did not point a gun at me. He did not fool me, and if anything, it was I who wanted to be together with him."
I glanced at Wayne's courageous front and felt a sense of pride blooming inside me. "Auntie and Uncle, I do know that you love Wayne very much. I can promise you that I love Wayne, too. If not, I won't commit myself to this relationship. If he feels happier with someone else, I am willing to let him go. I feel proud of Wayne today because he loves you enough to get your blessing. We could have carried on secretly but we didn't have the heart to lie to you."
My tears streamed down uncontrollably. "I am not asking you to accept me but I am asking you to respect Wayne's decision in his happiness. I want him to be happy too."
Wayne's Mom recognized my sincerity and asked softly, "Wayne, are you happy with him?"
Wayne looked at me in a veil of unshed tears. "Yes."
Wayne's father looked at his wife for a moment and said, "If that is what our son wants, so be it. I don't want to end up losing my son." Wayne's Mom nodded reluctantly.
With a broad smile, Wayne jumped and hugged his parents gratefully. "Thank you, Mom and Dad."
I was too happy for words and all I could think of was just thanking them profusely.
His Mom faced me quietly and pleaded, "Take good care of my son."
At that moment, I saw the essence of a Mother's unconditional love for his son. How difficult it was for her to let her son pursue his own road to happiness.
I smiled at Wayne and replied, "I promise you that, Auntie."
*
After we sent Wayne's parents off on Saturday, we decided to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon just doing nothing. The two of us sprawled on the white sofa and watched the Japanese chanteuse Misia belting out 'live' a beautiful ballad 'Everything' from her concert DVD. The staging was spectacular with the orchestra offering majestic support. She was framed in a white and silver dress, looking like a virginal bride celebrating a poignant paean of love.
I met you by chance in the midst of passing time
It's amazing, isn't it? That such a miracle should be so close by
Still missing you, the time passes and I can't see you
Slipping through the door, I remember once again
You laughing with that person
My beloved, please don't make me sad
There are nights when I cry myself to sleep
Don't look at the past, just look at me
You're everything, you're everything
I'm stronger than you think
I don't want any kind lies
All I want is you
How long a time can be called forever?
I want to go with you far, far into the future
I want to peek at those days with you
My beloved, please hold me
Like you always do, in the midst of time's tenderness
Hold my hand, look just at the present
You're everything, you're everything
Even if I'm apart from you
If we could see each other, I'd surely forgive you
Any night
You're everything, you're everything
I'm strong enough to dream of you
Now let's change the power to love
Into courage
You're everything, you're everything
Even if I'm apart from you
If we could see each other, it would all disappear
Even the pain in my heart
You're everything, you're everything
I'm stronger than you think
I don't want any kind lies
All I want is you
You're everything...
As she finished her hypnotic performance, both Wayne and I looked at each other. Even though we couldn't comprehend most of the Japanese lyrics, the singer managed to convey her language of love through the swings of emotions.
Wayne lowered his head and kissed me with the gentleness of a snowflake caressing the ground. His tenderness made my knees weak and my heart melt languidly.
Wayne cooed softly, "I will never get tired of saying 'I love you'. Each time you manage to surprise me more and more."
He may be the most ordinary guy but he is my everything.
And when the thunderous applause from the concert audience came, it really sounded like joyful bells ringing - and celebrating our hard-earned personal victory.
I knew this didn't mark the closing chapter of our love story but my heart was singing as I held Wayne's gaze, knowing that the rest of the journey will be wonderful with him by my side.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 5 of 5Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 04:06 AM
Wayne's parents were seated in the living room watching the TV. When Wayne led me into the living room, their mood darkened immediately.
Wayne strolled over and switched off the TV. The tension grew so thick that it could literally snap anytime. "Mom and Dad, I believe it is time we have a good talk with you."
Wayne's Dad was willing to have an honest conversation. "Wayne, we are doing this for your own good. We don't want you to be confused. What kind of life are you leading without a proper family or child?"
"Dad, I was born with that sexual orientation and I want to make the most out of my life. I care about how you and Mom feel but it is my personal happiness I am talking about. It is hard to find someone whom I love, whom I feel committed to and here you are depriving me of a chance at happiness because you are colored by prejudice."
Wayne held my hand and reiterated, "Mom, Alvin did not point a gun at me. He did not fool me, and if anything, it was I who wanted to be together with him."
I glanced at Wayne's courageous front and felt a sense of pride blooming inside me. "Auntie and Uncle, I do know that you love Wayne very much. I can promise you that I love Wayne, too. If not, I won't commit myself to this relationship. If he feels happier with someone else, I am willing to let him go. I feel proud of Wayne today because he loves you enough to get your blessing. We could have carried on secretly but we didn't have the heart to lie to you."
My tears streamed down uncontrollably. "I am not asking you to accept me but I am asking you to respect Wayne's decision in his happiness. I want him to be happy too."
Wayne's Mom recognized my sincerity and asked softly, "Wayne, are you happy with him?"
Wayne looked at me in a veil of unshed tears. "Yes."
Wayne's father looked at his wife for a moment and said, "If that is what our son wants, so be it. I don't want to end up losing my son." Wayne's Mom nodded reluctantly.
With a broad smile, Wayne jumped and hugged his parents gratefully. "Thank you, Mom and Dad."
I was too happy for words and all I could think of was just thanking them profusely.
His Mom faced me quietly and pleaded, "Take good care of my son."
At that moment, I saw the essence of a Mother's unconditional love for his son. How difficult it was for her to let her son pursue his own road to happiness.
I smiled at Wayne and replied, "I promise you that, Auntie."
*
After we sent Wayne's parents off on Saturday, we decided to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon just doing nothing. The two of us sprawled on the white sofa and watched the Japanese chanteuse Misia belting out 'live' a beautiful ballad 'Everything' from her concert DVD. The staging was spectacular with the orchestra offering majestic support. She was framed in a white and silver dress, looking like a virginal bride celebrating a poignant paean of love.
I met you by chance in the midst of passing time
It's amazing, isn't it? That such a miracle should be so close by
Still missing you, the time passes and I can't see you
Slipping through the door, I remember once again
You laughing with that person
My beloved, please don't make me sad
There are nights when I cry myself to sleep
Don't look at the past, just look at me
You're everything, you're everything
I'm stronger than you think
I don't want any kind lies
All I want is you
How long a time can be called forever?
I want to go with you far, far into the future
I want to peek at those days with you
My beloved, please hold me
Like you always do, in the midst of time's tenderness
Hold my hand, look just at the present
You're everything, you're everything
Even if I'm apart from you
If we could see each other, I'd surely forgive you
Any night
You're everything, you're everything
I'm strong enough to dream of you
Now let's change the power to love
Into courage
You're everything, you're everything
Even if I'm apart from you
If we could see each other, it would all disappear
Even the pain in my heart
You're everything, you're everything
I'm stronger than you think
I don't want any kind lies
All I want is you
You're everything...
As she finished her hypnotic performance, both Wayne and I looked at each other. Even though we couldn't comprehend most of the Japanese lyrics, the singer managed to convey her language of love through the swings of emotions.
Wayne lowered his head and kissed me with the gentleness of a snowflake caressing the ground. His tenderness made my knees weak and my heart melt languidly.
Wayne cooed softly, "I will never get tired of saying 'I love you'. Each time you manage to surprise me more and more."
He may be the most ordinary guy but he is my everything.
And when the thunderous applause from the concert audience came, it really sounded like joyful bells ringing - and celebrating our hard-earned personal victory.
I knew this didn't mark the closing chapter of our love story but my heart was singing as I held Wayne's gaze, knowing that the rest of the journey will be wonderful with him by my side.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Friday, April 27, 2007
(Issue 50) It had never End ...[Ein]
Nete, I thought I could but I couldn't.
I kept it from all my ex about my return, however I seem to bump onto one another with a different reaction for each.
Cason: We greeted each other with a Hi-Bye Diva hug and carried on our own party with our own friends.
Ensoé: Cricà couldn't confirm whether it was him dancing beside us, as he dress slight differently from his usual self, and since we were quite unsure and he didn't seem to recognize us, we carried on our party. However Cricà later confirmed it was him after bumping at the toilet but I was no longer present to greet him.
Savur: He was the only one I informed because I never failed to enjoy his company and presence. We made several appointments but kept postponing due to our busy schedule.
Peit: My friend told me that he was in the club, at a certain spot, and my decision was to avoid him, only because I know that he would blame me for not letting him know that I am back. Hey, Peit, we shall meet when I return in July.
Nete: He brought the Drama Mama in me back to life.
I told myself before I returned to Singapore that I will not get myself involve in any situation again like I did previously, and I was delighted that I was able to make it home on the first two nights of partying and feel great at the same time.
However came Sunday night, I bumped into Nete and he told me that he is partying alone. I thought, "Well, I should be able to handle the situation well". I gave him a hug, and with this hug everything (i.e. my feelings and emotions) returned to me in a zap. The hug was actually something I had been longing for since we last met and it actually meant more than any words could describe.
He kept it cool and tried to avoid my lips against his, so I respected that. We danced and party with Cricà, my FEMME (Huent) and our friends. There were occasional hugs and playful bites on both our shoulders and arms. However, strong emotions and beautiful memories flashes in my mind, every time he is not around me. Quickly, I told Huent to make sure that I stay away from all possible temptation and return home that night.
As the party was getting to an end, I bid him farewell and told him that I will be having supper with my friends. I also make sure that he knows I would be flying back to China on Friday. He decided to stay, and I was half relieved, thinking that I will be going back at night but misses him at the same time. But he changed the situation by saying that he would message me after his party to see where we will be having supper.
Père was high and he decided to cancel the supper and continue his party over at the CLINIC. I couldn't party on and choose to return home with Huent. As we were on the way home, I received his message. I forced myself to give a cold reply," Heading Home, Supper Canceled". But I couldn't help to sent another message the next minute and asked him to take care. Soon he replied,"Will be at ZOUK on Wednesday". My heart longed for him again.
to be continued...
Coming to terms with (trying to be strong) Me, (controlling) Myself and (misses him dearly) I.
Singing in the rain to the tunes of: 李聖傑-最近
你最近不说话, 怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单, 有点乱 有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的, 我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的, 却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你[*我]常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
我[*你]覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
不想再約束 不要再痛苦, 下一次會有更好的情路
爱我却不能给你我全部
这一次我们都能很幸福
Translation: Lately- You’ve been very quiet lately. What’s wrong? Why?
Is there something that’s making you unhappy?
I heard that you’re very lonely lately. A little confused, a little lost
But I can’t be by your side right now.
What you want, I can’t give you
There are some parts of me I cannot give you
What I do give you, that’s not what you want to possess
We are not a good match but we just can’t call it quits
How many times have we held each other wanting to cry?
You [*I] often say all this that had happened is only the beginning,
But I [*You] feel like all of this had ended a long time ago
I don’t want to end this but I also don’t want to hurt anymore
Next time there will be an easier way
(I) LOVE, but I can't give you everything whole-heartily
This time, it is possible for both of us to be happy
I kept it from all my ex about my return, however I seem to bump onto one another with a different reaction for each.
Cason: We greeted each other with a Hi-Bye Diva hug and carried on our own party with our own friends.
Ensoé: Cricà couldn't confirm whether it was him dancing beside us, as he dress slight differently from his usual self, and since we were quite unsure and he didn't seem to recognize us, we carried on our party. However Cricà later confirmed it was him after bumping at the toilet but I was no longer present to greet him.
Savur: He was the only one I informed because I never failed to enjoy his company and presence. We made several appointments but kept postponing due to our busy schedule.
Peit: My friend told me that he was in the club, at a certain spot, and my decision was to avoid him, only because I know that he would blame me for not letting him know that I am back. Hey, Peit, we shall meet when I return in July.
Nete: He brought the Drama Mama in me back to life.
I told myself before I returned to Singapore that I will not get myself involve in any situation again like I did previously, and I was delighted that I was able to make it home on the first two nights of partying and feel great at the same time.
However came Sunday night, I bumped into Nete and he told me that he is partying alone. I thought, "Well, I should be able to handle the situation well". I gave him a hug, and with this hug everything (i.e. my feelings and emotions) returned to me in a zap. The hug was actually something I had been longing for since we last met and it actually meant more than any words could describe.
He kept it cool and tried to avoid my lips against his, so I respected that. We danced and party with Cricà, my FEMME (Huent) and our friends. There were occasional hugs and playful bites on both our shoulders and arms. However, strong emotions and beautiful memories flashes in my mind, every time he is not around me. Quickly, I told Huent to make sure that I stay away from all possible temptation and return home that night.
As the party was getting to an end, I bid him farewell and told him that I will be having supper with my friends. I also make sure that he knows I would be flying back to China on Friday. He decided to stay, and I was half relieved, thinking that I will be going back at night but misses him at the same time. But he changed the situation by saying that he would message me after his party to see where we will be having supper.
Père was high and he decided to cancel the supper and continue his party over at the CLINIC. I couldn't party on and choose to return home with Huent. As we were on the way home, I received his message. I forced myself to give a cold reply," Heading Home, Supper Canceled". But I couldn't help to sent another message the next minute and asked him to take care. Soon he replied,"Will be at ZOUK on Wednesday". My heart longed for him again.
to be continued...
Coming to terms with (trying to be strong) Me, (controlling) Myself and (misses him dearly) I.
Singing in the rain to the tunes of: 李聖傑-最近
你最近不说话, 怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单, 有点乱 有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的, 我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的, 却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你[*我]常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
我[*你]覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
不想再約束 不要再痛苦, 下一次會有更好的情路
爱我却不能给你我全部
这一次我们都能很幸福
Translation: Lately- You’ve been very quiet lately. What’s wrong? Why?
Is there something that’s making you unhappy?
I heard that you’re very lonely lately. A little confused, a little lost
But I can’t be by your side right now.
What you want, I can’t give you
There are some parts of me I cannot give you
What I do give you, that’s not what you want to possess
We are not a good match but we just can’t call it quits
How many times have we held each other wanting to cry?
You [*I] often say all this that had happened is only the beginning,
But I [*You] feel like all of this had ended a long time ago
I don’t want to end this but I also don’t want to hurt anymore
Next time there will be an easier way
(I) LOVE, but I can't give you everything whole-heartily
This time, it is possible for both of us to be happy
Thursday, April 26, 2007
(Love Tales No.2) Holding On
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 4 of 5Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 03:57 AM
"Auntie, I am here to pick Alvin up." Wayne requested politely as Mom invited him in.
When Wayne saw me, the tension in his face visibly lightened. He just came forward and took my hands, "I am sorry for what happened."
I shook my head and said, "It is okay. I hope you didn't tell them off or anything."
Mom interrupted our talk and took both our hands together. "Believe me, it will work out. It just takes some time." I was touched by that comforting gesture.
"Thanks, Auntie. I am so sorry to have put Alvin through this."
Mom understood the situation. "If the two of you chose this path, it's something that has to be faced sooner or later. Wayne, I know it wasn't easy for you to break the news to your parents."
Wayne's mood brightened considerably. "Thanks Auntie, I would really like to stay for dinner but I'd better check on my folks as soon as possible."
"All the best and let me know if you need any help."
At that moment, I knew Mom was one extraordinary woman. She did not have lots of education but she did have a beautiful mind - a mind that had so much altruistic love and consideration for her child. I embraced her abruptly and whispered with a choked tone, "Thank you, Mom."
Her eyes were shining with love as she waved goodbye to Wayne and me.
*
"I apologize if I sound a little abrupt over the phone. I was so scared you would leave me." Wayne drew me closer into a tight embrace as we entered the lift. His tone was cracked with emotions taut like an arched bow.
I rested my head on his chest and squeezed him fondly. "How could you have such a low confidence in me?" His eyes held a sheen of tears as he placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "It wasn't easy for us to be together. You only saw me as a friend until Derrick gave you up. I am not going to let you go so easily after all that courtship to convince you of my love."
A nascent laugh bubbled inside me. "You still think I would go back to Derrick?"
Wayne flashed me a look of insecurity and silently nodded. "I am not handsome, rich, funny?"
"But you're everything that I ask for in a partner, a friend and a confidante."
My tears trickled down as I marveled at the miracle of meeting Wayne, having our first date and how our fate intertwined together. We wanted to show others that a gay couple could find meaningful love and friendship. I was tired of bumping around, having fun and ending up even more empty. Happiness was elusive but we made such a hard effort at realizing the dream. Our love matured as we crossed one obstacle after another.
I held his hands and kissed him with my tears streaming down in small rivulets. I was so grateful to God for having him, Mom and my brother around in my life. The strength in me suddenly surged like electricity.
"I love you, Wayne. Trust me, we will get through it."
Wayne smiled and nodded. He gently dabbed my tears with a tissue, picked up my hand and led me out of the lift confidently to fight our next battle.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 4 of 5Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 03:57 AM
"Auntie, I am here to pick Alvin up." Wayne requested politely as Mom invited him in.
When Wayne saw me, the tension in his face visibly lightened. He just came forward and took my hands, "I am sorry for what happened."
I shook my head and said, "It is okay. I hope you didn't tell them off or anything."
Mom interrupted our talk and took both our hands together. "Believe me, it will work out. It just takes some time." I was touched by that comforting gesture.
"Thanks, Auntie. I am so sorry to have put Alvin through this."
Mom understood the situation. "If the two of you chose this path, it's something that has to be faced sooner or later. Wayne, I know it wasn't easy for you to break the news to your parents."
Wayne's mood brightened considerably. "Thanks Auntie, I would really like to stay for dinner but I'd better check on my folks as soon as possible."
"All the best and let me know if you need any help."
At that moment, I knew Mom was one extraordinary woman. She did not have lots of education but she did have a beautiful mind - a mind that had so much altruistic love and consideration for her child. I embraced her abruptly and whispered with a choked tone, "Thank you, Mom."
Her eyes were shining with love as she waved goodbye to Wayne and me.
*
"I apologize if I sound a little abrupt over the phone. I was so scared you would leave me." Wayne drew me closer into a tight embrace as we entered the lift. His tone was cracked with emotions taut like an arched bow.
I rested my head on his chest and squeezed him fondly. "How could you have such a low confidence in me?" His eyes held a sheen of tears as he placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "It wasn't easy for us to be together. You only saw me as a friend until Derrick gave you up. I am not going to let you go so easily after all that courtship to convince you of my love."
A nascent laugh bubbled inside me. "You still think I would go back to Derrick?"
Wayne flashed me a look of insecurity and silently nodded. "I am not handsome, rich, funny?"
"But you're everything that I ask for in a partner, a friend and a confidante."
My tears trickled down as I marveled at the miracle of meeting Wayne, having our first date and how our fate intertwined together. We wanted to show others that a gay couple could find meaningful love and friendship. I was tired of bumping around, having fun and ending up even more empty. Happiness was elusive but we made such a hard effort at realizing the dream. Our love matured as we crossed one obstacle after another.
I held his hands and kissed him with my tears streaming down in small rivulets. I was so grateful to God for having him, Mom and my brother around in my life. The strength in me suddenly surged like electricity.
"I love you, Wayne. Trust me, we will get through it."
Wayne smiled and nodded. He gently dabbed my tears with a tissue, picked up my hand and led me out of the lift confidently to fight our next battle.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
(Issue 49) Take Care, Cricà.
I am postponing the publishing date for most of my blog articles, as they would reveal that I am presently back in Singapore. I also decided to keep this trip low key, as there are only two purpose to this trip, one of which is business related while the other is personal. One of my closest soulmate is leaving for Taiwan for a year or two and this gradually lessen the chance of us meeting up again when I return to Singapore, therefore I am going to delicate most of my personal time to him.
Our friendship started in the most awkward way, but we later become friends who club and drink together, check out cute guys, speak our minds and feelings freely to one another and not forgetting constant bitching. Thank you for being there for almost all of the time I feel down. It would not be easy now that we are still quite uncertain how frequent he can go online but I am sure our friendship will last.
Both of us click in many ways but ironically it seems that both of us do not know how to handle our relationship problems when we were placed in a situation of a possible one-sided love, and many times our advises for one another is like the blind leading the blind. However I do realize that no matter what logical advise might be said to us by anyone, we will still always choose to follow our heart and guts, and live by our own decisions, regardless it is right or wrong. I guess it is because every sentence or expression has it's positive and negative sides, the important thing is that we are able to live by it and not live to regret not doing it.
I guess our friendship had became special as he had become another essential type of listening ear every fortunate gay man wishes to have. They are those that we could ask for advises, which straight men can never understood, and be slightly drama over our relationship matters without be prejudice by. 'Love, Care and Concern' is shown for one another, but it is of a different type we give to our lovers. I guess if we were to remain single when we are old (spit, better not), we know that we have each other to depend on, a "Sisterly Love".
Thanks, Cricà. Take Care, Safe Journey and Remember to Follow your Heart.
Coming to terms with (having one less pal to club with)Me, (checking out cute guys by)Myself and (will miss u and the things we do)I.
Dancing to one of his favourite driving dance tunes: Madonna - Get Together
Can we get together, I really, I really wanna be with you
Come and check it out with me, I hope you, I hope you feel the same way too
I searched, I searched, I searched my whole life
To find, find, find the secret, But all I did was open up my eyes
Baby we can do it, we can do it all right
Do you believe that we can change the future
Do you believe I can make you feel better
Not the original video, it's a mix done by frantonio
Our friendship started in the most awkward way, but we later become friends who club and drink together, check out cute guys, speak our minds and feelings freely to one another and not forgetting constant bitching. Thank you for being there for almost all of the time I feel down. It would not be easy now that we are still quite uncertain how frequent he can go online but I am sure our friendship will last.
Both of us click in many ways but ironically it seems that both of us do not know how to handle our relationship problems when we were placed in a situation of a possible one-sided love, and many times our advises for one another is like the blind leading the blind. However I do realize that no matter what logical advise might be said to us by anyone, we will still always choose to follow our heart and guts, and live by our own decisions, regardless it is right or wrong. I guess it is because every sentence or expression has it's positive and negative sides, the important thing is that we are able to live by it and not live to regret not doing it.
I guess our friendship had became special as he had become another essential type of listening ear every fortunate gay man wishes to have. They are those that we could ask for advises, which straight men can never understood, and be slightly drama over our relationship matters without be prejudice by. 'Love, Care and Concern' is shown for one another, but it is of a different type we give to our lovers. I guess if we were to remain single when we are old (spit, better not), we know that we have each other to depend on, a "Sisterly Love".
Thanks, Cricà. Take Care, Safe Journey and Remember to Follow your Heart.
Coming to terms with (having one less pal to club with)Me, (checking out cute guys by)Myself and (will miss u and the things we do)I.
Dancing to one of his favourite driving dance tunes: Madonna - Get Together
Can we get together, I really, I really wanna be with you
Come and check it out with me, I hope you, I hope you feel the same way too
I searched, I searched, I searched my whole life
To find, find, find the secret, But all I did was open up my eyes
Baby we can do it, we can do it all right
Do you believe that we can change the future
Do you believe I can make you feel better
Not the original video, it's a mix done by frantonio
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
(Love Tales No. 2) A Place to Run to
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 3 of 5Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 04:09 AM
Mom was offering joss-sticks to Dad's tablet when I reached home at nine. Mom has been a widow since Dad lost his battle with cancer when I was fifteen. She raised my brother and me up to the best that she could, juggling two jobs at the same time. Fortunately, my brother and I are working now to support the family so that she can retire. Mom may be nearing sixty but she spends a lot of time in the People's Association, helping out with the grassroots and old folks. I always admired Mom for her courage and exuberance and I was determined to age gracefully like her.
"Mom!" I called out excitedly and hugged her from behind.
She gave a yelp in surprise and laughed when she saw me. "Aiyoh, Alvin. You frighten me out of my wits. I thought it was a thief or something."
Mom paused for a while to scrutinize my features and noted, "You have grown thinner. Did Wayne ill-treat you?"
I burst out laughing at her question. "No lah. He treats me very well. And for the record, we didn't have a quarrel."
She paused and studied my expression. "I can see you are telling the truth. Go and have a bath, first. I will lay out dinner for you."
I sighed in delight, "I miss your food. I can smell curry chicken from here."
Mom gave an affectionate pat on my shoulder. "Hurry up, wash up. We'll talk later."
*
"Hmm, the sesame paste tastes like heaven."
Mom was beaming as my compliments flew. "So how are things between Wayne and you?"
"Fine. It's just that his parents flew down from Indonesia this week to bunk up with us. Wayne told his parents about us, so it's quite understandable that they are particularly hostile towards me. They need time to absorb the news and accept us."
Mom sat beside me and said, "So how is Wayne treating this?"
"He has been very supportive towards me but I don't want him to fall out with his parents. They raised him up and gave their best for him, after all. Your son wouldn't fall for a heartless cad. Wayne loves his parents too, but he also wants them to accept us. Wayne's parents are protective, though."
Mom understood. "You must see from their point of view. It isn't easy for them to accept such a relationship."
I nodded and placed my palms over Mom's wrinkled hands to show my unspoken gratitude for her understanding.
"When your father died, I know how it feels like to lose your loved one. I wanted to leave this world as well but the two of you gave me a reason to fight hard. It came to me that nothing was more important than seeing my two sons happy. I will try hard to make you two happy but you are ultimately responsible for your choices and happiness. Seeing the two of you with your loved ones, I will be able to answer to your father when I meet him in Heaven."
My eyes were brimming with unshed tears. Mom really fought hard for us. I knew how devastating it must be for her to bear the pain of seeing her eldest son unable to give her a grandson.
"Mom, I wished I could make it less painful for you but I love Wayne this much."
She nodded. "I know that. If you think Wayne can give you the happiness, you have all my support. I only want you to be happy."
I hugged her and wept in cutting regret. "Thank you. I don't deserve you."
"You have always been good to me. You took care of the family when your father died."
"I didn't do my job well."
"Nonsense. Look at your brother, he is happy with his work and his girlfriend. You took part-time jobs for him to send him to University. He owes you that."
Mom and I hastily wiped our tears and steered to more cheerful conversation. My phone rang when I was asking how Mom was doing as a volunteer at the People's Association. It was Wayne.
"Alvin, I am picking you up from your house. You are coming back with me today. My parents will apologize for changing the house locks and keys."
I stood up frozen. "You confronted them?"
"No. When I came back and found the keys and locks changed, I called the house phone and asked them to stop this nonsense. We had a good talk and I promise you they won't threaten you in any way."
My heart was palpitating. "I am very doubtful about the 'good talk' part. I am afraid they would misunderstand me even more. Wayne, you and I need to talk to them. I mean it."
"I am taking the lift to your house now. We'll talk later?"
I hung up with the ominous knowledge that the situation were getting bleaker. For the first time, I felt lost and scared that love wasn't enough to conquer the obstacles. I looked at Mom helplessly and heaved a gusty sigh. I didn't really know what to do.
I was too tired to think. Everything I did seem to have backfired.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 3 of 5Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 04:09 AM
Mom was offering joss-sticks to Dad's tablet when I reached home at nine. Mom has been a widow since Dad lost his battle with cancer when I was fifteen. She raised my brother and me up to the best that she could, juggling two jobs at the same time. Fortunately, my brother and I are working now to support the family so that she can retire. Mom may be nearing sixty but she spends a lot of time in the People's Association, helping out with the grassroots and old folks. I always admired Mom for her courage and exuberance and I was determined to age gracefully like her.
"Mom!" I called out excitedly and hugged her from behind.
She gave a yelp in surprise and laughed when she saw me. "Aiyoh, Alvin. You frighten me out of my wits. I thought it was a thief or something."
Mom paused for a while to scrutinize my features and noted, "You have grown thinner. Did Wayne ill-treat you?"
I burst out laughing at her question. "No lah. He treats me very well. And for the record, we didn't have a quarrel."
She paused and studied my expression. "I can see you are telling the truth. Go and have a bath, first. I will lay out dinner for you."
I sighed in delight, "I miss your food. I can smell curry chicken from here."
Mom gave an affectionate pat on my shoulder. "Hurry up, wash up. We'll talk later."
*
"Hmm, the sesame paste tastes like heaven."
Mom was beaming as my compliments flew. "So how are things between Wayne and you?"
"Fine. It's just that his parents flew down from Indonesia this week to bunk up with us. Wayne told his parents about us, so it's quite understandable that they are particularly hostile towards me. They need time to absorb the news and accept us."
Mom sat beside me and said, "So how is Wayne treating this?"
"He has been very supportive towards me but I don't want him to fall out with his parents. They raised him up and gave their best for him, after all. Your son wouldn't fall for a heartless cad. Wayne loves his parents too, but he also wants them to accept us. Wayne's parents are protective, though."
Mom understood. "You must see from their point of view. It isn't easy for them to accept such a relationship."
I nodded and placed my palms over Mom's wrinkled hands to show my unspoken gratitude for her understanding.
"When your father died, I know how it feels like to lose your loved one. I wanted to leave this world as well but the two of you gave me a reason to fight hard. It came to me that nothing was more important than seeing my two sons happy. I will try hard to make you two happy but you are ultimately responsible for your choices and happiness. Seeing the two of you with your loved ones, I will be able to answer to your father when I meet him in Heaven."
My eyes were brimming with unshed tears. Mom really fought hard for us. I knew how devastating it must be for her to bear the pain of seeing her eldest son unable to give her a grandson.
"Mom, I wished I could make it less painful for you but I love Wayne this much."
She nodded. "I know that. If you think Wayne can give you the happiness, you have all my support. I only want you to be happy."
I hugged her and wept in cutting regret. "Thank you. I don't deserve you."
"You have always been good to me. You took care of the family when your father died."
"I didn't do my job well."
"Nonsense. Look at your brother, he is happy with his work and his girlfriend. You took part-time jobs for him to send him to University. He owes you that."
Mom and I hastily wiped our tears and steered to more cheerful conversation. My phone rang when I was asking how Mom was doing as a volunteer at the People's Association. It was Wayne.
"Alvin, I am picking you up from your house. You are coming back with me today. My parents will apologize for changing the house locks and keys."
I stood up frozen. "You confronted them?"
"No. When I came back and found the keys and locks changed, I called the house phone and asked them to stop this nonsense. We had a good talk and I promise you they won't threaten you in any way."
My heart was palpitating. "I am very doubtful about the 'good talk' part. I am afraid they would misunderstand me even more. Wayne, you and I need to talk to them. I mean it."
"I am taking the lift to your house now. We'll talk later?"
I hung up with the ominous knowledge that the situation were getting bleaker. For the first time, I felt lost and scared that love wasn't enough to conquer the obstacles. I looked at Mom helplessly and heaved a gusty sigh. I didn't really know what to do.
I was too tired to think. Everything I did seem to have backfired.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Monday, April 23, 2007
(Issue 48) Conclusion of mine
Having jotting down all my experience, all the wonderful moments came running back into my mind and brighten up my day. Having able to forgive, our past disputes and conflicts had appeared to be very insignificant. Yes I did mentioned that I am sorry and regretful to many, for it is because I wasn't sure if I was forgiven. It is often we see the mistakes other did and not reflect back on ourselves. Isn't it always easier to forgive one another when you learn that you are not perfect yourself?
I am a perfectionist, however I came to realize that everyone is not perfect, and with true love and willingness to compromise, you lover slowly and eventually becomes perfect enough, after all 'perfect' is a standard set by your own mind.
There is not point changing a person into someone you would for, for what he is not, with compromise and loving him for what he is, your love will grow stronger and healthy, as there is no mask to put on or worries that he would go back to his old ways. Why not settle for second best than to suffer looking for that perfect one?
Love is when you find out that you still care for that person, even after you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship. For once I can truely say I did not let myself or him down because I love them with my true heart.
Some people find it superficial to forgive the ones who hurt you the most, but had you realize that most of the times you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches? Many times we thought we had moved on, many or us fail to differentiate whether they are back walking on their feet or actually covering the distance on their knees.
The only thing I regret not doing is not things I could have done to save the relation, because I had always been true to myself and know the decision is mine and I have to live with it. The regret would actually be not having a diary to jot down all the simple things we had done together everyday, that had actually put a smile on my face. This diary would then be the best Love Story ever written, only because I can related to the feelings I had truely experienced, and know that it is not any fantasy.
I have to thank everyone in my life, because I believe "Everyone who got where he is, has had to begin where he was". I may not be as positive and able love without regrets if it wasn't for every single one of you. Heartbreaks are bound to appear but as long as we are aware that life has to go on and slowly build the strength to mend our hearts at our own pace, we see the better light of our life.
Coming to terms with (walking at my own pace and enjoying every scene and fresh air with every step I take) Me, (accept everyone for who he is) Myself and (simple and non-perfect) I.
Singing loudly and dancing to the tunes of: Whitney Houston - Step by Step
And this old road is rough and ruined
So many dangers along the way
So many burdens might fall upon me
So many troubles that I have to face
Oh, but I won't let my spirit fail me
Oh, I won't let my spirit go
Until I get to my destination
I'm gonna take it slowly cuz I'm making it mine
Step By Step (you know I'm taking it), bit by bit,
stone by stone, brick by brick, Step by step, day by day,
mile by mile), go your own way.
Say it, baby, don't give up
You got to hold on to what you got,
Oh, baby, don't give up,
You got to keep on moving on don't stop.
I know you're hurting, and i know you're blue,
i know you're hurting but don't let the bad things get to you.
I am a perfectionist, however I came to realize that everyone is not perfect, and with true love and willingness to compromise, you lover slowly and eventually becomes perfect enough, after all 'perfect' is a standard set by your own mind.
There is not point changing a person into someone you would for, for what he is not, with compromise and loving him for what he is, your love will grow stronger and healthy, as there is no mask to put on or worries that he would go back to his old ways. Why not settle for second best than to suffer looking for that perfect one?
Love is when you find out that you still care for that person, even after you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship. For once I can truely say I did not let myself or him down because I love them with my true heart.
Some people find it superficial to forgive the ones who hurt you the most, but had you realize that most of the times you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches? Many times we thought we had moved on, many or us fail to differentiate whether they are back walking on their feet or actually covering the distance on their knees.
The only thing I regret not doing is not things I could have done to save the relation, because I had always been true to myself and know the decision is mine and I have to live with it. The regret would actually be not having a diary to jot down all the simple things we had done together everyday, that had actually put a smile on my face. This diary would then be the best Love Story ever written, only because I can related to the feelings I had truely experienced, and know that it is not any fantasy.
I have to thank everyone in my life, because I believe "Everyone who got where he is, has had to begin where he was". I may not be as positive and able love without regrets if it wasn't for every single one of you. Heartbreaks are bound to appear but as long as we are aware that life has to go on and slowly build the strength to mend our hearts at our own pace, we see the better light of our life.
Coming to terms with (walking at my own pace and enjoying every scene and fresh air with every step I take) Me, (accept everyone for who he is) Myself and (simple and non-perfect) I.
Singing loudly and dancing to the tunes of: Whitney Houston - Step by Step
And this old road is rough and ruined
So many dangers along the way
So many burdens might fall upon me
So many troubles that I have to face
Oh, but I won't let my spirit fail me
Oh, I won't let my spirit go
Until I get to my destination
I'm gonna take it slowly cuz I'm making it mine
Step By Step (you know I'm taking it), bit by bit,
stone by stone, brick by brick, Step by step, day by day,
mile by mile), go your own way.
Say it, baby, don't give up
You got to hold on to what you got,
Oh, baby, don't give up,
You got to keep on moving on don't stop.
I know you're hurting, and i know you're blue,
i know you're hurting but don't let the bad things get to you.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
(Love Tales No. 2) Outcast
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 5Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 12:08 PM
Breakfast was a decidedly hurried affair. I tuned my mobile phone alarm to six in the morning to wash up and run down to the market to get fish porridge, soya bean drink and fried dough for Wayne's parents. It was the least I could do to show my hospitality to the elders. Both of us are so busy with work this week that we were bound to neglect them. I try to do whatever I can.
When I got back, it was already near seven. Wayne was still sleeping like a dead log. I sat close to him and whispered into his ears, "Hey, dear. It's past seven. Time to go for work."
He turned and smiled at me wistfully, "Why did you wake up so early?"
"To get breakfast."
Wayne nudged my nose gently. "Trying to score points with my parents?"
I slapped his buttocks. "I don't work with ground zero. I work with negative points. There's no burying the hatchet. It's game when their knife ends up in my back. Now, wake up."
Wayne snorted and laughed. "You make my parents sound like Monster-in-laws."
I kissed him on his cheeks. "They make Jane Fonda look like a cuddly bear."
He jumped out of bed and wrapped me in his arms. "It's scary, huh?"
I shook my head. "They still love you a lot and that's the reason why I show them the due respects. Without them, there wouldn't be you."
"I love you, Alvin. I meant every word I said."
I squeezed his arms affectionately. "Go wash up and have breakfast. Your parents are already up."
*
When Wayne's mom announced that they will be extending their stay for another week before heading back to Indonesia, Wayne almost spurted out his porridge.
I squeezed his arms to assure him. "We are more than glad to have you."
Wayne's mom eyed me with disdain. "Of course. We have to watch over our son. The apartment is his, anyway. We are always welcomed to stay here."
I plastered a smile and said, "Sure, I am going to leave for work now. Enjoy your breakfast." Wayne directed an angry glance at his mom and followed me to the door.
"Hey, don't take it to heart what my mom just said."
I hugged him and appeased his doubts. "I understand how they are feeling. They only get to see you once every year when you visit them at Indonesia. They are naturally possessive."
"I shouldn't have told them about us. The minute they know it, they decided to fly here."
"Well, at least, we have nothing to hide now. Don't worry, things will get solved."
Wayne smiled feebly and wished, "I really hope so but I must warn you my parents can be quite persistent."
"Are you sticking together with me?" I asked.
Wayne nodded.
"Good. That's all I need to know. Take care of yourself, dear. See you after work."
*
A rude shock awaited me when I returned from work. The lock and key to Wayne's apartment was changed and nobody answered the door when I rang the bell. I figured out his parents must have changed them.
I called Wayne up and told him that I will not head home and instead stay over at my place. Wayne suspected something was wrong and I pacified him with a reason that Mom missed me and asked me to head home for dinner. I didn't want an ugly confrontation between Wayne and his parents and cause additional stress to the both of them.
I walked towards the lift and gave Mum a call. "Mum, I am coming home tonight. Is it okay?"
The enthusiastic tone of my dear mother brightened my day like a lilting bird's chirp, "Alvin? Silly boy, this is your home. I will cook your favourite sesame paste. Your brother is not coming home for dinner today, though. Is Wayne coming? I will cook an extra portion for him."
"No, he is busy with work today."
"Is something wrong? You sound tired." I can never seem to hide anything from Mum.
"Nothing serious. I just missed you, that's all."
Mum cracked a laugh. "Something is definitely wrong here. You don't say things like that." I couldn't resist a giggle and said, "I will tell you when I head back. Thanks, Mom. You're the best."
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 2 of 5Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 12:08 PM
Breakfast was a decidedly hurried affair. I tuned my mobile phone alarm to six in the morning to wash up and run down to the market to get fish porridge, soya bean drink and fried dough for Wayne's parents. It was the least I could do to show my hospitality to the elders. Both of us are so busy with work this week that we were bound to neglect them. I try to do whatever I can.
When I got back, it was already near seven. Wayne was still sleeping like a dead log. I sat close to him and whispered into his ears, "Hey, dear. It's past seven. Time to go for work."
He turned and smiled at me wistfully, "Why did you wake up so early?"
"To get breakfast."
Wayne nudged my nose gently. "Trying to score points with my parents?"
I slapped his buttocks. "I don't work with ground zero. I work with negative points. There's no burying the hatchet. It's game when their knife ends up in my back. Now, wake up."
Wayne snorted and laughed. "You make my parents sound like Monster-in-laws."
I kissed him on his cheeks. "They make Jane Fonda look like a cuddly bear."
He jumped out of bed and wrapped me in his arms. "It's scary, huh?"
I shook my head. "They still love you a lot and that's the reason why I show them the due respects. Without them, there wouldn't be you."
"I love you, Alvin. I meant every word I said."
I squeezed his arms affectionately. "Go wash up and have breakfast. Your parents are already up."
*
When Wayne's mom announced that they will be extending their stay for another week before heading back to Indonesia, Wayne almost spurted out his porridge.
I squeezed his arms to assure him. "We are more than glad to have you."
Wayne's mom eyed me with disdain. "Of course. We have to watch over our son. The apartment is his, anyway. We are always welcomed to stay here."
I plastered a smile and said, "Sure, I am going to leave for work now. Enjoy your breakfast." Wayne directed an angry glance at his mom and followed me to the door.
"Hey, don't take it to heart what my mom just said."
I hugged him and appeased his doubts. "I understand how they are feeling. They only get to see you once every year when you visit them at Indonesia. They are naturally possessive."
"I shouldn't have told them about us. The minute they know it, they decided to fly here."
"Well, at least, we have nothing to hide now. Don't worry, things will get solved."
Wayne smiled feebly and wished, "I really hope so but I must warn you my parents can be quite persistent."
"Are you sticking together with me?" I asked.
Wayne nodded.
"Good. That's all I need to know. Take care of yourself, dear. See you after work."
*
A rude shock awaited me when I returned from work. The lock and key to Wayne's apartment was changed and nobody answered the door when I rang the bell. I figured out his parents must have changed them.
I called Wayne up and told him that I will not head home and instead stay over at my place. Wayne suspected something was wrong and I pacified him with a reason that Mom missed me and asked me to head home for dinner. I didn't want an ugly confrontation between Wayne and his parents and cause additional stress to the both of them.
I walked towards the lift and gave Mum a call. "Mum, I am coming home tonight. Is it okay?"
The enthusiastic tone of my dear mother brightened my day like a lilting bird's chirp, "Alvin? Silly boy, this is your home. I will cook your favourite sesame paste. Your brother is not coming home for dinner today, though. Is Wayne coming? I will cook an extra portion for him."
"No, he is busy with work today."
"Is something wrong? You sound tired." I can never seem to hide anything from Mum.
"Nothing serious. I just missed you, that's all."
Mum cracked a laugh. "Something is definitely wrong here. You don't say things like that." I couldn't resist a giggle and said, "I will tell you when I head back. Thanks, Mom. You're the best."
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
(Issue 47) Cinq: solitaire: Insecte
I return to Singapore feeling Great and Single, things went smoothly during this vacation break of mine, and I was surprise that I manage to cut off all desires to start a relationship, well, at least until 3 days before I return to China.
During my vacation, several rejections were made and I was proud of myself. I was having my last clubbing night with all my friends and my "Femme" (shorthand for the Fashionable Female version of Me) before I leave for work again. Everyone was happy for me, being able to tide over the relation everyone would had thought it would last. Knowing that it would be another six months before I could party again, a friend who decided to help me get my flirting mood back on track again. I was barely interested.
Things changed when he appeared beside me, and I quickly took up my friend's changellge to make a move on him. It was not long before we kissed, maybe even before knowing his name, Nete. The kiss was passionated and I started to panic as the game went beyond my expectation. Quickly I turned to my "Femme" for her most honest opinion, "Bro, just take the offer (ONS) as long as you make it clear that you will be flying off soon. But remember not to put in any feelings and get yourself hurt again." Well, basically that is what I want to hear, so we headed home after the club closes.
Sweet Nete offered to cook something light for me while I was showering. We only manage to wake up in the late afternoon and his friends dropped by with lunch around dinner time. We all sat around and chatted, then they offer to have me tag along to watch a movie together, one event followed by another. I woke up to a familiar face again, and nothing feels better than to watch Nete sleep. I managed to change into something fresh before heading out to meet my friends a 12 hours prior to my flight back. He tagged along.
Everyone was fun, and soon we realize that all our together time had to come to an end as I was hours away from my flight, the heavy downpour made it harder as it was a perfect excuse to remain under the sheather longer.
It was until I was lying on the bed at home, the unwanted lonely feeling that I had been trying to avoid for the past few months hit me again. I quickly called my "Femme" on speed dial and you can sense the strong tone of "I warned you so" in every word she said.
I was happy that he thought there is a possibility for us but I was quickly pulled back into the reality that I am not ready for another tedious LDR. I blamed myself as I mislead him badly, and felt more guilty after knowing more things about him. Although I beat around the bush, but I was sure the rejection was hard. The entire story would take hours to elaborate but we know one way or another the timing was simply wrong.
Nete, smiles, I do hope that we can be friends as promise and do not feel awkward when we next meet each other.
Coming to terms with (guilty) Me, (should have taken my "Femme" seriously) Myself and (lost) I.
Singing to the tunes of: 周杰伦 - 退后
我知道你我都没有错, 只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺, 全被时间扑了空
我知道们都没有错, 只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情会一定带去
Translation: Step Back - "I know neither you nor I were wrong,
Its just that we only forgot to step back.
Pledging sincerely with the promise,
but yet failed to get what I want by time
I know we are not wrong
It is only that we will be better off letting go
The most beautiful love, will continue in my memory"
During my vacation, several rejections were made and I was proud of myself. I was having my last clubbing night with all my friends and my "Femme" (shorthand for the Fashionable Female version of Me) before I leave for work again. Everyone was happy for me, being able to tide over the relation everyone would had thought it would last. Knowing that it would be another six months before I could party again, a friend who decided to help me get my flirting mood back on track again. I was barely interested.
Things changed when he appeared beside me, and I quickly took up my friend's changellge to make a move on him. It was not long before we kissed, maybe even before knowing his name, Nete. The kiss was passionated and I started to panic as the game went beyond my expectation. Quickly I turned to my "Femme" for her most honest opinion, "Bro, just take the offer (ONS) as long as you make it clear that you will be flying off soon. But remember not to put in any feelings and get yourself hurt again." Well, basically that is what I want to hear, so we headed home after the club closes.
Sweet Nete offered to cook something light for me while I was showering. We only manage to wake up in the late afternoon and his friends dropped by with lunch around dinner time. We all sat around and chatted, then they offer to have me tag along to watch a movie together, one event followed by another. I woke up to a familiar face again, and nothing feels better than to watch Nete sleep. I managed to change into something fresh before heading out to meet my friends a 12 hours prior to my flight back. He tagged along.
Everyone was fun, and soon we realize that all our together time had to come to an end as I was hours away from my flight, the heavy downpour made it harder as it was a perfect excuse to remain under the sheather longer.
It was until I was lying on the bed at home, the unwanted lonely feeling that I had been trying to avoid for the past few months hit me again. I quickly called my "Femme" on speed dial and you can sense the strong tone of "I warned you so" in every word she said.
I was happy that he thought there is a possibility for us but I was quickly pulled back into the reality that I am not ready for another tedious LDR. I blamed myself as I mislead him badly, and felt more guilty after knowing more things about him. Although I beat around the bush, but I was sure the rejection was hard. The entire story would take hours to elaborate but we know one way or another the timing was simply wrong.
Nete, smiles, I do hope that we can be friends as promise and do not feel awkward when we next meet each other.
Coming to terms with (guilty) Me, (should have taken my "Femme" seriously) Myself and (lost) I.
Singing to the tunes of: 周杰伦 - 退后
我知道你我都没有错, 只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺, 全被时间扑了空
我知道们都没有错, 只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情会一定带去
Translation: Step Back - "I know neither you nor I were wrong,
Its just that we only forgot to step back.
Pledging sincerely with the promise,
but yet failed to get what I want by time
I know we are not wrong
It is only that we will be better off letting go
The most beautiful love, will continue in my memory"
Friday, April 20, 2007
(Love Tales No. 2) Hand in Hand
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Stigma82. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
(Part 1 of 5) Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 12:08 PM
To my dearest mom for everything. I love you.
Would I be standing here
After all these years
Among the stars above
Maybe not, if it wasn't for your love
Smiling faces all around
Like when a king that has just been crowned
A battle has been won
That I'd have lost
If it wasn't for your love
A fairy tale unfolds
More true than stories I've been told
At last my chance to shine
And all in perfect time
The life I once dreamed of
Who'd have thought
If it wasn't for your love
And oh the wonderful surprise
To have a light so bright it blinds my eyes
And finally I see, how it feels to live a dream
But would I have touched the sky
Ever flown so high
No not i, if it wasn't for your love
Heather Headley : If It wasn't for your love
I closed the door gingerly, careful not to let the jingle of the keys rouse Wayne's parents. My eyes peered into the darkness of the living room and I was immediately reassured by the emptiness of the house.
They are out for dinner. Thank God.
Without wasting a minute, I dragged my tired body as fast as I could to my room, picked up a new set of clothes and headed straight to the bathroom to ease the fatigue gathered from today's hectic work. Fearing that I would bump into Wayne's parents, I quickly showered and rushed straight to the comforting privacy of my room. I dried my hair with the towel and propped myself on the bed, massaging my aching muscles. I dimmed the light from the table lamp and closed my eyes.
My mind silently whispered, "This is only going to be for a week. I can do it for both Wayne and my sake."
Just when my eyes were on the verge of closing, the creaking sound of the door woke me up. I recognized Wayne's familiar voice and he sounded a little frustrated, "Mom and Dad, you know I am not going to talk to you about this. I know it is hard for you to accept Alvin but I am already 35. I am old enough to know what I want."
Wayne's mom cried, "Can't you change for us? You are the eldest and I expect you to be more sensible. I thought you were only confused for a period but now it seems you are very serious with that guy."
Wayne groaned, "It's been five years now. Haven't you given up? I thought the two of you had understood us. You know, I was initially against the idea of the four of us bunking together but Alvin pleaded me to do it. He doesn't want the two of you to stay in a hotel. The hostile way you treated him at dinner yesterday was really uncalled for."
"Wayne, how can you talk to us in this manner? We are your parents! We naturally want what is good for you." The anger in Wayne's father was blatant in his inflection.
There was a pregnant silence and it was defused abruptly by Wayne. "I can give in to you on anything but in matters that concern my personal happiness, I am sorry. I love the two of you all and I know it hurts to have a homosexual for a son, but this is who I am. I am happy about who I am."
A shuffle of footsteps followed. Wayne's dad called out, "Where do you think you are going?"
Wayne replied, "I am going to Alvin's room to sleep tonight. I think I really need him after all this angry talk. By the way, he paid for the air-con in the guest-room for the two of you to have a nice stay. I don't think he deserves any of the nasty things you said to me in the lift."
Just before Wayne pushed open the door to my room, I switched off the night lamp and pretended to fall asleep. Wayne closed the door slowly with a heavy sigh. He looked tired and depressed as he loosened his tie and sat beside me.
Wayne bent down and gave an affectionate peck on my cheeks. "Why, pretending to fall asleep?" I opened my eyes and knew I couldn't fool Wayne. I clasped his face and we exchanged a full kiss that reminded me how much I love him. My eyelids fluttered open as I smiled and said, "Thank you."
He arched an eyebrow and stroked my nose. "Why thank me?"
"For standing by me and defending me in front of your parents. I am so sorry to cause so much unhappiness between you and your family."
He edged closer and rested the full length of his body beside mine. Taking me into his arms, he caressed my hair and said softly, "Don't be silly. It's my choice to be with you."
I drew closer and said, "Do you regret it?"
He frowned. "No, of course not. We've been together for five years. I don't regret a single moment. The happiness is real."
His declaration sent an arrow of poignancy inside me. My eyes became wet as I added, "I never regret it as long as you are happy."
He grinned. "That's why I love you so much. You can stomach a boring, average-looking guy like me."
I chuckled and smeared my tears. "I am no hunk either. It's not a beauty contest. I just want a simple guy who has the right attitude. You fit the bill."
"Sometimes I wonder what a cute guy like you is doing with me," he confessed honestly.
"Don't you know the most beautiful people are the least insecure?"
Wayne rolled his eyes and laughed wryly. "I should count myself so lucky."
I drew his lips into an urgent kiss that warmed my cheeks instantly. The heat and the exquisite gentleness of the slick friction between our rolling tongues took our breath away. Wayne moaned in pleasure as I slipped my hands down and cupped his thickening bulge.
"I confirm my statement once again: I am lucky." He sighed.
My tongue swirled around his earlobe slowly. "I love you for your sense of humour."
His eyelids fluttered shut as he gasped, "Please continue with your compliments."
My palm sneaked under his shirt and stroked the wide expanse of his chest. His breathing accelerated as I tongued his right nipple in deliberate slowness. I unbuttoned his shirt to rain kisses softly on his smooth torso and nipped gently the soft skin around his navel.
Wayne proposed seductively, "Can I expect more to come?"
I faced him and smiled apologetically, "No. Your parents are here."
"That's what you said yesterday."
I kissed him lightly and he groaned in sexual frustration. "You wouldn't want your parents to hear you moaning in ecstasy, right? They will shoot you in the head."
"Six more days to release," he grunted.
I nodded and laughed. "Yes, just six more days. Come on, be a considerate son."
"It's hard. The pun is intended, FYI." Wayne gyrated his hips playfully against mine.
I sympathized with his agony. "I am sorry. I wish I could help more but it's D-I-Y in the toilet."
"Yes, dear. But can you give me some more kisses? Hot, long ones." Wayne implored pitifully like a puppy.
"Your wish is my command," I lowered my head and continued to show him how much I love him.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Stigma82. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
(Part 1 of 5) Written and Publish on Sep 9 2005, 12:08 PM
To my dearest mom for everything. I love you.
Would I be standing here
After all these years
Among the stars above
Maybe not, if it wasn't for your love
Smiling faces all around
Like when a king that has just been crowned
A battle has been won
That I'd have lost
If it wasn't for your love
A fairy tale unfolds
More true than stories I've been told
At last my chance to shine
And all in perfect time
The life I once dreamed of
Who'd have thought
If it wasn't for your love
And oh the wonderful surprise
To have a light so bright it blinds my eyes
And finally I see, how it feels to live a dream
But would I have touched the sky
Ever flown so high
No not i, if it wasn't for your love
Heather Headley : If It wasn't for your love
I closed the door gingerly, careful not to let the jingle of the keys rouse Wayne's parents. My eyes peered into the darkness of the living room and I was immediately reassured by the emptiness of the house.
They are out for dinner. Thank God.
Without wasting a minute, I dragged my tired body as fast as I could to my room, picked up a new set of clothes and headed straight to the bathroom to ease the fatigue gathered from today's hectic work. Fearing that I would bump into Wayne's parents, I quickly showered and rushed straight to the comforting privacy of my room. I dried my hair with the towel and propped myself on the bed, massaging my aching muscles. I dimmed the light from the table lamp and closed my eyes.
My mind silently whispered, "This is only going to be for a week. I can do it for both Wayne and my sake."
Just when my eyes were on the verge of closing, the creaking sound of the door woke me up. I recognized Wayne's familiar voice and he sounded a little frustrated, "Mom and Dad, you know I am not going to talk to you about this. I know it is hard for you to accept Alvin but I am already 35. I am old enough to know what I want."
Wayne's mom cried, "Can't you change for us? You are the eldest and I expect you to be more sensible. I thought you were only confused for a period but now it seems you are very serious with that guy."
Wayne groaned, "It's been five years now. Haven't you given up? I thought the two of you had understood us. You know, I was initially against the idea of the four of us bunking together but Alvin pleaded me to do it. He doesn't want the two of you to stay in a hotel. The hostile way you treated him at dinner yesterday was really uncalled for."
"Wayne, how can you talk to us in this manner? We are your parents! We naturally want what is good for you." The anger in Wayne's father was blatant in his inflection.
There was a pregnant silence and it was defused abruptly by Wayne. "I can give in to you on anything but in matters that concern my personal happiness, I am sorry. I love the two of you all and I know it hurts to have a homosexual for a son, but this is who I am. I am happy about who I am."
A shuffle of footsteps followed. Wayne's dad called out, "Where do you think you are going?"
Wayne replied, "I am going to Alvin's room to sleep tonight. I think I really need him after all this angry talk. By the way, he paid for the air-con in the guest-room for the two of you to have a nice stay. I don't think he deserves any of the nasty things you said to me in the lift."
Just before Wayne pushed open the door to my room, I switched off the night lamp and pretended to fall asleep. Wayne closed the door slowly with a heavy sigh. He looked tired and depressed as he loosened his tie and sat beside me.
Wayne bent down and gave an affectionate peck on my cheeks. "Why, pretending to fall asleep?" I opened my eyes and knew I couldn't fool Wayne. I clasped his face and we exchanged a full kiss that reminded me how much I love him. My eyelids fluttered open as I smiled and said, "Thank you."
He arched an eyebrow and stroked my nose. "Why thank me?"
"For standing by me and defending me in front of your parents. I am so sorry to cause so much unhappiness between you and your family."
He edged closer and rested the full length of his body beside mine. Taking me into his arms, he caressed my hair and said softly, "Don't be silly. It's my choice to be with you."
I drew closer and said, "Do you regret it?"
He frowned. "No, of course not. We've been together for five years. I don't regret a single moment. The happiness is real."
His declaration sent an arrow of poignancy inside me. My eyes became wet as I added, "I never regret it as long as you are happy."
He grinned. "That's why I love you so much. You can stomach a boring, average-looking guy like me."
I chuckled and smeared my tears. "I am no hunk either. It's not a beauty contest. I just want a simple guy who has the right attitude. You fit the bill."
"Sometimes I wonder what a cute guy like you is doing with me," he confessed honestly.
"Don't you know the most beautiful people are the least insecure?"
Wayne rolled his eyes and laughed wryly. "I should count myself so lucky."
I drew his lips into an urgent kiss that warmed my cheeks instantly. The heat and the exquisite gentleness of the slick friction between our rolling tongues took our breath away. Wayne moaned in pleasure as I slipped my hands down and cupped his thickening bulge.
"I confirm my statement once again: I am lucky." He sighed.
My tongue swirled around his earlobe slowly. "I love you for your sense of humour."
His eyelids fluttered shut as he gasped, "Please continue with your compliments."
My palm sneaked under his shirt and stroked the wide expanse of his chest. His breathing accelerated as I tongued his right nipple in deliberate slowness. I unbuttoned his shirt to rain kisses softly on his smooth torso and nipped gently the soft skin around his navel.
Wayne proposed seductively, "Can I expect more to come?"
I faced him and smiled apologetically, "No. Your parents are here."
"That's what you said yesterday."
I kissed him lightly and he groaned in sexual frustration. "You wouldn't want your parents to hear you moaning in ecstasy, right? They will shoot you in the head."
"Six more days to release," he grunted.
I nodded and laughed. "Yes, just six more days. Come on, be a considerate son."
"It's hard. The pun is intended, FYI." Wayne gyrated his hips playfully against mine.
I sympathized with his agony. "I am sorry. I wish I could help more but it's D-I-Y in the toilet."
"Yes, dear. But can you give me some more kisses? Hot, long ones." Wayne implored pitifully like a puppy.
"Your wish is my command," I lowered my head and continued to show him how much I love him.
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Stigma82. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
(Issue 46) Quatre: séparé: Petit
I wasn't very much prepared to fall back in love after my 'in between relation' with Savur, as I was revaluing myself and wondering what is the reason behind my thrice failure in being a couple. I was also enjoying my single hood with my soul-mates clubbing and club-hopping all around town, and then it happened.
We party all night long over at Happy and decided to hop over to Onxy for another round of booze and dance. And it was there when one of our friends happen to bump into Peit. He introduced himself to each and everyone of us and by the time he approached me to introduce himself, the door bitch is ready to accept my cold hard cash, but this unfamiliar hand, pushed it away with his credit card. I objected the offer but the senseless door bitch, still charged my entry on him.
He insisted on paying the tab and as a friendly gesture I brought him drinks. However, it didn't stop him from outdoing me, as he didn't stop the flow of drinks on his own tab. I was high and drunk sooner than I thought. It was at the end of the party when we decided to kick some alcohol out of my head by walking a distance to take a cab. That was when he introduced himself in depth.
Before we headed home, he asked for my number and we exchanged. After which was our countless dates and courtship. We became an item soon enough and things moved smoothly with him and his straight friends. However the commonalities among of of his friends is that they would warn me not to hurt Peit or play with his heart. I was relieved everytime I heard this remark, as it could also meant that he is a good catch. I was more than ready to commit myself into a serious relationship that would last forever in my mind.
Although we often argue but either one of us will take the initiative to compromise, everything was smooth and we even took holidays trips together to neighboring countries. Our relation was then put into a test when we were separated as I have to change my work environment from Singapore to China. We were separated by 3 hours flight and soon realize that trust and faith comes in more than compromise in a Long Distance Relationship.
I was touched by his gesture to fly over and visit me for a week even when I did not have anytime to accompany him. I was more than impressed by his attitude towards my dad and sister over in China, who knew my sexuality but decided to keep it to themselves. However, Peit gave me a call days after our one year anniversary. I was shocked by his question on "What will I do to satisfy my needs?", I was shocked and I told him that I hardly hard time for myself which he can tell from his visit to China. But the more important statement came after my reply, "It is difficult to have a bf who is not physically there for you went you need him,....Let's breakup". I forgot everything he said in between those sentences, as I start to realize that his first question wasn't about sexual needs alone, there is this emotional and physical presence I couldn't give him. "Peit, I'm sorry, but it is not the right moment to discuss about this. Please think it over and I will call you back in an hour".
I was buying time as I didn't want him to make any rush decisions. However at the same time, I was also more than ready to let go, as I couldn't bear to see the one I love suffer. It seems selfish of me to hold on to him when I can't provide what he wants. I return the call and he was firm with the decision. I agreed and we parted peacefully.
Peit, I learned a lot about compromise, trust and faith from you and also know my limits as a boyfriend. Glad that you came into my life and gave me those wonderful memories I will hardly forget.
Coming to terms with (still working overseas) Me, (am not ready to commit in any relation yet) Myself and (content with my present status) I.
Singing in the rain to the tunes of: 蔡依林 - 柠檬草的味道
"毕竟用尽了力气也未必如愿总是要过去以后才了解
突然我记起你的脸爱不爱不过一念之间
绕一圈今天的我能和昨天面对面
我们都没错只是不适合亲爱的我当时不懂得
选择是我的不是你给的明天自己负责"
Translation: Smell of Lemon Grass - "After all, I might not get what I wanted even if I used all my strength
I always only understood after the event has passed
Suddenly I remembered your face
To love or not is simply depends on a thought; I traveled around once
Today, I can face myself from yesterday
We are not wrong; we are just incompatible
My dear; I don't understand at the time
The choice is mine; it is not what you gave me
I have to be responsible for my own tomorrow"
We party all night long over at Happy and decided to hop over to Onxy for another round of booze and dance. And it was there when one of our friends happen to bump into Peit. He introduced himself to each and everyone of us and by the time he approached me to introduce himself, the door bitch is ready to accept my cold hard cash, but this unfamiliar hand, pushed it away with his credit card. I objected the offer but the senseless door bitch, still charged my entry on him.
He insisted on paying the tab and as a friendly gesture I brought him drinks. However, it didn't stop him from outdoing me, as he didn't stop the flow of drinks on his own tab. I was high and drunk sooner than I thought. It was at the end of the party when we decided to kick some alcohol out of my head by walking a distance to take a cab. That was when he introduced himself in depth.
Before we headed home, he asked for my number and we exchanged. After which was our countless dates and courtship. We became an item soon enough and things moved smoothly with him and his straight friends. However the commonalities among of of his friends is that they would warn me not to hurt Peit or play with his heart. I was relieved everytime I heard this remark, as it could also meant that he is a good catch. I was more than ready to commit myself into a serious relationship that would last forever in my mind.
Although we often argue but either one of us will take the initiative to compromise, everything was smooth and we even took holidays trips together to neighboring countries. Our relation was then put into a test when we were separated as I have to change my work environment from Singapore to China. We were separated by 3 hours flight and soon realize that trust and faith comes in more than compromise in a Long Distance Relationship.
I was touched by his gesture to fly over and visit me for a week even when I did not have anytime to accompany him. I was more than impressed by his attitude towards my dad and sister over in China, who knew my sexuality but decided to keep it to themselves. However, Peit gave me a call days after our one year anniversary. I was shocked by his question on "What will I do to satisfy my needs?", I was shocked and I told him that I hardly hard time for myself which he can tell from his visit to China. But the more important statement came after my reply, "It is difficult to have a bf who is not physically there for you went you need him,....Let's breakup". I forgot everything he said in between those sentences, as I start to realize that his first question wasn't about sexual needs alone, there is this emotional and physical presence I couldn't give him. "Peit, I'm sorry, but it is not the right moment to discuss about this. Please think it over and I will call you back in an hour".
I was buying time as I didn't want him to make any rush decisions. However at the same time, I was also more than ready to let go, as I couldn't bear to see the one I love suffer. It seems selfish of me to hold on to him when I can't provide what he wants. I return the call and he was firm with the decision. I agreed and we parted peacefully.
Peit, I learned a lot about compromise, trust and faith from you and also know my limits as a boyfriend. Glad that you came into my life and gave me those wonderful memories I will hardly forget.
Coming to terms with (still working overseas) Me, (am not ready to commit in any relation yet) Myself and (content with my present status) I.
Singing in the rain to the tunes of: 蔡依林 - 柠檬草的味道
"毕竟用尽了力气也未必如愿总是要过去以后才了解
突然我记起你的脸爱不爱不过一念之间
绕一圈今天的我能和昨天面对面
我们都没错只是不适合亲爱的我当时不懂得
选择是我的不是你给的明天自己负责"
Translation: Smell of Lemon Grass - "After all, I might not get what I wanted even if I used all my strength
I always only understood after the event has passed
Suddenly I remembered your face
To love or not is simply depends on a thought; I traveled around once
Today, I can face myself from yesterday
We are not wrong; we are just incompatible
My dear; I don't understand at the time
The choice is mine; it is not what you gave me
I have to be responsible for my own tomorrow"
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
(Love Tales 1) Part 14 Conclusion (End)
Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.
Written and Publish on Oct 11 2005, 12:50 AM
Hendrix was standing outside his BMW with a bouquet of purple tulips when JD walked out of his apartment. JD smiled and shook his head when he saw Hendrix, he walked towards Hendrix and Hendrix said with a big smile, "For you, I am still figuring what type of flowers do you like?"
JD quipped, "I am not a girl lah, why kept sending me flowers? Anyway, I like roses, red to be specific." Hendrix opened the car door for JD and said, "Ok! Got it. You will receive a bouquet of red roses everyday from tomorrow onwards."
JD had a very enjoying chat with Hendrix on the way to his office, he felt comfortable knowing Hendrix on a deeper level. He was thankful that Hendrix is here for him. They agreed to do dinner later that night.
JD walked briskly to his cubicle with the eye catching bouquet, attracting the stares and admiration from his colleagues. Before he could sit down at his seat, Robbie came rushing over, "Flowers again? Whoa, this time is purple tulips! What is his profession? Florist?"
JD gave a light slap on Robbie's palm and said sweetly, "Don't be such a bitch! He is in the legal practice, mind you." "Oh, what's the big deal? As if he is going to press charges against me for saying he might be a florist. FYI, I have dated lawyers as well!" Robbie bitched back.
Both of them were joking when Kai walked pass, ignoring them even when Robbie called out to him. Robbie looked at JD with a knowing look and asked, "He is now officially a defeat in this game. Serves him right for fooling around so often. I definitely stand by your decision to choose that florist!"
JD was on the phone when he saw Kai walked over to Robbie's cubicle, he looked at his watch and saw it was already evening. Curiously, JD walked over after he got off the phone. He overheard their conversation.
"Robbie, I know you must have said something nasty about me to JD. I don't appreciate that. What had happened between us was essentially a one night stand, you know jolly well. When that night was over, we were over. You shouldn't have tried to drive a wedge between me and JD!"
"Kai, you think too highly of yourself. I had ONS with you simply because I was horny that time. Nothing more! Furthermore, you don't need me to play the hypocrite, JD can see through you himself. He is not like those you had fooled with, JD is a smart boy. FYI, the hunk he is seeing now is way better than you, your highness!"
JD decided not to disturb them and walked silently back to his cubicle. He had always suspected that Robbie might had flings with Kai before but never had the chance to confirm his suspicions. But he did not felt angry towards Kai either. After Kai pushed him to the floor and left him at the park last night, he knew this guy is definitely not for him.
He started packing up, with a smile on his face. He is looking forward to the dinner date with Hendrix, his first official dinner date with Hendrix.
"Finally, we got to do dinner. This is our first date! I hope you see it as a date too!" Hendrix said excitedly when he picked JD up later.
"Yes, this is our first dinner date and more to come if you perform well tonight." JD replied with a wink. "I will make sure I give my best performance!" replied Hendrix. Both of them smiled at each other and drove off in Hendrix's silver BMW.
Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.
Written and Publish on Oct 11 2005, 12:50 AM
Hendrix was standing outside his BMW with a bouquet of purple tulips when JD walked out of his apartment. JD smiled and shook his head when he saw Hendrix, he walked towards Hendrix and Hendrix said with a big smile, "For you, I am still figuring what type of flowers do you like?"
JD quipped, "I am not a girl lah, why kept sending me flowers? Anyway, I like roses, red to be specific." Hendrix opened the car door for JD and said, "Ok! Got it. You will receive a bouquet of red roses everyday from tomorrow onwards."
JD had a very enjoying chat with Hendrix on the way to his office, he felt comfortable knowing Hendrix on a deeper level. He was thankful that Hendrix is here for him. They agreed to do dinner later that night.
JD walked briskly to his cubicle with the eye catching bouquet, attracting the stares and admiration from his colleagues. Before he could sit down at his seat, Robbie came rushing over, "Flowers again? Whoa, this time is purple tulips! What is his profession? Florist?"
JD gave a light slap on Robbie's palm and said sweetly, "Don't be such a bitch! He is in the legal practice, mind you." "Oh, what's the big deal? As if he is going to press charges against me for saying he might be a florist. FYI, I have dated lawyers as well!" Robbie bitched back.
Both of them were joking when Kai walked pass, ignoring them even when Robbie called out to him. Robbie looked at JD with a knowing look and asked, "He is now officially a defeat in this game. Serves him right for fooling around so often. I definitely stand by your decision to choose that florist!"
JD was on the phone when he saw Kai walked over to Robbie's cubicle, he looked at his watch and saw it was already evening. Curiously, JD walked over after he got off the phone. He overheard their conversation.
"Robbie, I know you must have said something nasty about me to JD. I don't appreciate that. What had happened between us was essentially a one night stand, you know jolly well. When that night was over, we were over. You shouldn't have tried to drive a wedge between me and JD!"
"Kai, you think too highly of yourself. I had ONS with you simply because I was horny that time. Nothing more! Furthermore, you don't need me to play the hypocrite, JD can see through you himself. He is not like those you had fooled with, JD is a smart boy. FYI, the hunk he is seeing now is way better than you, your highness!"
JD decided not to disturb them and walked silently back to his cubicle. He had always suspected that Robbie might had flings with Kai before but never had the chance to confirm his suspicions. But he did not felt angry towards Kai either. After Kai pushed him to the floor and left him at the park last night, he knew this guy is definitely not for him.
He started packing up, with a smile on his face. He is looking forward to the dinner date with Hendrix, his first official dinner date with Hendrix.
"Finally, we got to do dinner. This is our first date! I hope you see it as a date too!" Hendrix said excitedly when he picked JD up later.
"Yes, this is our first dinner date and more to come if you perform well tonight." JD replied with a wink. "I will make sure I give my best performance!" replied Hendrix. Both of them smiled at each other and drove off in Hendrix's silver BMW.
Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
(Issue 45) Trois: rêveur: Saveur
Savur was my first in between and the story begins at Happy again. I was clubbing and having fun, after deciding to brave the audience who seen my 'stage-play' I had with Ensoé a couple of weeks ago. It was towards the end of the night that Cason told me that there is this cute guy at the bar drinking with a girl. I can tell from Cason face how interested he was, and at the very next moment, Cason asked me to approach him and introduce the both of them.
Deep in my mind was, what the heck, nothing could be even more embarrassing than what had happened the other night. So I approached him and introduced myself and he replied, "Hi, I am Savur", with an accent, and from this close distance I realized his charm. I followed the conversion with a survey on his status, etc. Then soon after I hinted Cason it is time to step in, and I introduced the both of them and excuse myself to the loo. When I return, Cason wanted me to help him get Savur's number while he excuse himself to the loo. "Savur, Cason is interested in you and wishes to have your number. Do you mind?" Savur gave me his number and when I am about to leave the bar, he got hold of me and ask, "Hey, what is your number then?" I felt flattered and gave him my number.
To my surprise, I received a message from Savur the next night while I was partying with my "Femme" (shorthand for the Female version of Me), I asked him about Cason but the topic was changed by this with his charming flirting. By the end of the night, he drop the question, by asking me to join him over at Sentosa, as he and his "Femme" got a free room from the groom and bride. I decided to drop by since there is someone else present.
We spent our night at the beach, laying on deck chairs, looking at the stars and drinking a heavy mix of alcohol. The night was beautiful but sunrise came in an hour or two. I decided to head home as the bright sun shone upon my tired and half sober face.
It was soon we started going out for simple meals and both of us make sure that we do not mention the word "Love" even as we sang our favorite tune "Fly to the Moon". things went smoothly and we were sure whether to confirm one another. Both of us Sagi, found our commonalities and topics. He occupation had always been my dream and his office is breath-taking.
Soon we found out that we have a unexpected common 'friend', which leads to mild embarrassment. Things started to change slowly, there was an unexpected drift, but since we did not commit, at least things were not so awkward for us. We soon became friends which you meet at least once a year for a simple dinner alone together. Although the hugs and kisses were gone, but that special care for one another is still present.
Coming to terms with (sometimes it is better to remain as friends than partners) Me, (had wondered what things would be like being a couple) Myself and (my secret affair everyone heard of but doesn't have a face to attach it to) I.
Smiling happily every time I hear: Frank Sinatra - Fly me to the moon
Fly me to the moon, And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like, On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand, In other words darling kiss me
Fill my life with song, And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for, All I worship and adore
In other words please be true, In other words I love you
Deep in my mind was, what the heck, nothing could be even more embarrassing than what had happened the other night. So I approached him and introduced myself and he replied, "Hi, I am Savur", with an accent, and from this close distance I realized his charm. I followed the conversion with a survey on his status, etc. Then soon after I hinted Cason it is time to step in, and I introduced the both of them and excuse myself to the loo. When I return, Cason wanted me to help him get Savur's number while he excuse himself to the loo. "Savur, Cason is interested in you and wishes to have your number. Do you mind?" Savur gave me his number and when I am about to leave the bar, he got hold of me and ask, "Hey, what is your number then?" I felt flattered and gave him my number.
To my surprise, I received a message from Savur the next night while I was partying with my "Femme" (shorthand for the Female version of Me), I asked him about Cason but the topic was changed by this with his charming flirting. By the end of the night, he drop the question, by asking me to join him over at Sentosa, as he and his "Femme" got a free room from the groom and bride. I decided to drop by since there is someone else present.
We spent our night at the beach, laying on deck chairs, looking at the stars and drinking a heavy mix of alcohol. The night was beautiful but sunrise came in an hour or two. I decided to head home as the bright sun shone upon my tired and half sober face.
It was soon we started going out for simple meals and both of us make sure that we do not mention the word "Love" even as we sang our favorite tune "Fly to the Moon". things went smoothly and we were sure whether to confirm one another. Both of us Sagi, found our commonalities and topics. He occupation had always been my dream and his office is breath-taking.
Soon we found out that we have a unexpected common 'friend', which leads to mild embarrassment. Things started to change slowly, there was an unexpected drift, but since we did not commit, at least things were not so awkward for us. We soon became friends which you meet at least once a year for a simple dinner alone together. Although the hugs and kisses were gone, but that special care for one another is still present.
Coming to terms with (sometimes it is better to remain as friends than partners) Me, (had wondered what things would be like being a couple) Myself and (my secret affair everyone heard of but doesn't have a face to attach it to) I.
Smiling happily every time I hear: Frank Sinatra - Fly me to the moon
Fly me to the moon, And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like, On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand, In other words darling kiss me
Fill my life with song, And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for, All I worship and adore
In other words please be true, In other words I love you
Monday, April 16, 2007
(High Defination 5) Dirt
Featuring: Courteney Cox as Lucy Spiller, Will McCormack, Ian Hart, Josh Stewart, Laura Allen & Jeffrey Nordling.
Show Category: Drama
About the Show:Courteney Cox stars in this new drama from FX, and also acts as an executive producer. The series follows the exploits of Lucy Spiller, an executive editor at two tabloid magazines. Lucy possesses the power to manipulate the lives of celebrities through the articles she prints in the magazine.
My Comments (4/5): Monica Courtney Cox is ready to make people forget about her Friends character with her new role as a ruthless tabloid editor who uses threats to make sure that her people run the magazine well. It shows how far you can go in order to get the story done even at the expense of others. If you are looking into Drugs, Sex, Lies and Scandal, this is your show. Her best quote,"As much as you all hate to admit it, you need me."
13episode is rather short for their first season, however they manage to make u excited over the second season by reuniting old 'Friend', Jennifer Aniston into the show with a couple of unsolved twist at Season's One Finale.
TV Promo:
Show Category: Drama
About the Show:Courteney Cox stars in this new drama from FX, and also acts as an executive producer. The series follows the exploits of Lucy Spiller, an executive editor at two tabloid magazines. Lucy possesses the power to manipulate the lives of celebrities through the articles she prints in the magazine.
My Comments (4/5): Monica Courtney Cox is ready to make people forget about her Friends character with her new role as a ruthless tabloid editor who uses threats to make sure that her people run the magazine well. It shows how far you can go in order to get the story done even at the expense of others. If you are looking into Drugs, Sex, Lies and Scandal, this is your show. Her best quote,"As much as you all hate to admit it, you need me."
13episode is rather short for their first season, however they manage to make u excited over the second season by reuniting old 'Friend', Jennifer Aniston into the show with a couple of unsolved twist at Season's One Finale.
TV Promo:
Sunday, April 15, 2007
(Issue 44) Deux: lascif: Ensoleillé
Was alone in 'Happy' again, enjoying the scenes of cute guys while dancing to the tunes of George, when two guys took the courage to approach to disturb my alone time with my Cosmopolitan. I politely return them return with an unwelcoming smile and looked away to ignore their presence.
However, my hints weren't clear enough, as they continue their pursue by dancing around me. I tried to shift myself away from my favorite position (leaning against the wall, one step into the the dance floor where cute half naked guys on the podium can be clearly seen) but was 'trap' by them. So I politely pushed them aside and try to enjoy the music will hanging on to my Cosmo just in case it spill on my white top.
Ensoé quickly took this opportunity to introduced himself and his friend, Ax. He told me that Ax is interested in getting to know me. I was smiled and introduced myself and continue my dance. Ax, got the hint and was prepared to move away, but Ensoé grasp Ax by the hand and showed off his skills. He continue dancing around me and brushes my hand with his. I quickly sallowed the entire glass Cosmo in one single breathe and pass the server my empty glass, as I could wait to insert both my hands into my own jeans pocket. Ensoé started to change his tactics to having small talks. I replied, I guess after all it is the flattery that refrained me from walking out the club or shoo him off in his face.
What interested me was not their appearance, but Ensoé confidence and 'cockiness'. You can see from their gestures that Ax takes Ensoé lessons seriously, like a student to a teacher. As I was replying to my sms, Ensoé asked for my number and I didn't hesitate I gave a fake, an being an 'expert' he reached for my phone, gave himself a missed call and replied " This is my number". Surprise, shocked and amused, he attracted me in some weird way.
Messages started coming for the passed few days. I was alone and trying to recover from my past relation with Cason, therefore I agreed to go on a first date. He was sweet and caring, which leads to subsequent dates. Our dates become sweeter and everything was perfect, as he was caring and loving. The weird thing is that every time I bunk over, there is the presence of his room mate, therefore I restricted our moments to pure kissing only. What didn't match was also our sex drive, my desire was low (maybe because that was why I wasn't attracted to him the first place, not that he is below average but he is just not my type). The other reason to my low drive was the presence of his room mate and male landlord. Slowly this drift us apart, and even was the topic among his friends. I just replied them that I am aware of satisfying the needs (but what they didn't know is that I have to do it at my own comfort zone).
Soon, I found out that he wasn't a "Vanilla". I got afraid and decided to move on without him. As it was the first time for me to request a breakup, I didn't know what to do. At first our messages started to turn cold from my side, then after a couple of days I called and asked for a breakup. Things didn't turn out great, in fact it was ugly.
As the weekend approached, his friend Ax asked me for a drink, and since I was already planning to head down to Happy alone, I accepted his offer. It was then I happened to bumped onto Ensoé and we provided the customers with a bit of daytime soap opera.
Ensoé, up till now I am still very sorry for breaking your heart and I hope we can be friends again, or at least forgive me. But again, every time, I bump into you, I shy off as I worry of the drama we would create, but deep down inside I want to say I am truly sorry for what I had done.
Coming to terms with (feeling blue) Me, (still get over it) Myself and (apologetic) I.
Feeling apologetic : Blue - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
What I got to do to be heard?
What do I say when it's all over?
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
It's sad, so sad, It's a sad, sad situation.
And it's getting more and more absurd.
It's sad, so sad, Why can't we talk it over?
Oh it seems to me, That sorry seems to be the hardest word.
However, my hints weren't clear enough, as they continue their pursue by dancing around me. I tried to shift myself away from my favorite position (leaning against the wall, one step into the the dance floor where cute half naked guys on the podium can be clearly seen) but was 'trap' by them. So I politely pushed them aside and try to enjoy the music will hanging on to my Cosmo just in case it spill on my white top.
Ensoé quickly took this opportunity to introduced himself and his friend, Ax. He told me that Ax is interested in getting to know me. I was smiled and introduced myself and continue my dance. Ax, got the hint and was prepared to move away, but Ensoé grasp Ax by the hand and showed off his skills. He continue dancing around me and brushes my hand with his. I quickly sallowed the entire glass Cosmo in one single breathe and pass the server my empty glass, as I could wait to insert both my hands into my own jeans pocket. Ensoé started to change his tactics to having small talks. I replied, I guess after all it is the flattery that refrained me from walking out the club or shoo him off in his face.
What interested me was not their appearance, but Ensoé confidence and 'cockiness'. You can see from their gestures that Ax takes Ensoé lessons seriously, like a student to a teacher. As I was replying to my sms, Ensoé asked for my number and I didn't hesitate I gave a fake, an being an 'expert' he reached for my phone, gave himself a missed call and replied " This is my number". Surprise, shocked and amused, he attracted me in some weird way.
Messages started coming for the passed few days. I was alone and trying to recover from my past relation with Cason, therefore I agreed to go on a first date. He was sweet and caring, which leads to subsequent dates. Our dates become sweeter and everything was perfect, as he was caring and loving. The weird thing is that every time I bunk over, there is the presence of his room mate, therefore I restricted our moments to pure kissing only. What didn't match was also our sex drive, my desire was low (maybe because that was why I wasn't attracted to him the first place, not that he is below average but he is just not my type). The other reason to my low drive was the presence of his room mate and male landlord. Slowly this drift us apart, and even was the topic among his friends. I just replied them that I am aware of satisfying the needs (but what they didn't know is that I have to do it at my own comfort zone).
Soon, I found out that he wasn't a "Vanilla". I got afraid and decided to move on without him. As it was the first time for me to request a breakup, I didn't know what to do. At first our messages started to turn cold from my side, then after a couple of days I called and asked for a breakup. Things didn't turn out great, in fact it was ugly.
As the weekend approached, his friend Ax asked me for a drink, and since I was already planning to head down to Happy alone, I accepted his offer. It was then I happened to bumped onto Ensoé and we provided the customers with a bit of daytime soap opera.
Ensoé, up till now I am still very sorry for breaking your heart and I hope we can be friends again, or at least forgive me. But again, every time, I bump into you, I shy off as I worry of the drama we would create, but deep down inside I want to say I am truly sorry for what I had done.
Coming to terms with (feeling blue) Me, (still get over it) Myself and (apologetic) I.
Feeling apologetic : Blue - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
What I got to do to be heard?
What do I say when it's all over?
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
It's sad, so sad, It's a sad, sad situation.
And it's getting more and more absurd.
It's sad, so sad, Why can't we talk it over?
Oh it seems to me, That sorry seems to be the hardest word.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
(Booty Shaking 15) Louis Vuitton Limited Designs Series
Louis Vuitton had been always famous for their classic Monogram designs, however in 2005, Marc Jacobs and Japanese Artist Takashi Murakami (Murakami is considered one of the leaders of Japanese Neo-Pop. Famous for his colorful and cheerful enigmatic work) came out with their highly sought after limited edition Louis Vuitton Cherry Blossom Cerises, followed by their hard to find (sold out everywhere) brown and pink combo with printing of the cherry blossoms - the symbol of spring in Japan.
This year, Marc Jacobs came out with their "The Groom" that represents the “Spirit of Travel” for Men.
Years before that, Louis Vuitton came out with a patchwork picture design sewn from fabics of their various leather works. (I am unsure of the designer then and the series name, however I still manage to find 3 of their designs on the net). This year, Marc Jacobs came out with their "Louis Vuitton Tribute Patchwork Bag", which cost USD45,352, probably one of the World’s Most Expensive Handbags. I say probably because we all know that anything is possible in the accessory industry and it’s pretty easy to get up to that dollar figure - crocodile leather diamond encrusted Hermes Birkin. Personally I would go for the Birkin, but who knows some people prefer trendy (erm, can I call this bag trendy?) over classics, such as a bag from the House of Hermes.
You are probably saying in your head, “Why so much?” Personally I don’t know why, this bag is just plain ugly in my eyes. This double sided bag is designed with a collage of 15 different Louis Vuitton Handbags from the LV spring / summer and cruise lines. Which I do like (a-l-o-n-e, not cut and collaged together)
And before entering Rehab, Marc Jacobs also feature a series of 'weird' designs in his show ranging from Monogram Denim Patchwork, Monogram Dentelle (LV monogram with 18th century lace and lurex embroidery), Polka Dots Fleurs & Navy and The Rivet Bags.
Could this be his downfall designs ever for a luxury brand or a big hit? Would anyone purchase for the Name rather than the design? I truthly wonder who is their Market targets for these designs? The Rich and Attention Seeking? I could understand their SOLD OUT 2005 Louis Vuitton Cherry Blossom Cerises, because at least it is Kawaii, but the 2007 range is simply a nightmare, haa. It's just my most honest opinion. My guess that they are fighting to get on the TOP 10 List LV had hardly entered, THE TOP TEN WORST BAGS EVER. Maybe this is another way of beating the LV FAKES because I doubt the 'fakers' wouldn't take the risk to produce such hideous designs.
Friday, April 13, 2007
(Issue 43) Un: joueur: Chanson
I didn't realize until an hour ago that the lifespan of my first relation was actually less than a month instead of three months. I guess it was the wonderful memories Cason gave me that makes it almost never ending.
I remembered clearly the date we first met was also the first day I decided to step out of the closet. I wanted to experience the AJs clubbing scene to celebrate this day, therefore I took up an offer to a club outing with 'Sgy', someone I just knew from the internet. He arranged for me to meet up with his friends at a Hotel Lounge before heading down to 'Happy'.
There was an instant attraction as 'Sgy' introduce his friends to me, among which is a couple and a smart looking Cason. It was not long till I realize that 'Sgy' was also attracted to Cason, therefore I didn't pin any hopes that night. At the Lounge, we listen to live bands while slipping our martinis, out of a sudden I felt a hand touching my back as I was lying comfortably on the sofa. I paused and looked, it was Cason slipping his hand behind 'Sgy's' back, as he was sitting between us. There was a sudden rush and blush, as it was unexpected approach. I guess it was the skills of my flirting eyes that hinted him my interests.
We finished up our drinks and when Cason and his friends visited the toilet before heading out to Happy, 'Sgy' took the opportunity to ask if I was interested in Cason, as he could see his interest in me. I was delighted while awkward at the same time, my immediate response was "No, I am not". I was surprised it came out from my mouth but maybe it was to prevent any embarrassment as 'Sgy' took the courtesy to bring me out and I didn't know clearly whether there is any hidden relation between 'Sgy' and Cason.
Over at Happy, 'Sgy' got real drunk as it became clear that Cason was falling for a guy he brought along. I could understand that was hurtful to see someone you love, love someone you tag along for fun. I was sorry, so that night I restrain myself from any advances from Cason. However, when 'Sgy' visited the toilet, Cason quickly asked for my number. Without any thought, my number came out of my mouth sooner than I can 'regret'.
Actual dates followed the day after, from Karaoke Sessions with his friends to Clubs. We did even went to a fun fair and he even won me a stuffed puppy dog, it was so corny especially when we were taking the train back home (two guys in their 20s holding on the a stuffed dog, and for once we know that they are not looking at us because we are cute, haa). I would look forward to another day with him every night, and everyday seems to be sweeter than the other, however the bomb dropped when I received an unexpected message three days prior to his birthday.
"I'm actually kinda afraid tat u fall for me 2 much.. Im nt into any relationship now. N i can tell u r a nice guy. Is jus tat i wld say i treat u more like a gd frd than a lover, im sorry if tis sms had hurt u, but i dun want to lead u on further. Hope u understand.. im sorry walter. Pls forgive me..."
Tears rolled down at first, as I couldn't reached him for a verbal explanation, meet up or a follow up message. But after a couple of days, I re-read the message and start to wonder, did I misunderstood his friendship for a relationship? Was I ever his lover? Basically, what actually differentiate a "Lover" and a "Good Friend"? Could it be my desired to be loved that mistook his actions? Or is this simply a lousy breakup?
We happened to bumped into one another after a couple of months, instead of asking finding out the truth, we did not touch on that issue. I wanted him to tell me at his own timing. So we had a couple of drinks and appreciate other cute guys and the music.
Deep inside I was thankful that he did not choose to mislead me and draw a line. There are some things in life that are better left unsaid and unexplained, especially since you had already learned to make peace with it. What I got in return right now is a friend whom I don't mind meeting up to club once in a while.
Thanks my Cason, whether it was 'love' or 'friendship', I do feel special and fortunate during that period, and it will always be in my memories. Thank you for teaching me, how to love and how it felt to be loved. With this entry, I guess I can move one step further by deleting the sms he send from my phone. (Or am I, now that his message can been seen by the whole world and not me alone?) Haa.
Coming to terms with (the answer is no longer important to) Me, (glad for both him and) Myself and (moved on) I.
Singing to the tunes of: Faith Evans - My First Love
(couldn't find any video clip but here's the lyrics)
"Tell me how a thing that brings such joy can bring such pain
And how could something so wrong seem so right
We never had the chance to make it get better
We never said goodbye
I never wanna feel the pain of losing love again,
cause love just has a way of breaking down,
Next time I'm gonna pray that this will be better
The second time around,
So heres to love thats lost and found
I wont cry, no, I wont break down
Even though inside it hurts so bad
Next time I will make love last
Though you will always have a place in my heart."
However I do find another nice song as I was searching for the Faith Evans video.
This is the english version of Utada Hikaru's First Love: Jessa Zaragosa - First Love
I remembered clearly the date we first met was also the first day I decided to step out of the closet. I wanted to experience the AJs clubbing scene to celebrate this day, therefore I took up an offer to a club outing with 'Sgy', someone I just knew from the internet. He arranged for me to meet up with his friends at a Hotel Lounge before heading down to 'Happy'.
There was an instant attraction as 'Sgy' introduce his friends to me, among which is a couple and a smart looking Cason. It was not long till I realize that 'Sgy' was also attracted to Cason, therefore I didn't pin any hopes that night. At the Lounge, we listen to live bands while slipping our martinis, out of a sudden I felt a hand touching my back as I was lying comfortably on the sofa. I paused and looked, it was Cason slipping his hand behind 'Sgy's' back, as he was sitting between us. There was a sudden rush and blush, as it was unexpected approach. I guess it was the skills of my flirting eyes that hinted him my interests.
We finished up our drinks and when Cason and his friends visited the toilet before heading out to Happy, 'Sgy' took the opportunity to ask if I was interested in Cason, as he could see his interest in me. I was delighted while awkward at the same time, my immediate response was "No, I am not". I was surprised it came out from my mouth but maybe it was to prevent any embarrassment as 'Sgy' took the courtesy to bring me out and I didn't know clearly whether there is any hidden relation between 'Sgy' and Cason.
Over at Happy, 'Sgy' got real drunk as it became clear that Cason was falling for a guy he brought along. I could understand that was hurtful to see someone you love, love someone you tag along for fun. I was sorry, so that night I restrain myself from any advances from Cason. However, when 'Sgy' visited the toilet, Cason quickly asked for my number. Without any thought, my number came out of my mouth sooner than I can 'regret'.
Actual dates followed the day after, from Karaoke Sessions with his friends to Clubs. We did even went to a fun fair and he even won me a stuffed puppy dog, it was so corny especially when we were taking the train back home (two guys in their 20s holding on the a stuffed dog, and for once we know that they are not looking at us because we are cute, haa). I would look forward to another day with him every night, and everyday seems to be sweeter than the other, however the bomb dropped when I received an unexpected message three days prior to his birthday.
"I'm actually kinda afraid tat u fall for me 2 much.. Im nt into any relationship now. N i can tell u r a nice guy. Is jus tat i wld say i treat u more like a gd frd than a lover, im sorry if tis sms had hurt u, but i dun want to lead u on further. Hope u understand.. im sorry walter. Pls forgive me..."
Tears rolled down at first, as I couldn't reached him for a verbal explanation, meet up or a follow up message. But after a couple of days, I re-read the message and start to wonder, did I misunderstood his friendship for a relationship? Was I ever his lover? Basically, what actually differentiate a "Lover" and a "Good Friend"? Could it be my desired to be loved that mistook his actions? Or is this simply a lousy breakup?
We happened to bumped into one another after a couple of months, instead of asking finding out the truth, we did not touch on that issue. I wanted him to tell me at his own timing. So we had a couple of drinks and appreciate other cute guys and the music.
Deep inside I was thankful that he did not choose to mislead me and draw a line. There are some things in life that are better left unsaid and unexplained, especially since you had already learned to make peace with it. What I got in return right now is a friend whom I don't mind meeting up to club once in a while.
Thanks my Cason, whether it was 'love' or 'friendship', I do feel special and fortunate during that period, and it will always be in my memories. Thank you for teaching me, how to love and how it felt to be loved. With this entry, I guess I can move one step further by deleting the sms he send from my phone. (Or am I, now that his message can been seen by the whole world and not me alone?) Haa.
Coming to terms with (the answer is no longer important to) Me, (glad for both him and) Myself and (moved on) I.
Singing to the tunes of: Faith Evans - My First Love
(couldn't find any video clip but here's the lyrics)
"Tell me how a thing that brings such joy can bring such pain
And how could something so wrong seem so right
We never had the chance to make it get better
We never said goodbye
I never wanna feel the pain of losing love again,
cause love just has a way of breaking down,
Next time I'm gonna pray that this will be better
The second time around,
So heres to love thats lost and found
I wont cry, no, I wont break down
Even though inside it hurts so bad
Next time I will make love last
Though you will always have a place in my heart."
However I do find another nice song as I was searching for the Faith Evans video.
This is the english version of Utada Hikaru's First Love: Jessa Zaragosa - First Love
Thursday, April 12, 2007
(Love Tales 1) Part 13 To Love Or To Be Loved
Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.
Written and Publish on Oct 7 2005, 10:35 PM
Kai was about to move towards to Hendrix when JD stopped him. He said in hushed tone, "Kai, please don't create a scene in public. Please control yourself, let's just go somewhere else to talk, I will get Hendrix to go back. Just the two of us, yah?"
Kai nodded and softened his tone, "Ok. Just the two of us. Let's go now." JD looked at Hendrix apologetically and explained, "Hendrix, I am really sorry about what had happened. I need to talk to Kai, I can't do dinner with you. I will call you again. I am really sorry!"
Hendrix shot a cold stare at Kai then turned to look at JD, said, "I understand. Are you sure you don't need me to be around? I am just a phone call away. Call me anytime if you need me." JD gave Hendrix a warm smile before leaving with Kai.
Kai drove JD to a quiet spot in Marina South and JD got out when the car stopped. Kai ran out to JD, held his hands and pleaded, "JD, please don't torture me like that. Talk to me! I promise you I will break off with my girlfriend and we will stay together as a couple. You will officially be my boyfriend. I mean it!"
JD shook his head slowly then replied, "So what? Kai, are you willing to tell our colleagues that we are an item? Will you tell them the truth that you leave your girlfriend for me? Are you ready to face others as my boyfriend? Getting committed in a gay relationship is not the same as flirting with gays. Let's just treat this as a dream and end this amicably."
Kai grabbed JD tightly and shouted in the silent night, "Why are you doing this to me? What do you want me to do? First, you want me to be gay and now you want me to be out as well? Are you toying with my feelings all these while? Don't think too highly of yourself!" Kai shoved JD aside, causing him to fall onto the hard concrete floor. Kai did not bother to look back and stormed off.
JD did not manage to get up immediately, he just sat there stunned. He had never saw the abusive side of Kai and he was surprised at Kai's behaviour. JD sat there for a good 10 minutes before picking himself up, Kai was nowhere in sight. JD tried walking but felt a sharp pain in his ankle, he thought to himself, "I must have hurt my ankle with that push."
JD looked around him and found the place to be dead and no one was in sight in the quiet park. He got a shock when his mobile rang, "JD, Hendrix here. Is it a good time to talk? Where are you? Did that guy behave inappropriately to you?"
JD felt a sense of relief and found himself overwhelmed with tears flowing down his cheeks, "Hendrix, I am at Marina South, I hurt my ankle..Can you come and fetch me home, please?" "What?! What happened? Don't worry, I am on my way now. Wait for me." Hendrix said anxiously.
Hendrix helped JD to his car and drove him home. He did not ask anything but said concernedly when they reached JD's apartment, "Apply some ointment on the sore ankle. Take a hot bath and sleep early. Remember, I am always a phone call away."
JD hugged Hendrix, who was surprised at the gesture. JD said appreciatively, "Thank you so much, Hendrix. Thank you for all you have done for me. I am really sorry that I have treated you shabbily. I am so sorry!"
Hendrix replied gently, "This is the best apology I ever got! Don't think too much. Go and sleep early." Before JD got off the car, he kissed Hendrix.
Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.
Written and Publish on Oct 7 2005, 10:35 PM
Kai was about to move towards to Hendrix when JD stopped him. He said in hushed tone, "Kai, please don't create a scene in public. Please control yourself, let's just go somewhere else to talk, I will get Hendrix to go back. Just the two of us, yah?"
Kai nodded and softened his tone, "Ok. Just the two of us. Let's go now." JD looked at Hendrix apologetically and explained, "Hendrix, I am really sorry about what had happened. I need to talk to Kai, I can't do dinner with you. I will call you again. I am really sorry!"
Hendrix shot a cold stare at Kai then turned to look at JD, said, "I understand. Are you sure you don't need me to be around? I am just a phone call away. Call me anytime if you need me." JD gave Hendrix a warm smile before leaving with Kai.
Kai drove JD to a quiet spot in Marina South and JD got out when the car stopped. Kai ran out to JD, held his hands and pleaded, "JD, please don't torture me like that. Talk to me! I promise you I will break off with my girlfriend and we will stay together as a couple. You will officially be my boyfriend. I mean it!"
JD shook his head slowly then replied, "So what? Kai, are you willing to tell our colleagues that we are an item? Will you tell them the truth that you leave your girlfriend for me? Are you ready to face others as my boyfriend? Getting committed in a gay relationship is not the same as flirting with gays. Let's just treat this as a dream and end this amicably."
Kai grabbed JD tightly and shouted in the silent night, "Why are you doing this to me? What do you want me to do? First, you want me to be gay and now you want me to be out as well? Are you toying with my feelings all these while? Don't think too highly of yourself!" Kai shoved JD aside, causing him to fall onto the hard concrete floor. Kai did not bother to look back and stormed off.
JD did not manage to get up immediately, he just sat there stunned. He had never saw the abusive side of Kai and he was surprised at Kai's behaviour. JD sat there for a good 10 minutes before picking himself up, Kai was nowhere in sight. JD tried walking but felt a sharp pain in his ankle, he thought to himself, "I must have hurt my ankle with that push."
JD looked around him and found the place to be dead and no one was in sight in the quiet park. He got a shock when his mobile rang, "JD, Hendrix here. Is it a good time to talk? Where are you? Did that guy behave inappropriately to you?"
JD felt a sense of relief and found himself overwhelmed with tears flowing down his cheeks, "Hendrix, I am at Marina South, I hurt my ankle..Can you come and fetch me home, please?" "What?! What happened? Don't worry, I am on my way now. Wait for me." Hendrix said anxiously.
Hendrix helped JD to his car and drove him home. He did not ask anything but said concernedly when they reached JD's apartment, "Apply some ointment on the sore ankle. Take a hot bath and sleep early. Remember, I am always a phone call away."
JD hugged Hendrix, who was surprised at the gesture. JD said appreciatively, "Thank you so much, Hendrix. Thank you for all you have done for me. I am really sorry that I have treated you shabbily. I am so sorry!"
Hendrix replied gently, "This is the best apology I ever got! Don't think too much. Go and sleep early." Before JD got off the car, he kissed Hendrix.
Exclaimer: I am not the writer to this exciting story. But I am proud to introduce a Beautiful Mind and Soul, Convan. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article on my blog.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
(Issue 42) Don't Give Up
Almost everyone has a past relationship, and there are many ways to handle them and these are the many ways I had tried to overcome them. Cried, drunk my sorrows, confine to a friend, lock myself up and etc, but ultimately it all ends the same way, a thought that wakes me up, telling me that "Sometimes without this heartbreak, I would not really know how much or how important the person meant to me, as humans tends to only appreciate things that are either lost or unreachable".
I once come across a blog that wrote: " Truth about Love
1) When your heart broke once, you are upset cos he is your everything...
2) When your heart broke twice, you know you can overcome it...
3) When your heart broke thrice, you know it is the usual path you would be facing...
4) When your heart broke 4th time, you are a bit dumb about love and have no more strength to carry on...
5) When you heart broke the fifth time, you know it is time to stop all misery and lead life as your fullest." Although I have only been into 3 relationships and many 'in-betweens', though they are all short lived, but hey definitely meant something to me, because I never fail to put in all my heart, feelings and emotions into it.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we been missing until it arrives, and this is the reason that makes me get up on my feet and carry on. No one can go back and make a brand new start. "once you've tasted love, you'll never find yourself going back to original singlehood or coupleship", but anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I would like to take the opportunity to mention my 3 past relations and 2 memorable "in betweens" that change my life. With it would be the worth of the "grains of sand" I pick up everytime I stand up from a fall.
I guess sometimes a door closes because it is time for you to move on and learn another "lesson", we grow and learn by the days, however, most of the time we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us. And maybe another reason why 'God' wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Don't worry, my next issues on my past relations won't be on the sad expects of the relations, but on the happiest moment we have together, because given a choice of your own, why wouldn't you want to re-live the happiest moments and learn from the hardship but to chose the vise-verse.
Coming to terms with (wanting to record down the good memories before I forget) Me, (jotting down notes I have learned in the past so that I won't be bitten by it again) Myself and (happy) I.
Singing to the tunes of: Josh Groban - You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)
Don't give up, It's just the weight of the world, When you're heart's heavy, I will lift it for you
Don't give up, Cuz you want to be heard, If silence keeps you, I will break it for you
Don't give up, It's just the hurt that you hide, When you're lost inside, I'll be there to find you
Don't give up, Because you want to burn bright, If darkness blinds you, I will shine to guide you
Don't give up, Because you are loved
I once come across a blog that wrote: " Truth about Love
1) When your heart broke once, you are upset cos he is your everything...
2) When your heart broke twice, you know you can overcome it...
3) When your heart broke thrice, you know it is the usual path you would be facing...
4) When your heart broke 4th time, you are a bit dumb about love and have no more strength to carry on...
5) When you heart broke the fifth time, you know it is time to stop all misery and lead life as your fullest." Although I have only been into 3 relationships and many 'in-betweens', though they are all short lived, but hey definitely meant something to me, because I never fail to put in all my heart, feelings and emotions into it.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we been missing until it arrives, and this is the reason that makes me get up on my feet and carry on. No one can go back and make a brand new start. "once you've tasted love, you'll never find yourself going back to original singlehood or coupleship", but anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I would like to take the opportunity to mention my 3 past relations and 2 memorable "in betweens" that change my life. With it would be the worth of the "grains of sand" I pick up everytime I stand up from a fall.
I guess sometimes a door closes because it is time for you to move on and learn another "lesson", we grow and learn by the days, however, most of the time we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us. And maybe another reason why 'God' wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Don't worry, my next issues on my past relations won't be on the sad expects of the relations, but on the happiest moment we have together, because given a choice of your own, why wouldn't you want to re-live the happiest moments and learn from the hardship but to chose the vise-verse.
Coming to terms with (wanting to record down the good memories before I forget) Me, (jotting down notes I have learned in the past so that I won't be bitten by it again) Myself and (happy) I.
Singing to the tunes of: Josh Groban - You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)
Don't give up, It's just the weight of the world, When you're heart's heavy, I will lift it for you
Don't give up, Cuz you want to be heard, If silence keeps you, I will break it for you
Don't give up, It's just the hurt that you hide, When you're lost inside, I'll be there to find you
Don't give up, Because you want to burn bright, If darkness blinds you, I will shine to guide you
Don't give up, Because you are loved
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
(Surround Sound 10) Latter Days
Actors: Wesley A. Ramsey, Steve Sandvoss and Rebekah Jordan
Synopsis: Christian (Wes Ramsey), a hunky, 20-something, West Hollywood party boy gets more than he bargains for when he tries to seduce 19-year-old Elder Aaron Davis (Steve Sandvoss), a sexually confused Mormon missionary who moves into his apartment complex. When Christian exposes Davis' secret sexual desire, Davis' rejects Christian for being shallow and empty, The encounter shatters each boy's reality and draws the two into a passionate romance that risks destroying their lives. Latter Days is a charming, sexy, and moving tale that will leave you believing in the transformational power of love.
My Comments (5/5): Truly touching movie with a clear and deep message about self acceptance, diversity in character, mindset & personalities and really about finding your true self. You can't help but to identify to some degree with them, regardless if you are a closet or vice-verse. It also enlightens us as to both sides of an ongoing issue: homophobia. It is a show to be recommended to everyone you know, and the DVD is definitely worth the keep. "Audiences, young and old and straight and gay, have been moved to tears by this beautiful story of the transformational power of love and family".
Trailer:
Watch Full Movie Online and YES it is FREE:
Latter Days: Side A Latter Days: Side B
Songs From the Movie:Nita Whitaker - Tuesday, 3:00 am
Warning full of spoilers...Catch the Movie first.
This song is not featured in the movie, however beautifully edited,
Trust me, this show is nothing like Bishonen, and way better).
Song: Evanescence - You
Synopsis: Christian (Wes Ramsey), a hunky, 20-something, West Hollywood party boy gets more than he bargains for when he tries to seduce 19-year-old Elder Aaron Davis (Steve Sandvoss), a sexually confused Mormon missionary who moves into his apartment complex. When Christian exposes Davis' secret sexual desire, Davis' rejects Christian for being shallow and empty, The encounter shatters each boy's reality and draws the two into a passionate romance that risks destroying their lives. Latter Days is a charming, sexy, and moving tale that will leave you believing in the transformational power of love.
My Comments (5/5): Truly touching movie with a clear and deep message about self acceptance, diversity in character, mindset & personalities and really about finding your true self. You can't help but to identify to some degree with them, regardless if you are a closet or vice-verse. It also enlightens us as to both sides of an ongoing issue: homophobia. It is a show to be recommended to everyone you know, and the DVD is definitely worth the keep. "Audiences, young and old and straight and gay, have been moved to tears by this beautiful story of the transformational power of love and family".
Trailer:
Watch Full Movie Online and YES it is FREE:
Latter Days: Side A Latter Days: Side B
Songs From the Movie:Nita Whitaker - Tuesday, 3:00 am
Warning full of spoilers...Catch the Movie first.
This song is not featured in the movie, however beautifully edited,
Trust me, this show is nothing like Bishonen, and way better).
Song: Evanescence - You
Monday, April 09, 2007
(Issue 41) Take Me For What I'm Worth
Can we gage anyone's relationship commitment level from his behaviour and actions when he is Single? I personally do, but realise that it would be rather unfair, due to the different freedom and responsibilities both status offer. When we are single, we tend to explore into areas we are restricted during couplehood, as the only person we would have to answer to is ourselves.
With the temptation and freedom, our actions and decisions would tend to be different. However, is it fair to say that you will not be attracted to the same temptation when you are attached?
Another issue is that I was critised for having ONS, even it is only in my singlehood dayz. I believe that many of us moved into the territory of One Night Stand during Singlehood, while others condem the idea, but why tied yourself down to a statement that you can't foresee, as it would just leads to gossip or even "friends" testing your abilities to do so. I do envy the determination and mindset of these group and respect their decisions. Their contradictions to me is that "If you can't control your temptations during singlehood, what difference does it make when you are attached?".
I guess the difference is your love towards your partner that will prevent you from doing so, you will know which line can be cross and which have to be clearly drawn. Why One Night Stands questions your ability to commit during couple-ship? I believe that temptations would be stronger and harder to resist if it is something new to someone, but ultimately it all comes down to the mindset, faith and commitment of a person that speak for ones actions.
Coming to terms with (puzzled and confused) Me, (clearly aware of the lines to cross and not to) Myself and (why am) I (letting this issue getting into me once in a while now and then).
Dancing to the tunes of: Madonna - Nobody Knows Me [Aviddiva Remix]
No one's telling you how to live your life
But it's a setup until you're fed up
It's no good when you're misunderstood
But why should I care
What the world thinks of me
Won't let a stranger
Give me a social disease
Nobody, nobody knows me
With the temptation and freedom, our actions and decisions would tend to be different. However, is it fair to say that you will not be attracted to the same temptation when you are attached?
Another issue is that I was critised for having ONS, even it is only in my singlehood dayz. I believe that many of us moved into the territory of One Night Stand during Singlehood, while others condem the idea, but why tied yourself down to a statement that you can't foresee, as it would just leads to gossip or even "friends" testing your abilities to do so. I do envy the determination and mindset of these group and respect their decisions. Their contradictions to me is that "If you can't control your temptations during singlehood, what difference does it make when you are attached?".
I guess the difference is your love towards your partner that will prevent you from doing so, you will know which line can be cross and which have to be clearly drawn. Why One Night Stands questions your ability to commit during couple-ship? I believe that temptations would be stronger and harder to resist if it is something new to someone, but ultimately it all comes down to the mindset, faith and commitment of a person that speak for ones actions.
Coming to terms with (puzzled and confused) Me, (clearly aware of the lines to cross and not to) Myself and (why am) I (letting this issue getting into me once in a while now and then).
Dancing to the tunes of: Madonna - Nobody Knows Me [Aviddiva Remix]
No one's telling you how to live your life
But it's a setup until you're fed up
It's no good when you're misunderstood
But why should I care
What the world thinks of me
Won't let a stranger
Give me a social disease
Nobody, nobody knows me
Sunday, April 08, 2007
(Booty Shaking 14) Dolce and Gabbana Fall 2007
Love, Love, Love Domenico and Stefano for their clever uses of colors (mercury, bronze, brass, copper, gold and silver) to fit their Inspiration from Stanley Kubrick's innovative film, 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Kick start is three white Chic Astronaut's Jumpsuits to mark their theme. Notice their detailing from the buttons, belts and accessories. They never fail to add a spin of the highly charged homosexual spin to their style with a masculine touch to their clothes, that clearly define the beautiful structure of a man.
Inspirations are clearly shown from the neckline to the shoes, making man look good in shorts and trucks in the season of Fall. Attention are drawn to bulges with their how waist pants and body hugging suits, even a Heterosexual look tasteful in them.
Again, they used music from the hottest icons in the music scene, this time they moved on Madonna to Justin Timberlake with a great remix of "My Love" and "Damn Girl", and just when you think the show had end, they change the mood from futuristic pop to Orchestra sounds of the "On The Beautiful Blue Danube", with another 3 Jumpsuits on top of suits in colors of copper, bronze, gold. Fabulous.
Part 1:
Part 2:
Kick start is three white Chic Astronaut's Jumpsuits to mark their theme. Notice their detailing from the buttons, belts and accessories. They never fail to add a spin of the highly charged homosexual spin to their style with a masculine touch to their clothes, that clearly define the beautiful structure of a man.
Inspirations are clearly shown from the neckline to the shoes, making man look good in shorts and trucks in the season of Fall. Attention are drawn to bulges with their how waist pants and body hugging suits, even a Heterosexual look tasteful in them.
Again, they used music from the hottest icons in the music scene, this time they moved on Madonna to Justin Timberlake with a great remix of "My Love" and "Damn Girl", and just when you think the show had end, they change the mood from futuristic pop to Orchestra sounds of the "On The Beautiful Blue Danube", with another 3 Jumpsuits on top of suits in colors of copper, bronze, gold. Fabulous.
Part 1:
Part 2:
Saturday, April 07, 2007
(Issue 40) Singlehood
Some say that couples do crazy things simply because they are in love, however my stand is that Singles does more crazy things to hide their discomfort with their status, and I am referring to those that desperately looking for love, either to spite their ex, peer pressure from his friends, afraid of growing old alone or desperately wants to be loved and cared.
Regardless of, whether it is to make him jealous or to make him regret his decision to dump, first and foremost, put yourself in the shoes of the innocent party you drag into your unresolved relationship, what goes around will eventually comes around to you one day. I prefer to come to a clean cut with my previous relationship, no matter how hurtful it could be, it doesn't means having zero contacts with him, but instead have a common understanding that the love for each other is different from the past and slowly accept each other as friends thru forgiveness, remember the good moments we once had together and blessed each other's future with grace. Once you learn to let go, you also learn how to handle difficult situations with 'better solutions', improving/controlling your flaws, understand what you are really looking for in your partner and love someone without comparison.
Others hurry love due to peer pressure from friends who had all 'coupled up' but him. I couldn't understand this pressure because many times these group of singles come back complaining that the couple are pretentious, incompatible, won't last long (and all the other sour grapes statements), while others complain that they are not as 'lucky' as their friends to have found their true love. Everyone knows that luck do sometimes appear, but if you do not learn how to grasp hold of the opportunity and appreciate it, luck can also slip away. Have they ever question those we envy about their endless commitments and compromises?
It is important for us to figure out why we rush for the search of love and come into terms with it.
On the other hand, I have come to know a number singles who are constantly searching for love while rejecting many hopefuls the same time. Their only aim is to look for a perfect guy through trial and errors. Could it be their worries of getting hurt by a "imperfect" guy or their fear of commitment that restrains them into taking the risk?
Many of them end up loving themselves less and start to give up hope, either because they couldn't understand why it is so difficult to find a "perfect" guy, while other grew tired due to the countless short term relationship he has been experiencing (either due to his own 'unacceptance' of the imperfect man or he got his karma back).
But I have a strong point to make, sometimes it's not the 'heart-breaker' that doesn't believe in the relation, many of the times the other party may not have realise that he is subconsciously sabotage the relation, lost faith and many other reasons that lead to the word 'breakup' from the one who loves you most, because sometimes letting you go is easier than you see you suffering.
If only they could understand that everyone inculding them have flaws, give up the thought of a perfect guy, trust their feelings that first attracts you to him (as long as it isn't the sex) and learn to work with each others flaws. Stop giving up a relation just because there are always a greener patch of grass out there. Why throw yourself back into single hood when you hate it so much?
I would like to make a stand that with all the above mentioned, I am not saying that we should give up on searching for love and remain single hood. Nor suggesting to force yourself remain in a relationship you have no feelings for.
These are just my opinions (either portraited as advises or criticisms), the most important thing is not to let anything or anyone affect your own decisions only because no one else but yourself is answerable to your own actions.
Things was seen with a clearer state of mind when I learn not to hate or regret the things I did, instead I forgive and learn from experience, and love myself just about enough to build up my confidence to love again when the next door open for me again.
Coming to terms with (enjoying single hood at the moment) Me, (stop, look, think and analyse before making another step) Myself and I (know I am not alone even when "I" am single, because there is always "Me" to love "Myself", haa).
Singing to the song: Whitney Houston - Unashamed
If I changed my mind, If I changed my faith,
Every time a stop light signaled, Each time I made mistakes
I dont think that i, Would be where I am today
I live my life without regrets, What you see is, What you see is, What you see is what you get
And im, Unashamed of the life I lead, Unashamed of the strength on my knees
Of choices Ive made, Of the love that Ive saved, Of the things Ive done, My belief in the one
Unashamed of the words of my friends, I know who they are, Make mistakes, make amends
Follow my instincts, my star, On my sleeve I wear my heart, Unashamed.
Adding up my life, it totals all my dreams
Im counting all my blessings, And the gifts I have received
Still theres always someone, Something to overcome
Took all my life to understand, That I am what I am, who I am
Unashamed
(This mtv is followed by a song by Whitney's Mother; Cissy Houston - Somebody should have told me)
Regardless of, whether it is to make him jealous or to make him regret his decision to dump, first and foremost, put yourself in the shoes of the innocent party you drag into your unresolved relationship, what goes around will eventually comes around to you one day. I prefer to come to a clean cut with my previous relationship, no matter how hurtful it could be, it doesn't means having zero contacts with him, but instead have a common understanding that the love for each other is different from the past and slowly accept each other as friends thru forgiveness, remember the good moments we once had together and blessed each other's future with grace. Once you learn to let go, you also learn how to handle difficult situations with 'better solutions', improving/controlling your flaws, understand what you are really looking for in your partner and love someone without comparison.
Others hurry love due to peer pressure from friends who had all 'coupled up' but him. I couldn't understand this pressure because many times these group of singles come back complaining that the couple are pretentious, incompatible, won't last long (and all the other sour grapes statements), while others complain that they are not as 'lucky' as their friends to have found their true love. Everyone knows that luck do sometimes appear, but if you do not learn how to grasp hold of the opportunity and appreciate it, luck can also slip away. Have they ever question those we envy about their endless commitments and compromises?
It is important for us to figure out why we rush for the search of love and come into terms with it.
On the other hand, I have come to know a number singles who are constantly searching for love while rejecting many hopefuls the same time. Their only aim is to look for a perfect guy through trial and errors. Could it be their worries of getting hurt by a "imperfect" guy or their fear of commitment that restrains them into taking the risk?
Many of them end up loving themselves less and start to give up hope, either because they couldn't understand why it is so difficult to find a "perfect" guy, while other grew tired due to the countless short term relationship he has been experiencing (either due to his own 'unacceptance' of the imperfect man or he got his karma back).
But I have a strong point to make, sometimes it's not the 'heart-breaker' that doesn't believe in the relation, many of the times the other party may not have realise that he is subconsciously sabotage the relation, lost faith and many other reasons that lead to the word 'breakup' from the one who loves you most, because sometimes letting you go is easier than you see you suffering.
If only they could understand that everyone inculding them have flaws, give up the thought of a perfect guy, trust their feelings that first attracts you to him (as long as it isn't the sex) and learn to work with each others flaws. Stop giving up a relation just because there are always a greener patch of grass out there. Why throw yourself back into single hood when you hate it so much?
I would like to make a stand that with all the above mentioned, I am not saying that we should give up on searching for love and remain single hood. Nor suggesting to force yourself remain in a relationship you have no feelings for.
These are just my opinions (either portraited as advises or criticisms), the most important thing is not to let anything or anyone affect your own decisions only because no one else but yourself is answerable to your own actions.
Things was seen with a clearer state of mind when I learn not to hate or regret the things I did, instead I forgive and learn from experience, and love myself just about enough to build up my confidence to love again when the next door open for me again.
Coming to terms with (enjoying single hood at the moment) Me, (stop, look, think and analyse before making another step) Myself and I (know I am not alone even when "I" am single, because there is always "Me" to love "Myself", haa).
Singing to the song: Whitney Houston - Unashamed
If I changed my mind, If I changed my faith,
Every time a stop light signaled, Each time I made mistakes
I dont think that i, Would be where I am today
I live my life without regrets, What you see is, What you see is, What you see is what you get
And im, Unashamed of the life I lead, Unashamed of the strength on my knees
Of choices Ive made, Of the love that Ive saved, Of the things Ive done, My belief in the one
Unashamed of the words of my friends, I know who they are, Make mistakes, make amends
Follow my instincts, my star, On my sleeve I wear my heart, Unashamed.
Adding up my life, it totals all my dreams
Im counting all my blessings, And the gifts I have received
Still theres always someone, Something to overcome
Took all my life to understand, That I am what I am, who I am
Unashamed
(This mtv is followed by a song by Whitney's Mother; Cissy Houston - Somebody should have told me)
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