Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
Part 1 of 4Written and Publish on Nov 29 2005, 04:19 PM
I heaved a gusty sigh before I took the lift up to Nick's apartment. I figured that I couldn't slot my card in his letterbox because of the musical box, so I had to deliver it by hand. I did not think Nick will want to see me after all the embarrassment I have caused him. I will just press the doorbell and leave the present and card at his doorstep. I just wanted to stay a while and sneak a peek at him and make sure he's alright; that's all. It took me fifteen minutes to find the courage to press the buzz. I scooted off and hid myself behind the wall. The door parted slightly and opened. The thread of longing in my heart stretched taut as I saw Nick opening the grilled gates. He was dressed normally in a worn-out shirt and shorts. It felt like nothing has changed since the last time I met him. He still had that rugged lanky form but his hair was cut shorter and his cheekbones were more defined. When he picked up the card and present, I couldn't control the tears trickling down my cheeks. I missed him so much that I wanted to run over to him and tell him that I still love him after all these years. It was not a sleazy teenage crush that faded with time. In fact, my feelings for Nick had grown stronger. After so many meaningless sexual encounters with men, I still thought about how my heartbeats will accelerate at the sight of Nick. I still remembered the brief reckless kiss we shared. I never regretted my confession of love to him.
Nick sat down on his doorstep and adjusted his gold-rimmed spectacles as he read the card. Tears gathered in his eyes as he took out the musical box with caution. He covered his face with one palm and cried my name. I pressed my mouth to choke back my wrecked sobs. It felt really agonizing to see someone whom you love in pain. I hated the ironic feeling of being so physically close to Nick yet I can't touch him. I had tried letting go but I completely failed. Nick wiped his tears away, stood up with the card and present and started to close the door. I didn't know what made me burst out and shout his name. The thought of spending another Christmas without him chilled my heart.
When Nick saw me standing just a few meters from his door, he was momentarily stunned. He put down the present and card and gravitated cautiously out of his door, saying, "Gabriel, is that you?" He couldn't believe his eyes. My lips were trembling as I uttered a delicate "Yes". I never dreamt that I would be able to see Nick again. Tears kept trickling out of my eyes involuntarily. My feet gathered pace towards him as I burst into a ragged cry.
Nick grabbed me tightly into an embrace that made me forgot about the tears, longing and the abuses I have suffered for these 5 years. Nick molded his palms flat across my cheeks, refusing to believe that it was me standing right in front of him. He lashed out emotionally, "Where have you been all these years? I tried to look for you but only to find out that you have sold your house and moved out. Why didn't you come and look for me?"
I couldn't answer. The joy at seeing Nick again chased any logic from my head.
He caressed my hair and noted, "You have grown up."
I nodded and said truthfully, "But in my heart, nothing has changed all these while."
Nick looked at me and rationalized, "You are such a fool. I am too old for you now." I shook my head and maintained, "It was never just a crush. I knew whom I loved back then. I knew who cared for me and I knew you loved me all this while. I saw how you cried when you read the card."
Nick laughed bitterly, "Yes, I have always been a confused fool. It would be selfish of me to take advantage of your youth. I had to leave and do the right thing. I was so damn scared at what I was feeling. Just imagine how big a scandal it would cause if we were to be seen together."
I nodded and said resolutely, "I knew; and so I waited. And I will continue to wait for you for as long as it takes."
When Nick hugged me with a chuckle, I never felt such overwhelming joy before in my past 23 years. I felt as if I have returned home after being away for a long, long time. To me, age was just a state of mind. I just wanted someone to love me with his heart.
Nick broke the reunion with a sudden question and pointed to my bruises on my forearm. "What happened to you?"
I told him frankly what had happened. There was a mix of disbelief and shock in his eyes.
"How long have you been doing this?" Nick asked worriedly.
"For three years. On and off. Mom needed the money to pay her bills and Max needed the money to study. I can't rely on Auntie's help every time."
Nick led me inside his house and quickly fetched the First Aids box from his kitchen cabinet. He took some cotton wool and applied some ointment to my bruises with gentle care.
I hung my head in shame as tears ran down languidly. "Will you despise me?"
Nick just took my hands and brushed the fallen locks of my hair. "No, but promise me that you will never do this again." I smiled with gratitude and buried my face in his chest. "Thank you. You don't know what this means to me."
For a long time, Nick and I just laid there quietly. I was so tired that I couldn't think anymore. Nick breathed in deeply and kissed me softly on my forehead, "Merry Christmas, Gabriel." I shut my eyes and tried to etch this beautiful moment in my memory. Nick's eyes were smiling and I couldn?t resist planting a soft kiss on his lips. I could feel the surge of unspoken love that flowed between us. My eyes squeezed tightly as I cherished the tenderness that coursed through us.
There were no mistletoes, no silver decorations on Christmas trees or beautifully-wrapped gifts, but this Christmas is the best that I have had in years. This was all because of Nick and the love in my heart. I saw the crystal musical box with the angel sparkling in the dark beauty of the night and smiled wistfully. Its beauty was fleeting and transient; if one hesitated for a moment, he or she will lose the chance of ever capturing that again. I knew there will be more disappointments and scars to come, but with these beautiful moments of love embedded in my memories, I didn't think there was anything more for me to regret.
I traced Nick's jaws gently and whispered with blossoming joy, "I love you, Nick. Merry Christmas." The angel suddenly pirouetted with the enchanting tune of "Holy Night". Nick and I stared at each other blankly for a moment and burst out laughing until tears came out. Miracles did happen once in a while.
-THE END-
Exclaimer: I had found another writer who has an interesting story to tell. His story touches my soul and at the same time made inspired a few of my issues. I am proud to introduce the kind and simple Desmond. Thanks for allowing me to re-post this article in my blog.
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