Was I as Lucky as I my friends mentioned, to have one relationship after another, without having to go through a long period of heartache? Thinking about it, it was the feeling of being loved, scared of being alone and the need for someone to be there that makes me commit to one after another without hesitating, and honestly none of these are reasonable or fair reasons.
In spite of being Single now, I am glad that I did not choose to jump from one detach relation to another new love. Maybe I could have rejected the best God would had arrange for me, but I can never pass myself to be in a relation for the wrong reasons. This time round, I am glad to have peacefully thoughts and reflect, jotting down what I want in life and a life with my partner. Many factors starts to appear, but with one outstanding conclusion.
When it all comes down to Love, does age really matters? I had came across suitors of different age groups, but only happen to be partners with three of which within my own age group. They got my attention because they were young at heart and have a great zest when it comes down to courtship. However, I soon realise that closing up the age gap is insufficient because the real gap between us lies within our mentality.
I guess it would be safe to say, men does not mature with age but matures with experiences and desires. I realise that I have many friends who are senior in age, regardless of sexuality, but remain young at heart and mentality. It is not a minus factor to have a child within you, in fact I think it is important to have a child within everyone of us, so to create that spark in life. But my point is that, initially you feel young and full of zest when you were with them, but sooner that you can realise, everything comes down to reality and you get tired and worn out by the "child's play".
I believed in Playing Hard, but on the contradictory we must also Work Hard to balance things up. Furthermore, in life there are many decisions to be made which will affect our future and for every action we create an image, and certain image in life once formed are hard to shake off. However, we have to understand that it is not a matter of choice, as maturity grows together with the way we were brought up, the environment we studied and work in, the friends and enemies we make and the mistakes we learned to regret and be able to stand up again.
I had learned to make a decision, not after my first experience but after my third, that I will want to be with someone who is compatible with me mentally. I also learned that I would require more time to peace my mind and learn from experiences, instead of trying to stand up straight as fast as possible every time I fall. My dad used to remind me, "Grasp a Handful of Sand each time as you stand up after falling and put it in your pocket". I soon realise that it is not only important to stand up but also to you gain something out of the fall, either a lesson or an experience to remember.
After all, breakups could be the part and parcel of our Love Life, why not stand up and make the best out of it, instead of looking back at it as a bad memory. We should thank each other for the good times we once had before, instead of staying and feeling miserable.
Coming to terms with (a more emotionally Matured) Me, (happy that I never had lost faith in Love and) Myself and (making the best out of every moment, regardless of being single or attached) I.
Singing in the showers to: Tina Turner (feat. Calista Flockhart)
- When the Heartache is Over
"Once in a lifetime you find, Someone to show you the way
Someone to make your decisions, And I let you lead me astray"
"When the heartache is over, I know I wont be missing you missing you
Wont look over my shoulder, cause I know that I can live without you
Oh live without you, Oh I can live without you"
"Time to move on with my life now, Leaving the past all behind
I can make my own decisions, It was only a matter of time"
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