(Issue 40) Singlehood

Some say that couples do crazy things simply because they are in love, however my stand is that Singles does more crazy things to hide their discomfort with their status, and I am referring to those that desperately looking for love, either to spite their ex, peer pressure from his friends, afraid of growing old alone or desperately wants to be loved and cared.

Regardless of, whether it is to make him jealous or to make him regret his decision to dump, first and foremost, put yourself in the shoes of the innocent party you drag into your unresolved relationship, what goes around will eventually comes around to you one day. I prefer to come to a clean cut with my previous relationship, no matter how hurtful it could be, it doesn't means having zero contacts with him, but instead have a common understanding that the love for each other is different from the past and slowly accept each other as friends thru forgiveness, remember the good moments we once had together and blessed each other's future with grace. Once you learn to let go, you also learn how to handle difficult situations with 'better solutions', improving/controlling your flaws, understand what you are really looking for in your partner and love someone without comparison.

Others hurry love due to peer pressure from friends who had all 'coupled up' but him. I couldn't understand this pressure because many times these group of singles come back complaining that the couple are pretentious, incompatible, won't last long (and all the other sour grapes statements), while others complain that they are not as 'lucky' as their friends to have found their true love. Everyone knows that luck do sometimes appear, but if you do not learn how to grasp hold of the opportunity and appreciate it, luck can also slip away. Have they ever question those we envy about their endless commitments and compromises?

It is important for us to figure out why we rush for the search of love and come into terms with it.

On the other hand, I have come to know a number singles who are constantly searching for love while rejecting many hopefuls the same time. Their only aim is to look for a perfect guy through trial and errors. Could it be their worries of getting hurt by a "imperfect" guy or their fear of commitment that restrains them into taking the risk?

Many of them end up loving themselves less and start to give up hope, either because they couldn't understand why it is so difficult to find a "perfect" guy, while other grew tired due to the countless short term relationship he has been experiencing (either due to his own 'unacceptance' of the imperfect man or he got his karma back).

But I have a strong point to make, sometimes it's not the 'heart-breaker' that doesn't believe in the relation, many of the times the other party may not have realise that he is subconsciously sabotage the relation, lost faith and many other reasons that lead to the word 'breakup' from the one who loves you most, because sometimes letting you go is easier than you see you suffering.

If only they could understand that everyone inculding them have flaws, give up the thought of a perfect guy, trust their feelings that first attracts you to him (as long as it isn't the sex) and learn to work with each others flaws. Stop giving up a relation just because there are always a greener patch of grass out there. Why throw yourself back into single hood when you hate it so much?

I would like to make a stand that with all the above mentioned, I am not saying that we should give up on searching for love and remain single hood. Nor suggesting to force yourself remain in a relationship you have no feelings for.

These are just my opinions (either portraited as advises or criticisms), the most important thing is not to let anything or anyone affect your own decisions only because no one else but yourself is answerable to your own actions.

Things was seen with a clearer state of mind when I learn not to hate or regret the things I did, instead I forgive and learn from experience, and love myself just about enough to build up my confidence to love again when the next door open for me again.

Coming to terms with (enjoying single hood at the moment) Me, (stop, look, think and analyse before making another step) Myself and I (know I am not alone even when "I" am single, because there is always "Me" to love "Myself", haa).

Singing to the song: Whitney Houston - Unashamed
If I changed my mind, If I changed my faith,
Every time a stop light signaled, Each time I made mistakes
I dont think that i, Would be where I am today
I live my life without regrets, What you see is, What you see is, What you see is what you get

And im, Unashamed of the life I lead, Unashamed of the strength on my knees
Of choices Ive made, Of the love that Ive saved, Of the things Ive done, My belief in the one
Unashamed of the words of my friends, I know who they are, Make mistakes, make amends
Follow my instincts, my star, On my sleeve I wear my heart, Unashamed.

Adding up my life, it totals all my dreams
Im counting all my blessings, And the gifts I have received
Still theres always someone, Something to overcome
Took all my life to understand, That I am what I am, who I am
Unashamed

(This mtv is followed by a song by Whitney's Mother; Cissy Houston - Somebody should have told me)