(Issue 50) It had never End ...[Ein]

Nete, I thought I could but I couldn't.

I kept it from all my ex about my return, however I seem to bump onto one another with a different reaction for each.

Cason: We greeted each other with a Hi-Bye Diva hug and carried on our own party with our own friends.
Ensoé: Cricà couldn't confirm whether it was him dancing beside us, as he dress slight differently from his usual self, and since we were quite unsure and he didn't seem to recognize us, we carried on our party. However Cricà later confirmed it was him after bumping at the toilet but I was no longer present to greet him.
Savur: He was the only one I informed because I never failed to enjoy his company and presence. We made several appointments but kept postponing due to our busy schedule.
Peit: My friend told me that he was in the club, at a certain spot, and my decision was to avoid him, only because I know that he would blame me for not letting him know that I am back. Hey, Peit, we shall meet when I return in July.
Nete: He brought the Drama Mama in me back to life.

I told myself before I returned to Singapore that I will not get myself involve in any situation again like I did previously, and I was delighted that I was able to make it home on the first two nights of partying and feel great at the same time.

However came Sunday night, I bumped into Nete and he told me that he is partying alone. I thought, "Well, I should be able to handle the situation well". I gave him a hug, and with this hug everything (i.e. my feelings and emotions) returned to me in a zap. The hug was actually something I had been longing for since we last met and it actually meant more than any words could describe.

He kept it cool and tried to avoid my lips against his, so I respected that. We danced and party with Cricà, my FEMME (Huent) and our friends. There were occasional hugs and playful bites on both our shoulders and arms. However, strong emotions and beautiful memories flashes in my mind, every time he is not around me. Quickly, I told Huent to make sure that I stay away from all possible temptation and return home that night.

As the party was getting to an end, I bid him farewell and told him that I will be having supper with my friends. I also make sure that he knows I would be flying back to China on Friday. He decided to stay, and I was half relieved, thinking that I will be going back at night but misses him at the same time. But he changed the situation by saying that he would message me after his party to see where we will be having supper.

Père was high and he decided to cancel the supper and continue his party over at the CLINIC. I couldn't party on and choose to return home with Huent. As we were on the way home, I received his message. I forced myself to give a cold reply," Heading Home, Supper Canceled". But I couldn't help to sent another message the next minute and asked him to take care. Soon he replied,"Will be at ZOUK on Wednesday". My heart longed for him again.

to be continued...

Coming to terms with (trying to be strong) Me, (controlling) Myself and (misses him dearly) I.

Singing in the rain to the tunes of: 李聖傑-最近
你最近不说话, 怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单, 有点乱 有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

你想要的, 我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的, 却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

你[*我]常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
我[*你]覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
不想再約束 不要再痛苦, 下一次會有更好的情路

爱我却不能给你我全部
这一次我们都能很幸福



Translation: Lately- You’ve been very quiet lately. What’s wrong? Why?
Is there something that’s making you unhappy?
I heard that you’re very lonely lately. A little confused, a little lost
But I can’t be by your side right now.

What you want, I can’t give you
There are some parts of me I cannot give you
What I do give you, that’s not what you want to possess
We are not a good match but we just can’t call it quits
How many times have we held each other wanting to cry?

You [*I] often say all this that had happened is only the beginning,
But I [*You] feel like all of this had ended a long time ago
I don’t want to end this but I also don’t want to hurt anymore
Next time there will be an easier way

(I) LOVE, but I can't give you everything whole-heartily
This time, it is possible for both of us to be happy