I return to Singapore feeling Great and Single, things went smoothly during this vacation break of mine, and I was surprise that I manage to cut off all desires to start a relationship, well, at least until 3 days before I return to China.
During my vacation, several rejections were made and I was proud of myself. I was having my last clubbing night with all my friends and my "Femme" (shorthand for the Fashionable Female version of Me) before I leave for work again. Everyone was happy for me, being able to tide over the relation everyone would had thought it would last. Knowing that it would be another six months before I could party again, a friend who decided to help me get my flirting mood back on track again. I was barely interested.
Things changed when he appeared beside me, and I quickly took up my friend's changellge to make a move on him. It was not long before we kissed, maybe even before knowing his name, Nete. The kiss was passionated and I started to panic as the game went beyond my expectation. Quickly I turned to my "Femme" for her most honest opinion, "Bro, just take the offer (ONS) as long as you make it clear that you will be flying off soon. But remember not to put in any feelings and get yourself hurt again." Well, basically that is what I want to hear, so we headed home after the club closes.
Sweet Nete offered to cook something light for me while I was showering. We only manage to wake up in the late afternoon and his friends dropped by with lunch around dinner time. We all sat around and chatted, then they offer to have me tag along to watch a movie together, one event followed by another. I woke up to a familiar face again, and nothing feels better than to watch Nete sleep. I managed to change into something fresh before heading out to meet my friends a 12 hours prior to my flight back. He tagged along.
Everyone was fun, and soon we realize that all our together time had to come to an end as I was hours away from my flight, the heavy downpour made it harder as it was a perfect excuse to remain under the sheather longer.
It was until I was lying on the bed at home, the unwanted lonely feeling that I had been trying to avoid for the past few months hit me again. I quickly called my "Femme" on speed dial and you can sense the strong tone of "I warned you so" in every word she said.
I was happy that he thought there is a possibility for us but I was quickly pulled back into the reality that I am not ready for another tedious LDR. I blamed myself as I mislead him badly, and felt more guilty after knowing more things about him. Although I beat around the bush, but I was sure the rejection was hard. The entire story would take hours to elaborate but we know one way or another the timing was simply wrong.
Nete, smiles, I do hope that we can be friends as promise and do not feel awkward when we next meet each other.
Coming to terms with (guilty) Me, (should have taken my "Femme" seriously) Myself and (lost) I.
Singing to the tunes of: 周杰伦 - 退后
我知道你我都没有错, 只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺, 全被时间扑了空
我知道们都没有错, 只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情会一定带去
Translation: Step Back - "I know neither you nor I were wrong,
Its just that we only forgot to step back.
Pledging sincerely with the promise,
but yet failed to get what I want by time
I know we are not wrong
It is only that we will be better off letting go
The most beautiful love, will continue in my memory"
