(Issue 38) Quarrels

Love given can never be taken back, but what about harsh words, can it be forgiven and forgotten? Does it means that a couple doesn't love each other when they quarrel? Isn't quarrel meant to bring a relationship to a higher level whereby they can understand each other likes and dislikes, needs and concerns better when they bring things up to the table for a possible heated discussion? Or should we avoid quarrels because we couldn't handle the situations of a possible cold war, or because "sorry is always the hardest word to say", or because we fear of losing each other?

I personally like to be hit with the truth, no matters how hard it is going to be, because lies will only snowball and as the truth surfaces one day, you will then be crushed by your own lies and instead of explaining one situation, you end up explaining for the lies too.

Which is more frightening, a cold war after a quarrel or an internal war within yourself? I couldn't live the fact that I have to find excuses for my lover for my own doubts in my head, it would be a entire war of contradictions inside me that might lead to self-blame. If you have doubts, ask. I believe many know this theory however they applied it the wrong way, as many of us choose not to ask that person but the friends around him, which in the end leads to more confusion. Who knows the answer best other than himself? Sometimes we do not even understand ourselves, therefore what makes you think that you friends know you better than you yourself?

"Sorry" isn't hard to pronounce, what makes it difficult is the situation, timing and how sincere you are. Have you ever thought that who should say it first, as it brings a whole new meaning to the relationship. I once question this situation, if I didn't make the mistake but apologise because I see it as a pointless quarrel, am I being gracious or stupid? For a partner who do not know you good intenions he might see a different light and does the same mistake again, however this time you were to be blame for it instead of him, because you "unintentionally admitted" it's you fault, that why you choose to apolegise.

Sometimes "sorry" had became the most over-rated word to many and therefore loses its charms and meaning. So when and how should we apolegise?

When we are in a relation, fear of losing each other will always be our constant fear, either through temptations from a third party or by the countless number of quarrels, however I would choice to "discuss our problems/indifference" rather than to have it bottled up (due to the fear of losing) and kill the relation with a sudden outburst of accumulated unsatisfaction. I believe when we bring our issues to the table things would turn for the better as you can understand your partner better, compromise when required or maybe to let go earlier.

Having quarrels are common and it doesn't mean that the other party dislike you, in fact I believe you wouldn't choose to quarrel with someone you have no feelings for because any explanation would just be an excuse. However, we must watch our tone as we speak, as words once said neither can be taken back nor can be forgotten though forgiven. The forbinned word would be "breakup", unless after serious consideration.

Coming to terms with (straight-forward) Me, (loving, trusting and believing in the person I love and) Myself and (willing to give a second chance but hardly a third chance) I.

Singing to: Toni Braxton - Just Be A Man About It
"You say you're staying over your Friends 'Cuz you got a lot on your mind
Now you're swearing up and down that It ain't me
Still you say that things have changed
So tell me what exactly does it mean When you say you need your space

Just don't make no excuses, no no Why you gotta lie to me
Just be a man about it
Baby, you don't gotta lie to me, no Just be a man about it
If you wanna leave go on Just be a man about it
Come and grab your things and go on Right now Just be a man about it"