(Issue 9) Conversational Questions

From one intense topic to an much lighter issue. Many asked me, what is there to say on first dates or blind dates, without looking desperate or not to mislead the other party (because after all it is not only how you dress[first impression] or eat [body language] that matters).

Normally I will lay down some ground rules as advises, "no EXs (or relationships topics)" and preferably no "Sexual related" topics unless you are trying to get it. And the worst reply I got is, "Then what else is left to say?".

For crying out loud, there is always Food, Leisure and Work to talk about, ain't these the basic things at least a third of our life? OKay, Let me drop some conversational questions.

1. "Have you been to any concerts, plays, movies, good restaurants, etc. lately?" Give him three choices to talk about, so the answer will not be a highly possible "NO". If the answer is "Yes", do not change the topic, make him feel comfortable, ask him about it or ask for recommendations. Remember to make it two ways and tell him about yours.

2. "What do you do on Sundays?" or "What do you like to do in your free time?". Take note of the answer, as it could be your excuse when you want to ask for a second date.

3. "What kind of food do you like?", "What's your favorite food?" or/and "Do you like to cook?". These three can be used one after another.

4. "Are you a 'morning' or 'night' person?" and "Which do you prefer, sunrises or sunsets?" Ask this when you think that the conversation is getting rather intense, this would ease up each other. But be ready for your own answers, don't just ask this question and not talk about it.

5. "Do you have any pets?", "Why?" when he answers NO, or maybe even "So what types of animals you like best?" This changes the topic from pets to animals he like, as there is a bigger range to talk about, because there are people who like horses, eagles or tigers, but they are not pets.

6. "Do you like to travel? Have you been on any vacations lately? What other places would you like to travel to?".

7. "What type of music/television shows do you listen to most often?". Ask these two questions separately.

8. If you think you are a risk taker with tons of cash, you might want to ask "What item that you don't currently possess would you most like to have in your home?" You will have gifts ideas for him but if you think you can't afford it and do not want to look too cheap, you can always say "I like that (or something similar and close enough) too."

9. You can ask about work, much not too much about it, as most people spend 5 out of 7 days working therefore they might not want to mention about it. "What do you like most about your job?", if the answer is bad, ask "Do you have a best buddy or a lunch pal at work?", and if the answer is no, then say "So can I ask you out for lunch whenever I am near your work place next time?"

10. Last but not least, in fact this could be your first question, "How do you like/find this place?" Talk about the surrounding, this should be the easiest.

Now that I am done with the topics we should move on to the timing and venue. If you are not looking for sex, it is best to meet in the afternoon for tea or maybe museum/art fair or even the zoo. Avoid movies and clubs (nevertheless to say his place or somewhere near, sometimes swim is not that advisable too, if you don't know him well enough) on the first dates, these places tend to change the situation into something more sexual later. If he is a friend's friend, ask that common friend along but not on a double date, this might mislead him. Another word of advise is not to bring someone he does not knows along, one of you will feel left out.

My preference is that I would prefer to chat on the net or through email, to make sure that we have more common topics before meeting. And if he is those impatient types that couldn't wait to meet you immediately, without even bother to want to know you, I do not bother. "don't waste time on someone is is unwilling to waste time with/on you". Unless you like him because of the looks, then just be wary and bring a condom along (LOL).

Coming to terms with (Learned from mistakes) Me, (Wanting to make more pure FRIENDS for) Myself and (Searching) I.

Singing to the melody of: 光良 - 第一次
当你看着我, 我没有开口已被你猜透
爱是没把握, 还是没有符合你的要求
是我自己想得太多, 还是你也在闪躲

Translation: The First Time - "When you look at me, You've already figured out before I speak,
Love has no confidence, or I don't meet with your standards
Did I think too much, or are you trying to avoid me?"