(Issue 15) Friend's Ex

Did it ever happen to you that you and your partner have common friends which you didn't knew about their friendship, when you guys first met? These things happens when you are out in this circle long enough, and you do learn that this circle isn't that big after all. This actually lead to one other thought of mine, "Could you move on with your EXs friend? Is this betrayal?"

I specifically used the word "move on" and not "make a move on", in addition the word "Ex" and not "Partner". So we are not talking about betrayal of relationship, whereby your friend slept with boy whilst you are still attached. Instead what I am referring here could be known as the betrayal of friendship, or what the straight would refer as "wearing old shoes".

It is understandable that many take this as both a betrayal of friendship and relationship, because one could not help to wonder "Had these two been dating behind your back when you guys were still together?" If not, what is the reason to date my EX when there are so many fishes out there?

We understand that couples breakup because of indifference between them which they could not agree on, but what if someone near you is able to accept these qualities? Is it reasonable to announce to all your friends that "He's my ex, so back off and don't even have thoughts". Or is this a silenced known rule or code of ethics among all friends? Could this be consider as fair when there is a limited amount of "Right Enough" Guy out there, and when almost everyone knows everyone in this Hi-Bye circuit?

What may not be your qualities of a good boyfriend maybe the qualities of a good boyfriend of your friends. Why the sour grapes? However I got to say, we could be 'gracious' enough to bless them, but would we feel awkward during gatherings together? How should we behave in these gatherings? Maybe this is the reason why we wishes for them not to be together?

Or do we feel sour inside because something inside us is not willing to let go and wishes at either one of us could change to accept the indifference we used to have, after all he is a good catch.

I could not understand this, when the Straights refer EXs as old shoes, then why mess up a true friendship because of a pair of shoes that doesn't fit you but fits your friend perfectly? Why force yourself into a pair of Jimmy Choo just because it looks good in appearance but painful to walk with, after all you are going to throw it away (because it is classy enough for you to keep) and replace it with a Manolo Blahnik? Or is this the reason why girls have thousands of shoes in their shoe cabinet museum, regardless of it being outdated or broke? Are EXs really like a pair of shoes?

This situation actually happened to a straight friend of mine and now I have to say they are a happily married couple. Isn't this what we wishes for all our friends, no matter who she/he is with. Whichever the case, I do not dare to mention or ask about their friend.

No matter what, it should never be a case of "I told you so" when things do not work out, because how many true friends can we have? Instead, we should be there for him, because he was there for you, furthermore shouldn't you guys be closer now that you have a common EX now? Ironic.

Coming to terms with (hope this doesn't happen to) Me, (but willing to accept if it really happen to) Myself and (always there for my friends) I.

Singing in the rain to: 蔡健雅 孙燕姿 - 原点
别对我抱歉别总觉得对我亏欠,
现在谁在你的身边就对谁好一点.
我应该就走开就算感情还在,
我应该就放开对他不再依赖.

Translation: Start Point - "Do not apologise to be and feel that you owned me,
Cherish and treasure who you are with now,
I had already left, even though feelings still lingers,
I had already let go and no longer relied."