(Issue 10) Timing

Sometimes you start somethings with the best of intentions and you actually believe you are doing the right thing, and you could never imagine it could become what it became. That it would spiral into something so horrible, and irreversible and damaging and you just could not go back and make it right.

Have you being swept off your feet but later been swept away for the mistake you make, which in turn makes you doubt every move you are about to make? I did and the worst move I make was to keep myself busy, just to avoid the confusion, which in turn distance the relation and dismiss any possibility there was left.

"Mistakes" vs "doing a right thing at a wrong moment". Look back at all the guys who came into your life, regardless of the minutes you had together, and think back why he is not with you now. Is there a higher possibility of being together for a longer period, if he came at a different phrase of your life?

I am not regretful of any of my decisions or actions, it was definitely the most right thing to do at that moment. I have to admit some of them were childish thinking back of what I did, however I only mature and grew from experience, without him I would still be my same old self. Everyone changes constantly from experiences, the things (books, movies, etc) we came across and the people we mixed around with.

To me, there isn't a perfect guy (just a right enough guy) out there, and at the right timing, things becomes perfect enough. My biological sister once asked me, is it right to go back to a guy whom you rejected his love several times in the past because, at that moment, he wasn't the right guy? And what if she,herself, had become the "wrong" girl for him now?

Life is about chances and making that move, but there are times when your heart/mind tells you that the timing isn't right for both of you. Should you take a step back and wait for the right timing? And what if, I say what if, the right timing comes, do you have the courage to make the move and maybe the feeling isn't there anymore? Can you ever define a right timing? How many times does chances come knocking on the door twice?

There is also friends, I am not blaming anyone (only because they are just opinions and ultimately I made the decision- in fact I thank you guys for listening), that gives you advise on what moves to make. Is it possible that your friends are right because they see a clearer picture than you (just because you were possibility blinded by love)? But we should never forget that they can't feel what you felt from him and how you feel for him. Make your own decision because it is your own life, although it is never wrong to get a second opinion.

Thinking about it now, you could always say, "wait two years when things get better", but how sure are you that two years later new things would not have come up in your life and you have to postpone for another two years? I guess time waits for no one and it is unfair to ask someone you think is right for you to wait. What should he do during this period of time? Is he allowed to date and fall for others? And if he fall for others, I should say, who is there to blame but yourself.

Is there a rule whereby "You are only allowed to be lovers once and never to look back"? Is this fair? He is only doing the right thing in his mind at that point of his life. Should he be condemn even when he had proved to learn from his "mistake" that cause the breakup. I have no further comments for this, as it depends on how hurtful was the breakup (was it a real mistake or was it something done at a wrong timing?). Sometimes we can remain as friends because of we are willing to forgive, but forgiving does not meant we forgot. [Once bitten, Twice Shy - And sometimes a leopard never changes its spots]

So back to the main topic, should we take the chance and make the move? Isn't life about taking chances, if so, should we not be worried about "timing"? Or should we let fate decide for us, but then again, doesn't every move you make, changes your fate?

Coming to terms with (the what if) Me, (contradicting) Myself and (hopefully) I (do get the right guy one day).

Singing in the rain to: 周杰伦 - 倒带
我受够了等待,你所谓的安排, 到底多久 多久才来.
你总是要我乖,慢慢计划将来, 我想依赖却你都不在.

Translation: Rewind - "I've had enough of waiting, Your so-called arrangement, At last when, When will it come?
You always want me to be obedient, Slowly planning out the future, I want to depend on you but yet you are not here"